Broken (10 page)

“Oh.” Gabby sighed with a slight smile brushing her own tears away. She didn’t know what to say. She didn’t want to seem happy that it was just a high school break up, but she was so relieved that everyone was okay. “I’m sorry, Lindsey,” Gabby said sympathetically. “What happened, Linds. What did he say? I mean, I thought things were going so well.”

“He said that it was too serious and moving too fast...that I had become his best friend and he didn’t have those kinds of feelings for me. Said he loved me, but not that kind of love. I just don’t get it. Jerk,” Lindsey emphasized the last word and it made Gabby cringe thinking of John, loveable almost big brother to her, John.

“Linds, I don’t want to take sides. You’re both my best friend. I just think in a way that if he was feeling that way, as much as it hurts, you should be relieved that he ended it and didn’t string you along. I mean, I wouldn’t want Ian to stay with me if he wasn’t really happy, you know?”

“Yeah, I guess,” Lindsey sighed. She was growing angrier with Gabby by the minute. She might have said she wasn’t taking sides, but she sure felt like she and John had both conspired and arranged this and she felt like a fool. After all, he had said he was glad she was there.
What was that about?

“I’m not in the mood for shopping, Gabby. I just want to be alone. Can I call you later?” Tears started to swell in her eyes again.

“Yeah, sure. I am so sorry, Linds. I’m here. When you’re ready to talk, just let me know. I love you.” Gabby reached over and hugged Lindsey. But, Lindsey couldn’t help but feel for the first time ever that Gabby wasn’t being genuine.

Chapter 17

August, 2010; The Present

“Gabby, what is going on with him? He called last week to see when you’d be home again, but I had no idea he would just show up like that. I promise. I had nothing to do with him showing up like this. Well, I mean, I was walking out the door when he pulled up and he insisted on coming with me. Gabs, there was absolutely no deterring him. I hope you’re not mad at me.” Sam was almost out of breath from running over to Gabby as soon as Bradley had left the beach and her ninety-nine words per minute confession.

Gabby smiled, “No, Sam. I’m not mad. I mean, I was definitely caught off guard and at first I thought I was mad. But, it’s hard to stay mad at a man who has driven all the way from Atlanta for the weekend to see you and beg you to go to dinner with him. Oh, what in the world have I gotten myself into, Sam,” Gabby sighed unsure.

“Wow. That’s pretty impressive. What did you say? I thought after the way you stormed away the last time you saw him he would never come back around. Have you seen him since the wedding? The way you two were, it looked like there was definitely something serious going on between you two.”

“No, I told him at the wedding that I was no good for him. I told him that I couldn’t give him what he needed and he agreed. So, I left because I couldn’t be near him knowing that.” Gabby shrugged, rolling her eyes as she looked away and out into the ocean.

“Oh. But, don’t you think this is impressive?” Sam leaned in and nudged her, “Clearly he didn’t mean what he said at the wedding.” Sam couldn’t hold back her eager grin any longer.

“No, it’s not all that impressive. He’s loaded and he’s used to getting his way with women. I think it’s just a challenge. I’ll entertain him tonight, but that’s it. I mean, it can’t possibly work. He’s a CEO of a prominent architectural firm in Atlanta. If he’s related to Cade, I’m sure his family is wealthy. He probably doesn’t even have to work. He probably just does it for fun. He’s a lot older than me. I’m just a student from a family with no money. Who are we kidding? This has
never gonna work
written all over it, Sam.”

“Well, don’t go into it thinking that way. Just enjoy your night.” Gabby interrupted her, “That’s what he said.”

“Which part, not to go into it thinking that or to enjoy your night?” Sam grew a little more serious. “Well, basically to not think the worst about everything. That he was more optimistic about this than he had been about anything. He’s a real charmer, Sam. He’s good, very good at getting his way. When I’m around him, parts of me I didn’t know I had surface and it disarms me and empowers me all at once. It’s so strange,” Gabby rambled. “Well, maybe he’s not trying to charm you. Again, give him the benefit of the doubt. I could be wrong, but I don’t think he would go through so much trouble if he wasn’t serious. Where is he taking you, anyway? Did he say?” Sam sometimes sounded more like a mother than a sister.

“Peninsula Grill. Picking me up at 5:15. He said he had already made reservations for six.” Gabby laughed thinking back to the less serious part of their conversation and the thought that at least she could be her usual late self with him and he wouldn’t mind.

“Wow,” Sam gulped and her eyes were wide and bright. “Wait. Why is he picking you up so early if reservations are at six? It’s just twenty minutes away.” Sam looked puzzled.

Gabby busted out laughing because she had wondered if Sam would pick up on the time. “I told him I’m habitually late and that I’ll be late to my funeral, and that you always tell me to be ready at least fifteen minutes before we
actually
need to leave. So, he moved the time back because he’s also always late. He said this way maybe we can both be ready on time.”

“Hey! How’d you know I did that? What’s worse is that you know I do that and you’re still
always
late,” Sam shoved her laughing. “Seriously, Gabs, he has gone all out. Please don’t run away from him again tonight. Promise me you’ll give him the benefit of the doubt,” Sam lectured her.

Sam ducked and covered her head at Gabby’s playful swat. “Knock it off, the whole mother-talk thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I’ll go to dinner, but it’s not going any further than that.” Gabby was determined to not get into a serious relationship with anyone, certainly not this man who already rocked her to the core. Part of her was relieved to be in his presence again and the other part of her knew that the only thing good that could come from a guy like Bradley was heartache. She rolled her eyes at the thought that she had been absolutely unable to resist him. She had actually longed for him to kiss her standing there on the beach, but he didn’t. He had been so gentle, so gently, so charming.

“Oh Gabby, when will you realize you can’t just close yourself off to all emotion forever? Ian was one boy. A boy. Not all men are like that. I’m sure there is someone for you who will treat you the way you so deserve to be treated, little sister.” The girls plopped down on the towel simultaneously knowing they needed to have a sister-to-sister chat and Sam reached her arm to the side around her sister’s shoulder and squeezed gently.

“I don’t know, Sam. It’s not just Ian. I think I must attract this type of man. I don’t remember much about our father, but he was no knight in shining armor, either.” Gabby put her head down and began to play with her fingers.

“Gabby, Dad was an alcoholic. He was a sick, abusive asshole. I make it a purpose to not think about him. To me, he’s dead. You need to find a way to bury him, too. The things he did to you before Mom left him were unthinkable. I know you don’t remember them, but I’m sure they are part of why you’re so guarded. I know Mom pulled you from counseling when you quit talking. She thought the counseling was making you worse and the doctors didn’t know what they were doing. But, in looking back on that, I think you should start seeing someone again. Maybe the combination of Ian and Dad has been too much for you. Maybe that was partly why you have been so depressed this last year. Maybe it wasn’t all Ian?” Sam sincerely pleaded with her sister.

Being nine at the time their mother had finally gotten enough strength to leave her father, Sam remembered all too well what he had done to Gabby. But, she had never felt like it was her place to make Gabby remember. Gabby had to make the decision on her own to revisit and deal with those things. Sam refused to be her counselor. She was her sister and it might not have been the right decision, but Gabby needed professional help and she was not the person to go there with Gabby. Sam could tell Gabby was taking in and processing what she had just said. She knew she wasn’t going to respond. The few times that their father was brought up, Gabby rarely would talk. In fact, that she hadn’t jumped up and ran away meant that maybe she might actually be considering what Sam had said. So given the opportunity, Sam continued, “Gabby, would you go see someone if I went with you? I feel bad, I know what he did. Maybe we could do it together. I’m sure I could find us someone at school that could do it for us pro bono and maybe on the weekends. You could come home. It would be nice to see each other more, I already miss you and school hasn’t even started. I am sure it would help us both.” Sam was literally thinking out loud. There was no filter on the words leaving her mouth at all. “You would do that for me, Sam?” Gabby looked up and over at her sister’s adorable face, her words were soft and her voice cracked because her mouth was dry from sitting in the sun and not drinking.

“Gabby. There is nothing I wouldn’t do for you. I can’t believe you would even have to ask. You’re my little sister. You’re all I have left. Well, other than our extended family, which aren’t here and barely know us. I mean, you’re it. If it will help you get over this baggage you’ve been carrying around. If it will help you feel again. Then, yes. I’m willing to dig up all the resentment and infuriating thoughts that come with our father to help you.” Sam smiled gently leaning her body in toward Gabby’s and giving her a sweet nudge. “Okay I’ll do it. Let me know when you find someone.” Gabby was resolved, determined and relieved.

Gabby and Sam spent the rest of the afternoon at the beach lying out in the sun and walking on the beach to the pier and back sinking their toes in their favorite part of the wet sand. They barely said a word, they had done enough talking. At this point, just their close proximity was all they needed. They just enjoyed each other’s presence, and the beautiful familiar surroundings that brought them peace.

They made it home at five past four and Gabby rubbed aloe over her slightly pink skin and showered. With her towel still wrapped around her partially wet body and her hair twisted in another towel on top of her hair, she put her ear buds to her iPod in her ear and started her Christina Perri playlist. Oh, how she could relate to those songs. She liked every song by Christina Perri. She could especially relate to “Jar of Hearts” and “Bluebird.” Gabby loved listening to music after having conversations like she had at the beach with Sam and Bradley. It helped to clear her head and reflect. As she thought about what she should wear, she crooned away, and for the first time in a long time, she thought she might feel hopeful. She was going to start doing therapy with her sister. She knew it would be hard, but she knew she had to deal with all these deep-rooted issues. More than anything, she thought maybe if she did this, then she might become emotionally available again, and be able to have a healthy relationship, especially one with a man.

Her thoughts were interrupted when she came to the realization that she had nothing to wear. She had packed only casual clothes with the plans of hanging out with Sam all weekend at the beach. Sure, they might go shopping and out to eat, but there was no way she would have ever dreamed she would be having dinner at one of Charleston’s most famous restaurants. She slumped down onto her bed and buried her head in between her palms and sighed. There was no time. Where would she go in such a hurry to buy something suitable for the occasion? There was no way Sam could help. She and Sam had never been able to wear the same clothes like most sisters. Tears began to flow, not because she was disappointed she wouldn’t be able to go out with Bradley, but at the sad realization that this was her life. No matter what, she would always be the girl that was less fortunate. She was less fortunate in the wardrobe department, in the parents department, in the money department, and the love department. Her tears turned to sobs.

“Gabby, are you crying?” Sam’s fingers curled at the edge of the door as she poked her head around into Gabby’s old room.

Gabby looked up wiping the tears with both hands from her eyes, “Yep, don’t act so surprised. You know I cry at Hallmark commercials,” she managed to laugh.

“Why are you crying, Gabs? I thought you were okay with this date. You know you don’t have to go, although I think you owe it to Bradley and most importantly to yourself to get to know him. He’s trying, Gabs.” Sam had walked across the room, grabbing Gabby’s brush on her way to her bed. She removed her towel from her head and slowly started to brush the tangles out of her naturally unruly curly hair.

“No, actually, it’s not that.” She shook her head disapprovingly rolling her eyes, “I don’t have anything to wear to the Peninsula Grill. Why was I thinking I could even remotely try to fit in there, with that group of people?” Gabby’s hands were gesturing in the air in her attempts to release some of the hurt and frustration she was feeling about her life.

“Oh, Gabby. I didn’t even think of that when you mentioned where you were going earlier. I don’t know what to do. I wish that we were the same size. You know I’d let you borrow something. Dang it. What are you going to do?” Sam was disheartened for her little sister. She was secretly pulling for her to be happy with Bradley. There was something there that she had never seen between her sister and a boy or a man. Even though Gabby had not dated much, really aside from Ian, there had been no real boyfriends. But, Sam had not seen sparks or reactions from Gabby like this with any other person at parties, school, well, ever. She knew enough to know it was special.