Breaking Through the Wall (Guarded Hearts Book 2) (18 page)

I brought Nicole right up to my room and grabbed her one of my shirts to sleep in. When she took off her dress
, though, I saw tiny little bruises on her hips. As soon as she saw them, she looked at me and confirmed my suspicions. That asshole bruised her.

“Fuck!” I couldn’t do anything
, but scream right now. I was so damn frustrated. I turned around and punched the closest thing near me, which ended up being the wall. Shit, that hurt.

I stopped when I heard her start to cry
. Here I was acting like a dickhead and I didn’t even stop to think how it affected her. I went over to her and wrapped my arms around her.

“I need to take a shower
, J.” She pulled away from me, and started to make her way to the bathroom. I took my jeans and shirt off, and went to follow her. She stopped, turned around, and put her hand on my chest. “I, um…I kind of just want to shower alone right now.”

Shit, was she pissed at me? I sat on the bed and listened to the sounds of the shower. Once I heard the water turn off
, I knew she would be out soon. When she came out, I went up to her and wrapped her in my arms. Then I shut off the light, and led her to the bed.

“I’m sorry I was being a dick
, babe.” I lay down, held her close to me, and she started to cry again. When she stopped, I lifted her chin up so that she was looking at me.

“I’m here
, babe, and I am not going to let anyone hurt you, okay?” She nodded her head.
Is it okay to kiss girls after stuff like this, or is there like a waiting period? Fuck it. I never second-guessed myself before and I’m not going to start now.
I leaned my head down and kissed her softly and slowly. It wasn’t one of those ‘let me rip your clothes off and fuck you’ kisses, it was an ‘I’m going to take care of you’ kind of kiss.

“Jason, I want you. I want you to erase every moment of tonight and replace them with you.”

I realized that tonight was going to be the first time that we would be doing more than just having sex. Tonight, I was going to make love to her. I slowly pulled off the shirt she was wearing and eased down her underwear before taking off my own.

We kept kissing and touching each other as I eased my way on top of her. This time
, when I slid inside of her, it wasn’t rushed and rough. I made sure to be gentle and I took my time. Each time I slid in and out of her felt like heaven. I had never had a girl like this before. I had never had sex mean anything, until Nicole. I wanted it to matter and I wanted to show her how I felt, even if I wasn’t ready to say it.

“I’m close
, J.”

“Me too
, baby.” I leaned down and kissed her mouth. “You are so fucking gorgeous.” We came together at that moment. Even then, it wasn’t the loud screaming; it was a content and peaceful moment of pure happiness.

When we were lying there
, Nicole turned to me. “How did you know to come looking for me?”

She wasn’t going to like this, but I also wasn’t going to apologize for it either. “One of my friends from class works there. I had told him that you were going to be there and asked him to keep an eye on you. He called me when he had to pull the asshole off of you the first time. We have to go to your parents
’ house tomorrow, so let’s get some sleep, okay?”

She leaned up to kiss me, then rested her head on my chest and fell asleep.

*
* *

As we were pulling into Nicole’s driveway, I started to get nervous. I never had a girlfriend before, so I had never needed to go through the whole meet the parent’s thing. At least she said that her dad and stepmom weren’t getting home until tomorrow.

“Come on
,” she said, grabbing my hand and leading me through the house. Jesus, this house was big. I was never wealthy growing up, so this all seemed surreal to me. “I have been living in the pool house since senior year. I wanted my own space and my dad saw this as a compromise.”

When we got into the pool house, my mouth dropped open further, if that was possible. It must
have been as big as the first floor of my house. You could immediately tell that Nicole lived here. Every decoration in here was pink, or some form of animal print. “Nic, this is really…nice.”

She dropped her bags on the floor and turned around to look at me. Then she reached up and wrapped her arms around my neck. “Thank you for coming home with me. I know this isn’t something that you were really comfortable with.” She leaned up and kissed me.

“Baby, you have me so goddamn whipped that I would do anything for you.” I wanted to tell her I loved her. Maybe I would tonight. I knew that I did with all of my heart and that she felt the same. However, knowing it and saying it out loud were two different things. She took my hand and led me over to her couch.

When I sat down
, she straddled herself on top of my lap. “Thank God my dad will be gone until tomorrow. I have plans for you, Tarzan.” She started kissing me again, but this time there was a fire between us. We had this amazing chemistry together. Whenever we touched my whole body sprang to life.

I started to kiss my way down her neck
, nipping and biting just how she loved, when I heard the door open and a woman’s voice.

“Nicole, your father and I—
”

“Ugh, don’t you know how to knock? This isn’t part of the main house
, so you have no claim to it.” Nicole was still on top of me, so I couldn’t see whoever had come in, but I was guessing it was her stepmom.

With as much as Nicole talked about her
, I just had to sneak a look. When I peeked around Nic and saw her, my heart stopped. No, this could not be happening right now. “Mom?”

When she looked at me
, I knew. I saw the recognition pass over her face. She turned without another word and walked out. I didn’t know why I would be surprised by this. It wasn’t the first time she knowingly walked away from me. I moved Nicole off of me and stood up.

I
couldn’t even think right now. My mother was here and married to her father! Living the life of fucking luxury, while my dad worked his ass off every day. Half of the time I thought of her, I prayed that she had it as hard as we did. No, she was living the life and enjoying it. I needed to get out of here.

I started for the door
, but I felt someone grab my arm. When I turned around, Nicole was standing there staring at me. Looking at her now, all I saw was my mother’s betrayal with her father. I couldn’t be with her and I couldn’t be here. I reached for the door again.

“Jason, please wait
. I—”

“No
, Nic, I’m leaving, this shit is too much. I am going to go home and you are going to stay here.”

“No, I’ll go with you. I don’t want to be here
. I just want to be where you are.” I could see the pain I was causing in her eyes, and it was about to get worse.

“Well
, I don’t want to be with you. I’m leaving. Don’t follow me.”

“No! I refuse to let you end us because of this!” She was starting to cry now, and I couldn’t look at her.

“You can refuse all you want, it’s over. Don’t follow me, don’t call me, just leave me alone. I don’t know who we were kidding with this, anyway. It would have ended eventually.”

I started walking to the car and heard her following me. I opened the door and started to get in
, when she grabbed it and stopped it from closing. It started raining. We were just staring at each other and getting soaked saying nothing at first. Nicole broke the silence.

“J, please don’t leave. I…I love you.” She had tears streaming down her face now, and all I wanted to do was pull her into my arms. I couldn’t
, though. I would never be able to deal with this, and having my mother be a permanent reluctant presence in my life. I pulled the door away from her and slammed it. Then I sped out of that driveway and away from that house as fast as I could.

The whole drive home I couldn’t get Nicole’s face or what she said out of my head. For the first time since Sara died, I cried.

Nicole

I didn’t know how long I had been standing in the rain, but it didn’t matter. I was numb right now, a shell of who I was. Jason took every last part of me with him when he left. I couldn’t believe he did that to me. I told him I loved him, and he just left. I had been scared to say it to him and as soon as I did he drove away like I had just told him the worst news ever.

I slowly walk
ed back to the pool house, not caring what I looked like to the neighbors, or how wet I was right now. When I got there, I pulled out my phone and all I wanted to do was call him. I didn’t, though. I did call Mads and tried to tell her what happened, but between the sobbing and teeth chattering from being frozen, I barely got anything out.

She
seemed to understand what I was saying, though, and Carter drove her to come pick me up. We didn’t talk the whole way back to their house and I appreciated the silence. When we got there, she showed me where the shower was, which I hoped would make me feel a little better. I wanted the shower to wash away all of the grief and sadness, although I knew that was not a possibility.

When I walk
ed back into the bedroom, Mads was sitting there waiting for me. “Listen, Nic, Carter is going to go home tonight and I am going to stay here with you. He is fine with it, so don’t even think about fighting me on it.” I walked over and gave her a hug. I was so happy to have a friend like her right now. After Carter left, Mads and I sat down on the couch. “All right, girl, now spill.”

“Ok
ay, well, first let me share the big revelation with you. The Barbie troll that my dad married…she is…she’s his mom.” The look on her face was just as I expected. “I understand why he was upset, Mads, but how could he leave me because of that. He left me. I told him that I loved him and he left me. I get that he needed to get away, but I wanted to go with him. He was so cold, like the old Jason. I finally broke down his wall and now he put it back up and I don’t think there is a chance I will even crack it this time.”

“Nicole
, I know it seems like that now, but once he calms down he will see that it has nothing to do with the two of you.”

I wish
ed she would have been right about that. I gave J his space for the next week. I didn’t call him, text him, I didn’t even ask Carter for updates on how he was. When he got back to town, I still never heard from him. Carter said he was drowning his worries in alcohol, and I knew that girls would become a part of that soon. I had to try one last time.

* * *

It was midnight and I couldn’t sleep. It had been two weeks since Jason had walked away from me and I needed to see him. When I got to his house, it was unlocked, so I knew he must still be up. When I walked into his room, I saw something that demolished any pieces of my heart that weren’t broken when he walked away from me last time. Stacey was here, lying on Jason’s bed, the sheets were all messed up, and she was wearing nothing but a bra and panties. I could hear Jason’s shower running in his bathroom. Oh my God.

“Nicole, what are you doing here? Jason said you weren’t together anymore.” I
could tell by the way she said it, that she was enjoying every minute of this. I would not cry right now, because I refused to give her the satisfaction of seeing me like that. I walked out of his room, knowing that no matter how much I loved him, I could never forgive him.

I drop
ped his Christmas present that I had gotten him in Myrtle Beach on the kitchen counter, and walked home, finally accepting that I had lost Jason and he wasn’t coming back.

Jason

This time without Nicole had been shit. Being away from her only showed me how much I cared about her. Even knowing that
, I still couldn’t wrap my head around the fact that if she was in my life, my mom would be too. I had been drinking, constantly, to help suppress the urge to call her and beg her to take me back. I knew going back to her would only hurt both of us right now. I was in no shape to be with her, I didn’t want to be around anyone.

Did I hear voices out there? Shawn wasn’t coming back
until tomorrow. Maybe it was just my imagination. I turned off the shower, wrapped myself in a towel, and went out into my bedroom. When I walked out and saw Stacey lying on my bed, I did a double take. What the fuck was she doing here?

She must have heard me because she turned around and smiled at me. “That was a long ass shower
, J. Surprise! I know it’s late, but I wanted to give you a Christmas present.” She knelt on the bed and reached around to unclasp her bra.

“Wait! Stacey
, I don’t know what you think you are doing, but you need to leave. I don’t want you here.”

“But Jason—
”

“Out! Now!”

Once she was gone, I laid back down on the bed. When my head hit the pillow, all I could smell was Nicole.
Fuck, she is like a ghost that won’t go away.