Breaking Clear (Full Hearts Series Book 3) (34 page)

Megan accompanied the ladies to the dressing room while Harper went in search of the groomsmen. Walking along the wraparound deck of the clubhouse, she stopped dead in her tracks. There stood Evan, looking out onto the grass below. Dressed in a light grey suit, he was devastatingly handsome. Harper stood rooted to the spot as she watched him take a sip of champagne. All thoughts of quickly doubling back were foiled when he turned, his gaze landing on her and his mouth falling open a little.

The sound of guests and light orchestral music became inaudible over the sound of her heartbeat pounding in her ears. She told herself to look away, turn and run, hurry past him, anything but just stand there like an idiot gawking at him. Shaking her head quickly, she brought herself back to reality and swallowed hard before setting her shoulders back and striding toward the stairs. She could avoid him if she went that way.

“Harper.” Evan’s voice was thick with emotion. “Harper, wait.”

Pausing briefly, she continued on as though she hadn’t heard him. It was not the time for this. She had an important job to do, a schedule to keep and she needed to keep a clear head. Moving quickly down the stairs, she was glad she had worn her red ballet flats instead of heels. She could put as much distance between them as possible. A hand on her shoulder stopped her progress.

“Harper, please,” he said in a low voice.

“Never,” she said, her voice determined. Against her better judgment, she allowed her eyes to settle on his. There they were, those ice-blue, gorgeous eyes that had haunted her. How could she still want him after he had tossed her aside so ruthlessly?
Where’s your pride, Harper?
“Don’t tell me you’re one of the guests.”

“Actually, I am. What are you doing here?”

“Obtaining photographic proof of the nuptials,” she answered, her voice flat.

“I meant here in Boulder,” he said gently.

“Living. Working—which I should get back to, actually, so if you’ll excuse me.”

He beamed at the revelation. “You’re living here now?”

“Yes, but don’t be too pleased. Now you have another ex to avoid in town.”

He continued smiling as if he hadn’t heard her, as if he couldn’t help it. “God, you look really beautiful. I’ve missed you so much.”

“Nope. You do not get to say that to me. Ever.” Turning, she started toward the groomsmen, who were crowded around a cellphone, watching a video and laughing.

“Harper, I’m sorry . . .” Evan matched her pace.

“Nope. You don’t get to apologize either,” she replied, stopping and turning to him. Poking him in the chest, she went on. “And you do not get to be forgiven. You said some shitty, shitty things to me, Evan. You get to be alone. Or with someone else. I really don’t give a rat’s ass as long as you stay the fuck out of my way today so I can go back to pretending you don’t exist.”

Rubbing his chest where she had poked him, he watched her storm away, the fury that was Harper. She was all fired up, ready to do battle with him. Ready to win. An ache overtook him as he absorbed the sight of her in her dress. It was one he hadn’t seen before, but it suited her, bringing out her curves in all the right places. The black flowing skirt, not so short as to be inappropriate, still managed to show off those legs. Those legs, long and lean and touchable, just the way they were in his memory. Those legs were carrying away the best thing that had ever happened to him.

But he wasn’t going to let her scare him off. He would wait for the right moment and then he would make her hear him out. He was shocked that she was here, wondering how long she’d been back in town. The sudden realization hit him that she may have already been here when he went to find her in New York.

Grabbing a glass of champagne from a passing server, he downed it. He watched her as she gestured to the men to line up for a group shot. He could tell she had said something funny by their laughter and the way she was holding her hand on her hip, like she did when she was being sassy. He didn’t like it. The way they were grinning at her. Yes, he knew it was for a picture, but still, he didn’t like it. It was a group of good-looking guys in tuxedos, and he knew they’d enjoy the opportunity to pose for her, if only for the chance to stare in her direction. She smiled and laughed, charming them as she got the shots. The only time her face fell was when she glanced across the lawn and saw him staring. He knew she would have stuck her middle finger up if they were in any other situation.

After the dinner, speeches and first dance, Harper excused herself to run to the ladies’ room in the clubhouse. She took off her shoes and sauntered back to the party through the cool, damp grass, needing to take a minute for herself. The band was doing a pretty reasonable version of “Not a Bad Thing” as Harper gazed up at the heavens. The clear sky gave a dazzling show of stars, and it occurred to her that this was exactly the type of wedding she would want, if she ever went down that road. Her thoughts turned to Evan. It was a good thing that she had seen him today. She hadn’t crumbled into a million pieces like she thought she might. Sighing to herself, she wrapped her arms around her ribs, feeling slightly chilled suddenly.

“Here. Warm up.” Evan’s voice came from behind her as he draped his jacket over her shoulders.

Shrugging it off, she turned to him. “Don’t. I’m not sure how I can be any more clear with you. I don’t want to talk to you or see you. Please just leave me alone.”

“I can’t.” He stated it as though he had no choice in the matter. “I just can’t. I know I don’t have the right to ask, but I’m going to anyway. I need to say something, so please hear me out.

“Every day when I wake up, you’re the first thing I think about. And you’re all I think about when I’m getting ready for work. And then your face pops into my head about a thousand times while I’m at work. And it’s really distracting and, quite frankly, a little dangerous. And then when I go home to my empty house, I just stare at my phone, trying to think of a way to call you and tell you how sorry I am. And when I’m not watching my phone, I stare at the damn door, hoping that you’ll knock on it. And if that wasn’t pathetic enough, when I get into bed, I lie there and stare at your side of the bed, and I miss you so much it hurts physically. Some nights I go sleep on the couch to avoid the bedroom altogether.

“And then today, I finally see you. And I’ve spent the last three hours sitting here, trying to think of what to say to convince you to take me back. And this is what I came up with: Harper, the biggest mistake of my life by far was pushing you away. Because you were it for me, Harper. You are it. What we had was the best moment of my life. And I hurt you and ruined what we had, and I acted like an ass because I thought I was doing what was best for you. I thought that if I was any type of man, I would be strong enough to let you go live your dreams. But if you’re here, I hope I could maybe be part of your dream. So please don’t ask me to leave you alone. Because I just can’t anymore. I just can’t go on pretending that everything is fine or that I’m going to be okay without you, because I’m not. I need you, Harper. I’m in love with you. I’ve been in love with you since our first night together, when I saw you in your ball gown, eating fruit in your yard.”

He paused. Waiting for her to say something. Trying to read her face. She seemed bewildered, as though he had been speaking another language.

“There you are!” The mother of the bride’s voice came out of the darkness. “I’d like to do one more shot with our immediate family.”

Harper turned to the woman. “Of course.” She dropped her shoes and slid them on before following her back to the reception, leaving Evan with no clue as to what she had been about to say.

*     *     *

In the next hour, the bouquet was tossed and the garter removed and sent flying to the ceiling of the tent, only to get stuck on a cross brace. A ladder was hunted down so the least intoxicated groomsman could retrieve it for a do-over. Harper found herself capturing the last few moments of the day as well as fielding questions about her and Megan’s services from a few of the guests. The entire time, she couldn’t help but look for Evan. He was nowhere to be seen, so she assumed he must have gone home, leaving her with a lot to think about. And damn him for doing this now, just when she was starting to feel like she could move on without him.

As she and Megan strolled out to her car together, Harper started to tell her what Evan had said, continuing the story in full detail on the ride home.

“Oh wow, Harper. I can’t believe he said all those things to you. What do you want to do about it?”

“I don’t know. I just seriously do not know what to do. I think maybe the best thing would be to do nothing. Just leave it in the past. It’s too confusing to be in love with him, and it just hurts too much. I mean, how he ended it, what he said to me. Besides, it would be better if I was with some nice, slightly boring guy who I could control my feelings around. It could actually be just the key to a happy, steady, lasting relationship.”

“Sorry, Harps, but that’s not your style, I’m afraid. You’ve always been more of a ‘grab life by the balls’ kind of girl. What you just described might work for some, but not you.”

Harper glanced over at her with an irritated look as she pulled up in front of Megan and Luc’s. “Damn it, Megan. Why do you have to be right when I’m trying to be sensible?”

“Because I’m your best friend. And I want nothing less than the deepest of passions for you. I think you should consider this whole thing with Evan. He’s had a good long time to miss you and think about what he really wants. Maybe he could be your happy, steady, lasting relationship, but with all that heat to go along with it.”

Harper opened her mouth to protest, but Megan held up one finger to stop her. “If Luc had given up on me when I was terrified of being with him and chased him away, I’d be on my own right now instead of being incredibly happy. Being cautious with your heart doesn’t make you a bad person.”

“He wasn’t just cautious, he was cruel.”

“As was I when I was terrified of falling for Luc. Promise me you’ll at least think about it.”

“I’ve done nothing but think about him for months now. I need to move on.”

*     *     *

Crawling into bed later, Harper felt completely worn out. It had been a long day on an emotional roller coaster. How was she supposed to sleep after everything Evan had said? She went over his words for the twentieth time since they had stood together outside under the stars. How could someone so perfect, so romantic, also be so hard to love?

Flipping on her bedside lamp, she texted Megan.
Are you still up?

A moment later her phone rang. “Hey. Sorry to bug you so late,” Harper said when she picked up.

“It’s okay, my dear. I was still up,” Megan answered.

“I think I might have made the worst mistake of my life today. What if he means it all? What if he would actually love me for the rest of my life and I just basically told him to fuck off?”

“Oh, Harper, I think he does mean it. Every word of it. And it’s not too late yet, but if you want him back, you need to make up your mind. He laid his heart at your feet and you stepped over it and kept going. Now, I’m not saying you didn’t have reason to, because you did. But the truth is that you’re doing pretty much what he did. You’re pushing him away because you’ve been hurt and you don’t want to get hurt again.”

“Crap.” Harper sighed, more to herself than to her friend.

“You’re kind of made for each other.”

“Really? So you think I should say yes to him?”

“There isn’t a shadow of a doubt that you’re meant to be together, Harper. You’ve been in love with the guy for over twenty years. And he is absolutely in love with you,” Megan said.

Harper could hear Luc’s voice in the background. Megan spoke into the phone. “Just a second. Luc wants to say something.” She put the phone on speaker.

“Harper. It’s Luc,” he said.

“I figured it was you.”

“You clearly need some advice from a romance expert.”

“Would you be said expert?”

“Yes, of course. Listen, you need to go to him and tell him that you want him back. I had a long talk with him on New Year’s Eve, and it was pretty clear that he wants to spend the rest of his life with you, and have gorgeous babies with you, and grow old with you.”

“Did he say that?”

“No, but when I was talking about why I wanted to marry Megan, he had a look on his face that is only seen on a man who is so overtaken by love that he wants it all, every glorious moment of it.”

“Christ, Luc, I thought you had some viable information to give me. There’s no proof in what you’re saying. I need proof.”

“The proof was in his face. Don’t you remember when you came back into the kitchen and he was just staring at you with that look in his eyes? That was the look of a man who was seeing his entire life fall into place before him while he watched you cross the room. It happens in an instant and it’s easy for the untrained eye to miss it. But I caught it, Harper. That man loves you, and if you let him, he’ll be the best thing that’s ever happened to you. Now, we’re going to hang up so you can think it over while we have sex. The kids are asleep and we both have a little energy left tonight.”

Harper laughed a little as she heard Megan start to scold him before he ended the call. She sat on her bed, stunned. Luc was right. She had seen it too. The look on Evan’s face that night. She’d felt something shift. But that was before he broke it off with her. Her mind swirling, Harper finally drifted off to sleep, unsure of what to do.

The next morning, Evan’s first thoughts were of Harper. She had looked so beautiful the day before it made him ache. Now that he knew she was so close, not being able to be with her, and touch her, and make her laugh was torture. Checking his cellphone, he saw he had a text message. His heart skipped a beat at the thought that Harper might have sent it. It was from Luc.

You’re close but she needs proof. She may be here this afternoon for dinner. I can’t say for sure. Delete this message immediately. If questioned, I will deny everything.