Broken (Broken #1) (41 page)

Well, the only friend I have
within walking distance.

I care about him a lot, more
than I should and I’m not ready to give him up yet.

I am selfish. I can’t argue
with this. Of course I’m not using him but I need him and the
thought of his attention being on somebody else makes me feel sick.
Maybe it’s the pregnancy hormones.

So I walk through the street
with my arm around Nathan’s, a smile on my face and a decision made
in my mind. Right now I’m not letting him go. Right now he’s mine
and I’m going to enjoy that for as long as it lasts.

We arrive home when the sky
gets dark. We go to our own rooms and I toss and turn as I try to
sleep, missing his heat against my back and hating myself for
it.

There’s only one thought that
enters my mind before I drift into the land of slumber. We didn’t
finish our talk and for some reason, that makes me sad.

*****

The weeks go by, my due date
gets closer and my stomach gets bigger. All is healthy and well in
my womb and my body is okay… to the extent that it’s not under any
stress. I feel like a whale though.

I knock on Nathan’s bedroom
door, it’s eleven and he’s still not down yet. I hope he’s not ill
again.

“
Come in,” he
calls, so I do.

I place his coffee on the trunk
at the end of the bed and sit on the bed, as he stands in front of
the full length mirror buttoning the sleeves of his white and blue
striped shirt.

“
You look
handsome,” I comment, nursing my cup between my hands, the bottom
of it balances on my stomach. Nathan hates it when I balance things
on my stomach, especially hot things. He’s a little bit stressed
when it comes to my pregnancy at the moment. If I didn’t know any
better, I’d say he was nervous. “It’s snowing by the
way.”

“
Seriously?”
He doesn’t look happy about this and immediately strolls to the
window. I can see the large white flakes from where I’m sitting.
“Great. It wasn’t forecast until next week.”

“
Yep, they
reckon twelve inches minimum in this area,” I smile at the thought.
I love the snow. “We can build a snowman.”

“
No we
can’t.”

I glance at my planet and sigh,
“Yeah, you’re right. You can build a snowman and I’ll watch and
help you decorate it at the end.”

“
No.” He
raises his chin, his throat stretching as he buttons his collar. I
stand and waddle towards him. “You look adorable when you
walk.”

I scowl playfully, “I look like
a whale balancing on two toothpicks.”

His smile widens, “At least
you’re a pretty whale.”

“
You’re not
funny. Not in the slightest.”

“
And an angry
whale,” he jests, his eyes glittering with amusement.

“
I will sit
on you,” I threaten and pull his tie around his neck. “So, the dear
old doctor called this morning. He wants to come out on Wednesday
to check my lady parts.” I loop the thick end around the thinner
end. “He said he’s going to come here, he wants to check our
nursery I assume.”

“
What do you
mean check your lady parts?”

I shrug, hell if I know. “Maybe
to see if I’m dilated or something.”

“
That sounds
uncomfortable,” we both make a face. It does sound uncomfortable.
Very much so. “Are you nervous?” I chew on the inside of my cheek
and nod. He exhales a long breath after I repeat his question back
to him. “Petrified.”

“
Why? You
said you didn’t want anything to do with the baby,” I’m kidding. I
mean, he did say it but I don’t think it’s true anymore.

He confirms my thoughts.
“Things change. I don’t want you doing this alone.”

Aww, my heart just melted.
“Thanks Nathan.”

“
I also don’t
want your mum staying here for more than a few nights. I’m not fond
of her.” Well this is no secret. They met a month ago when my mum
came to visit, she was shocked about the entire situation. Not that
I blame her. Although she took it all in his stride, she was rude
to Nathan on more than one occasion. Asking him about other girls
and his private life. Trying to convince me that he would throw the
baby and I out when he gets a new girlfriend. I can see her logic
and I understand her way of thinking. These same suspicions have
plagued my mind for a while now.

“
I’m aware of
your opinion of my mum. If your two days of moaning and bitching
after she left were anything to go by, I’d say you hate
her.”

“
Hate is a
strong emotion your mother isn’t worthy of,” he responds smugly and
feels his now completed tie with one hand. “Thank you.”

“
Just making
myself useful,” I go back to the bed and lower myself onto it. “I
look like I’m carrying twins.”

“
You look
like you’re glowing. Stop moaning about your
appearance.”

Resting back on my elbows I
watch him pull his jacket on and smooth down the lapels with his
hands, “Stay inside. No wandering around in this weather. I’ll be
back by dark.”

“
Can’t I
come?” I pout, tilting my head back to plead with him, eye to
eye.

“
No.”

“
Why?”

He smiles wickedly, “It’s a
surprise.”

“
I hate
surprises,” I grumble, swinging my legs side to side.

Nathan drops to his knees in
front of me, pushing my legs out of the way so the top of his thigh
connects with the side of my left hip. “You love surprises, you
just hate waiting for them.” His finger flicks at my lower lip.
“And stop pouting.”

“
No.” I pout
even more, it soon turns to a squeal when he lunges forward and I
feel his teeth latch onto my lower lip. He releases me after a few
torturous seconds and kisses my forehead. “You just bit my
lip.”

“
Don’t pout.”
I want to pout for not being allowed to pout. Instead I flop back
onto the bed, cringing as the baby swims around in my stomach.
Nathan lifts my shirt and watches with his head slightly tilted.
“He’s running out of room.”

“
Yep,” I
close my eyes and remain relaxed when Nathan prods at the flailing
limbs poking under the surface of my skin. He chuckles to himself,
his fingers grabbing at feet and knees. “You’re making him do it
more.”

“
Your belly
feels really tight,” he remarks, I hum in response. It does, he’s
right and I have no clue why it’s doing that. I’ll ask the good old
doctor on Wednesday. Nathan goes back to playing limb grab with the
baby. My eyes close, I’ll just keep them closed for a moment. Only
a moment.

My entire body tenses when I
feel his soft, stubble free lips along the lower curve of my
stomach. He doesn’t stop there, he kisses further up sending
tingles along my spine and continues going up. His kisses linger,
each one a gentle caress. Leather clad fingers trail up my bare
side, his thumb skims over the swell of my breast. A shudder racks
through me along with a light moan.

My skin heats, my stomach
tingles and I gasp when I feel the bed dip. His hand cups my chin,
pulling it to the side. With my eyes closed I try to pretend this
isn’t happening, I try to pretend that after over two months of no
contact from Nathan, he isn’t doing this now. I can’t push him
away, I want to but my body is on fire. I’m surprised I’m not
trembling with need.

I feel the bed dip as he climbs
up beside me.

A loud gasp rushes from my
throat as he kisses the side of my neck. His tongue comes out to
taste my skin as his hand holds my chin, stopping me from turning
towards him and making the skin less tight and sensitive where he’s
kissing.

How can he want to do this with
me? My body is hideous right now.

“
Nathan,” I
manage to say through my panting. Am I telling him to stop? I don’t
know.

“
Do you have
any idea how beautiful you are?” He whispers in my ear and bites
down on the lobe. “You’re the only woman I’ve ever felt the need to
touch, the need to taste.” His tongue flicks at my neck, the spot
below my ear that makes me purr.

“
Stop,” I
say, my mind a war of emotions. “You… we… stop…”

Why’s he shaking me? Why’s my
brain so foggy? I blink open my eyes, noticing the heavy feel of
sleep pressing against my lids. “Huh?”

Nathan looks down at me, his
lips twitching with a knowing smirk, “I lost you for a moment
there.” We weren’t kissing? “Sounded like a fun dream.”

“
What?”

“
Are you
okay?” He’s used to me falling asleep at random moments, but this
is strange. It didn’t feel like a dream. “You look a little
disoriented.”

“
I… we…” I
rub my eyes with the heels of my palms and slowly sit up. “When did
I fall asleep?”

He shrugs, “I was trying to
grab his feet. Two seconds later you were gone.”

“
Oh,” so he
didn’t kiss me then. My guilt dissipates to a low murmur in my
chest and mind. It lingers because I just had a dream about another
man, but it’s dull because I can’t help who or what I dream about.
Especially right now. The past month or so has been hell. I’ve
never been so horny and I can’t reach down there to deal with it
myself.

I had to get a bikini wax the
other day. It fucking hurt! A lot!

No way in hell am I allowing my
baby to pass through a jungle on his way out.

“
Go to sleep,
I’ll be back in a few hours,” Nathan pulls me up the bed and pulls
the blanket over my body. He even shuts the curtains for me and
pinches my nose. “I’ll wake you when I get home.”

“
Uh-huh,” I
mumble and close my eyes. I love this mattress. I want this
mattress. “Drive safe.”

“
Promise,” he
leaves the room after hovering in the doorway for a while. I
imagine him looking longingly at the bed, wishing he could climb in
and forget the world much like I’m doing. I’m being ridiculous
though, I know this. Or maybe I’m wishful thinking. There’s a heavy
thought I don’t want to address.

“
Hey,” it
feels like I’ve only had my eyes shut for an hour when Nathan wakes
me up again. I check the clock. It’s been six, Christ. My nap
turned into a coma.

Yes bump, I blame you.

“
What?” I rub
my eyes and sway a little after sitting up. “What is
it?”

Nathan takes my elbow and pulls
me from the bed. I really don’t want nor do I need to be awake
right now. “I did something.”

“
Uh-oh,” I
feign horror. “Did you cook again?”

“
It’s almost
six at night, you haven’t fed me.” We step into the dark hallway,
why aren’t the lights on? I hate the dark.

“
You’re
getting me out of bed so I can feed you?” I ask, my tone
incredulous and impatient. I’m not the nicest person when I wake
up. I try to turn around. “Order pizza.”

His answer is to pull me down
the stairs whilst chuckling.

Hey, the archway is glowing. Oh
my god.

Christmas lights!

They hang loosely along the top
and sides of the archway, twinkling purple and white in no
particular pattern. The wood floor holds the reflection of other
dancing lights, I notice this as I make it to the last step. Nathan
steps behind me and covers my eyes with one hand whilst guiding me
by the elbow with the other.

“
Okay, so,
I’ve never actually done this myself before and it probably looks
awful.” He’s nervous, I love it when he gets nervous. It reminds me
that he’s human and not a robot.

I know what he’s done, he’s
decorated the room for me. But the anticipation and excitement to
see it for real is strong.

“
Ready?” He
asks and I hear him gulp.

“
As I’ll ever
be,” his hand moves away. I gasp. “There’s a tree!” I squeal and
clap my hands before turning to look at the large room properly. My
feet carry me to the fireplace where two stockings hang, I laugh
and touch the red faux fur between my fingers and thumb.

There’s not a surface without
something Christmassy, it’s amazing!

“
Nathan,” I
sniff, my eyes tearing with emotion. “I can’t believe you did
this.” He shrugs, his head lowered, seemingly shy all of a sudden.
I step into him and wrap my arms around his waist. “This is
amazing. You… are amazing.” His arms come around me and we stand in
the centre of the room, multi-coloured lights dancing across our
bodies. The scent of pine wood and cinnamon fills the
air.

It’s almost Christmas.

******

We spend Christmas day just the
two of us, I cook for obvious reasons and Nathan cleans. We didn’t
get each other much, mostly because we didn’t know what to get.
Nathan made me a bracelet to match my necklace and a new phone
which is way too fancy and complicated for me but I love it all the
same. I got him ten new pairs of gloves which he laughed his arse
off at and a new jacket which cost half of my savings. He claims to
love it and wears it proudly but secretly I think he hates it and
is just too kind to say anything.

Dinner is divine as I knew it
would be and I made far too much. It doesn’t matter though, I’ll be
having turkey and stuffing sandwiches for the rest of the week. I
don’t know a thing that’s better.

Mostly we watch the Christmas
movies on TV and play old board games that have more dust than
pieces. We even try to play twister but I can’t bend so that was a
bust.

By the time midnight rolls
around I’ve drank my weight in alcohol free baileys and I’m stuffed
to the brim with food. Exhaustion seeps into me, making me feel
heavy and lethargic. Nathan sees my eyes drooping and takes me to
bed.