Broken Pasts (14 page)

CHAPTER 15

Nathaniel
took me to an indoor/outdoor shooting range on the edge of town with
a big black sign labeled simply,
Tate's.
The parking lot was
nearly empty, not surprising considering it was Monday, but it didn't
make me feel any less nervous.

“
I've
never even fired a gun before,” I told Nathaniel as he pulled
into a front space and shut off the engine. He glanced over at me
and smiled, one hand on the keys in the ignition, the other on the
wheel.

“
A
woman as intelligent as you should have no problem picking it up,”
he said as his smile shifted from friendly to
dirty.
“You
just hold it in your hands and squeeze.” Nathaniel winked at
me and opened up his door, stepping out onto the pavement before I
could respond.
That nasty bastard,
I thought as I followed
him out, gun case in one hand, purse in the other. As my heels hit
the pavement, I realized that I might be a tad overdressed. There
was a woman getting out of a massive Ford pickup next to us, her
brown hair tucked into a hat, a T-shirt and jeans on her lithe body.
Meanwhile, there I was in a pale blue dress with polka dots and a
pair of nude pumps on my feet. The woman smiled at me, but it wasn't
nice. More like a
You are so out of your element
kind of a
smile.

I
watched as her eyes shifted up and over my shoulder, found Nathaniel
and widened, just a bit.

“
Are
you okay?” he asked me as he came around the front of the car
and paused on my left side.

“
I
look like a 50's housewife,” I whispered as I watched
jeans-girl pull a long, black bag out of her truck. She was catching
little glances over her shoulder, eyeing Nathaniel with an
undisguised bit of interest. I forced myself to keep my hackles down
and out for the count.
Can't be jealous of someone that doesn't
belong to you, Theresa.

I
turned to Nathaniel and watched his gaze sweep me from head to toe
and back again. He didn't look disappointed. In fact, when his eyes
found my face again, they were sparkling.

“
As
long as you're not getting the urge to ask,
How was your day,
dear?
then I think you're okay.” I smiled and lifted my
gun case.

“
Oh,
hell no,” I told him. “More like, tell me how to load
this fucking thing.”

“
I'll
show you
everything,
” Nathaniel told me as he held out
his hand. “Don't worry about that.” I hesitated for
just a moment, found jeans-girl's eyes watching us inquisitively, and
took it.

Nathaniel's
skin was warm against mine, sending little spurts of electricity up
my arm and goose bumps springing up all across my skin. He made me
feel ten years younger and a thousand worries lighter. Why, I don't
know. I didn't believe in love at first sight, but the first moment
I'd laid eyes on Nathaniel, I had sensed that there was
something
about him, and it was getting harder and harder to ignore.

We
checked in at the counter inside, grabbed a few pairs of earmuffs,
some ammunition, and headed out the opposite door into the sunshine.

The
shooting range was directly off one of the major highways and from
the outside, it appeared to be just like any other industrial shop
this side of town. Tall, brick walls and a massive cement parking
lot. To say the least, it wasn't very aesthetically pleasing. But
the back was different. There was a massive expanse of green lawn
bordered on two sides by hulking stone walls decorated from end to
end in wildlife murals. Across from us, at the end of the range, was
a wooded thicket, probably the last bastion of nature in this entire
area. It was impossible to tell from the highway how beautiful it
was back here.

“
Damn,”
I said as Nathaniel guided me to a shady, covered area with a series
of small tables. “This is a little island of paradise. How
did you find it?” Nathaniel set the gun case down and handed
me a pair of pink earmuffs. I looked down at them and then at the
pair in his other hand. “Nuh-uh,” I said as I reached
out and grabbed the hunter green pair. “I don't do baby pink.”
Nathaniel paused for a moment and then laughed. He just tossed his
head back and let it out, raucous and loud, real. There was someone
beyond that perfect suit and manicured hair. Nathaniel Sutherland
was a man I could relate to. I bet he even did the whole beer and
burgers thing. When we were done here, I was going to ask him out to
lunch. He'd taken me to breakfast, so it was the least I could do.

“
Alright,”
he told me as he took the pink muffs and hooked them around his neck.
“I'll take the baby pink. It compliments my skin anyway.”
We grinned at each other while he opened the gun case and pulled the
pistol out of the foam insert. “Cedric and I took our first
gun courses here,” he said as he pressed a button on the side
of the gun and … something … popped out of the bottom.
“I actually saw a billboard ad on the way home from Gillian's
funeral, and I just wanted to blow off some steam. It changed my
life.” Nathaniel paused and looked around as if he was seeing
the place for the first time. “I never really noticed before,
but you're right. It is beautiful.” He looked me right in the
eyes when he said it, and I had to glance away to regain my
composure. The man was a compulsive flirt.

“
So,
Nathaniel Sutherland,” I said as I he set the gun down on the
table. “Are you going to change my life today?”

“
I
sure hope so, Theresa McMaster,” he said and we watched each
other for a moment before turning our attentions almost unanimously
to the weapon. It was easier to focus on that then it was to look
into one another's eyes and know that there was something there. My
heart was already pumping and I couldn't stop thinking about his
interest in me and my interest in him and, oh God, it was all so
messed up that I didn't even know if I could put into words what I
was feeling. A gorgeous man was interested in my damaged goods, a
man that knew about Glen and Gary. Maybe he didn't know about the
other stuff, the miscarriage and the botched surgery, but he knew the
rest and he wasn't running for the hills.

“
So
what's this?” I asked as I pointed at the black rectangle on
the table. “My gun knowledge is limited to made-for-TV movies
and paperback thrillers.” Nathaniel lifted it up and turned it
over so I could examine it.

“
This
is a magazine,” he said with a little grin. “Don't ever
call it a clip.”

“
Why?”
I asked as he opened the box of ammunition and removed several
rounds.

“
Because
the gun police will show up and take away your right to bear arms,”
he said with a wink. I smiled and watched as he took a single round
and inserted it into the magazine. “Since you don't have a
concealed handgun license, you can't carry the gun loaded, not even
in the case to and from the gun range, so you're going to have to
know where your gun is, where your ammo is and how to load it quick,
just in case.” I sighed, feeling just a bit of the magic in
the moment slip away. This was fun and all and probably a useful
skill to have, but the whole reason I was there was to learn how to
shoot and wound/kill a man I had once thought I loved because he
couldn't get me out of his mind. It was a bit hard to keep the
romance in the air when I thought of it like that.

Or
it was until Nathaniel took my hand and wrapped it around the
magazine. And he didn't let go. He got close to me, so close that
the toes of my heels bumped against the soles of his black loafers.
His skin was unbelievably warm, and it wasn't from the sun, because
despite the golden glow of the morning, it was actually pretty chilly
outside. It was just him, just his skin, his own, personal heat. I
tried not to sigh in bliss and swallowed as I kept my gaze trained on
the bullet in his fingers.

“
What
you need to do is grab a round and use your fingers to push it down
and back. Like this.” Nathaniel pressed a round into my hand
and folded his fingers gently around me, positioning my hand in a way
that was anything but professional. “You need to guide it with
your fingers,” he whispered, leaning forward, letting his
breath brush against my ear and send shivers down my spine. “Press
it inside and – ” I stepped back suddenly, taking the
magazine with me.

“
Okay,
okay,” I said, embarrassed that my voice sounded breathy and
far away. “I think I've got it.” Nathaniel smiled, but
he didn't apologize, not this time. Maybe our interaction at the
club had loosed a few screws in his professional demeanor? I had no
idea, but I did notice that my hands were shaking as I stepped
forward and loaded a few more rounds into the magazine. The air was
tense but not uncomfortable. It was … electric. I noticed
jeans-girl watching us from across the range and tried not to cringe
when she fired her gun, filling the air with the harsh staccato sound
of gunfire. She looked pissed.

I
guess I would, too,
I thought as I glanced up at Nathaniel's
face.
If I knew I didn't have a chance with this guy. Look at
him. He can't stop staring at you.

“
Now
what?” I asked and my voice sounded quiet in the brief space
between jeans-girl's shots.

“
You
insert it into the bottom.”

“
Whoa
there,” I said as I nearly dropped the magazine. “Moving
a little fast there, don't you think?”

“
You
didn't let me finish,” Nathaniel said as he reached out and
touched his fingers under my chin. I raised my gaze to his and
suddenly there were tears there. I don't know why, they just sprung
up unwanted and uncalled for. “I was going to say
into the
bottom of the gun.
”

“
Sure
you were,” I said as Nathaniel tilted his head to the side and
smiled at me. It wasn't a dirty, nasty smile this time (though I did
like those quite a bit more than I'd admitted to myself), it was a
gentle, understanding smile. He didn't ask why I was crying which I
appreciated, just reached out, took the gun, and came around behind
me.

“
Just
follow my motions,” Nathaniel said as he helped me push the
magazine into the grip of the pistol. Then he used his hands to
guide mine, wrapping them around the gun and positioning my fingers
before stepping back and grabbing the earmuffs. He slipped them over
my head, running his fingers through my hair and down the back of my
neck. I kept my watery gaze on the target and my arms straight out
in front of me. “Now,” he continued as he took up a
position on my right side. “Just focus on everything that's
bothering you, everything that's been eating away at you, holding you
back. Picture it there and pull the trigger.” I gave him a
nervous laugh and ignored the tears that were rolling down my cheeks.
It wasn't that I was sad, that wasn't it. It was just that
something about Nathaniel pulled my feelings out of me. I
wanted
to tell him everything. I wanted to tell him how I woke up four
days after my twenty-first birthday, young and afraid, drenched in
blood with my unborn child dying inside of me. How they rushed me
into the hospital, cut me open, took out my baby and my ovaries and
left me barren and alone. I wanted to tell him how happy I was when
I met Rhea for the first time, when I found out that she could be
mine forever. How Glen broke my heart in two when he left me for
Winnie, left me alone and hurting, took our house and my car and
didn't care what happened to me. I wanted to scream about Gary, say
how excited I was to meet him, how certain I was that I'd never be
alone again, talk about how he threatened to
kill
me. Twice.

Instead,
I pulled the trigger, felt the recoil and the power in my arms and
laughed. And then I fired again. And again. And again. Until the
magazine was empty and I was gasping for breath, hunching over the
table with the gun resting before me and Nathaniel standing beside me
smiling. I looked up at him, through the fall of my hair and my pink
earmuffs.

“
You
were right,” I said as I stood up straight, stepped forward and
wrapped my arms around his neck. “That was pretty fucking life
changing.”

And
then I kissed him, long and hard and fierce.

I
kissed Nathaniel Sutherland, and I didn't care who was watching.

Maybe
if I'd known that Gary was, I'd have thought a bit differently?

CHAPTER 16

Nathaniel
and I barely made it in the front door before we had our hands all
over each other, kissing, tasting, exploring. In the back of my
mind, I knew that I should slow down, take a step back and try to
look at the situation more clearly. I was too wrapped up in my
feelings and the constant beating of my heart, thumping so loudly
that I could barely hear Nathaniel's moans as I pushed my hands under
his shirt and lifted it over his head.

“
The
door,” he said, still a bodyguard first and foremost. “I
have to lock the door.” I followed close behind him and waited
for him to flip the lock. When he turned around, I was throwing
myself against him, rubbing my breasts along his chest, throwing my
head back in a gasp as his fingers slid under the neckline of my
dress and pulled it down, exposed the white lace bra I'd chosen.

“
Tell
me this isn't a mistake,” I said as Nathaniel cupped my
breasts, slid his warm hands under the fabric and caressed them with
a firm but gentle touch. I almost collapsed to my knees, certain
that I was going to explode into a million pieces and die from the
pleasure of his touch. Nathaniel didn't
grope
like some men
nor did he touch my boobs like they were made of glass. He cupped
them and massaged them in gentle circles as I stepped into him and
pressed our bare chests together. “Tell me,” I begged,
afraid of myself, my feelings, Nathaniel. Here was a man who not
dated a single person since his wife's death and now he was halfway
home with me after a few days? There were only two explanations for
that. One was that he didn't
date,
but that he slept around.
Not good. The second was that he was an emotionally fragile human
being who I had the very real potential of hurting. Not good either.

I
stepped back, pushed his hands away and wrapped my arms around
myself.

“
Nathaniel,
I … ”

“
Theresa,”
he said in that strong, authoritative voice. He was so friggin' sure
of himself that it was hard for me to entertain option two for very
long.
He's just looking for sex, Theresa,
I tried to tell
myself and then immediately followed that up with,
but is that a
bad thing? Maybe you could use a little unattached sex right now?
I
looked up into Nathaniel's heated face, his warm eyes, so unlike
Gary's that they'd be listed as antonyms in a dictionary, and I knew
that there was no such thing as
unattached
with this man.
Once he had a hold on me, he wasn't going to let go. “I know
that you don't know me and that this is a long shot, but I think
there's something here that could work.”

“
I
… ” I tried to protest, but then he was just there,
wrapping his strong arms around me, pressing his mouth to mine,
trailing his heated kisses down my neck. “I don't know if I
can do this. I'm still … Gary is … oh God.”

“
I'm
not asking you to marry me,” Nathaniel said as he paused and
pressed his forehead against mine. “Or make promises you can't
keep. I just want to get to know you. Is that so bad?”

“
Nathaniel,
… ” I whispered, but it was the only word I could think
to say. Nathaniel didn't pause for long, grabbing me gently by the
upper arms and spinning me around so that he could tug down the
zipper on my dress. It had been awhile since I'd had any in
that
particular department, so long that I'd even considered sleeping
with Stuart. And let's face it,
Stuart
was no Nathaniel
Sutherland. Strong and dark and sexy and organized and put together.
I soon found myself unable to resist, drowning in lust and need and
loneliness. When my dress fell to the floor in a pool of blue and
white and Nathaniel stepped up behind me, pressed the hard, warm
lines of his body against mine, I closed my eyes and gave in to
temptation.

Nathaniel
ran his hands down my sides, grabbed my hips, nibbled at the base of
my neck and made me shiver. Without words we communicated with our
bodies, brushing, touching, teasing, feeling, and I followed
Nathaniel's firm but gentle cues, turning around and sliding onto the
desk. He stepped between my knees and somehow, as if he'd known that
I'd been dreaming about him, he did the one thing I was wishing with
all of my perverted little heart that he might do. Nathaniel pulled
my panties off and tossed them aside, knelt down and put his mouth to
the burning, pulsing ache between my legs.

I
gripped the sides of the desk and tried to figure out why there were
stars dancing on the ceiling, blurring my vision and making my eyes
water. My hips rose off the wood for a split second before Nathaniel
gripped them tightly with his hands and pulled me back down to his
mouth, hovering the heat of his breath over my clit, brushing his
lips along the bare skin of my thighs, pressing soft kisses to my
lower belly.

“
Stop
it,” I said, but my words didn't hold the slightest bit of
oomph. I couldn't have stopped him even if I'd wanted to, and trust
me, I didn't want to. Nathaniel was a master with his tongue, an
artist, a magician, a … When he slid his finger inside of me,
I nearly threw myself off of that desk. The sensations were intense,
giving me white flashes of brightness in my vision, making me believe
in angels and all that jazz. “Nathaniel,” I gasped as
one finger became two, curled, found my G-spot. Really, before that
moment I had never even believed it was there. Even as my back
arched and pleasure poured through me, twirled up from my belly and
found my limbs, curled my fingers, pulled my head back, I didn't
believe. Not until that magic moment, a moment that I had thought
would
never
come. “Nathaniel!” I called out and
that was that, I was a helpless, gasping, sobbing mess, being torn
apart and put back together again.

The
orgasm, my
first
orgasm, was spectacular, like a fireworks
show just for me, blooming inside my eyelids and opening me up to
feelings I'd never had before. My body tensed, muscles contracting,
toes twitching, and then all of a sudden there was this release. I
was up, up, up and then I came crashing down, but in a good way. I
was more relaxed in that moment than I had
ever
been in the
whole of my life.

“
Theresa?”
Nathaniel asked as he stood up, leaned over me and pressed his hard
body and his harder cock against me, pressed his lips to mine and
tasted me with the sweetness of my own body. “I'm guessing you
enjoyed that?” he continued as he pulled back just enough to
look at me, a wicked smile on his lips and a fiery heat in his eyes.
I nodded, but I couldn't move. My limbs were hanging over the edges
of the desk like a doll's, and I was shaking from head to toe. I
nodded my head and watched as Nathaniel brushed the hair from my
sweaty forehead. I tried to reach down, find the zipper on his pants
and welcome him into me, but he stopped me with a hand on my wrist.

“
Not
… ” I swallowed. “Not gonna let me return the
favor?” I asked as Nathaniel kissed me ever so softly on the
cheek.

“
Not
yet,” he said as I struggled to my elbows and found his lips
again, pressed the back of my hand to his cheek and rested there
feeling like nothing in the world could ruin this moment. Nothing
but a frantic knocking at the door accompanied by a shouting voice,
nothing but one of my ex-husbands. And it wasn't the obvious choice.

Outside
my front door was Glen.

“
Theresa!
Open up. I know that you're in there!” I looked at Nathaniel
looking at me and hoped like hell that that man (and I use the word
very loosely) hadn't heard me. If he had he probably wouldn't have
recognized the noises I'd made. Glen hadn't given me half the joy in
our entire three year relationship that Nathaniel had in those few,
short minutes. “I need to talk to you.”

“
Let's
ignore him,” I whispered as Nathaniel smiled big at me and
finally let me put my hand over the bump in his pants. “Let's
fuck while he sits outside in the cold and screams.” I leaned
forward and bit Nathaniel's earlobe, slid his zipper down, reached
into his underwear …

“
It's
about Gary, Theresa. I know what's been going on. If you don't want
to lose your daughter, you'll answer this goddamn door.” I
paused mid motion, my fingers less than an inch away from Nathaniel's
cock, and I knew that I had to stop.

“
I
… ” Nathaniel removed my hand very gently and kissed me
on the lips.

“
It's
okay,” he said. “Let's take care of this, shall we?”
And then he moved away leaving me feeling cold and bare. I realized
that my scar was showing bright and shiny in the thin bars of
sunlight that were streaming in from the back door and covered it
with my hand. He hadn't asked about, hadn't stared, hadn't grimaced.
I'd seen men do all three. I stood up quickly and picked up my
dress. Nathaniel helped me slip it over my head and zip it up before
going for his own shirt. His erection was nowhere to be seen,
probably crushed by Glen's nasally voice and obnoxious demands. The
man had no fucking respect for me, never had, never would. Nathaniel
knew it, too, and it was
pissing
him off.

He
stepped over to the door, checked through the peephole and wrenched
it open.

“
You
need to calm down and stop shouting,” Nathaniel commanded as I
glanced around for my underwear. They were nowhere to be seen. “If
you want to talk to Theresa, you can ring the doorbell like everyone
else and wait your fucking turn.”

“
How
dare you,” Glen said, pushing his glasses up his nose and
stepping back, giving Nathaniel a disgusted once over. When he saw
me standing behind him with my lips swollen and my cheeks pink, he
just exploded into this angry frenzy that I'd only ever seen once
before at the hospital. I'd thought then, in my drugged state, that
he was arguing for me, because he loved me, but it wasn't me at all.
It was even about his child. It was about this idealized image he
had of a family. He didn't care who it was with or how they felt,
just that they were there and he was normal and perfect. That's all
Glen ever wanted. “You!” he pointed at me, stepping
forward into the house. Nathaniel let him, at first, closing the
door quickly behind him before he grabbed the back of Glen's shirt
and pulled him back, slamming him into the bookcase that lined the
wall.

“
You
need to calm the fuck down,” Nathaniel said and all that calm,
professional bodyguard was nowhere to be seen. He was defending me
with a passionate intensity that made me want him with a fervor that
I was hard pressed to even understand let alone iterate to myself.
“Whatever you need to say, you can say it from here.”
Nathaniel let go of Glen and stepped back, taking a massive breath
into his lungs and closing his eyes for a brief moment. When he
opened them, he was considerably more calm.

“
I'm
going to file a report against you for assault and battery,”
Glen said and I swear to God, I came
this
close to decking him
right between the eyes. “And you,” he said with a bitter
laugh as he looked me up and down like I was some harlot from hell.
This man, this person, who was fucking Winnie while I still had
stitches in my belly, who was screwing another woman while we were
still married, had no right to look at me that way. “You're
screwing your private detective?”

“
Private
detective?” I said as Nathaniel stepped forward and Glen
stepped back.

“
I
know everything, Theresa,” Glen said as he pointed at me in a
way that I'd always hated. It had always made me feel so small. Not
anymore.

“
And
tell me, Glen,” I said as I put my hand on my hip. “What
do you know, hmm? Do you know how much you hurt me when you left?
How alone I felt? How betrayed? Do you even know what that's like
or do you have feelings at all?” Glen chose to ignore me, but
Nathaniel didn't. He looked right at me and through me, into my
heart, my soul. I felt larger than life in his eyes, like I could do
anything.

“
I
know that you've been stalking Gary, that he's filed a restraining
order against you. I know that you've hired a private detective to
follow him around, accosted him while he was touring houses, sat
outside his home at night. I always knew you were strange, Theresa,
but this is too much. I can't have Rhea exposed to your
eccentricities anymore. Do you know what she drew in art class
today? A phallus, Theresa. If he's touched her … ”
Glen began, eyes on Nathaniel. I watched my bodyguard go from calm
to
deadly.

“
Excuse
me?” Nathaniel began as he stepped into Glen's space, but
didn't touch him. He did what he'd done to Gary before, asserted his
dominance, showed his power, without lifting a single finger. “You'd
better reconsider what you were about to say, and you'd better get
your facts straight. You haven't the slightest idea what's going on
here.”

“
I
do,” Glen said, but he didn't sound so sure of himself anymore.
“I just spoke with Gary on the phone. He told me everything.”