Broken Course (40 page)

"You have told me a million times that I saved you, but I disagree. With one simple, ‘Hi. I’m Leo James,’ you rescued
me
. You shattered my force field and magically began repairing parts of me I didn’t even know were broken."

"Please let me touch you," I beg as her words pierce through me.

"Not yet," she answers simply.

It’s only the fact that she said
yet
that keeps me rooted in place.

"Leo, you showed me that crazy is the new normal and that it shouldn’t hurt to breathe. With one stroke of your fingers across my neck, you make the entire crazy world disappear. That savior I dreamed about may not have looked like you, but I have absolutely no doubt that it was
always
you. And I think the part I still can’t get over is that I never in a million years could have imagined being able to help you too."

Tears begin to slide down her cheeks, and every drop of moisture is like a knife to my gut.

"So, back to my point. I’m pissed. Like, fucking pissed, but I have a sneaking suspicion that, if the tables were turned, you wouldn’t have batted an eye at my omission. You would have brushed it off, pulled me into your chest, and figured out a way to take on the whole goddamn world if that’s what I needed. So here I am."

"Sarah," I breathe as emotions spring to my eyes.

"I have some terms though."

I nod in understanding.

"One, I want you to start anti-depressants. Like, tonight. We’ve never talked about what your hangups are with medication, but I’m not budging. You can’t be going dark with a child in the house. And if a pill helps you manage things a little better, then, Goddamn it, I’m going to start lacing your lunch if I have to."

"Okay," I quickly agree. I may not like it, but she’s right.

"Tonight, Leo. Erica’s a doctor, right? Get her to call you in something. Then, when we get back, you can go see someone for a full regimen. I know the next few days are going to be rough, and I can’t have you withdrawing into your head."

"Okay," I repeat as my heart begins to swell at the possibilities.

"Two, I need you to accept my apology for flipping out earlier. I wasn’t focusing on the right part of the issue. But you have to stop surprising me with shit. I do a really bad job at processing it."

"Okay," I agree once again as a smile starts to creep across my lips.

"And three, I want my ring back."

And that’s it. There is nothing in the world that can keep me from touching her for even a second longer. With three giant steps, I rush across the room and crush her into my arms.

I hold her tighter than I ever thought was possible. I’m wishing I never had to leave this moment where everything is right. However, knowing that Sarah will be at my side for the next twenty-four hours doesn’t seem so hard.

It actually seems easy.

"We need to buy plane tickets," she whispers.

"I already did." I lean away to catch her eye.

"For both of us?"

"Yep. I wasn’t sure when to make the return flight, so for now, they are just one way."

"Wow. I’m that transparent, huh?" She leans her neck to the side, silently asking for a kiss.

"No, I just had big plans of kidnapping you. I bought the chloroform, zip ties, and everything," I say, trailing wet kisses up her neck as she rewards me with the most amazing laugh, which I swear I can feel all the way down to the marrow in my bones.

"No chloroform necessary, but hang on to those zip ties. We can probably think of a use for them later." She smiles.

Yeah. I can do this.

"YOU READY?" I ask for the ninth time since we arrived at the Department of Child Services in Texas.

Leo quickly shakes his head and begins pacing again. He’s squeezing my hand, dragging me along with him. I’m sure we look ridiculous, but I can’t bring myself to care.

We arrived in El Paso bright and early this morning and drove straight here. Leo received a voicemail while we were in the air that let him know that the Avilas had already dropped Liv off and left. This led to a loud rant in the middle of baggage claim about what assholes they are. Since every other word was a curse, I tried to quietly remind him that we were in public. The only way I knew he had even heard me is that he switched to Spanish. We were in a Texas airport just minutes from the Mexico border, so I’m not sure how much good it did, but at least I tried.

Most of the morning, Leo’s mood was all over the place. He was convinced that she was better off without him, and I tried to reassure him that he was wrong. Then he got emotional thinking about all the time he missed only to swing to anger at Amy for having turned to drugs. I could barely keep up. I’ve been so preoccupied with worrying about Leo that I haven’t even had a chance to stress myself out about becoming a kinda-sorta parent as well. She might be Leo’s child, but Caleb was right. I’m going to have to step up and be more than just an every-other-weekend type of stepmom.
Oh. Shit.

"Um. I think I’m going to puke," I say with a quiver in my voice.

Leo stops and turns to look at me. I must have a serious case of crazy eyes, because he immediately switches gears and pulls me into a hug.

"Jesus Christ. Aren’t we a fucking pair?" Leo whispers into my ear, rubbing his stubble against my cheek. "She’s a little girl, not a T-Rex. Let’s go in there. I’m just going to keep working myself up into a frenzy out here, and now I’m starting to take you down with me. Only one of us is allowed to have an anxiety attack at a time." He kisses the top of my head and I melt into his arms.

Sucking in a deep breath, I look up into his eyes. "I love you. I know this is scary, but we can do this." I try to be encouraging for both of us.

"Yeah. We can." He smiles sincerely.

"But you have to stop cussing," I scold.

He starts laughing, pulling me even tighter against his chest. With one brief kiss, he releases me and takes my hand before guiding me to the front door.

"Hi. I’m Leo James. I’m here to pick up my daughter," he says, and I have a feeling he says it more for himself than the receptionist.

"Mr. James." A thin woman with long, black hair and a warm smile makes her way from around the desk. "I’m Suzanne Moore. We spoke on the phone earlier. It’s nice to meet you."

"Nice to meet you as well. This is my fiancée, Sarah Erickson," he introduces us while curling me tight against his side.

"Well, you two can come on back. I have a couple of forms for you to sign. Then I’ll take you to meet Liv."

"Can I see her first?" Leo asks, surprising me. "Yeah, I’d really just like to meet her now. Please," he rushes out.

"Um. Sure. Right this way."

Leo takes in a deep breath and pauses for only a second before grabbing my hand and following her down the long hallway. When we reach the door to a conference room, Suzanne gives us one last glance before swinging the door open and walking in ahead of us.

"Hey, Liv," she greets a gorgeous little girl with dark-brown hair and chocolate-brown eyes I would recognize anywhere.

"Hi," she responds quietly as her eyes flip to Leo then to me.

I feel Leo’s entire body tense at my side as he squeezes my hand painfully hard. I try to nudge him to get him to say something, but when I look up, I know not a single word is going to come from his mouth. It’s all he can do to fight back the tears that are sparkling in his eyes.

"Hi, Liv. My name’s Sarah, and this is your dad, Leo." I yank on his hand and he finally manages a smile and wave.

She nods as her eyes flash back and forth between Leo and the social worker, rarely landing on me.

"So. Mr. James. How about that paperwork now?" Suzanne interrupts when Leo fails to utter a single syllable.

"Yeah," he says quickly, offering Liv a tight smile before exiting from the room.

"I’ll be right back," I tell the obviously uncomfortable little girl before following Leo out the door. I find him leaning against the wall with his head in his hands. "You okay?" I ask, rubbing a hand up his back.

"I always thought she would look like Amy. I know it’s stupid. I’m her dad, but it never really occurred to me how much she would look like my family. This is just so fucking surreal." He scrubs his hands over his face.

"Okay. I need you to put on your big-boy pants for just a minute," I say teasingly, and he gives me an unamused glare. "She’s scared, Leo. She’s about to leave with two people she doesn’t know from Adam. I know this is emotional for you, and we can hash all of that out later tonight. For now, I need you to pack it down."

"Shit. You’re right. I know. I’ll do better." He sighs, running a rough hand through his hair.

"I have no doubt that you will." I pat his chest. "Oh, and stop cussing." I stand on my tiptoes and give him a brief kiss before heading back into the conference room.

I move around the table and sit down in the chair next to the frightened girl. Jesus, Leo isn’t wrong. She looks just like him.

"So how old are you, Liv?" I ask, propping my purse on the table between us.

"Five," she answers, looking down at her lap.

"Wow. I thought you were at least twenty," I say seriously, and her eyes pop to mine—a small smile twitching at the corner of her mouth.

"Are you his wife?" she asks quietly.

"Not yet. We’re engaged though. So I’ll be his wife soon."

"Oh. Okay." She looks back down at her lap.

"What’s your middle name, Liv?" I try to keep her talking.

"Kaitlin," she responds but gives me nothing else.

"Really? Mine’s Kate. That’s kinda close."

She once again looks up at me, but her expression is timid.

"Let’s see what else we have in common. What’s your favorite color?"

"Purple."

"Mine’s baby blue," I respond, and I can see her trying to hide a smile.

"That’s a boy color." A full-blown smile creeps across her face and it renders me speechless. Definitely Leo’s child. Unexpected emotions begin to manifest in my chest as tears leak from my eyes.

"No, it’s not," I laugh and begin digging through my purse to keep her from seeing my eyes.

"Yes, it is." She lets out a small giggle before going quiet again.

"Hey, you like makeup?" I ask when I run across my compact at the bottom of my purse. I look up to catch her nodding quickly. It’s so freaking cute that it makes me laugh. "Okay, then. How about I give you a little makeover? Don’t tell your dad I’m letting you wear makeup though. Just a little secret between us girls, okay?"

"Okay," she whispers, and it seems whatever headway I made with the makeup has been quickly erased at the mere mention of Leo.

For the next few minutes, she sits while I apply a very thin layer of makeup. Most of the time, I just use the brush without any color on it, but she doesn’t need to know that. Finally, I let her pick between my three lip glosses, and of course she choses the bright red that is sure to earn us a few looks as we walk out of here. As a show of solidarity, I apply some too even thought it completely clashes with my pink top.

Just as we are finishing up, Leo comes walking back in carrying a plastic bag. I give him a questioning look and he only shrugs before aiming his attention back on Liv.

"Wow. Um. You look beautiful," he tells her, barely containing his laugh.

She quickly looks away, embarrassed by his compliment.

"So, you ladies will never believe where I’ve been. Did you know that there is a machine filled with candy here?" he says exaggeratedly, and my heart melts as her head snaps up to his. "You have to use quarters, but luckily, I met a nice lady who made change for me." He tosses me a wink.

I let out a relived breath. Yeah, he packed it down all right.

"Well, I decided I should bring you some candy to try to get us off on the right foot. I mean. Everyone loves candy, right?"

Liv excitedly nods.

"Then it occurred to me that I don’t know you so well. I had no idea which kind of candy would be your favorite." He leans over the table, puts his hand up, blocking his mouth from my view, and whispers, "So I got them all." Then he flips the bag over, dumping at least twenty candy bars onto the table.