Broken (Broken #1) (37 page)

Decision made.

I’m going up there.

Why am I so scared? It’s like
that point in a scary movie when they’re facing the attic, knowing
they have to go up there but really not wanting to. If that was me
I’d probably poop a little.

I stand at the door at the far
end of the long hall that leads to Nathan’s space. My hand trembles
as I grip the handle, my body tensing as if ready for an alarm to
start blaring. It opens without issue or dramatics.

Phew. No ninjas then.

“
Nathan?” I
call out and flick on the light, showing a steep and narrow
staircase, carpeted in soft deep blue. The walls match. “Nathan?” I
call louder and with one hand on the railing I ascend.
“Hello?”

Nothing.

Shit.

When I reach the top I see
three doors, one of them is open showing the inside of a closet,
full of old boxes. I’m assuming they’re files so I leave that and
play eeny-meeny between the other two.

“
Nathan?” I
knock on door number one and then door number two. No response.
Darn.

Door number one opens without
sound, I push it only six inches or so and peek into the room, it’s
dark and large but I can make out a huge four poster bed. There’s
also a large lump in the middle.

I open the door further and
almost gag at the scent of bleach. You never get used to it, no
matter who says you do, they’re lying.

Wow, it’s freakishly tidy in
here.

“
Nathan?” I
say, staring at the unmoving body shape on the bed hidden under
deep blue blankets. My heart starts hammering. This isn’t happening
again.

Caleb was a one off. Nobody
would be this unlucky.

But what if it’s
hereditary?

My nose starts to tingle as
tears pool in my eyes, feelings so fresh come back to memory. I
almost don’t go to Nathan but I can’t leave him.

I silently pad towards him,
sniffing the air for any sign of that sickly sweet smell that
seemed to suffocate me when I woke up next to Caleb. The bleach is
too prominent, there’s no room for another scent.

“
Nathan?” I
almost sob but I hold it back and reach for the top of the blanket
with a shaking hand. Imagining myself puling it back, all I can see
is a lifeless form. I’m so scared. I don’t want to do this.
“Nathan!”

I wrap my fingers around the
edge of the blanket and like a plaster, I rip it back over his head
and to his naked shoulders.

Oh thank god. I’ve never felt
such relief before.

He’s lying on his stomach, the
side of his face squished into the mattress, his lips partly open
but glistening with recent moisture from his tongue and quivering
with each breath. One of his hands grips the mattress above his
tousled locks that seem to have no clear direction in mind.

“
Nathan,” I
repeat and gently place my hand on the back of his shoulder. He
lets out a low moan and burrows into the bed further, sniffing a
not too pleasant sniff through his nose. My hand jolts back from
his hot and clammy skin, my body does the same.

The last time this happened… no
I can’t go back there. I just need to… shit.

“
Nathan?” I
roll the blanket further down his back and sit on the side of the
bed.

He opens the only eye available
and tries to lift his head. “Gwen?”

“
I’ve been
worried, you’re burning up.” I say this quietly and cautiously,
hoping he doesn’t get angry for my being here. “What’s
wrong?”

He coughs, it sounds like it
rattles in his chest on its way up. “Flu.”

“
You
promise?” I brush the hair away from his sweaty forehead. “Swear
it.”

He rolls onto his side, moaning
pitifully, “I swear.”

“
Okay, I’m
going to get medicine.”

“
Kay,” he
mumbles and closes his eyes once more.

I don’t waste time, I reach the
kitchen as fast as my legs can carry me and start rummaging through
the medicine box. I find the usual pain killers and nasal sprays so
I round those up with a bottle of lukewarm water. My hands tremble
the entire time I’m rushing around.

Honestly… I’m terrified.

Who can blame me?

He’s still in the same position
when I get back upstairs, curled up on his side, snivelling through
his blocked nose.

“
Hey,” I say
softly and switch on the lamp by his bed. He moans loudly and
buries his head under his quilt. “Baby.”

“
What do you
want?”

“
I’ve got you
medicine and water and some of those weird cracker things that you
like.”

“
Not hungry,”
he grumbles, sounding childlike and actually kind of
cute.

“
You can’t
take painkillers on an empty stomach,” I say this firmly, letting
him know there’s no room for argument. I’m not taking any chances.
“Please.”

“
Ugh,” he
says and sits up slowly. I fluff his pillows behind him and hand
him a packet of tissues.

“
You
shouldn’t be near me, you’ll get ill,” he says, his eyes heavy and
hooded. Dark rings beneath them making him look as ill as he
probably feels. “The baby.”

I shake my head, “I had a flu
shot a few weeks ago. They give them out when you’re pregnant like
leaflets.” I hand him the packet of crackers and hold a napkin
under his chin whilst he eats to catch the crumbs.

“
I don’t want
to eat anymore,” he states after having only two bites. “My throat
hurts.”

“
Stop being
such a guy,” I smile softly and move the crackers back to the tray.
“Here,” I pop two pills into his hand, almost sighing when I see
the gloves. He doesn’t even take them off to sleep. That’s just
weird.

After watching him sip them
down he lies back down and tries to pull the blanket over his head.
“Go back downstairs.”

“
One more
thing,” I wave the long and thin digital thermometer at him with a
smirk.

He blanches, “Not a fucking
chance.”

Snort, “Relax, it’s for under
your arm.”

“
That’s the
baby thermometer.”

“
I’m sure he
won’t mind,” I go to touch his arm, he flinches away. Right, the
hand thing. But he didn’t flinch away when I brushed his hair from
his forehead. How strange. I somehow manage to wriggle it into the
crease where his arm is pressed to his chest. After a few moments
it beeps frequently.

Forty one…. FORTY ONE!

“
Where are
you going?” Nathan calls as I grab the tray and rush from the
room.

I have to bring his fever down.
This is all too familiar, all too close to home.

“
What now?”
Nathan sighs, his N sounding more like a D. “Can’t you just leave
me alone?”

“
Are you
naked?” I ask and pull the blanket down his back.

“
Why? Do you
want me to be?” He attempts to smile but it looks more like a
grimace.

“
Shut up,” I
place two thick and clean towels onto the bed beside him, he
watches me through a small gap between his lids. He doesn’t look
impressed, only irritated. I really don’t care. “Lie on here, on
your back.”

“
Why?”

“
Now, or I’ll
move you and you look heavy. Not a good idea for me.”

His sluggish limbs shuffle him
onto the towel, I’m glad to see he’s doing as he’s told. His eyes
hold mine as I grab a folded damp flannel and place it on his
forehead, being careful to not touch his skin with my hands. “How
are you feeling?”

“
Worse than I
look,” he cringes as I lay another damp flannel over his neck. “Why
are you doing this?”

“
You don’t
look that bad,” I ignore his question and stare at his skin as it
instantly tightens, tiny goose bumps form along the
surface.

“
Are you done
yet?”

My head swings back and forth.
Nope. I’ll never be done. Not until his fever has gone and I’m
satisfied that his heart is going to continue beating. “Go to
sleep.”

“
Leave my
room and I will.”

Ignorance is bliss. Well… it is
at this point.

“
I told you
to leave.”

“
No.”

His brow quirks, making it
vanish under the flannel, “No? This is my room.”

“
Go to sleep,
Nathan,” I whisper and remove the flannels from him after ten more
minutes.

He rolls off the towels and
pulls the blanket back up and over his head, my entire body is
shaking. My gut is screaming at me. Maybe I should take him to the
hospital. Just in case.

“
You’re
staring,” he lies flat on his back. “It’s distracting.”

Eye roll. “You’re poorly, just
shut your eyes.” Or not, maybe I can keep him awake. That would be
selfish though.

“
Stop
staring.”

I’m making sure you’re still
breathing.

“
Okay,
sorry,” I mutter and fluff up the pillows where the towels were
moments before. I lean back against them, cringing at the heat
coming from him. He’s ill. That’s for sure. “Maybe I should call a
doctor?”

He doesn’t respond. Why isn’t
he responding?

Okay, I can hear him breathing.
He’s sleeping that’s all.

My twisted mind is relieved
when he starts shivering after twenty minutes or so. It’s a sign
he’s okay. Sick as a dog but still alive. That’s good.

I should leave, why am I sat
here? I just can’t bring myself to leave.

Just another half an hour, I’m
overreacting, he’ll be fine.

His short breath becomes slow
and steady after forty minutes. I relax minutely until I hear him
take a shuddering one. What is wrong with me? He’s fine!

But just in case he isn’t, I
should check his pulse.

My two fingers almost sizzle
against his skin, that’s how warm he is. The feel of his artery
pumping against my fingers does little to soothe my inner
turmoil.

I should call a doctor.

I’ll do it in the morning.

But what if he’s not here in
the morning? I’ll regret it for the rest of my life.

I stare at his peaceful face in
the dark and gently move his hair from his brow. His hair is
amazingly soft. Not like Caleb’s, his was great but it resembled
the feel of knotted silk. With Nathan’s my fingers just slide
straight through. He conditions.

I move my hand down to his
chest and savour the feel of his heartbeat. I want to hear it. Is
that weird? Probably.

He’s too out of it to care.

Shuffling down the bed, I move
my hair to my opposite shoulder and place my cheek on his chest.
His chest is solid yet soft, with only a light dusting of hair.
It’s a nice chest. He doesn’t move and his breathing remains steady
so I know I haven’t disturbed him.

Thump, thump, thump, thump.

Blowing out a soft sigh of
grief and relief, I curl my legs and rest my arm across his
abdomen, my hand fisting near my mouth.

I don’t want to move from this
spot. I will in a second.

Just a minute or two.

Chapter
Nineteen

So warm. Too warm.

Why’s my back damp?

Hot breath tickles my neck as I
blink the sleep from my eyes and scan my surroundings. This isn’t
my room.

An arm tightens around my waist
and a soft male groan accompanies the movement. The air rushes from
my lungs as I realise where I am and what I’m doing. I’m spooning
with Nathan.

I’m spooning with Nathan who is
roasting hot and covered in a thin layer of sweat. Why doesn’t this
gross me out? Maybe because I’m relieved to see that he’s
alive.

“
Nathan?” I
say and try to roll onto my back but his arm holds me even tighter,
I feel his nose against my neck and his forehead against my ear.
His leg locks between mine, his thigh sliding so high I can feel
the heat against a place I shouldn’t. “Nathan?”

“
Umm,” he
hums against my neck, sending a tremble through my entire
body.

“
Are you
okay?”

His only answer is to run his
nose up and down the back of my neck. Fingers that were wrapped
around my ribs, trail over the swell of my stomach before
flattening directly below it. Gasp. His hand is far too close to
my… oh god. He didn’t…

“
Gwen,” he
mumbles and I feel him grind himself against my arse. My mouth
drops open, I’m frozen on the spot. What’s happening? Well,
whatever is happening there’s now solid evidence of it pressed
against my arse.

“
Oh my god,”
I mime, not making noise when in reality I should be running and
screaming.

I feel him tense behind me and
squeeze my eyes shut. It takes everything in me to relax my
breathing and my face. "Gwen?” I’m shocked when he doesn’t
instantly move his clearly throbbing, well-endowed length from my
backside. Instead he moves his arm back to its original spot above
my stomach and collapses back onto the pillow with a groan. “I know
you’re awake.”

Oh shit. I still feign
sleep.

“
I should
move away but…” he snuggles in tighter. Gulp. “Your warmth is
comforting.” And your warmth is disorienting and
scalding.

He lifts up again and leans
over me, pressing me deeper into the mattress. His groin still
hasn’t left my arse, if anything it’s pressing harder as he reaches
for the water bottle on the bedside table.

I gasp when he grinds once,
then twice and quickly shift away from him, only to meet a boyish
smile I’ve never seen on his face before. “What’s wrong Gwen?”