By My Side (15 page)

             
“Thanks for the ride,” I said, opening the car door.

             
“Do you want some company?”

             
“No, thank you, but what about some breakfast in town?”

              “You don't want me to see your mother?”

             
“It's not a pretty picture.”

             
“What are you going to do with her?”

              Good question, I sighed and closed the door. Andy and I didn't need very polite words to end a conversation. I took my keys and heard Andy leaving. I was back to some normality, so why did I feel so empty?

             
For once, I was sleeping before midnight, but someone decided it was too early because my phone was ringing at three a.m.
Crap!
I answered after the third ringtone. Without checking who it was, my eyes were still closed, I welcomed my caller with a groan. I was really a girly-girl.

             
“It's Gabe.” My eyes flew wide open. Okay, it's the middle of the night, and he's calling me. I didn't want a new round.

             
“Okay, so talk since you're the one calling.” I was a bit harsh, but it felt good. I was not like the girls he went out with in high school. I was still hurt and angry.

             
“You're friends again with Andy?”

             
“Yeah.”

             
“You told him everything about your family?”

              “Yeah.” Where’s this going?

             
“After how he reacted when you told him about Connor?” I was always wrong with the Green brothers. They are exhausting. Guilt appeared in my heart, but I would never let him know it.

             
“Sorry, Gabe. I'm not that thoughtful, as you know.”

             
“Very mature.”

             
“I never said I was mature,” I said bitterly to hide how I really felt. It was really over. “Now I think we don't have anything to say to each other anymore.”

             
“I think so,” he replied angrily and hung up.

              A tear fell from my left eye. The salt always burned my skin. With tears, it was always the same. I felt it falling down my cheek and in my neck before disappearing into my hair or on my pillow. I wasn't paying much attention. It was the first tear in years, and it was for a guy. I really suck. Another one fell.

             
A week passed by. The summer was finally what I thought it would be between the lake, gigs at Dreamland Sugar, and parties. The last part was more for Andy than for me. The music was never what I liked and people were exhausting for me, but Andy was glad I made some effort. For once, I tried to be a good girl.

              Of course, today my mom had to go to work, but instead she called to extend her compassionate leave. Bad idea, because she was so wasted she cursed at her boss. Now she lost her job. Fantastic, right?

             
And last, but not least, Gabe was hanging out with his old friends and Jessica. I saw them at the lake and various parties. Gabe even flirted with some girls. I didn't know what happened because I left early not wanting to witness more of his crap.

             
The only good thing of the week was my friendship with Andy, which was back to normal, but I still hurt. I missed Gabe. I really missed him. Maybe I was acting like a child when we fought, but couldn't he understand how much I was lost with people? We weren't even friends anymore. We couldn't say sorry, so nothing will change for a long time. We tried, and succeeded in not bumping into each other. It's easier, or so I thought.

             
Sometimes Andy saw me looking at Gabe, but he was never angry. He would tense up, but he said nothing. There's still a part of uneasiness, but it’s
normal after what happened. Nothing could be erased so fast. We needed some time, and we had plenty. And right now I was convincing myself I could go to Andy's home without freaking out. Of course, it was ridiculous because I was already freaking out.

             
Andy invited me for an after dinner movie night at his house. We often did those kinds of nights with DVD’s and popcorn. I was glad about his plan, but I didn't want to see Gabe. He was probably out with some friends, or girlfriends, but it could be very close. I could retract myself and stay home, but I didn't want Andy to feel rejected because of his brother. He didn't even know what happened except that I was still very hurt and angry. They seemed to ignore each other, and it's a real improvement. 

              Despite my fear, I knocked at the door, sweating while waiting for somebody to open the door. A quick look at the cars relaxed me. Gabe's car wasn't there. He must be on a date with some slut. I was jealous. It's pathetic. I'm pathetic. I sighed and tried a smile when I saw the doorknob turning. And everything felt like a flashback. Gabe was in front of me. For God's sake, or mine, what was he doing here? Where's his car?

             
“Now I understand why he shaved perfectly and spent so much time in the bathroom. Hot date?” he said bitterly, his eyes so cold that I felt it under my skin. “Did he know you prefer stubble?” Enough was enough. He wanted to come back like old times? Perfect!

              “But he doesn't find me childish or thoughtless.”

             
I didn't say it wasn't a date. He must know, because he used to stay with us sometimes to watch a movie. Of course, we never saw much because after ten minutes of quiet, someone would say something and we all fought.

             
He let me come in quietly after my reply. I've got the upper hand, but for how long? I forgot how it could be stressful to be near Gabe. I preferred to think it was stress because my heartbeat was going crazy in my chest. It couldn't be something else, not when what he said to me was still echoing in my head.

              “Don't worry; I'll not disturb your date.”

             
“I don't care,” I replied, heading upstairs after a quick “hello” to Mr. and Mrs. Green and Granny who were talking in the living room and eating some ice cream.

             
Gabe was following me. It's disturbing. I stopped halfway in the stairs and turned around to find him very close. His head was at the same level as mine. My breath caught in my throat. His eyes were so difficult to read. I finally breathed in his scent. Musk, shampoo, and cigarettes. My body tingled slightly. What's my problem?

              “Stop following me. Don’t you have plans for tonight?” I asked him, my voice higher than usual.
Fabulous.
He chuckled and messed with his hair.

             
“My bedroom is upstairs, too. And my car is at the garage.” I felt bad. I mean, why was I acting like an idiot around him?

             
“Oh …”

             
Look how smart I could be! I was the next Einstein for sure. I slapped myself mentally and climbed the five steps left. I knocked at Andy's door and he opened it fast for me. He knew whom I was with. They both gave each other a menacing look but said nothing. Unfortunately Gabe found a weapon to tease and make Andy angry. Me. Too easy.

             
“So, Lily, have a good hot date,” he said with a grin, sexy and mostly unnerving. My best friend tensed immediately, but he was only looking at me. He's anxious.

             
“It's not a date; I promise,” he said to me earnestly. I knew he hoped it could become one, but nothing will happen unless I made a move. So, nothing will happen. This movie night was off to a bad start.

             
“I know it and he knows it.” I smiled a little, unable to hide all my anger.

              “Then I can stay with you if it's not a date.”

             
Andy and I glared at Gabe with disbelief.
He's kidding, right?
He leaned against the door wide open. He really wanted to fight with his brother. It's too long since the last time. Andy was putting the DVD into the player, trying to occupy his trembling hands. He's really making some effort. I was proud of him.

             
“Forget it, Andy, I'm going back home.”

             
“What?” they both said, startling me with their outburst.

              “It's easier. It's too much.”

              “No! Wait, Lily,” Gabe said, grabbing my arm when I passed by him. I glimpsed at Andy. He was frowning at his brother’s move. The heat of his palm on my bare skin paralyzed me. I quivered, and they saw it. Gabe's eyes changed and melted to something hotter.

             
“I won’t talk. It's just for the movie.”

             
With great effort, I stepped back. He released my arm. I sighed and said nothing. I wasn't able to speak or look at them. I sat down, ready to lose myself in a fictional character's life. Gabe sat on my left, too close. His arm was against mine, and his knee was bumping mine, really too close.

             
Andy sat on my right, respecting a friendly distance. I could feel his presence, but we weren't touching. I hated to be in the middle. I hated the wall-to-wall blue carpet, which made me want to scratch my legs. The next time I'll put on some jeans.

              We were in the dark, eating some popcorn while watching a horror movie. Usually I wasn’t quite jumpy with those movies, but not tonight. I couldn't even name one character, but I could describe how Gabe's arm and leg felt. I was really crazy. But him? He didn't move from the screen.

             
Nobody talked, joked, laughed, or fought. It wasn't my idea of a good movie night. Near the end of the movie, Gabe moved a little, and it wasn't away from me. I looked up at him—too short even in sitting position—and saw him watching my face, focused. What now? I knew he couldn't see me blushing in the dark, but I felt very uncomfortable. And so happy to be near him. Was I bipolar?