By My Side (14 page)

             
“Hi, Jessica. You remember Lily?” he said a little bored, his lips pinched in disgust. Good guy. Inside, I was grinning evilly.

              “Hmm? Oh yeah, I hadn't heard from you since graduation,” she said in a pout. She's so cliché.

             
“I was in New York.” He wasn't talkative, but she didn't seem fazed.

             
“It must be fantastic! It would be great to eat dinner together and catch up,” she said with a smile, her teeth whiter than white, showing off.

             
“I can't, Jessica. I'm not staying long, and I want to spend all the time I can with my girlfriend,” he explained, putting his arm around my waist, his hand on my curvy hip.

              I must say I was glad I saw Jessica right now. Her face fell, and her eyes were bugging. She looked me up and down and walked away after mumbling some goodbye. I laughed and put my hand in his back pocket.

             
Was it too early for PDA? I didn't know, but it's good to be near him. Knowing that a beautiful and tall redhead like Jessica couldn't have him and didn't attract him anymore was good for my ego.

             
“Why does a girl need to be like that with other girls?” he asked me when we were sitting in the back of the theater.

              “She wants you and she doesn't understand what you're doing with me. She's determined to have you back,” I answered, putting my head on his shoulder like it was the most natural thing in the world. His hand found my bare knee—I was in a mid-thigh jean skirt—and brushed my skin softly.

              “Like I would go out with her again.”

             
I chuckled and saw Andy with his own friends, a girl flirting with him. He looked at me angrily and put a hand on her face to brush away some blonde hair. Like I would be jealous, how old was he? Even his friends, that I didn't appreciate much, weren't this dense.

             
“Thanks to her I know about your little wine stain on your butt.” He shook his head and cursed under his breath.

              “The movie sucked, don't you think?” Gabe asked me in his car.

             
“I'm surprised to hear you followed it,” I said with amusement, not thinking of the fact that we're heading to my house.

             
“Why?”

             
“Because you were looking at me more than the screen.” He smoothed a hand in his hair and turned on the radio on a rock station.

             
“I wanted to kiss you.”

             
“So why didn’t you?” I asked him. We hadn't kissed one single time.

             
“Andy was there with his friends.” I thought it wasn't important for him. He had said to Hell with everybody. I hated it when people said something they didn't believe.

              “So what?” I asked, my arms crossed over my chest. Maybe now he realized that a relationship for only the summer wasn't worth a fight. Maybe I dreamed our connection. There were so many maybes.

             
“I had enough of Andy for the day. That's all.”

             
I doubted it. Crap! I doubted him. If I had trust issues now, I was really more messed up than I thought, but how could I be otherwise? I mean, look at my parents! The closest people to me were treating me like crap. So Gabe? He could do the same, even if he did amazing things for me. Not being sure was the most difficult part about interactions with people.

             
“Yeah, if you say so,” I said, looking outside to the little building with lights on inside.

             
I loved the night, even if there's nothing special to do. Painting or drawing the night is really difficult, or more accurately, it's difficult for me. It's like I never really catch the moonlight on paper and canvas.

              “What that's supposed to mean?” He was tense, like he's ready for a fight. Fabulous! I loved to end a day like that.

             
“It just means that maybe you don't really value what's happening between us.”

             
“Please! You're the one who can't even use the word relationship,” he replied louder while driving faster.

             
“Because I didn’t want to frighten you! Everybody knows how guys can be with the word commitment.”

             
I was angry, furious even. I was not into PDA, but with him, I was like all the cheesy girls with their boyfriends. I put my head on his shoulder, I put my hand on his thigh, but he said I was the one with a problem with us. He's kidding me.

             
“Let me laugh, Lily. You're not that thoughtful,” he replied coldly; jaw clenched and fingers drumming on the steering wheel.

              “Stop the car,” I said, hurt. “Damn it! Stop this stupid car!”

             
It was night and we were two streets away from my house, but I couldn't stay in this car with him, not after what he said. Before I would have fought back to hurt him like he’s hurting me, but not anymore, not with him. I got out of the car and closed the door. He opened the window and frowned at me.

             
“Get in I’ll take you home,” he ordered me. Did he really think his two years older counted?

             
“Go to Hell, Gabe!”

             
“To Hell with you, Lily! I don't want to deal with a child right now!” he yelled back and drove away fast. Too fast if there were any cops waiting.

              And now all I've got is a hole in my chest. It's painful, like a punch from the inside.
Was it already over?
If so, it was the most passionate and the shortest relationship I ever had—like I had tons of them.

             
I looked up at the sky. With all the rain during the day, I thought the night would be clear by now, but no. I couldn't even see the moon. It's a little past ten, but it felt like two in the morning. The atmosphere was cold and smelled like grass. Suddenly, a light broke the night. A car. A car I knew very well.

             
“Come on, get in,” Andy said in a tone I hadn't heard in days. It was soft. It was so good to hear it that I sighed.

              I didn't wait any longer and climbed in the car next to Andy, who was deciphering my face. He drove toward my house in silence, but when he parked in front of my dark house, he turned to me.

             
“I saw you with Gabe earlier.” I knew what he implied. What was I doing alone in the dark streets? But this time he wasn't accusing me of spending some time with his brother. Great, that’s because now it's probably over.

             
“Yeah, I saw you, too.” I could have walked away, went into my house, but I stayed. I wanted to know where this was going. Did Andy realize how spiteful he was before lunch?

             
“What happened? Did he do something to you?” he asked me in a murmur. I couldn't see with the darkness, but I think he's blushing. Oh! He's not implying what I thought, right?

             
“Of course not, we just had a misunderstanding and it wasn't pretty. You know us when we fight,” I said with a sad smile.

             
Andy laughed. Yeah he knew. One Saturday when I was twelve, he even stopped me before I punched Gabe in the nose after the idiot mocked me about my new haircut, which was a little too short.

              “Lily, excuse me,” Andy said, taking my hand in his and his brown eyes looking at mine. “I was a real ass, but I didn't want to lose you. You know why now.” He was embarrassed and me too. I've got the possibility to keep my best friend in my life, but I didn't feel the way he felt about me.

             
“Andy, I—”

             
“No, wait.” He released my hand. “I know you're only seeing me like your best friend and it’s okay. I won't lie to you, but I hope you'll change your mind. However, I'll do nothing special for it.”

             
I looked at his face and saw nothing
of the anger that was there before. Apparently, I could have one brother Green, but never both in my life. My friendship will probably last while my relationship had a deadline since the beginning.

             
“I missed you, Andy. Really, but things moved too fast in my life, and I'm not sure I can tell you about everything.” He shook his head with understanding.

             
“You don't trust me anymore.”

             
“I don't trust anybody anymore,” I said, looking at my house with no lights on. Some months ago there was always one light on until I was home. Now, nobody was waiting for me. Nobody.

             
“What happened with your parents?” he asked me with worry in his voice. “Gabe was really worried.” Wow. I think it's the first time he spoke about him without anger or jealousy. It's like they really talked about me, and not just fought.

              “You talked?” I asked, disbelieving.

             
“Not exactly.” He laughed at himself. “But I heard it when he said you've got problems. I was just ... too stupid to come to you.”

             
“Well, don't worry. Everything's just messed up, but Gabe was there.” My voice broke on Gabe's name. I didn't cry, but it was like my throat was closing up.

             
“And I wasn't. Listen, I've got time and I want to know what happened.”

             
I was afraid. Some part of me wanted to tell him about everything, but another one didn't want to. If I told him everything, Gabe won't come back to me, and even if I was very mad at him for what he said, I didn't want to lose him. Why did I have to choose between them?

              “You don't have to choose between us, you know? I promise,” he encouraged.

             
It was like he read in my mind. It's the real Andy. He didn't want to share me with his brother, but he'll do it for me. He said the right thing, and somewhere I made a choice. I told him everything about my parents and about Gabe. I just kept silent about my art. This was still only between Gabe and me. He was pale; even in the dark I could see that. I knew it was so far away from his world, but I hoped he won't see me otherwise.

             
“I didn't think it was so bad for you. I mean, you were pretty much the same.”

              “I didn't want anybody to know. And now you can understand why Gabe and I became close.”

             
“Yeah. I really need to grow up.”

             
I laughed and hugged him tightly. It wasn't like with Gabe because Andy's chest was thinner, his arms were less toned, and my heart didn't speed up. Nevertheless, it was good. It was like coming back home. My best friend was back, and I was ready to learn how to forgive. It wasn't exactly the easier thing to do.