By My Side (11 page)

             
“I told you she needs a friend. You don't want to be her best friend, so she's got someone else now.” Not a good idea to provoke him. I gave Gabe a warning look, which he ignored. Perfect!

             
“Oh I can imagine it. So, how was the sex?”

             
“What?” I yelled before I could stop myself.

             
“Lily. You're listening in on conversations with your new boyfriend?” he said not as much surprised as I would like.

             
“You're an ass! Gabe is just a friend, a good friend, but not my boyfriend. But, even if he was, it's none of your business. And, just an FYI, I'm still a virgin!”

             
I took a big breath and looked up at Gabe, who was blushing.
Had I just yelled I was still a virgin?
Crap! It's true, but it's not something you tell like that, especially in front of a hot man.

             
“Like I'll trust you.”

             
“Stop it, Andy!” Gabe warned coldly, his fingers turning white around his phone.

             
“Or what? She must be with me! She must be my girlfriend, not yours!” he yelled in the phone.

             
So, Gabe was right about Andy. I felt stupid. Andy never made a move, but now his jealousy seemed to find a reason. Some girls have a fantasy about two brothers fighting for them, but not me. Oh no, certainly not when I heard them talking about a fight at the lake.

             
“Both of you stop it!” I yelled to calm them. Gabe was breathing heavily. His gray eyes were burning ferociously. I put a hand on his cheek. He closed his eyes a second and took a deep breath.

             
“You'll not fight because of me. Andy, I never knew how you felt about me, but you pushed me away. I needed you. All I can say is Gabe is not responsible for what happened between you and me.”

              “So why are you so close to him suddenly?” Andy asked coldly, but not yelling this time.

             
“Because we understand each other and because for some reason, we can talk to each other. Stop being so nasty to him and ask yourself why he's here after two years.” I didn't wait for an answer and hung up. I looked at Gabe's face, unable to read him.

             
“You're angry at me because I want him to be considerate of you?” I asked with a tiny voice.

             
“No. I tried to do the same for you. It's just … It's just I don't want to hear him despise me about what happened with Connor. Since childhood, he has blamed me for everything.”

              “Because he envies you. Your parents are in awe of you, but they're pushing him about his grades. It's just jealousy. And he'll never blame you for Connor. I know him.”

It's true. Andy was crazy right now, but he's sensible in his own way. Maybe he won't talk about it, but he'll never attack on this subject. He wasn't my best friend for nothing.

              “Yeah, maybe.”

             
His eyes were haunted, and I hated to see him suffering like this. I wasn't used to comforting people, so I did the only thing in my mind. I took his hand and put my head on his shoulder. I breathed his musk and shampoo scent.

             
“You're more gentle than you show to others. I like this side of you,” he said in a murmur, his chin on the top of my head.

              “You too.”

             
“Just with you. I'm different with you.”

             
“Why?” My heart was racing. I heard it in my ears.

             
“You've got enough on your mind. We'll talk about this another time.” His heart was as crazy as mine, and his hands were trembling slightly.

             
“I'm stubborn.” His laugh shook his chest. I loved the sound.

             
“Like me.” I pulled my head away from his shoulder. I frowned, not as amused as I just felt. I was becoming a lunatic freak.

             
“I'm serious, Gabe. I need to know. I'm lost and ... I ... Tell me now.”

              Yeah, I was desperate. I needed him to tell me where we're going. We flirted a little, he's here for me, and we're connected like I never knew was possible. He blushed, but held my eyes defiantly. His jaw was tense like his grip on my hand.

             
“You know I like you.” He liked me, liked me, or just liked me? I was head over heels. I felt dizzy.

             
“You like me?”

             
“Are you dense? I was so taken aback when I saw you at my parents’ house after two years. You changed a lot and ... We connected instantly, didn’t we?”

              His eyes were pleading. Me? I was overwhelmed. Was I really ready for him? He was a player, but I know he's not like that anymore. But he's so much more experienced than me. He's twenty.

             
And somewhere, in the middle of my thoughts, I lost myself in his eyes and the attraction of his full lips; pink, and so smooth for the eyes. I smiled and leaned toward him. My free hand touched his hair. He released his breath and smiled. He let go of my hand and put both of his on my face. And then we kissed. His lips on mine felt so soft, so hot, so needy, or maybe I was the needy one. With his tongue, he brushed my lips. I opened my mouth, and our tongues began a new choreography. I touched his shoulders—so broad—his hair extremely soft, and I forgot about everything. This moment was just for us.

             
He's touching my neck under my long hair, and a chill runs down my spine. A little moan escaped me. His other hand was on my hip. I could feel the heat through my dress.

             
I deepened the kiss and lightly bit his lower lip, the one he always nibbled on. My gesture made him groan. Oh God, he's so sexy!

             
He pushed himself away, breathing loudly. His hair was even more messed up, his cheeks were red, and his eyes were shining like I had never seen them.

             
“Wow.” Oh yeah! I totally agree. Kissing him was like being high. Well, I have never done drugs, but I could imagine.

             
“Yeah.” I was astounded at our speaking capacity. It's like we've had a lobotomy, a really great and passionate one.

              “Are you sure about this, Lily?”

             
“Why? You're not?” I asked, my voice shaking from all the emotions.

             
“Of course I am! It's just, I don't want to be your key to forget everything. For me, this is not about that.”

             
It's true; I forgot about my mom and all, but it wasn’t the reason I kissed him. I wanted him so badly. I was head over heels for him, but I was afraid. He'll go back to New York at the end of August and goodbye Lily. I never felt like this for a guy before.

              “Believe me. I'm not trying to escape from reality.” He looked at me and smiled happily. He took me in his arms, my petite frame against his hard chest.

              “So what now?” he asked me, his mouth against my neck. I held him tightly against me.

             
“We go to your home to talk with Andy,” I said, touching his shoulders. “But before we do, kiss me.”

Chapter Seven

            
 
My mother fell asleep two hours ago, shortly before Gabe left. I ate a little bit of burger before returning to my bedroom. At first, I was thinking about going up to the attic, but I was too wired to calm down and draw.

              I was playing our kisses over and over again in my head. We only kissed twice, but it was so sensual and passionate. I didn't know he was like that. Now, I was fustigating myself to make him go and talk to Andy. I knew it was the best thing to do, but I wanted him to be here with me. Not just to kiss him, but because it's good to have him near me.

             
Nevertheless, I had to be careful not to say or do things like the other girls he went out with. He thought I was different, and I wanted to keep it like that. I hoped it would until the end of summer, when everything will end. I didn't dare to use the word relationship. It's too soon.

             
I hoped everything would calm down a little between Andy and Gabe. They'll never be real close brothers, but I was sure they could tolerate each other. I changed the CD and put the new album of Thirty Seconds to Mars in. I loved this band. I looked up at my wall and smiled at the photograph on the wall just behind the CD player. It's Andy, me, and Gabe. Andy was glaring at Gabe, while Gabe and I were eyeing each other out of the corner of our eyes. It was one or two months before he left for New York. Two years ago. Maybe we always had a connection, but it took a year or two to evolve.

              Now that I thought about it, before Gabe went to New York he spent a lot of time with Andy and me, messing around with me. It's funny to realize how alike we are, and how we went out of our way to mess with each other’s heads.

             
I walked to my bed, still dressed in my sundress, barefoot. I lay down and looked at the ceiling smiling and thinking about Gabe. For once, I was lucky. Obviously not with my mother, she's got a week and a half to return to work. I didn't know what will happen if she doesn’t go back.

             
For one night, I'll not think about that. I just wanted to listen to the music, hoping Gabe will call. Maybe we'll even make some plans for tomorrow, but people will see us. And Andy will really see us together and hear people talking about Gabe and me. I hate small towns.

             
My phone rang on my bedside table. I stood up in a jump and looked at the caller ID. It's him! I was a real child sometimes.

             
“Gabe?”

             
“You were waiting for someone else?” he chuckled.

             
“Funny, so how did it go?” I asked reluctantly

             
“I'm outside. Can I come in?” My heartbeat sped again.

             
“You know the way. I'm in my bedroom.”

             
And I hung up. Okay, it’s night and my mom was sound asleep. It's like we're alone, and he's coming to my bedroom. Too much thinking, nothing is going to happen, nothing at all, not now. I need to stop this.

             
I walked to my door and waited for Gabe, who was climbing the stairs. I couldn't help but smile before I saw him. However, my smile faded when he reached me. He had received a punch in the face; just under his left eye. His cheek was swollen. I didn't have to ask who did it. Fabulous!

              “By the looks of it, it didn’t go well did it?” He sighed and pushed away his hair from his face. He's exhausted—more emotionally than physically.

             
“He didn't take the fact that we're together now very well. I didn’t even have the time to talk about Connor.” I took his hand and lead him to my bed. He sat down and released my hand without looking at me.

             
“You need some ice on your cheek,” I said, going out of my bedroom to the bathroom for a face cloth. I passed it in cold water and returned to Gabe, who was looking at my poster of Thirty Seconds to Mars and listening to the music.

              “Put this on your cheek,” I said sitting next to him, my shoulder against his arm—I was too short for his shoulder. “So you two had a fight?” He laughed bitterly, still holding the face cloth.

             
“Not exactly. I told him first about us, and he accused me of being an ass and a player. Then he punched me. My mom came in before I could make a move.”

             
I thought Andy should be glad Gabe didn’t have the chance to act because they're not built the same way. Basketball players were more toned than members of the track team. Gabe would have the upper hand.

             
“Do you want to end this?” I asked him soundlessly. I was fidgeting with my hair, like I always do when I’m nervous.

              “No! Well, unless you want to,” he said, putting a hand on my bare knee; my dress had slid up to the middle of my thighs.

             
“I don't want to but ... he's your brother.”

              “And what? I don't even remember the last time we talked without fighting.”

             
Softly he brushed my knee with his thumb, his fingers hard from playing guitar. Wow. Are knees always that erogenous? I was breathing louder. Him too. His pupils were suddenly huge, eating all the gray of his eyes. I licked my lips to stem my nerves, which seemed to turn him on.

             
He let the face cloth fall and cupped my face in his hot palm. His other hand went up to my hip over my dress. It's simple, nearly innocent, but it felt like something very intimate. My breathing was shallow, as was his. God! Just the anticipation of the kiss was intoxicating. How was that even possible?

             
“I'll kiss you now,” he said in a husky voice that sent chills all over my body, which was tense in envy.

              “I'm still waiting,” I murmured against his lips so soft for a guy.

             
At first, the kiss was low, not very deep, but when our tongues touched everything shift. He was on top of me, both arms next to my head to support him. Feeling his weight on me made me want more. My foot brushed his leg up and down. My hands were in his hair and on his chest under his T-shirt. His muscles were so hard. I couldn't even think straight. I just got feelings. I felt his hand on my bare thigh—very high—and the other one under my neck to deepen the kiss. He's so sure of what to do that he gave me confidence. His lips traveled from my mouth to my neck. His tongue tasted my skin. I moaned loudly, forcing our hips to join, feeling his desire for me as we deepened the kiss. He groaned in my mouth, his right hand going up just to the beginning of my underwear.

             
He stopped dead. Even his lips were paralyzed against mine.
What? Did I do something wrong?
I thought he liked it when I bit his lower lip. He sat up against the bed's head. I could still see his desire in his pants. Maybe it's time for me to sit, too. My dress was up over my thighs. Why didn’t I have sexy underwear on instead of plain, cotton ones? It's childish and so boring. It's not like I didn't have sexy underwear because I liked feeling sexy under my clothes. Just for me, and my ego. I know, I’m a strange girl.

             
I pulled down my dress and brushed my hair with my fingers. I was blushing now that I realized the sounds I made under the touch of Gabe’s hands. It's one thing in action, but after—when the adrenaline was leaving my system—the embarrassment appeared. I wasn't a slut, was I?

              “I pushed too far,” Gabe said in a croaked voice, still not looking at me. He's blushing too, and his eyes were very dark. I loved how his lips were red and swollen from the intensity of our kisses. It was so good.

             
“You didn't do anything wrong, Gabe. I would have stopped you if that was the case,” I said in a murmur, not knowing what to do with myself. I was the one pushing things further. I was just in the moment.

             
“I'm the older one, Lily.” I put a hand on his knee, feeling the raw fabric of the jeans. He looked at me.
Finally
!

             
“So, in your mind you're the responsible one? Let me laugh.” It's ridiculous. In a relationship, there is not only one responsible person. We're two and age didn't count.

             
“Stop it. It's hard enough to stop touching and kissing you,” he said, pushing my hand away and breathing deep to win back some control. Did he know that I wanted him even more? It's crazy because I didn't feel quite ready to go all the way. However, in his arms, I forgot everything from my name to my own messed up life.

             
“I didn't want you to stop, Gabe.”

             
“Oh God, Lily! I needed to. I was losing control, and you didn't realize it,” he said in a low voice, deeper than usual. His eyes were sending a different message. He wasn't as calm as he wanted me to think he was.

              “Did I do something wrong?”

             
Okay, facing the facts I knew I did something right, but I felt so out of my league. Gabe had many girls in high school. I don’t think he had sex with all of them, but I knew he lost his virginity when he was sixteen. He'd gotten so much more experience that it's really intimidating.

             
“Oh no!” he answered in a laugh, which made me laugh, too. “Listen, I think I’d better go.” The laugh died in my throat. If it was so good for him too, why did he want to leave so soon?

             
“Why?” His look travelled to my lips and back up to my eyes.

             
“You know why. It was ...” he began, his blush more intense, “hot. Like very, very hot. And you're not helping me to not lose control.” I bit my lower lip, remembering how it felt to taste him.

             
“You too, you know,” I said with a grin that made him laugh proudly. Guys! “But maybe I wanted more.” Now the talk was more serious. He's frowning and fidgeting with his silver ring.

             
“You said you're ... Hm ...”

             
“A virgin?”

             
“Yes!” he replied, relieved I said it for him. It's just a word for God's sake! “So I assumed you didn't want to go too fast with me.”

             
He's right and it's the right thing to do, but I was amazed he didn't wait for me to stop him. I thought guys were always pushing for more. He's definitely not that kind of guy. Lucky me! No sarcasm here.

             
“Is it bothering you?” I asked him, staring at his face for a clue as to what he was thinking. He put his arm around my shoulders and brought me against his chest. He seemed to be more relaxed now next to me. Me too, but a cold shower would still be good. I'll
end up thinking I’m the guy here. It's a disturbing picture after our exchange.

             
“Absolutely not. I've got time.”

             
“Not really.” His body tensed against me.

             
“What do you mean?”

             
“New York. You're returning to New York at the end of the summer,” I pointed out, pretending to not be bothered about it. Like he didn't see through me.

              “I don't want to think about it, and I don't want you to want to make love just because I am going back.”

             
“Yeah, Mr. Maturity, you're right. I'm just ... It's just different with you.”

             
“Because I'm more patient?”

              “That, and also because everything feels so good when I'm with you,” I said, not looking up at his face.