Breaking Free (5 page)

Chapter 6
:  July 19 (Day Two Continued)

I stoo
d up and
marched to his tent.  “JC, can I come in?” I asked loud enough for Chris to hear.

“Sure.”

I unzipped the door and he stared at me with raised eyebrows.

“What can I do for you
, Mal?”

I gulp
ed.  I couldn’t believe I was doing this, but I needed to get out of the woods.  I couldn’t spend another twenty-eight days in the middle of nowhere with Chris ordering us around and everyone hating me.

I knelt down and
crawled into the tent before reaching up to unbutton my shirt.  My hands were shaking.  Why were they shaking?  I had to stop that if he was going to take me seriously.  The quizzical look on his face turned to amusement.  That wasn’t good.  I needed to do a better job.  I walked closer to him.

“I thought we cou
ld have some fun tonight,” I said in low, sexy voice.

“Uh
huh.  What exactly did you have in mind?”

“I think you k
now what I have in mind,” I said, freeing the last button on my shirt. His eyes momentarily dropped to my chest, but quickly locked back onto mine.

I
scooted closer to him and reached towards his face, but he grabbed both my wrists in one hand and lowered them to the ground.  Amusement turned to concern.

“What
are you doing?  This isn’t you.”

Damn, damn, damn
, I thought. This was supposed to be easy.

“Don’t tell me you didn’t fe
el the connection today.”  Come on, weren’t guys always thinking about sex?

“You mean when you were falling
all over yourself in the woods?  Or maybe when you had blood gushing down your face? Or perhaps when we were avoiding the topic of you cutting.”

That was it.  I had had it with him.  He was
ruining my plan and bringing up personal stuff he knew was off limits.  I needed to just get it over with.  I leaned over and firmly planted my lips on his.

He pulled
back.  “Mal, no.”

“What’s your problem? 
Let’s do it already,” I said loud enough for Chris to hear.

“No.  I can’t leave
yet and I don’t want to be responsible for you going home.  If you’re that desperate to get kicked out, you’ll have to find another way.”

I push
ed away from him in disgust. “How did you know?”

“You think you’re the only
one who’s heard the rumors?”

“You don’t understand
.  I need to get out of here.  I need to get back home.  I’m miserable.  I can’t stand Chris.  She’s controlling and demanding and wants to ruin our lives.”

“You’re right.  How dare she
tell you to eat lunch.  She’s such a bitch.”  A slight grin formed on his face.

“Oh, don’t even act all high and mighty.  You’re such a hypocrite—you
went against her orders today!”

“Yeah,
because I wanted to help you.  But I don’t hold her responsible and I’m not going to whine tomorrow when she gives me grunt work.”

I started crying.  I couldn’t help it.  The stress of the last two days was too
much.

L
oud sobs escaped and caused my entire body to shudder.  “You don’t understand.  I hate it here!  I’m dirty.  I smell.  I haven’t had coffee in over thirty-six hours.  I can’t even text anyone to tell them how miserable I am! And no one likes me here. No one talks to me.  I just want to go home and have a normal summer,” I choked out between cries.

He reached
his muscular arms around me and pulled my body to his chest.  His warmth spread through me and I could feel his heart beat against my temple.

“
I talk to you,” he said quietly, laying his chin on top of my head.

“
Out of pity.”

“I wouldn’t say that.”

“Really.  You don’t think I’m some overly dramatic, bratty, incapable, weak, little girl who keeps hurting herself out here?” I said with increasing anger.  I pushed away so I could see his face.

“No
t anymore.  You impressed me today.  You carried like 350 pounds up that hill.  I don’t know many girls who could do that,” he said in a loud whisper. “Now your attitude could use a bit of an adjustment.  Is it really that hard to thank someone when they do something nice for you? And is it really that bad to listen to Chris?  She’s the one person in our group who actually knows how to survive out …”

He was
interrupted by Chris leaning in the tent door saying, “Is everything all right in here?”

JC
raised an eyebrow and looked at me.  “Is everything all right, Mal?”

He was
giving me the opportunity to be sent home.  All I had to do was turn around so Chris could see my unbuttoned shirt.  Surely that would be enough to kick us out.  I hesitated for a moment.  That’s what I wanted, right?  I could be on a plane home tomorrow.  I looked at JC’s expectant face.  That gnawing guilty feeling returned in full force because he was right—he had helped me multiple times and I had treated him awfully.  Had I really not thanked him?  Not even once?

Without turning around, I said
, “No, everything’s fine.  We’re just talking.”

“It’s
ten-thirty, lights out,” she said.

“I’m leaving right now.”

After Chris left, he smiled and said, “I knew you wouldn’t do that to me.”

“Thank you,” I said
quietly as I buttoned my shirt.

He
rose next to me and gently brushed my arm as I turned to leave.  Leaning in, barely touching his mouth to my ear, he whispered, “Somebody here likes you.  Probably more than he should.”

Chapter 7
:  July 20 (Day Three)

That night
, I replayed
JC’s parting words in my mind, but didn’t know what to make of them.  Yet again, I was a mess so I’m sure he was trying to make me feel better.  It’s not like he really meant what he said.  He couldn’t have.  Even I didn’t like myself then.

In the
morning, I woke to Chris pounding on her pot and the most delicious aroma filling the air.  I quickly rinsed my face with water, applied a light coat of foundation, some mascara, and lip gloss, and then headed outside for coffee.  When I exited my tent, I found the place empty other than Chris.

“Where is everyone?” I ask
ed.

“In their tents.  Here,”
she said handing me an envelope and a cup of coffee.  “This is a note your parents wanted you to have a few days into the trip.  Please take it to your tent, read it, and think about what it says.  Breakfast will be ready in ten minutes.”

I retreated to my tent and took a long sip of the hot coffee before
dealing with the letter.  I sighed as the warm liquid heated up my belly and offered some sense of normalcy and comfort in this otherwise foreign place.  Did Chris hear my rant to JC last night? Is that why we suddenly had coffee?  Or was that just a coincidence?

I took another gulp.  Damn, it was good.  Like rivalling Starbucks good.  How did
she do that in the middle of the woods?

After a few moments, the caffeine kicked in and I thought I
was ready to read the note from my parents, but as soon as I unfolded the letter, my blood pressure rose.  It was from Sheila, my stepmom, not my dad.

Kelsie,

By this point into the trip, I imagine you’ve wreaked some havoc and probably have the counselor at her wit’s end.  Remember that your father and I expect you to successfully complete this program so that you can return home and act like a normal person again.  If you do not complete the program, you will be sent to a military school for your senior year.  Your father has already agreed.  Hopefully, that’s the motivation you need.

Don’t disappoint us--

Sheila

I wad
ded the paper into a ball and threw it across the tent.  “Bitch,” I mumbled.  She couldn’t even sign it “Love, Sheila.”  I was so sick of her.  She didn’t understand.  She had never understood me.

I peered outside the tent and saw that JC was already sitting at the fire
pit.  I grabbed the crumpled up piece of paper and joined him.  Before lowering myself on the log, I tossed the paper onto the coals and truly smiled for the first time in three days as it went up in flames.  Destroying something Sheila created was like destroying her.  It was therapeutic.  If only I could get her out of my life for real just as easily.

“Is that an actual smile?” JC asked, smirking in my direction.

I sat down next to him, stretching my legs out in front of me.  “Yes, I’m imagining throwing my evil stepmom into the fire.”

“That’s a bit harsh.”

“Did you miss the word ‘evil’?”

“You also call
Chris evil and I don’t really agree.”

“You’d agree if you knew Sheila.”

“What’s the worst thing she’s done?”

I rolled my eyes.  “
Sending me here ranks high on the list.”

“This program is probably good for you.”

“I don’t need to be here.”

“That’s debatable,” he said, running his fingers along the inside of my wrist, lift
ing the edge of the silver band to reveal one thin, white scar.

Embarrassed by him seeing what I had done to myself,
I jerked my hand away so the bracelet fell back in place.   “She uses my dad for his money and has never had any interest in being a mother to me.”

“That sucks.”

“You’re not going to tell me I’m wrong?”

“
I only tell you you’re wrong when I see evidence to the contrary.”

At that point,
Chris joined us at the fire and lifted a Dutch oven from the coals.  When she opened the lid, the sweet aroma of cinnamon rolls wafted toward us.  That drew Mia and Bling out of their tents, but Neeky was nowhere to be found.

While we ate, we signed up for chores and
Chris informed me that I still had to collect three containers of water since the ones JC carried for me the day before didn’t count.  As expected, JC was also assigned grunt work, but it wasn’t gathering water.  I was about to tell Chris exactly how I felt about her plans, but better judgment won out.  I couldn’t go to military school.  That would be like this times ten for an entire year.  There was no way I’d survive that.  Which meant that I had to start doing whatever Chris said whenever she said it so I wouldn’t be kicked out.  That didn’t stop the internal curses I had for her, though.

Luckily, the trips for water that day weren’t nearly as bad as the day before.  Between the bandage on my foot, the blisters getting better, and knowing I only had to make three trips instead of twelve, I was able to keep a positive attitude the entire time.

When I finished, I found JC sitting on the ground surrounded by feathers, hooks, thread, beads, and some weird metal contraption clamped to a log.

I sa
t opposite him and watched as he tried to tie a knot around a feather and attach it to a hook.  Three attempts and two finger sticks later, he finally got it.

Chris
was near her tent doing something to fishing poles as she talked to Jason.  Everyone else was in their tents.

“Can I talk to him while he works?” I yell
ed across the space.

“Yes.”

I focused back on JC.  “I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“Making you have to do this.”

“It’s not your fault.”

“Still, you wouldn’t be tearing up your fingers if it weren’t for me.”

He shrug
ged and concentrated on the thing in front of him.

“What is that?” I ask
ed.

“Fly for fly fishing.  Apparently
Chris figured I’d enjoy gathering water too much so she taught me how to do this.”

“
Are you enjoying this?”

“Not at all.”

“She has a knack for picking out grunt work that is least appealing for each of us.”

He nodded and added a bead to the hook, but not before impaling his thumb again.  “Dammit,” he
cursed under his breath.

“How many of these do you have to do?”

“Ten.”

I glance
d to the lone fly sitting next to his right leg.  “This is only your second one?”

“Yeah
.”

“You’re slow.”

“No kidding.”

“Want a pointer?”

“You know how to make flies?”

“No, but I know how to make jewelry and the
concept is the same.”  Chris walked behind me and laid five fishing poles on the ground.  “Can I make suggestions to help him if I don’t actually do the work?” I asked.

She smiled at us, but not her hoity-toity, you’ll-regret-this-tomorrow smile, more like she was happy we were talking.  “That’s fine.”

“The problem is you’re constantly switching between tools.  That’s time consuming.  You need to do this like an assembly line.  First, go through and tie thread to all eight hooks you have left.  Then, add the feather to each hook.  Then the bead.”

“You may be on to something,” he said, organizing the materials in front of
him.

“Of course I am.  I’m not a complete idiot.”

He looked up at me with a frown.  “Where’d that come from?  I’ve never even said you were a partial idiot.”

“Well, I’m sure that’s what you and everyone else thinks.”

“Why don’t you ask me what I think rather than tell me?”

I rolled my eyes and leaned against a tree while he continued
tying thread around the hooks.

After a few moments, he asked,
“Are you really from Malibu?”

“No. 
Bel Air.”

“Where’s that?”

“About thirty miles from Malibu.”

He laughed
a deep, throaty laugh and then nicked his finger on a hook.  “Shit, that one hurt.”  After wiping a drop of blood on his pants, he said, “So, basically Malibu?”

Ignoring him, I asked, “
What about you?”

“
Durham, North Carolina.  About four hours east of here.”

“Have you been in these mountains before?”

“No.  My family never had money to take trips.”

“That’s too bad.”

“It didn’t bother me.  We had plenty to do in Durham.”

“Like what?  Is there a beach?”

“No, that’s a few hours away.”

Before I
could ask him what he did, we all heard rustling in Neeky’s tent.  It looked like something inside fell against the wall.  I craned my neck to see through the half-zipped door, but couldn’t tell what it was.  By the size of the bulge, there was a good chance it had to be Neeky, though.

Chris
sighed and motioned for Jason to join her.  “We need to do a more thorough search for alcohol now,” she whispered.  “Did the Lodge get in touch with his parents last night?”

The Lodge was the name of the building where we all met the first day.  They made it sound like it was some awesome retreat when in reality it was a tiny, worn out shack with an office, a storage loft, a bathroom, and a central gathering area.  The whole place smelled like dirt mixed wit
h mold.  It wasn’t nice at all.

“Yes,
I just got the message,” Jason answered.  “They faxed us permission if you want me to do it.”  I spun around, surprised to hear Jason actually speak.  He seemed to be a man of very few words.

Chris nodded
.  “Let’s see exactly where he’s hiding the rest of the alcohol.”

My eyes grew huge and my jaw dropped because
I was pretty sure Neeky was about to get strip searched.  It hadn’t even dawned on me to hide prohibited items beneath my clothes and now I’m glad it didn’t.  The embarrassment I had already endured on the trip would have been nothing compared to that.

Jason approached Neeky’s tent.  “Samuel,
may I come in?” he asked.  “I need to search you and your belongings.”

“Hell no,” Neeky
slurred from inside.

“Then you’ll have to co
me with me back to the Lodge.”

“I’m not going no
where.”

“That’s
not an option.”

“I need
to call my parents.  They won’t allow this.”

“We talked to them last night and they already faxed over permission to address this situation as we see fit.  You have one minute to decide what you want to do.”

I cringed at Jason’s words.  He didn’t speak much, but when he did, he was serious.

Neeky
appeared at the door, wobbling on his knees, and narrowed his bloodshot eyes.  He threw something on the floor, but opened the rest of the door.  Jason entered, zipping it up fully once they were both inside.

“Maybe that’s your ticket home,” JC said to me.  “Got any liquor you can hide under your clothes?”

“I can’t go home,” I grumbled.

He looked
up from his fly, surprise lighting up his features.  “No?  Why the change of heart?”

“My bitch of a stepmom said she’ll send me to military school if I get kicked out of here.”

He laughed and, despite my annoyance, my lips involuntary curled into a half smile at the sound.

“The lesser of two evils, huh?”
he said.

“
At least this is only thirty days.”

“What happens when you return home?”

I drew patterns in the dirt with a stick, not interested in thinking about that and even less interested in answering him.  With all my focus on how much I hated this trip, I had done a good job of not reflecting on my past, but I knew that would be impossible when I returned home.  There were reminders of what happened everywhere.  The guilt would inevitably overwhelm me and I’d pull out my box of razors.  It was the only thing that distracted me from the pain.

“
Hey, I didn’t mean to get you down,” JC said, tapping my foot with his own.

“I’m not down,” I lie
d and pasted a fake smile on my face, but I could already feel myself being pulled into the depths of the very dark place I loathed.  I would really be screwed if I couldn’t forget about Jenna while I was in the woods.  Without my razors, there was no telling what would happen.