Broken (Broken #1) (26 page)

I look into his beautiful light
browns, for once not recognising them as Caleb’s but recognising
them as Nathan’s, “Everything that we left down there.”

His eyes sparkle and his lips
twitch, “You’re so strange.”

“
Shut up,”
The seat rocks slightly as I turn away from him and rest my head
back against his shoulder. “Let’s just stay up here for an
hour.”

“
Too late,
we’re descending,” he whispers and rests his chin on top of my
head.

“
Actually,
that’s not such a bad thing. My bladder is chewing on
itself.”

“
Nice.”

“
I thought
so.”

He helps me off as soon as we
reach the platform. By this point I’m bouncing continuously on the
spot.

“
I’ll just be
over here,” Nathan says and points towards the main area. Whatever,
too full in the bladder to care.

The ladies queuing push me to
the front which is a relief, by the time I’d made it to the toilet
I would have peed myself. Gross but true.

Now… where is he? Ah… what’s
that he’s tucking into his jacket? Where’s my Superman bear?

“
Where’s my
bear?” I frown.

“
Right, wait
here,” he says and paces back to the Ferris wheel. I’m relieved to
see him return with the bear, I don’t remember him leaving it there
when we took our turn, but to be honest I was far too excited to
pay attention. “Here,” he shoves the thing in my arms and grips my
wrist again. “Let’s go.”

“
But…”

“
It’s
late.”

“
We’ve been
here for an hour.”

He pinches the bridge of his
nose and I know he’s had enough.

“
Okay, let’s
go.”

His soft eyes come to mine,
“I’m sorry. I’m exhausted, I’ve been awake since midnight.”

“
Why
midnight?”

“
I went
out.”

Gasp, “That’s what time you
left? Are you crazy?”

He gives me a look that
instantly makes me shut my mouth. None of my business, I keep
forgetting.

“
Ready?” He
diverts the subject which I’m grateful for and leads me away from
the fun.

“
Aww, photo
booth, Caleb loved those. We went to a place called Pleasure Island
once and went crazy in a photo booth. Ended up with more strips of
photos than walls to cover.” I smile fondly at the
memory.

“
Do you want
to?” He motions to the small booth with a wave of his
hand.

Do I? “No, that’s okay.” It
wouldn’t be right.

“
Are you
sure?”

“
Yes.” I nod
because I am definitely sure. “I’m actually kind of tired now that
you mention it.”

My eyes close and stay closed
before we even make it out of the car park.

******

It’s morning when I wake and
the curtains have been pulled wide open. “It burns.”

“
Come on,
up,” Jeanine says and pulls the covers from my ‘could be’ naked
body. My superman teddy almost falls from the bed, I snatch him
back to my and rub my face in his silky fur.

“
Why?”

“
It’s eleven
fifteen,” she says in a singsong voice. “And the skies are no
longer grey. Can’t stay in bed when the sun is shining
dear.”

“
Okay,” I say
around a yawn and sit up with my legs crossed, the bear nestling in
the dip. “I can’t get changed with you here.”

“
I’m
leaving,” and leave she does.

As I decide on what to wear I
can see all of my clothes have been neatly hung up again. I make a
mental note to thank Jeanine later.

Wait…

I’m in my vest and
knickers.

Gasp.

Nathan has seen me in my vest
and knickers. Nathan undressed me!

Be calm. It’s all good. He’s
seen plenty of women naked before… I think.

Why am I obsessing over
this?

I get dressed whilst pushing
ridiculous thoughts from my mind and quickly brush my teeth after
washing my face. Finally I feel refreshed and my eyes aren’t
sticking together.

“
Knock,
knock,” Nathan says instead of actually knocking. Although the door
is open so I can understand this logic. I think. “Any plans
today?”

“
I was going
to call Paula.”

“
Do you need
the car?”

“
Umm,” I
shrug and start running the brush through my hair. “Can
I?”

“
Yes, I don’t
need it.” His eyes look me up and down as I sit at the desk turned
vanity table. His light brown eyes linger over certain spots but I
pretend not to notice. I shouldn’t notice.

“
Thank you,”
I wind the bobble around my hair to hold it in place and stand to
face him, trying not to meet his eyes due to the awkwardness of
knowing he’s the second man to ever see me in anything less than
jeans and a top. Not including the times I wear dresses. “How do I
look?”

“
Pregnant,”
he teases. I waddle past him, punching his arm as I go. “Oh and one
more thing…” He throws me his car keys, I catch them clumsily. “No
food or drink in the car.”

“
Okay,” I
start towards the stairs.

“
Another
thing.” I look over my shoulder and see him strolling towards me,
so I turn to face him. “Go grocery shopping, buy what you want…
within reason. No peanuts, no liver, nothing that’s
damaging.”

“
Really?” I
smile, oh my god I’m smiling. He notices too and his eyes go to my
mouth, his face softens.

“
Really,” he
holds out his wallet.

“
You want me
to take your wallet?”

“
It only has
notes in it,” he responds with a shrug.

My smile gets wider, “I should
say no but I’m too excited for cake.” This moment gets better when
he smiles too. “Thank you Nathan. I thought you wanted to
come?”

“
And deny the
house cook her chance to shine?” I like this Nathan, he’s all
friendly and teasing. It suits him, oddly enough.

“
Have fun,
drive safe.”

“
Promise,” I
say and descend the stairs. “Do you want anything while I’m
out?”

“
No.” I start
to move again. Then I halt because he calls my name.

“
Yes?” I add
extra emphasis on the S, my eyes narrowed suspiciously. He’s
stalling… but why?

“
You don’t
just look pregnant,” He takes a step down, his eyes coming to
mine.

“
I
don’t?”

“
No,” he
shakes his head, his breath leaving him, “You look
beautiful.”

My breath leaves me too. I…
it’s… they… but…

“
See you
soon,” I shout quickly as my hand closes around the handle and
pulls it open and close the door behind me. What the fuck was that?
Maybe I shouldn’t swear but that was cause for cursing.

You look beautiful.

You look beautiful.

You look
beautiful
.

Is this a plutonic compliment?
Surely he wouldn’t… couldn’t even think about such a thing. I’ve
only just lost Caleb. It’s only been a month since his funeral.

This is so messed up.

I’m reading into it. All I ever
do is overanalyse things.

Nathan is aloof and mean. But
he’s also not. In fact, I’m wondering now if the Nathan I knew is
even the real Nathan at all. Which leads me to wonder why such a
clearly sweet, kind, generous and handsome man would ever put on
such a horrid mask.

His desperation to have me
stay, clearly runs deeper into him than I realised. Or maybe it
doesn’t. I don’t know him well enough to make that judgement. But I
also saw a broken man in his eyes. Is that because he lost his
brother or is that because of something deeper?

Why am I overanalysing
everything again? Is my mind really that desperate to think of
anything but Caleb and what I’ve lost?

Am I trying to find someone
more broken than myself?

******

Even though I said she didn’t
have to, Paula also escorts me around the supermarket after three
hours of traipsing mindlessly through the village. It’s a few miles
out of town but it’s big enough and has everything we need. I’m
grateful that she pushes the trolley. My back is killing me.

“
So what are
your plans now that you’re here?” She asks as I throw a variety of
sauces into the trolley. A home isn’t a home if you don’t have
condiments.

“
To have the
baby, that’s all I’ve figured out so far,” I admit and wince when
she smiles with pity.

“
How long do
you have left dear?”

“
About
eighteen weeks if the baby waits that long.”

I turn down the bakery aisle
and instantly start grabbing things from the shelves. Paula
continues light conversation, asking if I have everything I need,
nursery wise.

I don’t have everything I need,
I don’t even have bottles or nappies. Damn, I really need to get my
head together. Will the baby be in my room or will they be in a
nursery? Where’s he or she going to sleep?

I should ask Nathan but he’s
already giving so much. I’ll just have to use what little money I
have left to prepare, this is my baby and my responsibility. Part
of me wants to get a job but I’m not stupid enough to try. Nobody
is going to hire me in this condition and I’d be a fool to think
otherwise.

My phone begins to ring, I
check the screen before answering. His voice and angry tone are
immediate. “Where are you?”

“
Not even a
hello?”

“
Hello.” He
barks. “Where are you?”

“
I’m just
getting groceries,” I explain, moving away from Paula so I can have
some semblance of privacy. “Is everything okay?”

“
It’s almost
five.”

“
And?”
Because I’m confused as to why that’s an issue.

I hear him exhale out an
exasperated breath. “And it’ll be dark soon. You’ve been gone for
hours.”

“
Okay, I’ll
be there in about an hour.” I grab a couple of bags of flour and
throw them in the trolley, coughing a little when a tiny poof of
powder hits me in the face. Not enough to cover my skin but enough
to make my lungs constrict for a moment.

“
You’re
getting sick, I’m coming to get you.”

“
It was a bag
of flour,” I groan, almost stomping my foot on the ground. “I’m
going stir crazy at the house, I haven’t been food shopping in
forever. Let me have this.”

He hangs up without responding.
I get my arse in to gear, get the things I want and need, pay for
them and say goodbye to Paula.

Nathan was right about it
getting dark soon, I’m half way home and it’s pitch black.
Fortunately I don’t mind driving in the dark so it’s not too
difficult, I just hope he isn’t having some kind of mental
breakdown.

He has no right to give me a
curfew.

Or does he?

It is his house.

Damn this is so confusing and
annoying and… gah. I’m going to go home, have a cake, a decaf
cappuccino and curl up on my window seat with my headphones on.

When I park outside of the
large house I smile, it looks like a postcard. Most of the lights
are switched on inside making it glow in the midst of the
trees.

My picture perfect image is
ruined when the front door flies open and Nathan storms out. He
starts shouting before he even makes it to the car, “You left at
noon!” I climb out on a sigh.

“
I’m fine
Nathan.” Opening the boot I start grabbing bags. Nathan snatches
them from my hands, “No lifting. I’m extremely disappointed in you
Guinevere.”

“
For
lifting?”

He shoots me a look that makes
me pinch my lips together in an effort to not give him the same
look back. “For driving home in the dark. You don’t know these
roads.”

“
I’m a good
driver.”

“
What would
Caleb say?” he hisses. A whimper escapes me. I don’t want to think
about that, I don’t want to talk about that. “I’m not trying to
make you miserable…”

“
I don’t want
to talk about this anymore,” I say quietly, my tone
warning.

I move towards the house, my
heart thudding and my face burning as my anger cooks. Who does he
think he is? I’m twenty one, not five.

Nathan follows me in, his hands
full. “You’re acting like I’m the bad guy here.”

“
Aren’t you?”
I bite back and start putting away the shopping. “What the hell is
wrong with you? You seem to want to control everything I
do.”

He runs the tip of his tongue
over his bottom lip, his annoyance barely concealed. “I’m just
trying to help you Guinevere.”

“
Help me?” I
scoff and spin to face him. “Well thank you, Nathan for putting a
roof over my head and buying me food but that doesn’t mean you get
to control my actions or what I do. I’m an adult. You need to
remember that.”

“
And you need
to control yourself and your own actions before you end up harming
yourself or that baby!”

I gape at him. He did not just
go there.

“
You’re
grieving, your thoughts aren’t your own. Especially if you think
it’s acceptable for a pregnant woman, to be carrying heavy things
and driving at night.”

I laugh once, “You’re kidding
right? How many pregnant women in the world have done both of those
things and have lived to tell the tale? You’re being dramatic and
completely intolerable.”