Broken Dreams (Franklin Blues #2) (13 page)

I cuddle up behind Amy and she flinches at my touch. What the fuck? I need to somehow fix this and make her see how much I love her.

“Amy, how many times do I need to tell you how much I love you? I will tell you as many times as you need to hear it, until you to believe it. I love you, and we are going to have kids. We’ll go through a surrogate or adopt, but we will have kids.” I don’t know what else to tell her, and she’s starting to scare me because she isn’t talking or crying; she’s staring off in space. Hell, she barely ever blinks, and I’m not sure what I can do to make her see how much I still want to be with her. I lost a child too, so I’m not sure what the correct thing to do here is. I sigh and cuddle her tighter, and finally fall asleep after I’m sure that she finally goes to sleep herself.

~*~

I wake up and it’s dark. I can tell as soon as I open my eyes that Amy’s not in bed with me. I start to panic when I look over and see a note that she’s gone for a walk. I walk over to the nurse’s station to ask if they had seen her. They tell me she had asked for directions to the nursery. I follow the nurse’s instructions after thanking her for the information.

I ride the elevator up to the third floor and follow the nurse’s directions perfectly. At the end of a long hallway, I see the love of my life with her hands on a giant window, staring into the nursery. I walk up behind her and wrap my arms around her. It’s almost as if she doesn’t even feel me touch her, she is still staring through the window at all the newborn babies.

“That was supposed to be me in there, having a baby. I will never know the joy of holding my newborn in my arms, changing diapers, late night feedings, and everything in between. I’m never going to have that.”

Before I can even register what she said, I feel her knees buckle under her and she starts to fall to the ground. She starts screaming hysterically and loudly crying. I pull her tight against me, and I don’t say a word. What can I say, that everything will be okay? I’m not sure that she’s ever going to be okay, but I need her to be alive, and I can work on the rest.

It’s time for ‘Operation Bring Amy Back’, I need to figure out how I’m going to do it, and that part scares the shit out of me. I have the gala coming up in a few months, and I’m hoping that Shawn, Hailee, and Scar will be able to help get her out of this too because I’m not going to be able to do it alone. I am going to get my girl back, one way or another; now I need to figure out how.

Lance

Today is the big day. I get to take my girl home. She’s definitely changed since she lost our baby. All she does is stare off into space and sleep. I try and talk to her and all I get is one word answers, or she’ll nod or shake her head. She’s turned into a zombie on me and I don’t know how to bring her back.

I’ve talked to Aaron several times since I found out that he was living here the whole time he’s been gone. We still have a long road to go, but we are rebuilding the relationship that we lost all those years ago. Aaron tells me that I have to keep doing what I’ve been doing with Amy and she’ll come around. Right now she’s grieving, but does he not think that I am too? She’s not the only who lost the baby.

I go out to the parking lot to grab my SUV, and pull it around front to wait for Amy to come out. She’s already signed the discharge papers and was waiting on a nurse to bring in a wheelchair. I expected her to fight like her typical self would about having to be wheeled out, but sadly she nodded her head and told the nurse she would wait for her.

Now, here I am sitting in my truck when the love of my life isn’t the same woman that I fell in love with. I look over at the entrance as Amy and the nurse come out. She’s arguing with someone over the phone, and I hope like hell it isn’t the fucker Jeremy. I hop out of the truck to help her and hear her say Hailee’s name. She’s telling her that she’s glad she didn’t come up to the hospital because it was no place for Scar, and she is her top priority. She promised that she would come see Hailee tomorrow because she missed the baby. I notice the blank look on her face as she promises this, and I know without her ever saying anything that she’s bullshitting Hailee. She’s only saying what she knows Hailee will want to hear to get her off the phone.

I go to take her arm as she’s telling Hailee good bye, and as soon as my hand touches her, she yanks her arm back and tells me she doesn’t need my help, that she can do it on her own. I’m taken aback a little by her tone; I’ve never heard her talk to me like that. Even when we were fighting our feelings for each other, she’s never talked to me like that. She gets in the car, and we take off towards home.

The car ride home seemed to take forever and every time I looked over at Amy, she was fast asleep or staring out the window. I’ve never seen her like this, and honestly I’m out of my element here. I want my Amy back. The feisty, passionate, take no prisoners, Amy. I know it’s going to be a long road ahead of us, and I’m willing to fight for her. The only question is, is she willing to let me fight for her.

~**~

Amy

I’m not going to lie; I didn’t want to go home with Lance. I wanted to go back to my house, but there are a few things holding me back. One is because all my stuff is at Lance’s house now, and two, because I knew he wouldn’t let me go without a huge fight. I’m too tired to fight. I want to go home, go to bed, and sleep until all my problems are gone.

It’s still so surreal that last week I was finding out that the impossible had happened, I was carrying a baby. Fast forward to now and I’ve lost that miracle. I’ve lost the one thing that was holding Lance and I together. Why in the hell would he want to stay with me? This is probably the only time I’ll ever be able to conceive, because lord knows, miracles don’t happen to the same person twice. That baby was going to make us a family, and now it’s gone, and so is all hope of me having that happily ever after my Momma used to read to me about at night. Happily ever after’s don’t exist, I lost all hope of those the day my family was ripped away from me.

Lance gets us back to his house, and before he can even turn off the engine, I’ve got my keys out and I’m heading for the front door. I want to go into the guest bedroom and go to sleep. I know he’s not going to like it, but I don’t give a damn. I can’t sleep in the same bed as him, knowing it’s my fault that I am no longer pregnant.

I hear him yelling for me as he gets out of the truck but I don’t stop. I get the door unlocked and run into the guest room. He catches up with me as I go in and I turn the lock. He’s banging on the door and yelling for me to open up, but I can’t. I get into bed, throw the blankets over my body, and throw the pillow over my head, trying to drown out his yelling and banging. It finally gets quiet, and before I know it, I’ve fallen asleep.

I wake up and I can tell its dark outside. My stomach is growling, but in no way will I chance going outside the comfort of this room. I hear knocking on the door and Lance’s voice.

“Amy, Baby, I made dinner. It’s not much, a grilled cheese and tomato soup, but I thought it might help you feel better. Please open the door Baby so you can at least eat. I need you to keep your strength up. Hailee will be here soon, she left Scar with Shawn and I’m going to hang out over there for a few hours to give you guys some girl time.”

I roll my eyes. There’s no way I’m going to see Hailee, tonight or any other night. She’ll remind me of what I can’t have, and if I’m going to get better I can’t be around her. Lance can still hang out with them all he wants, because fact of the matter is, as soon as he goes back to work, I’ll be moving home. I don’t mean home as in my house, but I’m moving in with Momma Lisa. I haven’t talked to her about it yet, but I know that she’ll let me. We exchanged numbers and I promised I’d keep in touch with her. I hear Lance knock on the door again, telling me he’s leaving and that Hailee will be over in a few minutes.

I jump out of bed and grab my purse. I take my cell phone out and see that it has blown up from messages. Lance, Hailee, and even Shawn has tried to call me. I exit out of all my notifications and pull up my contact list. I find Momma’s number and hit call. It rings a couple times before I hear her voice, and hearing her voice causes the tears to flow.

“Amy, Baby is that you? It’s so good to get your call, but what’s wrong Baby?”

I cry even harder. I take a deep breath and am finally able to talk, “Momma, I lost the baby. I don’t know what happened, but I know it’s all my fault. If I wouldn’t have taken the job there in town, then I’d still be pregnant and Lance and I would be okay. I got too stressed out when I found out it was Jeremy who was the patient I was supposed to take care of. I let myself get too worked up, and now my baby is gone. Can I come stay with you for a bit? Please, I need to get away for a while.” The tears won’t stop running down my cheeks.

“Amy, calm down Baby. I’m so very sorry about the baby, but it wasn’t your fault. Some things aren’t meant to happen like we want them too. Now you’ve told me all about Lance, and I’m guaranteeing you he doesn’t blame you for what happened. That man loves you something fierce, and I know I haven’t seen him with you, but a Momma knows these things. He would want to be with you, to help you heal from this, emotionally and physically.”

“Momma, please, for a little while, I’m begging you, please let me come stay with you. I need you more than him right now. I need my Mom, or as close to her as I can possibly get.”

She sighs into the phone, and at about that time, Hailee knocks on my door. “Momma, I got to go, but I’ll call you tomorrow to let you know the details. I love you.”

She tells me she loves me too and we quickly hang up. I go back to bed and drown out Hailee knocking on the door. Finally, after about 45 minutes, I’m able to tune out the sounds of her knocking and calling my name and fall asleep. Once I get my car back, I’ll be able to make the trip to live with Momma Lisa. I need to hurry up and get everything settled here first.

Lance

I really didn’t want to go to Shawn’s house the day that I got Amy home, but Shawn had somehow convinced me that Amy probably needed some girl time. He sent Hailee over there while he kept Scar. He didn’t want to hurt Amy any more than she already was by bringing the baby over, and as I sit here with him, I can’t stay focused on our conversation.

“Shawn, I can’t get her off my mind. The light has gone out in her eyes, she won’t eat, and all she does is sleep or stare off into space. She’s honestly starting to scare me man. She isn’t the same woman I fell in love with, and I feel like I’m losing her. It’s only been about three days, but I can already tell the life in her is gone. She’s lost all hope, what am I supposed to do now? How can I help her get through this if she won’t let me?”

“Lance, buddy, all you can do is be there for her when she needs you. Let her be for now, and let her get through this. Trust me, she’ll come around and admit how much she needs you. We have about three months until the gala, and maybe that’s what she needs to get her mind off of things. She can hang out with Hailee,” and no sooner had he said her name, his phone ring.

He answers the phone and I can tell something is wrong when he bunches his eyebrows together. I can only assume its Hailee on the other line by the way he’s talking. I can also tell that whatever she’s saying should worry me by the look on Shawn’s face. He’s pinching his eyebrows together and holding the bridge of his nose between his thumb and index finger. He tells her okay and that he loves her and hangs up.

“Shawn, what’s going on? I can tell that wasn’t a good call, and before you tell me not to worry about it, don’t. I know that she had to have made it by now, so what’s going on with Amy?”

He stands there and looks at me for a second. At first I don’t think he’s going to tell me until he opens his mouth and actually talks to me.

“Hailee got to your house and Amy wouldn’t come out of her room. Hailee said she tried and tried but she couldn’t get her to come out for anything. She did say that she heard what sounded like Amy having a conversation with someone. Maybe she was on the phone with someone, but Hailee said it sounded like she was making plans to go somewhere. Are you planning on taking her anywhere?”

My head is spinning and I don’t know how to make it stop. If Amy is making plans on going somewhere, then she’s planning on leaving me, and I’m not sure if I can handle that. I’ve already lost my baby, I can’t lose her too. I look up and Shawn and shake my head. He sighs and I can tell he’s thinking the same thing as me. I have to stop her, there’s nothing else that matters more to me than her. I decide then that I’m going to take some of my vacation days, and I’m going to win her back.

“Shawn, I can’t lose her. We’ve already lost the baby, and if I lose her too then I’ll become a shell of the person I am now. I think I’m going to take some vacation days and help her cope with losing our baby. It’s the only thing I can think to do at this point.”

Shawn gives me this big shit eating grin, and I can’t for the life of me think why he would be looking at me like that.

“You’re going to woo her again, aren’t you? I think it’s perfect. Show her that you’re there for her and help her to see that she can still be happy with her life. You guys can try again, and when the time is right, you’ll get pregnant again. It’s all about showing her how much you truly love her, and how you’re not giving up without a fight.”

I smile back at him and think to myself that he’s right. I have to get her back. I need my old Amy back, and so now it’s back to the plan I had when we left the hospital.

~**~

I had a lot of time to think on the way home. Mainly because I drove around for a while before heading straight home. I needed to come up with a plan and fast. Who knows how long I have before she plans to leave.

When I get home I see it’s a little after 10 at night. My plan will start bright and early in the morning. She’s not going to know what hit her. First plan is to take the damn door off its hinges. She’s going to yell at me, but that’s what I want. I want her to remember what it’s like to feel some other emotion besides depression and loss.