Breaking Free (16 page)

The only thing that’s left

Is a shell of the person you used to be

You don’t know yourself anymore

You have to find her just to see

If there’s still a chance

If she’ll take you back

If she’ll save you from yourself

If she can forgive you for the things you lack

She’s the one who made you see

The one who changed the game

The one who showed you how to love

And now you’ll never be the same

Because you can’t get her out of your head

The night she left still haunts you

And you need to make it right

But you don’t know what you do

So you vow to yourself that things will change

You want to give her something new

Something she never thought she’d have

Maybe that’s what she needs from you

So you vow to give her yourself

And you finally know what to do.

You need to tell her to her face

I’m sorry and I love you

Tears are streaming down my face by the time Drew gets to the last line in his song. I can’t believe he is here saying these things to me.
What do I do? Can I forgive him?

He throws the microphone on a nearby table and places his hands on the sides of my face. “I have missed you so fucking much, James. Until you left, I had no idea how much I needed you. I know you may not believe me, but nothing happened that night. I just wanted you to think it did. I wanted to drive you away because I couldn’t deal with the shit in my own head. I knew the next day, though, how much of a mistake I had made. You’re
it
for me, you’re my fucking forever. Even if I’m not yours anymore.”

He’s waiting for me to respond but it’s like my mouth isn’t working. My head is so damn scrambled with everything. He never touched her? Can I believe him?

His eyes seem defeated, and after I fail to say anything to him, he drops his hands and walks away from me. I turn, watching him for a minute, trying to figure out what to do. Will I be okay knowing I let him walk away? What will it be like not having him with me when I know he could be? My head is killing me from the decision looming over me. That’s when Carter comes up beside me.

I hold my hand up. “Please don’t, the last thing I want is a lecture right now.”

“Go after him.” I whip my head in his direction.
Overprotective brother say what?
“I saw the way he looked at you, Holls. It’s the same way I look at Mads every day. Go after him.” I throw my arms around Carter, giving him a hug and working through the pain because I need it.

I run out of the reception hall, looking around frantically for Drew. I see him exit the front doors and I run to catch up to him. Once I burst through the doors, I yell to him. “Drew! Stop!”

He stops and turns my way, the look in his eyes seems to say he’s hoping that I came back to tell him I love him, too. Then I see it coming, but it’s too late. I scream but he can’t move in time. As the car crashes into him, Drew’s body flies onto the hood, rolling off once the car hits its brakes and stops.

“No!” I’m running but I feel like I can’t get there fast enough. I fall onto the ground beside him and stare into his eyes. “Someone call 911!” I scream and everyone comes running out of the hall. They all respect my space, though, everyone but Shawn who is pre-med. He runs to Drew’s side and start to feel for his vitals.

“Shit, his pulse is weak. Try to talk to him, Holls, keep him up.”

I squeeze Drew’s hand. “Drew, open your eyes! Look at me, dammit!” His eyes weakly flutter open and his mouth forms into a smile that seems like it hurts.

“You came…back.”

I smile at him as tears roll down my eyes. “I love you. I love you so much.”

He coughs and blood splatters my dress. “You don’t know…” He coughs again, barely able to finish his sentence, “…how much I wanted to hear that.”

He starts to close his eyes again. “No! Drew, you need to stay awake! You need to look at me!” His eyes close just as the ambulance is pulling up. “Drew! Drew! No, come back!”

Shawn’s arms wrap around my waist and pull me backward. “Let them work, Holls! You need to let them do their job.” I throw his hands off of me and run back toward them.

Nicole grabs my hand. “Listen, Holls, you need to let them work. You want to be near him, that’s fine, but you can’t interfere.”

I wrap my arms around myself and pace back and forth as they work on Drew. I can’t hear their conversation, but even if I could it’s not like I would understand any of that medical crap anyway. I just need to hear them say that he will be okay. I need to know that I didn’t miss my chance. I need him.

When the EMTs take a sheet and cover his body with it, I let out an animalistic scream. This can’t be real. I just got him back! He just told me that he loved me! I just…

Chapter Fourteen

“Holly.” Carter is shaking my shoulders and I look up at him. I’m breathing hard, but when I look around I’m back inside the hall. “You okay?” I have tears in my eyes but I nod my head. I look down at my dress and it’s clean, no blood.
Oh my god. It wasn’t real. He is still here.

I run out of the room as fast as I can. As soon as I get outside, I see him getting into his black SUV at the curb. “Drew!”

He stops as he is halfway into the car. When he turns my way he smiles and I run to him, jumping into his arms as soon as I reach him.

“I love you. I fucking love you so much.” Before he can respond, I crash my mouth to his, soaking him up and taking everything I can from him. This is what’s been missing. This is what I need.

Drew. Fucking. Walker.

The End.

Epilogue

Drew

I’m so drunk right now I can barely see the girl in front of me. I laugh at her as she starts to cry. “If you’re gonna stay¸ you gotta stop the crying.” I swipe the lone tear that falls from her eye, knowing it will taste just as sweet as she does. “It is
really
bringing down my mood, and I wanna have some fun.”

That’s when she hits me. For a girl her size, I’m impressed with the punch she lands. I don’t even have the chance to offer up a snarky comment as she runs out of the room. Leslie saunters over to me trying too hard to look sexy.

“
I’m
ready to have some fun, baby.”

I take her hand and walk her to the door. “Feel free to have all the fun you want, just clean up whatever mess you make.”

I shut the door in her shocked slutty face. I need to clear my head. I go to my car and give Marco the address of the only place that I can imagine being right now.

* * *

“Andrew Matthew Walker!”
Shit. She’s loud in the morning.
I open one eye to glance at the woman standing above me—the woman who gave birth to me and is supposed to love me no matter what. She is also the woman who looks like she wants to kill me right now. “What happened last night?”

“Um…I don’t know. Why?”

“What did you do to that poor girl?”

“What are you talking about, Mom?”

“I’m talking about how you showed up here drunker than I have ever thought is humanly possible. When I asked you about Holly you said, and I quote, ‘wham bam thank you ma’am’, and then passed out on the couch.”

I chuckle; I always thought I was an entertaining drunk. Suddenly, pain explodes in the side of my head. “What the hell, Mom?! You hit me!”

She smacks me again. “Don’t you use that language in this house. Now, you will tell me everything right now.”

I take a deep breath and then launch into the story of yesterday. Seeing my mom cringe and tear up sucks, and I know they’re her reactions to the way I acted. Having to tell someone what you did wrong is so much worse than just thinking about it in your own head. When I finish my story, my mother stand up, shakes her head at me, and starts to walk out of the door.

“Come on, Mom! No advice?”

She turns toward me. “Make it right.”

That’s all she says. She had advice for what to do if someone said a swear word in front of me, but with this she says ‘make it right’? I pull out my phone and text her. I know it’s the coward’s way out, but right now that’s what I am. A fucking coward. She won’t answer me after multiple messages, so I decide to call her.

Her voicemail picks up. “James, listen I need to talk to you. Please just pick up the phone. Text me back. Please.”

When my phone beeps, I thank God. Until I read the message.

Holly: I don’t think that you get that I am done with you. I hate you for what you did and the way you treated me. I hate you for making me feel safe when I wasn’t. I hate that I let myself trust you, only for you to turn around and crush me. Leave me alone. I don’t ever want to see you, or hear from you again.

So that’s it, she hates me. Hell, I would fucking hate me, too. I actually kind of do. This reminds me of when she left the first time. I didn’t take her seriously then; I knew she would come back if I asked her to. Unfortunately, the first time I could get to her then was almost a week after she left. I still knew that she wouldn’t say no to me.

This time it’s different, though. This time I really screwed up, and I can’t just show up and force her to come back. I didn’t realize how much I cared about her until last night. Until I watched her tell me what happened to her and saw the tears in her eyes. Fuck, it hurt to see that. I was in a situation again that I couldn’t control and I couldn’t make right, and I flipped the fuck out.

I think it hit me on the ride to the venue—I loved her. However, this was another girl that I loved that I couldn’t save. I can’t protect her from the pain that she experiences on a daily basis. I can’t make it go away. I can’t handle that. I saw her way before she thought I did. We could be in a massive crowd that was stampeding and I would always find her. I needed to find a way to drive her away, so when we took our break before the encore and my manager said Leslie Chaucer wanted to do the song with us, it was the perfect opportunity. She had been eye fucking me from backstage the entire show so I knew she would play along.

I watched Holly’s face when I was with Leslie and I saw the pain there but I was too drunk and stubborn to realize what I was doing. I did the same thing when she came into my dressing room. I just needed her to go and get away from me. So I pushed her away, but now I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to get her back.

* * *

I’ve been calling and texting Holly for the last month but she hasn’t replied to me since that first day. I’ve been fucking lost without her and I’m still trying to work past the issues in my own head. My mom and I visited Sarah’s grave the other day and I said my final goodbye to her and also told her how sorry I was. I knew I had to put Sarah behind me if I were going to have a future with Holly.

Now I’m standing outside of her brother’s wedding, getting ready to hijack it. I watched the ceremony from the trees and she looked fucking gorgeous. I have never been nervous before a performance before, but this is different. This is my life.

When I walk in and the piano starts, everyone’s heads turn toward me. I see her brothers and the other two musketeers ready to pounce until the girls hold them back. I make my way toward Holly, not being able to tell if she’s happy or not that I’m here. Once I start to sing to her, tears well in her eyes.
God, I hope they’re happy tears.

Tears are streaming down her face by the time I get to the last line in my song. I throw the microphone on a nearby table and place my hands on the sides of her head. “I have missed you so fucking much, James. Until you left, I had no idea how much I needed you. I know you may not believe me, but nothing happened that night. I just wanted you to think it did. I wanted to drive you away because I couldn’t deal with the shit in my own head. I knew the next day though, how much of a mistake I had made. You’re
it
for me, you’re my fucking forever. Even if I’m not yours anymore.”

I wait for her to respond, but she doesn’t. Maybe I just fucked up too much. I drop my hands to my side before walking out of the room like a dog with my tail between my legs. I swear for the first time since Sarah died, I might actually cry. I shake my head as I climb into my car, then I hear her.

“Drew!” I turn and see her standing at the door. I turn toward her as she runs to me and catch her when she jumps into my arms. “I love you. I fucking love you so much.”

Her mouth crashes down on me and I dig my fingers into her, praying that this isn’t a dream, that it’s fucking real. She came back. I fought for her and it worked. I can now take my girl home and show her how much I love her.

Holly

It’s been six months since the wedding, since the day my life took a turn for the better. I’ve been seeing a psychiatrist regularly to help with my issues, and I have to say it’s been helping. I can even tolerate a little contact now. It can’t be long or anything too harsh but I’m working through it. Drew has been amazing through everything. I never thought that he would stick by me the way that he has.

We’ve been on his tour for what seems like forever and I’m excited to finally go back to his house for a few days. After that, we are going to be making a trip to see my brother and everyone else. Drew is even going to meet my dad, which I have to admit scares me a little bit.

My feet are killing me in these damn heels, so once we pull up to the house I’m ecstatic to get in and relax. When I open the door, there are candles on every single surface of the room. Soft music plays in the background and I can feel Drew standing behind me.

“You did all of this?”

He nods his head against my skin as he walks me further into the house and kicks the door closed. “Close your eyes.” I do as he says, half excited and half scared as to what might happen.