Breach (5 page)

He was regretting the greatest sex of my life.
Fantastic.

He stopped and turned toward me, and my eyes widened at the look of absolute hatred and disgust that met me.
His hand grasped the coffee cup on my desk and hurled it into the wall, making me jump. The ceramic shattered into pieces before landing on the floor.

“Fuck!” he screamed
, then flung the door open and stormed out.

I was left sitting on the floor,
stunned, staring at an empty doorway. After a few minutes, I knew he wasn’t returning, and I picked my tired, sore ass up off the ground. I collected my torn and tattered clothing, trying to redress myself as best I could with what I had remaining. With wobbling legs, I gathered my purse and walked out to my car, leaving the office in a state of disarray.

C
HAPTER 3

I
t was hard to pull myself from the warm comfort of my bed the next morning. I ached, and my mind begged to call in sick. It wasn’t going to happen, though.

My hand slammed down on top of my alarm clock, shutting off the offending piece of plastic. I turned on the light and slid out of bed.

My feet were dragging as I entered the ma
ster bath, rubbing my tired eyes in an attempt to wake up. I stopped in front of the mirror and stared at my reflection, shocked at what I saw. My normal bird’s nest of blonde hair and the dark circles from lack of sleep were present. What wasn’t normal were the black and purple marks that marred my skin. There were hand prints on my hips from where he’d grabbed me, imprints of his teeth around my neck and shoulders, and small bruises along my chest.

It was
cold out so I could get away with a high collared shirt. I stared at myself for a moment. Was that really what I should’ve been concerned about? If his teeth marks were visible or not? Shouldn’t I have been concerned there were marks at all?

I wasn’t embarrassed about them, they were a reminder of the pleas
ure he’d given me. I found I
liked
them. How twisted was I?

While turning to step toward the shower, I groaned
. My legs felt like they were no longer connected to my hips, and I was in major need of some aspirin for the ache between my thighs. There was no doubt; my pussy was sore from the pounding Nathan’s cock had given it. I never did see the glory between his legs, but I sure felt it, and he was well-endowed.

The spray was cold, turning warm after a minute,
and I felt myself slipping back into the out-of-body experience I had when I left the office the previous day. I stepped under the warm spray, the water wrapping around my body, loosening my muscles. The moment I started to relax, my eyes snapped open.

Nathan lived in my building.

I’d be seeing him soon if I didn’t run into him on my way.

Panic began to rise within me. He’d been so angry when he left
. Would he still be? If he was, I didn’t know if I could be in the same space as him. It would be too much; I’d crack. I had no idea what to do when I next saw him, nor did I have any idea how he would react upon seeing me.

“Stop it! You’re making yourself crazy when there’s not a fucking thing you can do about it,” I told myself.

I returned to showering, taking several deep breaths to clear my head.

After my shower
, I pulled out a short sleeve mock-neck blouse and one of my black pants suits, making sure that all of his marks were covered as I dressed. It worked, and anything else could be hidden by my hair.

I let my hair air-
dry like always, brushing through the knots in an effort to make it look presentable. It was stick straight and dirty blonde; not much to work with. I decided that I could get away with throwing it up in a bun if it gave me trouble later.

After grabbing my purse
, I headed out, locking the door behind me. I was anxious as I waited for the elevator to arrive, my heart racing. I was afraid when it came he might be on it. My nerves were getting the better of me. I let out the breath I was holding when the doors opened and the cab was empty. My shoulders relaxed, a tension I didn’t realize I was holding evaporating.

Fifteen minutes later
, I pulled into my normal spot in the parking lot and froze when I saw his car was already there. It felt like I was on trial, heading to receive my sentence when I’d done nothing wrong. Other than inwardly swoon at a gorgeous man and let him take me against a wall, that is.

My heart
was hammering against my chest and my hands were shaking as I walked down the hall, the office door in view. I let out a sigh when I found it empty, giving me at least a small moment to compose myself. Scanning the room, I could find no evidence of the previous night’s activities, and was shocked to find the remnants of the cup had been removed. No buttons from our shirts that had flown around, the papers all back in their stacks, the painting on the wall straightened.

My face flamed at the memory of him tearing my shirt; on
e of the most erotic things ever done to me.

A noise from behind start
led me. I turned to find a wide-eyed Nathan standing in the doorway. We stayed in place, staring at each other as time seemed to stop. Neither knowing what to say or do. A range of emotions crossed his eyes, so fast it was hard to keep up: fear, anger, sadness, and, the strongest, regret.

Stepping to his right, Nathan moved to sit at his desk, eyes to the ground as he greeted me in an
almost whisper. He sat; our interaction was over, and he continued with whatever he’d been working on. I shook my head to clear it from channel Nathan, forcing my body to respond to me, not him, and sat at my desk.

As I placed my purse in the drawer next to me
, I caught a glimpse of a stray white button that had been missed. I picked it up, twirling it between my fingers. My focus was trapped on the button, but I could feel him watching me, staring at it himself.

I set it down and
turned on my computer. My eyes never left the small piece of plastic, causing the tension in the room to rise. I could feel how high-strung he was, like he was waiting for the explosion or something equivalent to happen. The need to quell his fears and put him at ease was a strange feeling in me. Despite how the previous night ended, it was still a very enjoyable experience.

“Na
than,” I said, my voice low. “I like my job. Do you like yours?”

I
turned my passive gaze to him. His eyes were trying to read me, but I knew he was smart enough to understand the meaning behind my cryptic words. The tension melted from his shoulders, and I relaxed a bit as well.

“I do.”

“Good.”

My attention turned back to my computer. We could move on, keep things professional and maintain our dignity along with a defined working relationship.

At least
I
could. I hoped.

Over the next few days the tension did not dissip
ate like I expected. Every day he would stare at me before slamming something, then his attention would divert back to his work. The way our office was set up caused us to be in one another’s peripheral view all day long, making avoiding him impossible.

The
Boob-Squad had been intelligent enough to notice he was having a bad week, and so their visits became less frequent and were work related only.

I said nothing. He said nothing. But we would stare.

I wished he would just tell me what he wanted. I wasn’t going to tell anyone, if that’s what he was upset about. Nor would I ask for a repeat. He’d made it clear that evening with his actions and temperament, it wasn’t going to happen again.

I tried to pretend we didn’t have sex;
I had to. My job would not be lost over a momentary indiscretion.

“What is going on with him this week?”
Caroline asked during lunch one day at our favorite bistro.

“I don’t know,” I lied. I didn’t know what his problem was, so it wasn’t quite a lie, but I knew what triggered it. “I wish he would get the fuck over it. It’s hard enough to work with his ass when he’s in a good mood. Though I will say, it’s been nice without the
Boob-Squad around so much.”

“His
pissy mood is rolling out of your office; I don’t know how you can stand it in there. Maybe he needs to get laid.”

I tried not to gag on the bite in my mouth at her words. If I’d been taking a drink, it would have ended up all over her. “
With any hope he’ll get over it this weekend. I’m surprised Jack hasn’t called him up to have a chat.”

“He did.
” She seemed surprised that I didn’t know. “He apologized, said it was a personal matter and would work this weekend to put it to rest.”

I wondered if I was the only one that sensed a double entendre in his words. I was the one who caused his mood, and I became nervous at what he was
going to do to “put it to rest.” I didn’t want to swim with the fishes. I was certain there were things I wanted to do in my life.

I almost laughed at the absurdities my brain was
creating. Caroline would have, if I’d let it escape.

“Speaking of getting laid…” S
he trailed off with a wink.

“Shelve
that conversation.”

“Lila.”

“I said shelve it!” My tone was harsher than I’d intended. I didn’t want to have that conversation with her again. I was tired of her harping on it almost every week, not because I did it just days before. The need to tell her was great. She was the closest person I had in my life, after all. At the same time I wanted to keep it a secret that Nathan Thorne had been with
me
and no one else in the office.

I chastised myself for even thinking it. I shouldn’t be proud of that.

Nathan was damaged, not the perfect being they pined after, and I was the only one who knew it. He guarded it so well, kept his façade secure. Even with his temperament that week, no one suspected. Everyone had a bad day or week; they all thought he’d be right as rain the next. I wondered if he’d ever be right. If he’d be able to defeat whatever haunted him, or move past it.

Like I was one to talk.

“Earth to Lila,” Caroline called, pulling me from my internal musings.

“Sorry
. I didn’t mean to snap.”

She smiled at me and took my hand in hers. “I just want to see you happy, you know. You haven’t been happy since…well, since Drew.”

I sighed when his name crossed her lips. I missed him, very much.

Drew was always a ray of sunshine in my dreary life. We
tried to stay friends, we did, but even the best intentions sometimes fall to the wayside. My increased hours and inability to get together anytime he called only aided in the rift.

Those
were the main reasons that caused it, and he couldn’t handle the darkness in me sometimes. My self-worth was already at the bottom of the scale, and plummeted further after our breakup. I had nothing to offer anyone, so why would he stick around?

I threw my napkin on top of my food, my appetite gone with the conversation and the souring of my mood.