Breathe (2 page)

Chapter Two

LOGAN

It had been well over a year since I last saw Bethany.  After I left, she refused to take my numerous calls, or answer my texts.  Eventually, the phone number was disconnected.  I couldn’t blame her.  She had every right to hate me.  I hated myself for what I had done to her.  The person I treasured the most in the world was beyond my reach.  Time did not make the pain of being apart from her any easier.  I missed her every second of every day.  My love for her only seemed to grow over the aching months I spent separated from her.  The day I told her I was leaving was seared into my brain. Every night when I closed my eyes, it haunted me.  I relived that day in my mind hundreds of times.  

It was a sweltering day during the summer after I graduated, so we decided to head to Galveston. Stewart beach was packed as usual, but we managed to find an open spot near the sea wall.  The waves were gentle, the seagulls were squawking, and the air was pungent with the smell of fish and salt. Bethany loved the ocean.  I loved watching the sea breeze blow her glorious hair when she closed her eyes and tilted her face toward the sun.  The golden rays seemed to soothe her spirit, and she was able to unwind.  Tranquil smiles graced her face when we were at the beach.  Beth’s smiles were elusive, and I found myself willing to do anything to see them so we spent most of our free time here. 

We were lounging on an old worn quilt just out of reach of the ebbing waves after a lazy day of swimming and relaxing on the beach.  She was sitting on the edge of the quilt, wriggling her toes in the warm sand and absent mindedly watching the sailboats offshore.  I studied her wondering how I could possibly live without her for a second.  I couldn’t picture my future without her in it.  Over the past two years, I had grown helplessly in love with her. 

I knew I had to tell her about Australia, but I was a coward and had avoided the subject all day.  Now the scorching sun was sliding down the horizon.  The beach was deserted.  Everyone had packed up their coolers, dusted the sand off their feet and headed for home.  Time was up.  I leaned in close to place a quick kiss behind her ear and breathe in her sweet scent—vanilla with a hint of coconut from her shampoo.  My hand drifted up to her jaw as I gently turned her face towards mine.  Slowly, I brushed my lips against hers and felt an instant need to have her closer.  I hauled her into my lap and crushed my demanding lips to hers. She responded by twining her arms around my neck hesitantly.  I plunged my hands into her thick hair and drew her head even closer.   I wanted to devour her, pull her inside me where she was protected and I would never have to let her go. 

I had always been particularly restrained with Bethany when it came to our physical relationship.  She was two years younger than me, and I was her first boyfriend. That coupled with her brutal childhood caused me to take things very slowly with her.  She was exquisitely precious to me. Though I had rarely seen her cry, there was something beyond her tough shell that was exceedingly fragile.  If I pushed her too far, she would break.  It was important to me that she always felt respected and secure with me.  Since I wasn’t usually demanding when I kissed her, she could tell something was amiss.  She drew back and scrutinized my face curiously. 

“Logan?  What’s wrong?” She questioned.

I grasped her hand and turned away to look out toward the ocean.  I was too weak to look into her eyes. My mind struggled for the right assurances, the right words to soften the blow. “Beth…” I began.   How do you tell the center of your universe that you are walking out of their life?  When the time came, I wasn’t even sure if I had the resolve to actually leave town.  How many times had I sat on this very beach and swore I would never leave her?  I glanced toward the sky in a futile search for help.  I raked my fingers through my hair and managed to gather enough courage to face her.  Beth slowly eased herself off of my lap to sit beside me again, putting distance between us to protect herself from whatever I was going to say next.  She realized I had something to say that she wasn’t going to like.  The fear in her eyes broke my heart.  I took a deep breath and tried again. 

“My dad’s job has transferred him to Australia,” I explained.

Judging by the expression on her face, she didn’t know where I was going with this.  I swallowed past the lump in my throat before I could get out the words that would crush both of us.  I reached out to take both her hands in mine as a knelt in the sand before her.  Her eyes grew wide in expectation of hearing bad news.

“Baby, I am going to have to go with him.  I wish I could take you with me but you are only sixteen and we both know there is no way that Jack will let me take you with me.”  It was as much of the truth as I could tell her.  She snatched her hands from mine and shot angrily to her feet. 

“Logan, that’s not funny!  Don’t even joke about something like that,” Bethany irritably demanded. 

I wanted to give her a mischievous smile and reveal that I was teasing. She would roll her eyes at me and swat me on the shoulder.  When I didn’t start laughing or apologizing for taking the joke too far, she started pacing back and forth in front of the quilt.  It was starting to sink in.  Hurting her was like inhaling water, it went against my nature.  I would have given anything, ANYTHING, not to confirm her worst fear.  Despite all my promises, I was leaving her.  I hung my head in despair.

“Please believe me, I don’t want to leave you.  I love you more than anything, but I have no choice.  My dad’s company has transferred him to Australia.  He is moving and I have to go with him,” I explained dejectedly. 

Tears welled up as I turned to gage her reaction to the cruel truth, but she had already retreated behind her wall.  Those beautiful green eyes were glassed over and her expression was vacant.  It destroyed me to watch the mask slip over her beautiful face before she replied. 

“Of course you have to leave Logan.  Everyone leaves,” she murmured blankly. 

Those were the last words she spoke to me before she went catatonic.  We both stood silently gazing at the waves for almost an hour. 

“Hey, we need to talk about this.  I’m sorry.  I love you.  Please talk to me,” I whispered, breaking the silence. 

No response, she just continued staring straight ahead.  After a few more minutes, I gathered up our gear and looked towards her.  I tried to take her arm to steer her toward the car, but she pulled it out of my grasp and proceeded to follow me woodenly to the car.  There was no chance to talk to her on the way home either.  She didn’t cry or even acknowledge my existence.  Her gaze was firmly fixed on the hood of my car.  I expected anger or tears, but her complete silence was unnerving.  Bethany Hope Richards retreated to the place where she felt safest and took my heart and soul with her.  When we pulled up to her house, I attempted to drag her into my arms but she became rigid. 

“Baby, please don’t do this.  I love you so much.  If you don’t want to talk to me right now, please let me hold you.  I’ll even settle for you screaming or punching me but please,” my voice cracked before I could continue, “just not this. Not this,” I pleaded brokenly. 

Bethany didn’t even hesitate as she reached for the door handle and slowly made her way into the house.  I needed to explain.  I wanted to promise I would be back, but I couldn’t do that to her.  I refused to make another promise that I was not certain I could keep. The tears I’d held in finally fell as I sat there helplessly and watched her walk away. 

The first time I laid eyes on Bethany was the first day of my junior year. I had just moved to Fort Grange and was a little nervous about starting a new school.   It wasn’t like a new town was a novelty for me.  We moved every year or so.  My nomadic father didn’t feel content to stay in one place for very long, so I learned to make friends easily.   I was searching for a friendly face that morning when I spotted a tiny girl, not more than five feet tall, moving down the hall towards me. 

Her curly hair was a riot of colors ranging from mahogany to a golden brown.  It reached past her shoulders with a few shorter curls framing her heart shaped face.  She wasn’t stick thin like a lot of girls, but she wasn’t overweight either. Her faded blue jeans and plain white t-shirt only emphasized the fact that she was seriously hot. She didn’t even have to try.   My attention was all hers.   Bethany was staring straight ahead and studiously avoiding eye contact.  Suddenly, a classroom door opened directly in front of her, and she had to swerve to miss it. Fortunately, she ended up plowing straight into me.  I grabbed both of her shoulders to steady her.  Startled eyes the color of new leaves met mine, and I caught a glimpse of her embarrassed smile.  She tucked her hair behind her ear, muttered an “Excuse me” and dashed down the hallway. 

It required some serious investigating, but eventually I discovered her name was Bethany and she was a freshman.  Beyond that, no one could really tell me much about her.   In a small Texas town I considered it unusual that no one actually appeared to know Bethany.  The entire school consisted of less than five hundred students.  The tiny town square only boasted a diner, a feed store, a lumberyard, and a few antique stores. It was the type of place where everyone knew everyone and many people had lived there their whole lives.

A few of the guys declared Bethany was a snob and advised me not to waste my time.  She always walked alone in the halls and she spent her lunch break in the library.  After a few days of watching her, I noticed that she was always alone.  There were plenty of perfectly nice, good looking girls at Fort Grange High School but something about Bethany intrigued me.  I resolved to become more studious and began spending my lunchtime in the library too. 

Bethany did an admirable job of pretending I was a bookshelf when I initially appeared in the musty library.  I smiled at her every day and she stared straight through me.  Originally, I assumed she was not interested in me but one afternoon, I caught her peeking at me.  It was enough encouragement to keep me returning to the library during lunch.  Starving was a small price to pay to be near her for thirty minutes every day.  

I enjoyed watching her work.  While she was reading or doing homework, her shield would slip just a little.  She would absentmindedly twirl her curly hair while she read or nibble on her bottom lip as she was trying to solve a particularly difficult math problem.  Occasionally, I even heard her mutter to herself when her work became especially frustrating.  She was enchanting, and I rapidly became infatuated with her. 

After several weeks of playing peek-a-boo, I arrived at the library one Monday during lunch and was surprised to discover Bethany wasn’t at her usual table.  I was disappointed because I had been looking forward to seeing her all weekend.  Sighing, I flung my backpack on the table. It would take too long to go through the lunch line now anyway so I decided to get some homework done.   If I couldn’t gawk at her today at least I could sit at her usual table.  A few minutes passed and I heard the heavy library door open with a swish.  My heart soared at the sight of her, but I was completely embarrassed for her to find me in her spot.  She waltzed right past me and proceeded to sit in the back of the library.  After a few minutes, I grew brave enough to sneak a look back at her over my shoulder.

Instead of diving into her backpack so she could appear busy, Bethany continued to stare at the same spot on the laminate wood table in front of her.  She looked so dejected and forlorn that I was on my feet striding toward her before I realized what I was doing.  As I got closer, she turned her head toward me and I froze.  My jaw tensed when I spotted an ugly red handprint on the side of her face.  White hot rage seized me.  It was agonizingly obvious someone had slapped her. All I could think about was getting my hands on whoever had hurt her. 

Huge green eyes met mine and my pulse went up another notch.  Her eyes began darting around the room searching for an escape.  She appeared petrified.  It took me a minute to realize what she was afraid of--me.  I struggled to contain my anger and tried to school my features into a smile.  I could barely manage a grimace.  It pained me to see the panic in her eyes as I cautiously approached her. 

“Hey Bethany, I’m Logan Drayton,” I introduced myself.

Apparently she decided it was safest to acknowledge my existence. 

“Yeah, I bumped into you in the hall, right?”  She answered reluctantly. 

This time my smile for her was genuine. 

“That’s me.  Mind if I sit down?”  I gestured to the empty chair beside her. 

“I don’t own the chair,” she shrugged. 

Up close, I noticed the entire left side of her face was slightly swollen and a fresh scab on her bottom lip. She hadn’t just been slapped; she had been beaten. 

“Are you okay? I can walk you to the nurse and get some ice on that bruise,” I offered.   I jumped when she quickly shouted, “No!” before the question fully left my lips.  

Mrs. Calloway, the ancient librarian, looked up sharply from her desk.  She continued to glare at us until she decided we were sufficiently cowed.  When the elderly woman finally looked down at her computer, I tried again. 

“Bethany, did you get in a fight?”   

Her response was to duck her head and stare at the table again.  I hadn’t heard any gossip around school about her having issues with anyone.  I had never seen her with anyone at school, let alone actually speaking to someone.  Who could have done this?  I was about to give up hope when I heard her soft voice answer me.