Broken (Soldiers of Darkness MC Book 1) (31 page)

‘Is this not just some sick game of yours to get me back in your life?’

He laughs, and I’m even more pissed now. ‘You’re entitled to think whatever you like, Mack. But this isn’t a game. Yes, I want you in my life. I want us to build a new Soldiers of Darkness chapter, work together to make it one we can all be proud of…’

‘I don’t want you anywhere near this fucking club…’

‘And you’re right to feel protective. It’s
your
club. But I don’t want to take it over, Mack. It’s always going to belong to you. I just want to be a part of your life.’

‘Get off my compound.’

I’ve had it now. He can take his hopes and his fucking dreams and shove ‘em up his ass, I’m done. I ain’t going anywhere.

He looks at me, and his eyes are cold as fucking ice as they stare me down, but I still ain’t intimidated. ‘If you want her, Mack, you’ll find her.’

I keep my eyes on him until he’s out of my sight. And only then do I lean back against the wall and sink to the ground, dropping my head into my hands.

I want her.

I don’t want to leave behind everything I’ve built up here.

So what choice do I fucking have?

Chapter Twenty-Six

Izzi

I feel his hand on my thigh and my eyes flutter open as he kisses me, and I open my legs to let him lie between as he wakes me up in a way I’ve gotten used to over the past few months. Sleeping with Zeb is a kind of contradiction, because the last thing he really wants to do is sleep. And sometimes it’s exhausting, but every time he touches me he removes a little more of that pain – maybe removes is the wrong word. I’m not sure anyone will be able to take it away forever. But he masks it, for a while. He eases it. He makes me forget, albeit temporarily.

‘Hey, princess.’

I reach up to touch his rough chin, my fingers running over his dark beard before they rest against his mouth. And he takes my hand and kisses my palm and I draw my legs up around him, biting down on my lip and smiling slightly as I feel his cock rigid against my hip. ‘Hey back. You need that seeing to?’

He grins, and I laugh, and I open my legs wide as he drops his hand and touches me, opening me up with his fingers before his cock slides inside me and I moan quietly, raising my hips and arching my back as I take him deep. This is my life now. This is what my life has been since we left North Carolina a little over five months ago, and I kind of like it.

Zeb’s opened up a tattoo studio in town and I help out there sometimes, watching him work, hanging out with the kind of people who’ve become my world now. I’m slowly getting used to my new existence. Although what me and Zeb have, exactly, I’m still not sure.

I lift my legs and pull them towards myself, forcing him in deeper, and his groans are long and loud as I grip him tight. He doesn’t always hold the power in this game. After all, he taught me to take control, and he gets the benefit of that training.

He takes hold of my hips and flips me over so I’m straddling him, and he’s still inside me, and I throw back my head and start to ride him hard because I know that’s what he wants. So I grind my hips down onto his as I lean forward, running my tongue up over the base of his throat and I feel his groans vibrate right through me, which excites the hell out of me.

His hand falls into the small of my back, keeping me pressed against him and I shift position only slightly, grinding down onto him again until my clit gains just the right amount of friction it needs to start that surge of white-hot pleasure coursing through my body.

I clench my muscles and grip him tighter, and he cries out loud and his hand presses down onto my back and I start to ride him even harder, even faster, because the pressure’s building. He’s about to come, I know the signs now, and I know I won’t be far behind him but I hold back for a second or two. I let him have his release first, and I gasp quietly as he stills inside me, and then I feel him pump out into me, feel him come with so much force I can’t hold back any longer. I relax my muscles and let my own climax hit, let my moans fill the room as my body jolts and jerks with the weight of the most beautiful orgasm. It sweeps right over me, every inch of my skin is on fire, and I cy out again as another wave hits, taking me slightly by surprise. What this man can do…

And then he pulls out of me and turns me over onto my back, and I’m not sure I was done there, but I’m guessing we’re not finished. And I don’t want to be, I’m not completely satisfied yet. I want to come properly, totally, whether he’s back inside me or not.

He places a hand at the base of my spine and pushes me upwards, and he leans over and takes one of my nipples in his mouth, his tongue circling it until I cry out in frustration. My thighs are burning up, and I need him to do something to ease the ache that’s building between them. So when he gently and carefully slips his hand inside me I can’t help the cry of relief that seeps out of me. And he’s still sucking on my nipple, still teasing me with his tongue, and I feel his cock grow hard again, it’s throbbing against my thigh as he continues to fist-fuck me.

I raise my arms above my head and grip the edges of the pillow tight as he pushes a little further into me, he must be in up to his wrist now, I can feel him, filling me up. And the moans and cries continue to flood from me as he pulls me further away from all the crap I need to forget and closer towards something I need to grab onto. Something different.

And then I feel his breath on my neck, and he’s whispering the darkest, dirtiest things to me and I feel my body start to convulse as those waves of pleasure and pain return with a vengeance. My hips jerk upwards, and his hand is still deep inside me and just knowing that pulls another almighty orgasm out of me, and I cry out so loud they probably heard me in the next town. And he’s still whispering to me, and I need to hear him say those things; I’m
living
those things, we’re doing all that shit. And I’ve never felt so alive. He kick-starts my days and winds me down at night, and I still need him. Maybe I’ll always need him, I don’t know. But this almost emotionless connection we have, I still need it, even after all this time. I’m still not ready for anything more. Anything real. I can’t go there.

My fingers loosen their grip on the pillows and I keep my eyes closed as everything starts to slow down, and I try to steady my breathing because, right now, it’s almost painful, my chest is so tight. And then he slowly pulls his hand out of me, and I bite down on my lip as he frees himself, and the sudden emptiness I feel is slightly overwhelming. For a few minutes he was a part of me, and I liked the feeling. I liked the safety.

He rolls over onto his back, but I keep my eyes closed for a few seconds more. And then he gets up and goes into the bathroom, and I open my eyes and stare up at the ceiling as my breathing finally starts to steady itself. My entire body feels incredible. He put himself in me, and in doing that he gave me the strength and the power I need to get through another day. But if I need an extra jump-start at any point; if I start to flag or fall foul of the memories that still won’t leave me alone, he’ll be there to give me what I need. He’s my drug, my safety net. He’s my necessary evil. And I know that Mack – he was my Zeb substitute. I needed that escape; the sex, the games, I needed all of that, because, when I was with Mack Zeb wasn’t there, like he had been before. Had I really become that dependent on him? Am I still that dependent on him now? Am I quite happy to stay here, and live this life, because he keeps me in this bubble of masked reality? I’d started to feel something for Mack. I can admit that now, I know those feelings were real. They were happening, and that’s why I’d had to walk away. I’d started to
feel
. And I don’t want to do that. I don’t want to feel anything, not anymore.

I close my eyes again and stretch out, the heat from the slightly open window burning my skin and I wonder what time it is.

‘It’s a travesty that body should ever be covered by clothes.’

I open my eyes and smile as I watch him pull on jeans and a black T-shirt and rake his hands through his dark, messed-up hair. ‘Why don’t you just tie me up and leave me like this, huh? Then you can take me whenever you feel like it.’

He walks over to the side of the bed and leans over me, kissing me deep and dirty and I feel my thighs start to ache all over again. ‘Don’t think I haven’t thought about it, princess.’

I smile again, and in an action I have no control over my hand drops and I touch myself, flinching slightly because but I’m still sensitive down there. And he’s watching me, his eyes following my every move.

‘How’d you fancy getting some more ink done?’ he asks as he finally walks away from the bed and over to the sideboard where he gathers up his gun and his knife, tucking them away in his belt. And none of this fazes me. This is my normal now. ‘I’m not going to the studio today. Jay can handle things over there.’ He turns back to face me, and the corner of his mouth twists up into a smirk as he notices I’m still touching myself. I need to. He did this to me. He makes me do this. ‘I can do you something kick-ass on that beautiful shoulder blade of yours. You up for that?’

Zeb did all of my tattoos. Every single one of them. He’s a great artist, I trust him, with a tattoo gun. With any gun. But he’s only using one kind on me.

‘I don’t know…’ I gasp as I feel another, albeit smaller rush start to build.

‘Ink looks good on you. And it turns me the hell on.’

I close my eyes and let a softer, almost languid wave wash right over me. And then I feel him pull me up and my legs are wrapped around him before I’ve got time to take another breath. He pushes me back against the wall, and he’s back inside me within seconds, and I cling onto him as he fucks me fast and hard, this is nothing more than a release of frustration. And it’s over in minutes, and his eyes meet mine and he smiles, and we laugh, and for a tiny fraction of time things feel normal. But then my leg catches the gun he’s tucked away in his belt and my new reality crashes forward once more.

But I need this.

Until I can struggle to remember the life I once had, I still need this…

Mack

‘You seen Viper lately?’

I look up to see Odi helping himself to a shot of bourbon. ‘It’s nine in the morning.’

He shrugs and knocks the shot back in one. ‘We imposing drinking time curfews round here or something?’

I throw the paper I was reading down onto the bar and drag my hands back over my hair. It was a late one last night, and I’m kinda wishing I’d had a few more hours sleep.

‘So?’

I look back up at Odi. ‘What?’

‘You seen Viper? Only, he’s gone off the radar these past few days and…’

‘No, I ain’t seen him. But I know he’s in Vegas.’

‘Vegas? What the fuck’s he doing in Vegas?’

‘How the hell should
I
know? I’m not his fucking bodyguard.’

Odi leans over the bar and fixes me with a look he’s been giving me for months now. ‘Where do we stand with him and his crew, Mack? I mean, I know things are OK now, after all the shit that went down, but does he really trust us like he used to?’

‘He wouldn’t be working with us if he didn’t. You know that.’

‘Keep your enemies closer, you ever heard of that one?’

I throw him a look right back. ‘We’re OK, Odi. All right? All that crap happened months ago. We’re back to normal, things are good. So quit with the paranoid shit.’

‘Yeah, well, maybe
I
don’t trust
him
, you ever thought of that?’

‘Huh?’

‘How do we know Viper’s crew still aren’t gonna dole out some form of retaliation.’

‘Jesus Christ, will you just let it go? They won’t. They don’t play the long game. If they were gonna do anything it would’ve happened a long time ago.’

‘You seem pretty confident about that.’

I fix him with a stare that tells him I ain’t in the mood for this. ‘He knows it wasn’t us, Odi. I was working
with
him, for Christ’s sake. I was willing to let him gun her down for the sake of this club…’ That realization still causes bile to rise in my throat and I reach for the bourbon, slugging a mouthful straight from the bottle. ‘Viper and me, we were working together, remember? And it was fucking months ago, so can we just drop it now?’

Odi takes the bottle from me. ‘It’s nine in the morning, boss.’

I throw him another look then rest my elbows on the bar and drop my head into my hands. I really could’ve done with sleeping more last night. I’m freakin’ wrecked! I sigh heavily as I look up, and the fact Odi’s expression is one of concern now really pisses me off. ‘It ain’t us he’s gunning for, OK? It’s Izzi. He ain’t gonna forget what she’s done – what she was
gonna
do.’

Odi frowns. ‘He’s still looking for her?’

I shrug. Because I don’t know. I know he’s still pissed that a girl had a gun up in his face. A man like Odi don’t forget shit like that. And I know there’s still talk, even months after Izzi skipped town, of how he ain’t gonna be happy until he’s found her. Until he’s sought his own kinda revenge, for her making him look like an asshole – his words, not mine. ‘If he is, I ain’t getting involved.’ I can’t go there. I made my choice, and that choice was to put this club first. Before anything. Izzi – she’s history.