Breath of Life (16 page)

“Why are you hiding?” Duke asked as he walked into the house.

“Hello to you too,” Paxton said closing the door behind him. Duke turned to face her, hands on his hips.

“Answer my question? Are you shutting yourself away again? Because if you are, I will be here every day to snap you out of it. I can’t see you go back there. I can’t.”

“I’m not hiding. I was just getting ready to make myself dinner.” She walked past him towards the kitchen. He grabbed her arm.

“Don’t lie to me,” he whispered in her ear. “Please just tell me what’s going on? I know you aren’t busy tonight.”

“I’m not lying.” She didn’t look at him. “I am busy having a quiet night in my house. I was going to watch movies.” She jerked her arm out of his hand and headed towards the kitchen.

“So you did lie when you told me you were going out.” She heard Duke call from down the hall. She turned to head into the kitchen. She grabbed a pot and started filling it with water. She didn’t have to explain anything to him.

“Please, just talk to me.” His arms came on either side of her. She froze, he was caging her against the sink. She didn’t reply she waited for him to move.  “Pax…” He sighed.

She lifted the pot of water and turned towards the stove. Duke lifted one of his arms and Paxton moved away from him.  She placed it on a burner and lit the gas stove, before turning around to face Duke she paused. Why did he suddenly care how she spent her nights?

“It’s been over week Duke. I haven’t seen or heard from you.” She then turned to face him. “The last time you were here you were drunk then you took care of me when I broke down. The next day we acted like we were together. We played house. We pretended everything was fine, well guess what? It wasn’t, still not.” She took a few steps to get to the island and grab the jar that housed the noodles. She then went to the pantry and grabbed the sauce.

“You were late for an appointment. I waited for you to call me. When you didn’t, I figured you needed your space. I didn’t expect you to shut yourself away again,” Duke countered. Paxton detected a hint of hurt and anger in his voice. She set the ingredients she gathered on the counter.

She slammed her hands on the counter.  “I’m not shutting myself away! If you haven’t noticed I have been busy redecorating this place. I have been trying to erase Jack!” She turned her head and glared at him.  “I’ve been trying to erase every memory in this place but I can’t get rid of them.”

She felt tears sting her eyes at the aspects of her life that were now missing. “I was just up in the nursery thinking about where I would be if Jack and I had a child.
A child
! What about you and Ella? Where would you guys be if I hadn’t been distracted that night? What if I focused on my task at hand and not where I should have been at that moment?”

Duke pulled her into his arms. She shoved him back.

“You can’t fix it! You can’t just hold me and magically make everything better. I have to do this on my own, my own way.” She turned towards the stove. “If that means being by myself and checking out, then that is what I will do.”

She went and saw the water was beginning to boil. She threw the noodles in and grabbed some tongs to move them around in the pot. She heard the front door close. She quickly turned and saw she was alone in the kitchen.

She let the tears fall. She suddenly wasn’t hungry.  She turned the stove off and crumpled on the floor.  She crossed her legs and bent forward, hanging her head in her hands. Her memories of Jack came through. She saw how happy they used to be, the perfect life they built, and the smile that he reserved just for her. She saw how he cared for her and then her focus started to turn to Ella. She quickly tried to avoid them. She tried to build those walls back up again to keep the memories at bay.

She didn’t know how long she had been on the floor. She knew she had to pick herself up. She knew that if Ella were here they would be going out tonight. It was ‘Fantastic Friday’ as Ella would say. They would hit the town and just have fun. Paxton decided that is exactly what she needed. She got up and went up to get ready. She needed a distraction from her mind, her memories.

It took her about forty-five minutes to get ready. She came back in a dress she hadn’t worn since she first met Jack. It was a silver dress with the back cut in a low-V. It was a little loose on her because she lost some weight over the past few months but she still looked good in it. She called for a cab right before she finished putting herself together.

A few minutes before the cab was supposed to be there, she checked herself out in the floor length mirror. She left her hair in loose curls and put on a pair of leopard print heels. Her makeup gave her the sex kitten look Ella said she pulled off so well.  Paxton knew tonight she was going to become the girl that Ella used to be, the one Ella pushed her to become, the wild child, go-with-the-flow girl, the easy girl. 

She smoothed out her dress as she heard a honk come from the driveway. The cab was here. She took one final look, grabbed her clutch and headed out the door.

FOURTEEN

Paxton arrived in Aggieville, the local bar scene in town. It’s where everyone went to party, especially the college students. The cab had dropped her off by Varney’s, the local book store. After Paxton climbed out of the cab, she smoothed the wrinkles out her dress. She headed towards Rusty’s.  It was her and Ella’s start out point.  She walked up and she provided her ID that the bouncer motioned for. She smiled at him and the fact she was still getting carded. The bouncer handed her ID back and she placed it in her clutch as she started walking to the bar.  The outside was remodeled slightly with marble slab tables with a strip of fire running down the middle. It was a little past nine. She knew the crowd wouldn’t show up until about 10:30, so not too many people were out yet.

She walked up to the bar and set her purse up on the counter. The bartender immediately came over to her flashing his winning smile. Paxton smiled back at him knowing he was playing it up already for a good tip.

“What can I get ya?” He had a southern drawl.

“Rum and coke.” She didn’t have to shout yet as the music wasn’t blaring.

He turned and grabbed a glass, filled it with ice and started pouring. She watched his fluid movements behind the bar. Paxton wondered how easy it was to be a bartender. She needed to find something. She couldn’t bear going back to the hospital yet, too many memories were in those walls.

“Here you go, sweetie. $3.50.”

Paxton gave him a five then dumped the change in his tip jar. He grinned and went on his merry way. Paxton turned and went to the back of the bar. There were several picnic tables back there for patrons to sit at.  She walked out and turned to her right to go by Rusty’s Outback.

“Paxton?” A voice came from beside her. She turned and saw Jonathan.

“Hey! What are you doing here?” She gave him a hug.

“Out to blow some steam. Been stressful at the hospital lately.”

Paxton scrunched her nose knowing exactly how those weeks went.  “Well are you off tomorrow then?”

“Yes, I just came to grab a few drinks and head home, then I saw you. You look amazing.” His eyes swept the length of her.  Paxton blushed.

“Thanks.”

He took a step closer. “Meeting someone?”

“No, out by myself. I needed to get out of the house.”

The music suddenly started blaring.

“I see. Mind if I joined you?” He leaned in to make sure she heard. Paxton looked around and noticed people came earlier than she thought. 

“I would love the company,” she smiled. The grin broke out on Jonathan’s face.

“Let me grab a drink.”

“Meet you at the picnic table.” She nodded her head over at the table next to the bar.

Paxton noticed how much older he seemed in that moment. He was really only a few years older than her but he was really starting to age. She wondered if it was because of the stress from the hospital. Running the hospital board could not be an easy job.  He grew a goatee out and several gray hairs began to poke through the dark hair. He was half Mexican so he tanned skin looked even more of a golden tone under the neon lights. His hazel eyes stood out against his skin and as he leaned on the bar she could see the toned muscles of his arm. She let her eyes travel down his body. He wore a tight fitting grey shirt that left little to the imagination. His jeans hugged him and flared at the knee into a boot cut.  He was wearing his cowboy boots.  He looked delicious standing at the bar.  Paxton averted her gaze when her thoughts drifted that way. She didn’t know what came over her.  She took a long drink from the one she had been untouched since she ordered it.

“Slow down there Speedy Gonzales.” Jonathan’s voice was suddenly in her ear. She turned and his face was close to his. He smiled and sat beside her. She returned his smile.

“Sorry just need to relax a little. I figured this would do the trick.”

“It will then you will be drunk faster than any college girl here,” he nudged her.

Paxton and Jonathan fell into an easy conversation, only pausing to refill their drinks. Paxton was drinking faster than Jonathan but he didn’t say anything about it. She was thankful for that.  She realized how much she missed her friend. He caught her up on the hospital gossip, who’s still there, new changes being made. He even told her he kept her position open. The board tried to get someone to fill it. They had excellent applicants apply but Jonathan had been the deciding vote on everyone and didn’t want to fill it.

“Are you coming back?”

“I don’t think I can. I’m a mental patient. I’m being seen after being released from a mental facility.” She stood to refill her drink. She needed something stronger.

“Long Island, please.” The flashy-smiled bartender turned and began making the drink. Jonathan came up to the bar.

“I think you should try to come back. I can help you come back.”

“I was in a mental facility. I just can’t come back right.”

“You aren’t a mental case. If you were, you wouldn’t be here now,” Jonathan countered.

Paxton knew he was right. She may be able to go back if she could petition for her license or get the board behind her.  She would probably need to be supervised for a probationary period.  

“I don’t think I can go back. It would be too much,” Paxton admitted. She wouldn’t be able to go into the O.R. without thinking about her last surgery. Paxton wanted her surgical career back but she couldn’t bring herself to go back in there.

“Think about it,” Jonathan replied.  Paxton couldn’t look at him. She didn’t want to see the hope in his eyes that she would return.

“I will.”

“Promise me you will really think about it.”  Jonathan reached and tucked her hair behind her ear. She still refused to look at him. “Look at me and promise.”

She slowly turned and faced him. “Promise.”

“Enough serious talk,” he smiled. Paxton returned it and they settled into light conversation as Paxton drank her Long Island.

“Let’s go do the dance district!” Paxton shouted once she finished the last drink Jonathan bought her. Jonathan knew she was feeling the alcohol. She hadn’t drank enough water to counter act it.

“You cannot drive, I will take us.”

“Good ‘cause I don’t have a car here,” she smiled and stood up.

They walked out of the bar and down towards the parking lot by Burger King. Paxton kept bumping into him and giggling. Jonathan knew she was gone and probably wouldn’t make it much longer before she got sick.  He had stopped drinking about an hour ago. Before then, he only had a couple beers. They climbed in the car and headed down to 3
Street where the dance bar was.

Paxton sang along to the music and Jonathan stole glances at her. She started to remind him of the girl she used to be, the one that everyone loved. He had always had feelings for her since the day they met but he stayed out of the picture because Jack was a good friend of his. He didn’t want to mess with their relationship. Now that Jack is out of the picture, he wanted to make sure that he didn’t mess up the friendship he still had with both of them. He was stupid enough to almost ruin it last time but they were both drunk.

He pulled into the parking garage and she climbed out quickly. “Where to?” He asked as he put his arm around her back to guide her towards the clubs.

“Athens. It was Ella’s favorite place,” she said. 

Jonathan hesitated. He didn’t know if this was a good idea. She could lose it and who knows what would happen then. “What about somewhere else first?”

“No, I want to go to Athens. Ella says it has the best music and dance floor.” She marched on towards the club.

They walked about halfway down the street. Athens was right by the old Train Station that had been restored. Paxton provided her ID to the bouncer and walked in. Jonathan followed her after he got his ID back. She was already heading to the bar for another drink. Jonathan thought he may need a beer for this. He never really liked dancing. He had no rhythm and two left feet.  He caught up to Paxton as she reached the bar. She ordered a couple shots, a crown and coke, and he added a beer to the end of it.   She paid for them as the bartender set the drinks in front of them.

“Here,” she said slamming one of the shots in front of him, “to a fabulous night!” She raised her shot glass. Jonathan grabbed his and smiled.

“To being happy,” he amended. They both slammed their shots on the counter before tipping them back. He set it down and felt the burn. He chased it with his beer. She grabbed the drink and started towards the dance floor.

“I’ll wait here.” He stopped at the edge of the dance floor. There was a bar top wrapped around the railings that created the dance floor area. He found an empty spot and Paxton set her drink down.

“Don’t you wanna dance with me?” She gave a little pouting face and batted her eyelashes.

“You know I don’t dance. I just brought you here to make sure you didn’t drive or do anything stupid.”

She feigned being hurt by the comment. “Please?”

Jonathan shook his head.  She took a step on the floor and turned to face him. She did a little hip shaking and asked again. “You sure you don’t want to dance with me?”