Broken Pasts (8 page)

“
Cedric,”
he explained and I couldn't control the slump of disappointment that
surged through me. I'd just told myself that I wanted the man to
leave and now that he was, I wanted him to stay.
Okay, this is
good.
I needed to untangle myself from Nathaniel Sutherland
before I ensnared myself. “He'll be here for awhile while I
recharge.” I nodded and watched as he turned back towards the
door.

“
Wait!”
I shouted and he paused, looking over his shoulder at me. “Um,
will you be back in time for bowling night?” I had told Rhea
the lie and although Jamie knew the truth, her family didn't. The
less people that knew Gary was stalking me, the better. I did not
want Glen to find out, especially when I was about to tear him to
pieces; he'd be furious.

“
What
time?” he asked me and I could see that he would do whatever it
took to fulfill my request.
But why?

“
Tomorrow
at six,” I said, hoping that wasn't too early. I didn't know
how this whole switching thing worked. Nathaniel smiled and this
time, it was naughty.

“
I'll
be here,” he said. “And don't worry, I always come on
time.” I choked on my Jäger and watched as he turned away
and grasped the handle on the door.
Did he really just say that?
What is it with this man?

I
didn't have long to speculate because when Nathaniel opened the door,
I was greeted to a redhead who towered over Nathaniel's already
massive form. He looked like a Viking. I glanced up at his face,
surprised at how short I felt at five foot ten.

“
Theresa
McMaster, this is Cedric Bair.”

“
Wonderful
to meet you, Ms. McMaster,” Cedric boomed, stepping into the
room and filling it to capacity with his hulking shoulders and a
chest that was wider than I was tall. He reached out a massive hand
and shook mine in a surprisingly gentle grasp.

“
Again,
just try to pretend he isn't here. If you have any questions, feel
free to ask. I'll be back tomorrow at five,” Nathaniel said
and I could see that this last part was more for Cedric than it was
for me. The man's shaggy red brows rose in surprise and he rubbed at
his goatee with thick fingers. This was not usual protocol, I was
certain about it now. Nathaniel left, closing the door quietly
behind him. Cedric immediately moved forward and locked it with a
rumbling chuckle. He wasn't quite the uptight, professional I was
expecting either, but I knew that there was no way in hell Gary would
even think of challenging the man whose head nearly brushed my
ceiling. When he turned around, he locked his gaze on the archway
between the kitchen and the living room and crossed his hands in
front of him without another word.

“
Why
did you laugh?” I asked, catching a glint of amusement in
Cedric's dark eyes. They were like two pieces of polished onyx,
small in his large face but full of humor. In a weird way, he
reminded me of Jamie. If I was even remotely correct, then he'd be a
bit of a gossip.

“
I
apologize, Ms. McMaster,” was all he said as he maintained his
position.
God, he's good.

“
You
can tell me,” I said, hoping I could convince him to trust me.
“I'm not the typical client.”

“
Oh,
I can already see that,” he said gruffly, trying to keep his
face neutral when all he really wanted to do was grin big. I raised
my eyebrows at him and put my hand on my hip. I had put on my
leopard print robe in an attempt to attract Nathaniel's attention.
It had worked. But Cedric didn't even look at me.

“
How
long would you normally switch out for?” I asked and Cedric
answered me without emotion, like he was answering a questionnaire.
Underneath his pleasant neutrality, I could see that he was bursting
at the seams. I would get him to talk. If I could learn about
Nathaniel while he wasn't here, maybe I'd get over my interest in
him. Then, once this whole stalking thing was over, I could move on
and try to embrace the fact that I was not alone but independent.
Independent was good; it signaled strength, a solid frame of mind. I
liked that.

“
Well,
Nathaniel's been overworked lately, so this time, we were going to
switch up our usual routine and do forty-eight hours,” Cedric
replied and I smiled.
I knew it.
“Guess something
changed his mind though.”

“
Thanks,”
I said and turned as if I were going to head back into the kitchen.
“Can I ask you another question?” I threw over my
shoulder.

“
Yes,
Ms. McMaster,” he replied, still and silent in his brown suit
and black loafers.

“
Is
it normal for a security officer to talk about his penis?”

CHAPTER 9

Rhea
and I stayed home from work and school the next day. I was already
having a hard enough time trying to explain Nathaniel's absence and
Cedric's sudden appearance to the inquisitive nine year old. I
didn't want to explain it to anyone else. Once I got her occupied on
the couch with a book, Cedric and I sat at the dining table and
talked. Unlike Nathaniel, all I had to do was invite him and he sat
down and started to spill.

“
Nate
and I started this business about … ” Cedric paused to
rub at his chin. “Oh, about nine years ago. I was never
really into it, but I'm big and tough, so all I really have to do is
stand there and the bad guys run.” He chuckled and his laugh
shook the table and the vase of flowers on it. In a way, he kind of
reminded me of Hagrid from the Harry Potter books. Maybe because
that was the first thing Rhea had said when she'd seen him.
“Besides, Gillian had just passed away and that put a fire
under his ass like I'd never seen.”

“
Gillian?”
I asked, intrigued. This was it, I knew it. The key to
understanding Nathaniel's mysterious actions was in this woman's
name. Cedric looked around like he expected Nathaniel to be lurking
around the corner.

“
Gillian
was Nathaniel's wife,” he said and then took a big breath,
filling his massive chest with air. “You look quite a bit like
her actually.” A frown pulled down the corners of my mouth
like they were weighted.
Oh. Wow. I am an idiot.
Nathaniel's
mystery was that I looked like his dead wife. Great. That explained
the flirting and the sexual innuendo from moment one then. The sexy
bodyguard didn't seem so intriguing anymore, like I had just peeled
away his layers and could see right through him.
But then, what
about the hatred in his eyes when he looked at Gary? The way his
face shut down after you asked about his job?

“
How
did she die?” I asked and Cedric shook his head, pushing away
from the table and standing up like he'd just realized what he was
doing.

“
I'm
sorry, Ms. McMaster,” he told me as he tried to revert back to
being serious. “That isn't my information to give.” I
tapped my fingers on the table and then sighed.
Oh well.
With
my mystery all but solved, all that was left was to try and get some
work done before Nathaniel came back and I headed off for family
bowling night with a complete stranger.

I
stood up, retrieved my laptop and joined Rhea in the living room.
When I checked my e-mail, I was shocked. Hundreds of new messages
cluttered my inbox with subjects like,
Missing You Everyday
and
What I Want to Do To You.
I slammed the top shut and tried to
breathe. Cedric didn't react like Nathaniel, almost like he was
trying too hard to stay invisible. He stayed frozen in the corner
while I resisted the urge to throw my computer across the room.

“
I
have a ton of inappropriate e-mails from Gary,” I told Cedric
and he nodded, like that was to be expected.

“
Save
them, print them, and document them,” he told me and I was
overwhelmed with this horrible sense of helplessness. Being stalked
is like being trapped in your own life. There's this person out
there doing all of these horrible things to you and there is nothing
you can do about it. With a sigh, I put my laptop aside and ran a
hand down my face. Gary's behavior was escalating. How far would he
go before enough was enough? Would he try to hurt me? Rape me?
Kill me? I shivered and stood up suddenly.

“
Hey,”
I said to Rhea with a silly smile. “Why don't we pick out our
clothes for this evening?” She shrugged her shoulders, more
interested in
Time Cat
by Lloyd Alexander than she was in
placating her mother.

“
That's
far away,” she said as she turned on her side and kept her eyes
glued to the pages. “I don't feel like it.” I sighed
and stood up, checked the lock on the front door, just to be sure,
and moved down the hallway and into my bedroom. Despite Cedric's
massive size and Viking-like appearance, he was actually a lot easier
to ignore than Nathaniel was. Something about that man drew my eyes
and my attention. I dug around my closet for a long time, trying to
decide if I was going to forgo my usual bowling night outfit: a pair
of baggy jeans and our 'team's' shirt. It was just a simple collared
tee with a dragon across the front.
The McMaster Lizards
was
emblazoned above it with red glitter. Rhea had picked it out a while
back, when I was still with Gary. He'd never worn his though and I
had the thought that it was probably still in my closet somewhere. I
dug around until I found it, still in the plastic wrap it had come
in.

“
You
asshole,” I said as I ripped a hole in the bag and stared at it
for a long moment.
Don't even think about it, Theresa,
I told
myself as I squeezed the fabric in my hand. I opened the top drawer
of my dresser, cast a glance at Cedric, and stuffed the shirt away.

***

After
a while, Rhea came in and joined me on the bed, kicking her toes
against the comforter as she laid on her stomach and watched me try
on different outfits while Cedric kept his back politely turned, eyes
locked on Rhea's bedroom door at the end of the hallway.

“
Why
do you care so much?” she asked me as I put on a pair of jeans
I hadn't worn in years.
What do you know, they still fit,
I
thought smugly as I modeled them in front of the full length mirror
next to my dresser. The dark washed jeans were practically brand new
although they were several years old. The reason I didn't like to
wear them was that they rubbed right along the scars that marred my
lower belly. They weren't painful, not physically, but they were a
reminder of hard times and horrible things. I slipped our team shirt
over the lacy black bra that I'd chosen and watched it fall to the
bottom of the pant pockets. It was long enough that nobody would
see, not even if I raised my arms above my head.

I
didn't ask myself why I was doing any of this though I should have.
Was I trying to woo Nathaniel? Date him like a teenager without a
horrible divorce record and a kid to take care of? The mystery was
over, solved, done. I looked like his ex-wife, he felt sorry for me,
end of story. Yet as much as I repeated that to myself, I couldn't
shake my interest. I grabbed a black tank top, a pair of clean
underwear, and motioned Rhea out of my room.

“
I'm
taking a shower,” I said as I threw my stuff in the bathroom.
“What are you going to be doing?” She shrugged and
glanced up at Cedric. It was like looking up at a skyscraper for
her. Rhea's head was tilted all of the way back on her neck as she
examined the big man's face.

“
When
is Nathaniel coming back?” she asked and I'm almost certain I
saw Cedric hold back a laugh.

“
At
five o'clock,” I said, watching as she pouted and poked at the
wall with her finger.
What's wrong with you?
I wondered as I
stared at her.
Please don't tell me you've got a crush, too.
“He'll be back before you know it,” I told her as she
dragged her hand along the wall and disappeared into her room with a
sigh. “What the hell?” I asked as I looked at Cedric's
quivering back. “You know something I don't, don't you?”
He shrugged his massive shoulders.

“
I
don't know anything, Ms. McMaster,” he said as I glared daggers
at his mountainous back.

“
Sure
you don't,” I said as I closed the door as far as it would go
without actually pushing it into place.
My daughter and I are
both obsessed with the same man. Definitely strange.
“Sure
you don't.”

***

When
Nathaniel came back, clean and polished and rested, dressed in a
charcoal suit and an emerald tie that helped highlight his beautiful
eyes, you'd have thought he was returning from years at war. Rhea
actually cheered when Cedric opened the door, saluted Nathaniel and
disappeared down the sidewalk, chuckling.

“
I
hope he wasn't inconsiderate or inappropriate in any way,”
Nathaniel said as I turned Rhea around and forced her to go change
out of her Angry Birds pajamas. I was already showered, my hair
fixed, my makeup artfully applied. Nathaniel's eyes took in the dark
jeans and the tight tank top appreciatively. To say that he made me
feel attractive would be an understatement. I felt like a fucking
supermodel in that man's gaze.

“
He
told me about your wife,” I blurted without thinking. I think
part of me wanted to confirm what I thought I already knew, that he
was just interested in me because I had olive skin and dark hair,
because I looked like a woman I didn't even know. His eyes darkened
for just a moment, but he gained control of himself quickly.

“
He
told you how she died?” he asked and I shook my head.

“
He
said it wasn't his information to tell.” Nathaniel nodded and
reached into his coat pocket like he was going to put on his
sunglasses. He paused and let his arms drop to his sides.

“
And
I think my daughter has a crush on you,” I said. At this, he
actually laughed.

“
I'm
sorry, Ms. McMaster,” he told me honestly. “If PPSD
hasn't been living up to the professional image that you expected,
I'd be happy to issue you a full refund.” He paused, but
before I could speak up, he continued to explain himself. “It's
true that you remind me a lot of Gillian, although Cedric should
never have told you that.”

“
What
happened to her?” I asked and I watched as his face dropped
right out from under him, like he was being sucked down a whirlpool
where there was no escape, just a watery descent into oblivion. I'd
overstepped my boundaries, surely. I opened my mouth to apologize
when Nathaniel hit me with an emotional brick.

“
She
was killed by her ex-husband,” he told me and I stopped
breathing for just a moment. The lack of oxygen made my head spin
wildly. I held out a hand and touched the wall to steady myself.
“He was stalking her. While the police were busy scratching
their heads and telling me there was nothing they could do, he was
stabbing her one hundred and seven times with a screwdriver. I came
home and found them both dead.” He paused. “She was
pregnant with our daughter at the time. I think she would've been
just about Rhea's age if she'd survived.” I stared straight at
him and didn't know what to say.

“
I
… ”

“
There's
such an uncanny resemblance between our lives that I don't even know
where to begin, so I'm sorry if I haven't acted appropriately. In
nine years, nothing like this has ever happened to me before.”
I nodded and touched my hand to my chest while I fingered the Kukui
nut necklace. Nathaniel's eyes were boring into mine, cutting deep
and begging me to dig through the depths until I found the person
underneath the sadness and the fear.

“
Here,”
Rhea said as she skipped into the room with a shirt in her hand.
“Mom got this out for you.” She handed Nathaniel the
bowling shirt and he took it with a smile. I tried to imagine him
wearing anything but a suit and found that the only thing my mind
could come up with was
naked.

“
I
did not get that out for him,” I protested but found that the
words sounded weak, almost like I was lying to himself. I changed my
tactic. “You don't have to wear it if you don't want to.”

“
Gary
never did,” Rhea said as she clasped her hands in front of her
and I watched a storm of emotions travel across Nathaniel's face.

“
The
McMaster Lizards
, huh?” he said as he pointed at the shirt.
“Isn't this a dragon?” Rhea rolled her eyes and gave
Nathaniel the same answer she'd given me.

“
Dragons
are
lizards,” she stated proudly. “They're both
cold blooded.”