Broken (7 page)

Ciera put her hands on her hips. “I think you might need a refresher course, because you can’t tell Melly doesn’t like you. Why? Probably because you’re too busy knowing what’s best for her and not giving a damn about how she feels.”

Kathy’s face reddened. She blustered and paced in outrage. Ciera took a few seconds to glance at Melly, who jumped on the couch with a wicked grin on her face. The scamp liked their argument. Ciera gave her a stern look and signaled for her to get down. Melly took a flying leap over the side of the couch, putting Ciera’s heart in her throat. She landed on a beanbag facedown and arms wide. Then she rolled over and started making odd noises as she entertained herself. Ciera breathed a sigh of relief.

At last, Kathy pulled herself together enough to speak. She faced Ciera and stabbed a finger toward the floor. “I have been with this family from the beginning—for
years
—and you come in and—” She shook her head. “Do you think you’re special, Ciera? You’re just a replacement!”

“It’s what you wanted to be, wasn’t it?” Ciera said with sacchariny sweetness.

“No, I am a friend. A very
good
friend to Nathan.”

Ciera folded her arms. “Uh-huh. Everybody knows you want more than that. Look, I’m not trying to horn in. I don’t know how long Nathan and I will last. I like to take life realistically, and I’m not searching for a fairy tale.”

She heard herself, sounding cold, distant, disconnected. Inside, she didn’t feel like what she was saying. She cared about Nathan more than she wanted to, and that little girl had wormed her way into her heart, too. Knowing it scared Ciera. Having to pretend to this witch who accused her as if she wasn’t even good enough to kiss their feet made things worse.

“So who knows?” Ciera said. “You might get him next year or even next week. Hang in there.”

Far from encouraged, Kathy seemed to grow angrier. She stormed out of the room, and Ciera called after her. Kathy kept moving, and Ciera followed.

“I don’t think you should be in Nathan’s room when he hasn’t invited you into it.”

If possible, the woman reddened even more, but she wasn’t deterred. She yanked Nathan’s top dresser drawer open and jabbed a hand inside. Ciera grabbed her arm to jerk her back, but Kathy brought out a picture in a frame. She shoved it in Ciera’s face, and Ciera had to lean back to keep from getting smacked in the nose.

“This is Melly’s mother,” Kathy growled. “
You
—are a substitute!”

Chapter Nine

The entire world seemed to have gone silent. Ciera stared down at the picture. She squinted, blinked, and rubbed her eyes. Nothing cleared away the vision in the frame. Not that Melly’s mother was beautiful. She was cute in her way. No, the shot was a candid one with her sitting up and half hidden with the bedcovers. Whatever had been written on the nightshirt had long since faded, and the fitted sheet beneath her had come off the edge of the mattress. Melly’s mother frowned at the photographer in a way that didn’t seem all that serious. She pointed a finger as if to say “I’m going to get you for this.”

What struck Ciera was that this woman with her brown skin, her short, natural hair, and her plump figure could be Ciera’s sister. Tears welled up in Ciera’s eyes, but she squared her shoulders and sucked in a deep breath. She wanted to curse Kathy out, but speaking right then was impossible without sobbing.

The front door opened and closed, and Nathan called out. A muffled sound from Melly, and he greeted her as if he hadn’t seen her in years. Ciera imagined Melly did the same. He would come back now of all times when she hadn’t had a chance to pull herself together yet.

Nathan strode into the bedroom with Melly on his hip. Ciera spun away and kept her back to him. She shut her eyes and concentrated on staying upright and breathing.

“What’s going on?” Nathan said. “Why are you two in here? Ciera? Kathy?”

Ciera still couldn’t speak, and Kathy said nothing.

“What, Melly?” Nathan said. “Fighting?” Ciera guessed the little miss was tattling. “Ciera, turn around.”

His voice was cast low. Ciera started to shake. She couldn’t hold her emotions in much longer. If she didn’t get out of there now, she might explode. She still held the picture, and she didn’t want him to know she’d seen it.

“I just dropped over bring back that book I borrowed,” Kathy announced. “I’ll get out of your hair.”

“What book?” Nathan’s tone had turned to a warning.

Kathy chirped good-bye, and her steps faded down the hall. The front door opened and closed. Ciera jumped when Melly’s small hand slid into hers, and she looked down. Melly looked worried.

“I’m fine,” she mumbled, but she wasn’t.

“Ciera.” Nathan spoke from right behind her. “Turn around.”

She licked her lips, squared her shoulders, and spun on her heel. Thrusting the picture into his hands, she made to move around him, but his hand sprang out, and he caught her. “Let me go, Nathan. I have things to do.”

“What are you doing with this picture, Ciera?”

She pulled on his hold, but it tightened, and she glared at him. “Does it matter?”

“Yes.”

“If you must know, Kathy told me about it. She went right to it and showed it to me.”

“Why would she do that?”

“Look, don’t play dumb, Nathan,” she snapped. “Anybody can see she looks like my twin.”

“So?”

“So?” She snatched her arm away from him. Her reaction made no sense. After all, they never promised each other anything, and she still hadn’t told him about her health issues. That didn’t change the feeling of hurt overwhelming her. She wanted to escape and never come back. “It’s obvious I’m a substitute.”

He blinked at her. “Why would you think that?”

She stabbed a finger toward the picture. “I just said. I look like her sister.”

His normally easygoing expression turned dark and angry. She couldn’t remember him ever look anything but accepting and wondered for the first time if he too hid his feelings. Doing so wasn’t unheard of for a man though.

“So you think I went searching for a woman who looked like my dead wife?”

Ciera didn’t respond.

“I was so obsessed I had to get a copy?” he growled. “Hell, while I was at it, maybe I should have also tried to change your personality to match hers and encouraged you to dress the way she did?”

“You’re being ridiculous.” Her voice came out a whisper because he shamed her.

He grabbed her hand and practically dragged her over to his closet. After wrenching the door open, he brought a box down from the shelf and carried it to the bed. Ciera stayed where she was near the closet, but he turned angry eyes on her.

“Come and see!”

She thought about telling him where to stuff it but drifted over there anyway. An album of pictures lay before him, pictures of his late wife and pictures of Melly when she was born. Nathan stood over the two of them looking like the proud papa. What struck Ciera was that the picture of Nathan’s wife did look like Ciera around Melly’s birth and in the candid shot of her in bed. However, when they were out and about or sitting for professional photos, Nathan’s wife surprisingly wore weaves. She looked like a different person in hair that was sometimes long, sometimes short, often straight. Expertly applied makeup and fashionable clothes seemed to be her norm. Sure, the woman and Ciera would look alike with nothing added, but that wasn’t the kind of person Melly’s mom had been.

“I didn’t choose you,” Nathan said. “Melly did.”

Ciera flinched.

“But I’m glad she did,” he hurried to add. “You are so beautiful and so unique, but you don’t see that. You were ready to walk away from what we started just because of Kathy’s spite.”

“I…” She had no excuse. “You don’t understand.”

He turned from the pictures and pulled her close. She resisted curling into his arms as he seemed to want, and he sighed. “I don’t understand, Ciera. You don’t open up to me, but I keep hoping you will.”

“Doesn’t it hurt you to look at those pictures?” she demanded. “The fact that you have them—”

“The fact that I have them means I loved her once, and I keep them for Melly. Yes, it hurts. Lately, a lot less than it used to.”

She looked up at him and then away. He caressed her cheek. Ciera started to open her mouth and then noticed Melly watching them with curiosity. She spun away and sat on the bed. Nathan picked his daughter up to carry her from the room. Ciera heard him telling her something about TV and assumed the pauses were Melly responding in sign language.

After some time, he came back and pushed the bedroom door until it was open just a crack. He took her hand and led her to the bed. Ciera let him press on her shoulders until she sat. Panic inside told her to escape now, but resolve kept her seated and quiet. Nathan put the album and the picture from his dresser drawer on the closet’s top shelf. He walked over to sit beside her, and touched her hand. A shudder passed through her.

“Talk to me, Ciera,” he whispered. The words were more a plea this time than a demand.

She clenched her hands together in her lap. He raised her chin and kissed her lips. When he drew away, she started to turn her head.

“No!”

She jumped and blinked at him.

He stared into her eyes, and for the first time she saw deep pain that robbed her of speech. “It feels like if you turn away from me now, you’re going to leave here today and not come back.”

Her fingers cramped. She was surprised she hadn’t broken one or two yet. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“You do.”

She couldn’t admit that he was right. The compulsion for flight had grown stronger with each passing minute, and she’d already started talking to herself to work through getting over him. Not until he accused her of planning to leave him did she realize she was doing it. Dump him before he had the chance to learn the truth and toss her aside.

To her horror, a teardrop rolled down her cheek, and Nathan made a strangled sound like he held it together by a thread. She couldn’t recall even once crying in front of Tony.

“I was married.” The raspy tone made her question whether he understood, but he nodded. “We were working on getting pregnant.”

Another damn tear escaped. She jerked her chin from his hold and turned her back. Expecting him to grab her at any second, she tensed, but he didn’t move.

“We found out the problem with getting pregnant was me, my body.”

“No,” he whispered. “Ciera.”

She balled the covers in her fists and bit down on her cheek. Nothing stemmed the emotional storm that brewed.

“We were trying for so long, and I hoped for a baby so bad. Then…then… then…” She couldn’t say the words. Her nose ran, and her eyes were flooded now. Shoulders shaking, she cried, but Nathan didn’t stop her. “He was seeing someone else and planning to have a baby with her! He left me because I’m—”

“Because he’s an asshole!”

She fell over onto the bed, and Nathan tumbled right after her. His strong arms came around her, but his hold only made her cry harder until she gagged. Nathan sprang up and pulled her with him. They made it to the bathroom where she sank to her knees at the toilet and threw up. Nathan didn’t tell her to calm down or stop. He let her cry and cry, sobbing and mumbling unintelligible words. She found it hard to hide her crying face and be sick at the same time. Right then she hated herself but was powerless to stem the feelings.

After a long time, Ciera calmed down, and she climbed to her feet. Nathan stood behind her as she brushed her teeth and washed her face. Then she decided to shower, and asked him to leave her alone. For a while, she stood under the hot spray. She wondered what to do, and Nathan’s hand came around the edge of the curtain. He turned the water off before pulling the curtain back.

“I said I—”

“Shh,” he soothed her. “Let me help you get dry.”

She thought to tease him about just wanting to see her naked, but she didn’t have the energy. He must feel some type of way about what she’d told him. Tony had confessed that he didn’t see her as a full woman when he learned the truth. How she hated him for his cruelty and hated even more how his feelings killed her.

Ciera stepped out of the shower into Nathan’s arms. He stroked her skin with the towel he held and wrapped it around her torso. She winced in annoyance that it didn’t fit her hips all the way, but she also saw how he tried to hide his interest at the gap in the front. Someone should have told him a man’s dick never lied.

He led her to the bedroom, and she sat on the side of the bed while he dug out an old shirt and pulled it over her head. “I can dress myself, Nathan.”

“Let me do it, baby.”

She pressed her lips together. He ignored the attitude and kept dressing her. She rolled her eyes at him. “Did you hear what I told you?”

“Yes.”

“I might not ever have kids. I know we’re not at that point, and we might not ever get there. Some men feel like—”

“Don’t lump me in with
him.”
Nathan flared his nostrils, his eyebrows crashing low over his eyes. “If I want to be with you—and I do—I’m taking you as you are. All I ask is that you talk to me, Ciera.
Please.
Don’t jump to conclusions.”

She pulled away from him and stood up. The T-shirt reached halfway down her legs, and she had nothing on underneath. Nathan was still hard. “What do you feel?” she demanded. “I mean other than turned on by me? I know you love your wife. That’s obvious, even though you say the pictures are for Melly. Things were great between y’all, and then she was gone. What about you, Nathan? Tell me.”

His hands dropped to his sides, and his face went blank. He turned away, but she chased after him and pressed hands to his back. The whisper of his name brought him to a stop, and his shoulders slumped. They stood that way so long, she wondered if they would speak again. Catching a glimpse of his reflection in the mirror, she saw the sadness in his eyes but a slight smile too when he met her gaze.

“Ciera,” he said.

“Yeah?”

“I loved her. A lot. At the time, I felt like she was meant for me. She wasn’t like you, and Kathy knew that. My late wife was loud and bright and vibrant. She was also strong and independent.”