Breathe Into Me (16 page)

There was no sorrow or guilt about what he had done. Just the rage and the anger because now he was no longer in control and in that moment I silently prayed he would never make it out of prison alive. That the prisoners he would now be living with would show him the same treatment he had shown my mother all those years.

 My father ended up being convicted of murder in the 3
^rd
degree. The bastard was a quick thinker and had actually taken the time to run back to the kitchen, grab a knife, slice his arm and plant it on my mother, claiming she came at him with it with intent to kill him and that he was only defending himself. I, of course, told my side of what had happened that night, and the jury ultimately found him guilty in the end.

After walking out of the courtroom that day, I vowed I would never think of him again and went straight to file papers to legally change my last name to Rien—my mother’s maiden name. I had become so used to it now that his last name was all but a distant memory.

The only people who knew that my last name was not Rien were Jessi, her family, and the people from my hometown … and that was the way it would stay. This was one truth I wouldn’t even tell Kane. I would no longer be tainted by that man. I wanted no part of anything that had to do with my father and I never would. So I would never acknowledge having that name ever again.

Kane sat there silence for another second or two before standing. He held both hands out for me and I laid my hands in his to let him pull me up. He gently rubbed my knuckles with his thumbs. “I’m so glad I met you Kelsey and I’m so glad I brought you here. This place has always been special to me and now that I have you here with me, it’s perfect.”

I smiled up and he slowly lowered his head to mine, kissing me so softly and so deeply that the rest of the world and the memories melted away into the dark night.

Kane drove me back to the dorms shortly after that. He waited on his motorcycle until I had made in safely inside. When I was safely inside my dorm building I turned and gave him a small wave through the window. He nodded his head at me before he took off into the night.

As I waited for the elevator I couldn’t stop touching my lips. They were still slightly swollen from the heavy make out session we’d had on his bike before I finally climbed off to come inside.

As I stepped onto the elevator, my phone chimed with a text from Jessi letting me know she was staying with Landon. So that meant there would be no walking in on any nakedness tonight. Thank God. I was still drained from telling Kane about my past. Crying always made me sleepy and all I could think about now was taking a shower, crashing, and waking up tomorrow and pretending it never happened.

After showering and drying my hair—because my mom always said don’t go to sleep with wet hair or you will get sick—I climbed in my bed. I had no more pulled the covers up over my body when my phone vibrated from the night stand.

Kane: Can’t stop thinking about tonight...

Kane.
My cheeks immediately pulled up into a smile.

Me neither. <3

I nervously bit my lip, waiting for him to reply.
Maybe I shouldn’t have put the heart?

Kane: I can still taste you on my lips, and it’s making it hard for me to keep myself from throwing on my boots and coming to you. What have you done to me Kelsey?

I sighed. Probably the same thing he had done to me. I always hated watching movies where the couple falls so hard and so fast. I had always thought that was too good to be true. Things like that didn’t happen in real life. But here I was so wrapped up in a guy that I had known for a little over a week.

Kane: Get some sleep, beautiful. I just wanted you to know I will be falling asleep tonight thinking about you. Goodnight.

Goodnight.

I reached over to lay my phone on the nightstand beside my bed. The charms on my bracelet jingled as they dangled from my wrist. I wished so bad that my mom could meet Kane. She would have been able to see through all the bullshit from the start. She was always good at reading people. I don’t know where she went wrong when it came to my dad.

My mom had met my dad when she turned seventeen. She had instantly fallen in love with him and she told me about all the sweet little things he used to do for her when they first began their romance.

Right after my mom’s eighteenth birthday she found out she was pregnant. She was still a senior in high school and had to drop out because I would due in the middle of the school year. She and my dad married shortly after, and that’s when things began to change with him. I don’t think we will ever know what changed inside him causing him to become such an evil person. Women are abused by their husband’s every day for no reason. I honestly believe some people are just born evil and grow to be good at hiding it.

My dad was a master manipulator and my mom didn’t stand a chance. He sucked her in then trapped her by getting her pregnant with me. She probably would have been better off had I never been born. Maybe I was the trigger for my dad’s rage. That was something we would never know. That man was dead to me now. As far as I was concerned I hate no father.

I didn’t want to think about him anymore, so I thought back to happier times with my mom. Like when she had taken me to pick out a new charm for my bracelet. It was my tenth birthday and she had made such a big deal about me finally being in the double digit numbers.

She had taken me to the jewelry store and told me I could pick out whatever charm I wanted. I browsed all the glass cases hoping the one I was meant to have would become evident the moment I saw it. I was beginning to think I would never find that
special
one, when in the very last case, sat a charm of two interlinked hearts.

I knew right away that
that
was the charm I was meant to have. It had always been me and my mom against the world. She was my best friend. My rock. The two linked hearts were me and her. Always together. Or so I thought.

I drifted off to sleep studying the tiny charms, but sleep didn’t last long before I jolted awake. My body and clothes were drenched in sweat and when I wiped my face, I found moisture there. I must have been crying in my sleep.

I thought back to the dream I was having. I was back in my old house. It was
that
night again. Only this time my father stood back leaning against the wall with his arms crossed and I was there with my hands wrapped around my mother’s neck, her eyes turning cold and empty all over again. I pried my eyes from the scene and looked to my father, who with a sinister smile on his face, was looking straight at me. Not the
me
that was in the dream — the me that was watching it all.

“See, sweet pea. You’re just as guilty as I am,” he’d laughed.

I tried screaming
no
, that this was all his fault. That he did this, not me. But no words would come out, only air. Maybe I couldn’t say anything because there was some truth behind his words. I was just as guilty as he was. He may have been the one to do the deed, but I set the whole plan in motion.

If only I had kept my mouth shut that night. If only I had listened to my mom when she told me to leave, and had not kept standing there fighting with him like I had. She wouldn’t have needed to protect me from him and he wouldn’t haven’t have lost it like he did, and maybe I would still have my mom here.

I jumped from my bed and ran to the bathroom to expel what little contents I had in my stomach. The nightmares had not been this bad in a while. I would go months in between each one but now I was having them more frequently again. The only thing I could think that would have triggered this one was the fact that I had told Kane about that night just a few hours ago.

When the heaving finally subsided, I hunched over the sink and rinsed my mouth, making sure not to look in the mirror as I did, in fear of the eyes that would stare back at me. I made my way back to my bed, but couldn’t find sleep again. I was scared to close my eyes and risk being brought back to that night. So I grabbed my phone and headphones from the nightstand, and listened to music to pass the time until the sun finally came up.

When the sun finally filled my tiny dorm room, I pulled my headphones from my ears and laid my phone back on the table to get ready for the day. I decided to take another shower even though I had taken one the night before. I wanted to wash away the icky feeling that the sweat caused from my nightmare and I figured another quick shower couldn’t hurt.

While shampooing my hair there was a light tap at the bathroom door before I heard it open and then close.

“Um, hello?” I called and my fingers stopped massaging the shampoo into my scalp.

“It’s me, stupid. Who else would it be?” Jessi’s voiced carried over the rushing water of the shower.

“Well you never know these days!”

I finished washing, then rinsing my hair and turned the water off. I blindly felt along the outside wall for my towel before it was placed in my hand by Jessi. After I had wrapped it around my body I pulled back the shower curtain to find Jessi perched on the sink, her legs crossed at her ankles with a smile on her face.

“Spill it, girl. I didn’t bug you for details last night because I was a bit occupied myself but you’re giving me all the juicy details now. Where did you go?—how
far
did you go?” She waggled her eyebrows at me and I rolled my eyes at her.

“You know me better than that, Jess. I didn’t go
far
at all.” I paused and bit my lip. “But I will say this… he is an AMAZING kisser.”

Jessi jumped from the sink with a squeal. “I KNEW IT! Gah, how is it kissing someone with a lip piercing? I’ve always wondered. I bet it’s super-hot.” She fanned herself and I smiled.

“Oh yeah, it’s most definitely hot.” I was getting a little tickle in my belly from the memories of the kisses Kane and I had shared.

“So, do you like him?”

I paused for a second before shyly nodding. “I do, Jess. I don’t know what it is about him but he kinda just gets me.”

“Landon said that he’s never seen Kane behave the way he does when he’s around you. That he has never actually seen Kane show more than a full day’s worth of attention to any girl in general and that Kane isn’t really the relationship type. And I can’t lie, Kels, that scares me a little for you since you’re my best friend and you have never shown this much attention to any guy before. I’m scared that you are going to fall hard and fast and that Kane won’t be there to catch you when you do. Do you think that maybe he might just be a little too good to be true?”

I looked at my friend. I don’t know what I had done to deserve her friendship but she was always there for me. She was there before my whole world came crashing down, she was there after, and she would be there ‘til they laid us both in the ground, side by side with matching tombstones that read best on one, and friends on the other—yeah it was morbid that we had this all planned out, but that was just us.

“I know all about what he
used
to be like, Jess, but he’s changed. I know it sounds crazy for me to say he has changed when I didn’t even know him before, but he came clean about the stuff he has done and the people he has hurt in the process and I honestly believe him. It couldn’t have been easy for him to admit to me that he used girls for sex at one point.”—I paused—“I really do believe him, Jess. Which is why last night I came clean about my past too.”

Jessi’s eyes widened. “You told him about your mom?”

I nodded.

“Kelsey, that’s such a big deal. I can’t believe you told him about that so soon. You never talk about your mom and what happened.”

“I know, believe me I never expected to do so, but he opened up to me. Telling me about his past. Not only the part about the women but also some stuff about his parents too and it just didn’t feel right not be as open and honest with him as he was with me. I told you, Jessi, I don’t know what it is about him, but I feel so close to him.”

“Kelsey, I’m so glad you have found someone you can connect with. Believe me I
truly
am—but please, please be careful. I don’t want to see you hurt. I mean Kane’s a big guy and all but if he were to ever hurt my girl do not doubt the fact that I would be all over him like spider monkey.”

I laughed and hugged her. That was my Jessi. She may have been the size of a Chihuahua but she had the attitude of a Pit Bull.

After we got ready, we headed out to grab a quick bite to eat before classes. We were laughing about some crazy story that Jessi had just told me when I looked up and found Kane at the bottom of the stairs to our dorm. He was leaning against his motorcycle with a coffee tray in one hand and a small bag in the other.

“He comes baring gifts. I like him already,” Jessi said as she playfully bumped my hip with hers.

Kane smiled as we approached and held the tray out for Jessi to take.