By My Side (12 page)

* * * *

When she woke again, the darkness of the room didn’t hide the stillness that marked waking up alone. She groped for the bedside light and hoped she didn’t knock anything over with the lines of the restraints leading to the headboard. If this were her room, she wouldn’t bother with light. She knew the topography well enough to stumble around in the dark.

A notebook lay open on the table under the lamp. She rubbed the bleariness from her eyes and read his note.

Release yourself from the cuffs. I left a robe on the divan for you. Go about your morning as you usually do. I’ll drop by your office after my run.

The idea of a typical morning left her a little deflated, especially after the events of the past twenty-four hours. She returned to her suite, showered, and dressed. He hadn’t left instructions about what she should wear, but she didn’t really expect that. Sean let her manage his life; he had never once tried to manage hers.

She chose pale pink dress pants and a white, low-cut blouse with a pink flower-print design on the lower half. He seemed to prefer her in delicate, overtly feminine outfits. The white pumps she usually wore with it remained in her shoe rack. She went downstairs for breakfast, her feet bare.

He wasn’t there.

She checked e-mail while she munched on a bagel and sipped her coffee. If things kept up the pattern of a typical morning, he would breeze into her office in about an hour with his hair still wet from his shower.

After she confirmed everything for the next day, she checked her phone for the string of “to-do” texts Sean always sent during his run. For a physical exercise he did to clear his head, he sure thought up a lot of things that needed to be done during that time. Today was no exception.

Call and see if my dry cleaning is ready. Set up meeting with Fuller for next Monday re: investors. Cancel the benefit. Refund donations.

Marcella struggled to breathe. She felt as if someone had punched her in the stomach or knocked her off a really high wall, and she’d landed flat on her back.

She blinked back useless tears and reminded herself how she had failed the night before. Of course he couldn’t use her for the benefit. While maybe she was the right kind of submissive for him, she still wasn’t right for the kind of show the audience would demand.

Swallowing her pride, she opened the file with his lists of contacts. Fuller picked up on the third ring.

“Please tell me Sean didn’t do anything stupid.”

Marcella didn’t have it in her to laugh at his greeting. “He wants me to cancel the benefit.”

Fuller’s deep chuckle came through. “Looks like your plan worked.”

She gasped. Not much in her plan had come out as she’d intended. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Come now. You wouldn’t go through all the hassle of using Oasis just to play for a day or two.” He didn’t sound angry or upset about the benefit, and she knew he understood full well what this meant to Sean.

“I never planned for him to cancel the benefit.” And she wouldn’t cancel it. She would call Gretchen and make amends. The show had to go on.

“He’s a possessive bastard, and you mean too much to him. He did not enjoy having me there last night. No way
he’s
going to let a hundred people share what’s between you.” Fuller would defend Sean until the end. While she wanted to believe what he said, Sean’s behavior hadn’t led her to believe he thought there was more between them. Neither had it indicated the opposite—he’d actually been quite difficult to read.

This was going nowhere fast. She changed the subject. “Fuller, how do you know what Oasis is?”

The crackle of static hissing through the phone emphasized the silence. Then his sigh came through loud and clear. “I got a call yesterday morning on my private line. Very few people have this number. They offered me a fantasy. I set the terms, fill out a mountain of paperwork. They find a woman whose fantasy fits mine. I thought they were an escort service. Then I saw you with Sean, and I realized they were who they said they were.”

Marcella had prohibited Oasis from contacting Sean directly. A refusal would have been too humiliating. They had managed to engineer events so that she could offer herself in such a way that a refusal wouldn’t shatter her fragile ego or her working relationship with Sean. “They won’t tell you who requested you?”

He chuckled again. “Maybe I’ll steal a strategy from you and request her by name.”

Marcella worked her teeth against her lower lip as a seed of hope grew in her heart. She hoped her guess proved correct.
“Fuller?
I’m not canceling the benefit. I’m going to call Gretchen and beg her to reconsider.”

She could feel the tension radiating through the phone in Fuller’s silence. At last he cleared his throat. “Sean won’t do it.”

“Well, I don’t know that until I tell him she’s back on board. You know what this benefit means to him.”

“It doesn’t matter. You mean more.” His assurance came out as a growl, confirming Marcella’s suspicion.

“So maybe you’d be okay with stepping in and taking his place if he refuses?” This time she held her breath and waited.

At last Fuller exhaled, and she heard the relief in his voice. “I’m always willing to help my best friend.”

By the time Sean sauntered into her office with a cloth shopping bag and a tall cup of coffee an hour later, she had finished making calls.

He dropped the bag on one of the comfortable chairs facing her desk and sank into the other. He set his steaming cup next to her keyboard and leaned forward.

“Good morning, Marcella. Did you get my text?”

She nodded, her stiff response broadcasting her displeasure.

He locked gazes with her, holding her in his spell. “Did you do what I asked you to do?”

“I called Fuller. Your dry cleaning is ready, so I sent Gabriella to pick it up.” She set her mouth in a stubborn line. “But I didn’t cancel the benefit. I called Gretchen instead. She’s agreed to come by today so you two can negotiate exactly what will happen.”

His fingers curled into fists, his eyes narrowed, and his lips compressed until they turned white. Marcella had seen him this angry before, but his ire had always been directed elsewhere. Other people quaked at the air of danger he affected, but she wasn’t impressed. Okay, maybe she was a little afraid.

“I told you to cancel it.”

She rose to her feet because there was no way she could sit still under the force of his glare. Breaking eye contact, she paced to the window so she could focus on the pretty summer flowers blooming outside. “This means too much to you. And Gretchen would never have canceled in the first place if I hadn’t interfered. I’m sorry. I never meant to mess this up for you.”

The silence behind her pulled at her conscience, and she turned back to find his glare had morphed into bafflement. “How exactly did you interfere?”

“Oasis,” she said. At his incredulous expression, she held up a hand. She hadn’t meant it as a safe word. A sub calling out a safe word could cut a
dom
to the quick. “They’re a wish-fulfillment service. I wished for a night with you. I didn’t mean for it to mess up your benefit. I really thought I would be able to do what you needed me to do.”

He rubbed his clean-shaven jaw, but the signs of his anger had disappeared. She didn’t know if it scared her more to see he wasn’t angry. Perhaps he had been looking for a way out, and now she’d handed it to him. At least she could give him back his freedom.

Finally he leaned back in the chair. His hands dropped to rest on his thighs, and he didn’t look at her. “You paid a wish-fulfillment service for a night with me?”

Butterflies in her stomach churned her bagel and coffee unpleasantly. She never thought she would have to tell him her dirty little secret, but she owed him an explanation if she had any hope of convincing him to use Gretchen at the benefit.

“Yes.” And she didn’t regret it, but she hated that he could hide his thoughts and emotions from her so completely. “I think they convinced Gretchen to cancel on you. She wouldn’t have done that without their interference.”

He pushed to his feet and closed half the distance between them. He trapped her in the crosshairs of his steady gaze, and she couldn’t move from her position in front of the window. “Cancel the benefit. I’ll make the donation from my private account. The foundation will receive money either way. I always planned to match the amount raised.”

She knew that too. Regret stabbed at her gut, releasing ten kinds of toxic poison. She swallowed tears back. This was no time to cry. She needed to lift her chin and take responsibility for the fallout. “No, Sean. Please don’t punish me like this. I know I messed up. I’ve learned my lesson. I won’t interfere ever again, and I will go quietly if you want to fire me.”

“Punish you? How does this punish you?” He took a step closer. “I don’t want to do a scene with Gretchen or any other woman, Cella. Your arrangement punishes me, and I refuse to accept it.” Two steps and he closed the distance. “I can’t do the benefit with another sub, and I refuse to do it with you. Call me a possessive or a jealous bastard, but I don’t want to dress you in skimpy outfits or parade you naked in front of anyone. I don’t want to share the gift of your submission. It’s mine, Cella. You gave it to me, and unless you take it back, it belongs to me alone.”

Marcella’s heart soared, but guilt tainted his declaration and turned her joy bitter.

He leaned over her, bracing his hands on either side of the window. The oak molding turned his eyes mostly brown, but that didn’t dull the danger glittering from them and emanating from the taut lines of his body. “Are you taking it back?”

She shook her head, the only part of her that could manage to move. “No. I’m not taking it back.”

“Good. Cancel the benefit. You might have wished for a night with me, but you’re getting a whole lot more, my Cella. I’m in love with you.” One hand dropped to grip her hip. “I have been for a long, long time, but I’ve been wary of messing up our relationship by suggesting something you didn’t want. You belong by my side, and I was willing to take you any way I could get you.”

His other hand came down to run a caress along her collarbone. “Now that you’ve contrived to change the nature of our relationship, I’m not letting you go. I’ll take you to the dungeon and help you deal with your guilt later, but you will cancel that benefit and you will stop arguing with me about it.”

No argument came to mind, especially since she’d barely processed anything after he’d declared his love. Her gaze flickered to his lips and back to his eyes. “I love you too, Sean.”

He swooped in and claimed her lips, establishing his ownership and his domination. Then he broke the kiss and backed away. She endeavored to catch her breath while he seemed to return to business mode.

“Before I let you carry out my orders, we have two things to discuss.” He motioned to the sofa on the far side of her office. She snatched her laptop and notebook from her desk, but he took them from her and put them back. “You don’t need these.”

Marcella sat gingerly on the edge of the center cushion. Normally her mind would be whirling to organize the million phone calls she needed to make, but just now she couldn’t seem to form a coherent thought.

Sean settled in next to her and turned her to face him. “Cella, you said you ended your last relationship because he wanted a full-time submissive. I have to be honest with you and tell you that I want that from you. I’m not saying you can’t continue to work or that I want you to walk around naked or sit at my feet, but things will change from the way they have been.”

That made sense. Things couldn’t stay the same, not with the added element of their sexual relationship. She nodded. “Like last night.” He had demanded her presence at his side, and his hands had been in constant contact with her skin.

He sandwiched her hand between his larger, stronger ones. “Like yesterday. I’ve wanted to get you in my dungeon for a long time. You can expect to spend time there several days a week. I want you by my side unless you have a specific reason not to be. And I want you tied to my bed every night.”

A shiver ran up her spine as she remembered the way he had claimed her last night and the way being cuffed to his bed had made her feel whole and alive.

His caress spread. He rubbed his thumb over the underside of her wrist. “I will love you and cherish you. I will spoil you and pamper you. I’ll reward you when you’ve earned it and punish you when you need it, but I will demand a lot from you in return, Cella. I want your heart and soul.”