Broken (Soldiers of Darkness MC Book 1) (34 page)

Chapter Thirty

Izzi

‘Are we really doing this?’ I smile as Zeb’s fingers slide between mine, and he pushes me gently back against the wall, being careful of my still-fresh tattoo, and he kisses me, and I let my stomach flip over. I’m not fighting it anymore. It’s too exhausting. I don’t know what we have; I don’t know where we’re going, or what kind of future I’m destined for now, all I know is I just want to stand still for a while and let something happen. Whatever that something turns out to be.

‘I think we’ve been doing this for a lot longer than either of us realize, Izzi.’

I let go of his hand and reach up to touch his face, running my fingers over his neat, goatee beard, and I think he might be right. I think we probably reached this point a lot sooner than now. ‘Yeah. Maybe.’ He took me, and he made me. Of course I was always going to be his. I think that might have been decided the second I met him. Or the second he touched me or fucked me or – I don’t know. But maybe this is where I’m supposed to be. Now. This is my second chance at some kind of life.

‘Don’t mean I’m gonna get all fucking romantic and start buying you flowers, though, ‘cause I don’t think you’re that kinda girl.’

I smile, and he takes my hand and kisses my fingers and I gasp as I feel his other hand slip up under my skirt, leaving it to rest on the top of my leg.

‘Yeah.’ His face breaks into a grin as he realizes I’m not wearing any panties, and I move my legs a little further apart as his thumb begins to stroke my inner thigh. ‘I know
exactly
the kinda girl
you
are, princess.’

‘The kind of girl
you
wanted,’ I breathe as he kisses me again, his thumb applying just a little more pressure as it grazes the edges of my labia.

‘I think I might’ve created my dream woman,’ he murmurs, and his warm breath on my skin makes me shiver.

I smile and bite down on my lip as he continues to tease me with his fingers, barely touching me, and I swear if he carries on like this he’s going to make me come in seconds. ‘We’ll have to see about that, won’t we?’

He laughs, and I feel my stomach contract in a succession of waves.

‘You gonna keep playing with me, or are you actually gonna fuck me?’ And I can’t decide whether I just want him to finish me off right now, or wait until he takes me properly.

‘Both,’ he growls, ‘for as long as I fucking live.’

‘Yeah, well, in your world who knows how long that’s gonna be, so don’t waste any time, huh?’

And even he knows that what I’ve just said there – he knows that hit a nerve. He knows how much that little piece of truth scares me. ‘It’s OK,’ he whispers, tucking a finger under my chin and raising my head, making me look at him. ‘I’m gonna
make
it OK, baby, remember? I promised you that. That’s what I do, I
make
things OK.’

‘This is why I don’t know if I can do this, Zeb. If I let myself get too close, if we…’

‘If we what? Stop over-thinking this, darlin’.’

‘I don’t
want
to love, OK? I’m putting that out there, I’m telling it how it is. I don’t
want
to love. It’s hard and it’s painful and after Aiden…’

‘You ain’t ever getting Aiden back, sweetheart. So you really need to move on.’

‘Just like that, huh?’

‘I think we’re way past “just like that”, Izzi.’

I look up into his eyes, and I feel something deep in the pit of my stomach, a stirring, I don’t know. But I’m feeling
something
.

‘I’m gonna do my best to stay alive, baby, OK?’

The corner of my mouth twists up into a smile and I slide a hand around the back of his neck, winding my fingers in his hair. ‘Promise?’

He just throws me that lopsided smirk of his and leans in to kiss my neck. ‘Where were we?’ he murmurs, and I feel his lips against my skin, and I shiver again.

‘Somewhere round about here.’ I take his hand and slide it back up under my short skirt and I close my eyes and throw back my head.

I’m giving in.

I want him to take me.

I want him to keep on making me everything he needs me to be.

I want him…

Mack

I decide to leave the bike a little further up the dirt track that leads to the house I’ve been told Zeb, Izzi and Sam are staying in. I don’t particularly want to draw attention to my presence just yet. I want to see if I can catch her on her own first, but as I walk up the dirt track, and the house comes into view, I feel my stomach sink. She’s there. But she ain’t alone. She’s with him; my cousin. Yeah. Like that little family reunion’s gonna happen any time soon.

I lean over the fence that surrounds the house and watch them. They’re too wrapped up in each other to even notice I’m there, and even though every fiber of my being is screaming at me to go over there and pull him the hell away from her, I stay right where I am. And I watch as he touches her… fucking prick! He’s old enough to be her fucking daddy and she’s letting him do all kinds of shit to her. And even when he lifts her up and she wraps those beautiful legs around him – and I know he’s inside her now, it’s freakin’ obvious – I keep on watching. And I’m feeling ten kinds of crap here.

‘She’d given up hope, Mack.’

I swing around to see Sam behind me – the man who calls himself my father, but that’s a blood link only, he ain’t my daddy. Cooper was the only man I’ll ever call my father. ‘So she just turned to him, huh?’

‘She didn’t “just” do anything.’ He moves up alongside me and leans back against the fence. ‘It’s complicated. Their relationship.’

I drag a hand back and forth over my head as I look back over at Izzi being fucked by Zeb up there on the porch. She has her eyes closed, her head thrown back slightly, and he’s kissing her neck and thrusting hard and I watch as her body reacts, her cries of pleasure ringing out, breaking the silence.

I drop my gaze and shrug off Sam’s hand as he touches my shoulder. ‘I gave everything up for her.’

‘You must’ve known it was a risk. Leaving it so long.’

I turn around and sink to the ground, dropping my head into my hands. I don’t think I realized just how exhausted I was until now but, man, I am fucking wrecked!

I’m vaguely aware of the sound of a Harley pulling away, but I keep my eyes closed and my head down.

‘Come inside, Mack.’

I slowly open my eyes and pull myself to my feet and when I look over to the porch it’s empty now.

‘They’ve gone out.’

I look at Sam, but I don’t say anything. I’m not even sure I know what I’m doing now and I fucking hate that lack of control this whole freakin’ situation has caused me to feel.

‘Come inside. Come on.’

I follow him through the gate and up to the house, and just walking up onto the porch I can smell her perfume and I hate myself for every fucking thing she’s made me – everything she’s
making
me feel. I fucking hate myself for being weak, for letting her in; for feeling like crap because I just seen her with another man, Jesus, what the fuck am I turning into?

‘I’ll go fetch your bike,’ Sam says as he opens the fridge and takes out a beer. ‘Sit down, relax. You need to get your head together.’

I take the beer and stop myself from giving him some kinda smart remark. I’m too tired. Too wound up, too fucking angry.

‘You’ll stay here. OK?’

‘What? No…’

‘You’ll stay here. We need to talk.’

‘Do we?’ I bite the lid off the beer and take a long pull, my eyes never leaving his. ‘About what, exactly?’

He doesn’t reply, and that irritates the fuck outta me. ‘I’ll go get your bike. Make yourself at home.’

I watch as he leaves the kitchen and then I take a look around me, downing another mouthful of beer. There are signs of her everywhere – her purse is lying on the counter, and one of her T-shirts is flung over the back of a stool by the breakfast bar. And I can still smell her perfume in here, it fills the air, and I close my eyes and breathe her in and I feel that anger inside me grow.

I left everything I ever knew behind. For her.

I came here. For her.

Is that something I’m now gonna regret…?

Chapter Thirty-One

Izzi

I open my eyes and wince slightly as I realize I’d rolled over onto my back in the night and lain right on my still-healing tattoo. And then I remember the sex out on the porch; how Zeb had knocked me back against the wall with every thrust and even though my tattoo’s throbbing now, partly due to that, no doubt, I still smile at the memory.

I pull myself up onto my elbows and look over at Zeb. He’s still asleep, his eyes closed to this dark world we now seem to be living in –
I
now seem to be living in. I’m guessing he’s known nothing else. His hair’s fallen slightly over his forehead and his fingers are clutching at the sheet that lies just below his waist and I’m not in the least bit surprised to see that, even in sleep, he’s hard and ready. But I’m exhausted. I didn’t think it was possible to be so worn out from sex that you can’t even think about having it ever again, but I’m kind of at that stage right now, and it’ll pass, I know that. Give me a few hours and he’ll look at me, and I’ll probably want to come running back to bed, but right now I need a cup of tea more.

I slide out of bed and grab his shirt from the floor, slipping it on along with a pair of my denim shorts. And then I look in the mirror and quickly pull my hair back into a messy ponytail before I go back over to the bed and lean over to kiss his slightly open mouth. And I smile, because he’s this hard, cold man but his lips are so soft and perfect and I let a tiny shiver wash over me as I remember what he was doing with that mouth just a couple of hours ago.

He groans quietly, and I pull back, because I didn’t want to wake him, Jesus, I need a break. But, thankfully, he’s still asleep, and I watch as he shifts slightly, turning his head away from me and I smile, resisting the urge to brush his hair back off his face. I get out of there before he does finally wake up, and I head into the kitchen.

‘
Shit!
What the…?’

He’s the last person I ever expected to see, and my heart literally stops for a beat or two, or that’s how it feels, anyway, as I’m hit with a wall of shock and surprise and a dozen other things I can’t actually explain. Seeing him sitting there as calm as he is, it’s kind of thrown me. But then I pull my guard right back up and compose myself in record-quick time.

‘What’re you doing here?’ I try to keep my voice cold. And, yeah, I’m on the defensive here, I’m aware of that.

‘You might want to remember that it was
you
who walked away from
me
, darlin’. Weren’t the other way around, so quit treating me like I went out for some cigarettes and never came back.’

I feel my skin prickle as I fill the kettle and place it on the stove top to boil. And I don’t say anything. I’m not sure I’ve got anything
to
say.

‘Izzi?’

I swallow hard and reach up to fetch a mug from the cupboard. And still I remain silent. I think I’m just trying to take in the fact he’s here.

‘Izzi, Jesus, come on. Look at me, will you?’

I’m not reacting to him, not yet. But then I hear his chair scrape back and I know he’s coming over to me, but the second he touches my waist I flinch and yank his hand away. He doesn’t get to walk in here and just claim ownership. He doesn’t get to do that.

‘Izzi, I’m sorry, OK?’

I don’t move my head a centimeter, I don’t give him any indication that I’m in the least bit all right with his turning up here out-of-the-blue. Because I’m not sure I am.

‘For fuck’s sake… Is this what I’m getting now? The silent treatment?’

I swing around to face him, because I think anger’s starting to kick in now. ‘What are you doing here, Mack?’

‘I came for
you
.’

‘You’re a few months too late.’

‘And you’re all loved up with the freak show now, is that it?’

‘Fuck you! What gives you the right to walk in here after six bloody months and act like all I’ve been doing is sitting here pining for you? I mean, what do you expect me to do, Mack? Drop everything because you’ve suddenly decided you want me now?’

‘I couldn’t just leave, Izzi. Not straightaway, there was too much going on, my head was a mess…’

‘You want sympathy now?’

‘I made a mistake. All right? I should’ve fought for you, but Sam and Zeb…’

‘It’s their fault, right?’

‘I didn’t know what the fuck to do, Izzi, OK? And you didn’t seem to want…’

‘You have no idea
what
I wanted.’ Neither did I. Not back then. But I’ve had time to think about everything now. And his timing is way off.

‘I mean, come on, darlin’. You gotta understand – the shit that went down that night at the clubhouse…’

He shrugs and smirks and I swear I want to hit him. For so many reasons. For saying what he’s saying. For standing there like he has some sort of right to talk to me like this. For turning up too fucking late.

‘Correct me if I’m wrong here, Mack, but I wasn’t aware we had anything worth fighting
for
.’

‘We had
some
thing. We could have had more.’

His tone suddenly becomes calmer, and I feel like someone just kicked me in the solar plexus. ‘You really believe that, do you?’

‘Yeah, Izzi, I do.’

‘I wasn’t ready.’

‘But you’re ready for
him
, huh? For that prick who calls himself my cousin, you’re ready for him?’

‘I need Zeb.’

‘
Jesus!
’ He sweeps a hand over his head and turns away from me, and when he turns back to face me his eyes are blazing. ‘Can you not see what’s happening here, Izzi? Can you not see what he’s doing to you? I saw it with my own eyes, darlin’. I saw the way he practically hypnotizes you; he touches you and you obey like one of Pavlov’s fucking dogs…’

I slap him so hard the sound of my palm connecting with his skin echoes around the kitchen. ‘You have no right to be here, Mack.’

‘He has every right, Izzi.’

I turn sharply and see Sam standing in the doorway. ‘You think this is a good idea? Now?’

Sam moves further into the room, his hands in his pockets as he walks towards me. ‘Yes, I do. He’s come to warn us, Izzi.’

I frown and step back until I’m leaning against the counter. ‘Warn us? About what?’ Like I don’t know.

‘Viper’s still got eyes and ears everywhere, darlin’.’

I turn to look in Mack’s direction. ‘I’m not naïve enough to think he wouldn’t have.’

‘It’s better to be forewarned, Izzi,’ Sam continues. ‘So we can keep our guard up.’

‘I never lowered mine.’

‘Ain’t that the fucking truth,’ Mack mumbles under his breath and my eyes burn into his and the smirk that’s returned to his face just makes me want to smack him again.

‘Like I need this.’ I start to walk away, but Sam reaches out and grabs my wrist, forcing me to look at him.

‘Don’t act like some stroppy teenager, Izzi. It doesn’t suit you.’

‘Let her go.’

Zeb’s deep growl of a voice washes over me like a dark release and Sam’s fingers unfurl from around my wrist, leaving me free to go to Zeb.

‘You hear most of that?’ Sam asks him and Zeb nods, his arm circling my waist the second I reach his side.

‘He staying?’ Zeb jerks his head in Mack’s direction, and I don’t miss the antagonistic look that passes between the two men.

‘I haven’t decided
what
I’m doing yet,’ Mack replies, his eyes cold as they stare back at Zeb, who just lets out a quick, low laugh and squeezes my waist a little tighter.

‘Mack…’

‘I said I haven’t decided, Sam.’

Zeb leans in to me, his mouth brushing the space just below my ear. ‘You OK?’

I nod my reply and he squeezes my waist again before whispering something else in my ear that makes me smile. And then I notice the expression on Mack’s face, but it doesn’t change anything. I won’t let it.

I walked into his life and turned it upside down.

But now I know I can’t let him do the same to mine.

Mack

I watch her leave with him, and I feel anger and frustration start to build and I need to vent this or I’m gonna end up fucking hurting someone.

‘Suck it up, Mack.’

I look at Sam through narrowed eyes. Where the fuck does he get off telling me to do
shit
?

‘Sit down. We need to talk.’

‘No. No, I cant do this. Coming here, it was a mistake.’

‘Sit down, Mack.’

What the hell is it with this guy?

‘Please. Just a few minutes.’

I don’t know why I turned back around but there’s a part of me that feels the need to hear what he has to say. But I don’t sit down. I stay standing. I lean back against the counter and fold my arms because, yeah, I’m feeling slightly defensive here. And he doesn’t push it. He accepts he’s got me to hear him out, on
my
terms.

‘You don’t have to leave the Soldiers of Darkness behind, Mack.’

‘No, I know I don’t. And I don’t intend to.’

‘So, do you remember what I said a few months back?’

I frown, because I remember a lot of what happened a few months back, it’s just that not all of it makes a lot of sense.

‘About us working together? We can do that right here, Mack. We can work together, build a new chapter – together. We can help expand the Soldiers of Darkness, turn it into one of the most powerful MCs in the country… Do you hear what I’m saying?’

I run a hand over my hair and briefly look down, and I take a deep breath because I suddenly feel like everything’s closing in on me and I really need to claw back some control here, before I lose it completely. ‘Yeah. I hear you.’

‘It’s something I think you should give some serious thought to.’

I slowly look up and meet his gaze, and there’s something there in his eyes that reminds me of me, and I feel a real, almost physical kick to the stomach, so strong I almost struggle to breathe for a second or two. ‘Because you say so?’

‘You can let the barriers down, Mack. I’m not here to hurt you or play against you. I want us to be a team. Together, we could achieve so much…’

‘You can’t just walk back into my life and pick up like you were never away. You don’t have that right. You dumped me when I was just three days old so you have no fucking right to
any
part of my life.’

He stands up and walks over to me, and I keep my eyes fixed on his. ‘No. I know I don’t. But that doesn’t stop me from caring about you.’

I can’t help the derision-laced laugh from escaping. ‘You care about me, huh? Like you cared about me for all those years…’

‘There were reasons why I couldn’t contact you, Mack, I’ve explained that. And maybe some of the ways I went about things weren’t the best course of action, but none of that stopped me from caring about you; caring about what happened to you. And you can believe whatever you like, that’s your right. Just know that I’m not lying to you.’