Bound Together (53 page)
Authors: Marie Coulson
Pulling the pendant from
around my neck, I held it in my palm and dumped it harshly onto the
concrete. His own was hanging heavily around his neck and as he
looked deep into my eyes I could see the tears pooling. “Please
Layla, I love you. I’d give up everything to hold on to your
heart.
Please
don’t do this.”
Resting my forehead
against his, I let out a heart wrenching sob. “You had my heart
Jared. I gave it to you willingly. And you just ripped it out and
threw it against the wall.”
Scrambling to my feet I
strode to my car and climbed in, tears falling down my face I
looked back one last time. Broken and on the ground, he held my
pendant in his hand as his own salty, self-pitying tears slid down
his cheeks. Turning the key, I started the car and pulled out of
the driveway without looking back. Driving home to my friends, my
grief, my shattered heart and my lonely bedroom, I cried and cursed
myself for falling in love. I’d jumped off the cliff, soared
through the air and now I had finally slammed straight into the
ground. The pain was debilitating, paralyzing and my heart felt
crippled from the devastating blow.
and I couldn’t even remember how I got back. Sitting in the car I
couldn’t move. My body felt weak from the crying and I could hardly
find the strength to breathe. My cell had continued to buzz in my
purse all the way from his house to the dorm but I couldn’t even
bear to look at it as his name flashed on the screen. My heart
shattering into a thousand pieces, I stared out of the window at
the dorm entrance. Taking a deep breath, I found the strength to
stand and got out of the car. The cool morning air hit my face,
stinging my cheeks which were sore from the river of tears I’d
cried.
Standing outside my room,
I could hear Amy and Mel talking through the door. I couldn’t face
their endless questions as yet; I just wasn’t ready to relive the
pain. Stepping back, I pressed my back against Ollie’s door and
slid all the way to the floor, wrapping my arms around my knees.
Just when I thought I was all cried out, tears fell like a
waterfall over my swollen, red cheeks. Sobbing into my knees, I
heard footsteps approaching and as they grew nearer, they broke
into a run. Skidding down onto his knees beside me, Ollie’s strong
warm arms wrapped around me protectively. “What the fuck Layla?
What happened? Are you hurt?” Panic plagued his voice and lifting
my head to look at him, I nodded.
“
Where? Are you in
pain?”
Sobbing, I took his hand
and placed it over my heart. “Oh baby girl.”
“
You
were right Ollie. He was just using me as a pastime between trips
to New York. I went to his house to try and work things out and...”
a gulping sob escaped me, “…there was a woman there. He tried to
deny it but I saw her Ollie. She’s the reason he was in New York.
The secret phone calls. Everything. I’m
so
stupid.”
Holding me tightly to him
he rocked me gently, pressing his lips to my head. “No, you’re not
stupid Layla, he’s an asswipe. You’re worth a thousand of him. He’s
a fucking idiot.”
Pulling me up with him,
he opened his door and took me inside. Nick had obviously spent the
night elsewhere, which left us alone and I was glad for the
silence. I couldn’t think straight. Sitting on Ollie’s bed, I held
my head in my hands as he crouched in front of me. “Layla, I know
you don’t want to hear this, but it’s better this way. At least now
you have the truth and you can cut him out of your life. He’s a
tumor and you need to completely remove him.”
I shook my head. “How
will I ever get over him Ollie? I love him. Even after all of this.
I just can’t stop loving him. I hate myself for ever falling for
that man.” Holding me tight, he stroked my hair.
“
You’ll get through this.
You still have me, Amy and Mel. We love you so much. We’re right
here with you. It’ll be ok. Just give it some time. Here, why don’t
you lie down and try to get some sleep.” Gently pressing me down
onto the bed, he brushed a strand of hair from my face. The sound
of knocking made my head pound and the moment Ollie opened it, Amy
and Mel rushed past him to my side.
Jared had called Amy in a
desperate plea to reach me but telling him to drop dead, she and
Mel refused to help him. Lying on either side of me on the small
bed, they hugged me as I cried and sobbed myself to
sleep.
Mentally, emotionally and
physically exhausted, I must have slept for at least six hours and
waking up, blurry eyed and alone I scanned my surroundings.
Posters, a guitar and a drum set reminded me that I was in Ollie’s
room. And then, the stomach churning realization that it hadn’t all
been a horrible dream. Running to the bathroom, I heaved and
vomited violently. Sitting there hugging the toilet, I rubbed my
sore and pounding head. The sound of yelling echoed outside the
door and I could hear Mel’s high pitched screaming and the low
growling of Jared’s voice followed by Ollie’s. Gripping the sink, I
hauled myself to my feet and staggered to the door. Pressing my ear
to it firmly, I listened to their harsh words and Jared’s desperate
pleas to see me. “Drop dead shit streak! She doesn’t want to see
you ever again. So why don’t you just turn around and go back to
the sewer you crawled out of.” Ouch, Mel sure did have a poisonous
tongue when she needed it. “Please Mel. I just need to see her. I’m
in pieces here. I swear I never cheated on her I couldn’t, I
wouldn’t. I just want to see her.”
Opening the door, I stood
staring at the group of people in the hallway. All eyes darted to
me. Jared’s face was pale and etched with worry as he gazed at me.
“Layla, please, I swear I just want to talk. Just give me ten
minutes and I swear I’ll leave but you have to hear me out.” Ollie
squared up to him practically spitting in his face. “What don’t you
understand about get fucked jizz stain!?” Jared ignored him as his
eyes pleaded with me for a chance, for hope. Holding the door open
I stepped aside and gestured for him to come in. Ollie stared at me
in disbelief.
“
Are you fucking
serious!?” Closing the door in his face, unwilling to discuss my
reasons, I walked to the bed and sat down staring at the floor,
window, door, anywhere but at Jared.
Slumping down next to me,
he exhaled loudly. “Layla I swear I didn’t sleep with her. I…”
Cutting him off, I asked again.
“
Who is she?” He shook
his head ruefully.
“
I can’t tell you. But
please Layla you have to believe me that I could never be
unfaithful to you. I love you. Please come back. I can’t be without
you. You promised I’d never have to.” Now I was the one being icy
and distant. “No Jared. I never thought you would ever hurt me the
way you have but every time you open your damn mouth I just get
another painful reminder that you don’t trust me and I definitely
don’t trust you anymore.” He grimaced and I could see the pain in
his eyes as he gazed at me. Tears fell slowly from my red puffy
eyes. Scanning my face for any glimmer of hope he shook his head.
“What are you saying?” Gulping a sob, I gazed back at him. “It’s
over Jared. I just can’t do it anymore.” Nodding gently, he exhaled
loudly.
Tears were stinging my
eyes as I rose to my feet and opened the door. Ollie, Amy and Mel
were still standing in the hall and with concern on their faces
they watched as Jared stood and walked out. Giving me a final
heart-breaking look, he turned and walked away. I watched him go,
away from me, from us and out of my life and it hurt. My legs gave
way and if not for Ollie holding me up, I would have been lying in
a heap on the floor. My body trembled and my blood ran cold as the
three of them carried me into my room and laid me on my bed. There
was nothing left. I had nothing left but to grieve and mourn for
the love I’d lost. Closing my eyes I let my misery consume
me.
in a hazy blur. Shutting everyone out, I went into auto pilot. It
had always been my way of coping and when my parents divorced, I’d
spent six months just wandering the school halls, going from class
to class like a zombie. When Mel told them what had happened, my
parents called almost every hour making sure I wasn’t about to hurl
myself under a bus. Mel had begged me to come back to Pasadena and
transfer to be nearer to her but my life was here with Amy and
Ollie now. It consisted of waking up, going to classes and
sleeping; albeit not very well. I stayed away from social events
and I hadn’t been to the bar in over a month. Respecting my need
for space, Amy and Ollie hadn’t pressed me about it. I’d tried to
continue working in the coffee shop but the painful memories of
Jared were a constant reminder of my broken heart. Lorraine was
visibly upset when I gave her my notice but understood why I felt I
couldn’t stay. She’d pulled me into the office and begged me to
reconsider but my mind was made up. “He’s a good man Layla and I’ve
never seen him so broken. I can’t help but wonder what it was that
came between you, you seemed so happy together.”
Resting my hand on her
arm, I gave her a weak smile. “Our problems started from the word
go and we only have ourselves to blame. We just couldn’t be honest
with each other. And now we have to live with the consequences. I
really loved working here Lorraine.”
Taking my hand she
smiled. “Then stay, please.”
I shook my head
regretfully. “I can’t. I’m sorry. Thanks for everything. I won’t
forget what you’ve done for me.”
Promising Kate we’d keep
in touch, I left the place I had once loved like a second home
behind me, feeling it was now a painful reminder of everything I’d
lost. Without work to distract me I focused on my studies and spent
most of my time hauled up in my room. It was quiet, empty and
lonely; just how I felt inside. Desolate. Days were just melting
into one long depressing month. For weeks Jared had bombarded me
with calls, texts and sent me dozens and dozens of bouquets. The
last one had been considerably impressive. As I sat in psych class,
a courier had wandered in with a very large bunch of long stem
white roses. The note that accompanied them was a typical ploy from
him to provoke warm and loving memories of our time together. This
one was a doozy. Reading it aloud to Ollie, who was practically
foaming at the mouth over the gesture, I winced. “Baby since you
left me I’ve found a new place to dwell. It’s at the end of
Victoria Street, the heartbreak hotel.”
Ollie snorted and shook
his head. I knew that Jared was referring to our morning together
the first time I stayed with him. The morning I’d caught him
singing Elvis, making him blush with embarrassment. I remembered
how I’d picked up a spoon and belted out the song myself, just to
ease his embarrassment. Annoyed that I’d allowed myself to dwell on
such a painful memory I took a pen, wrote on the back of his note
and handed it to the courier. “Could you be sure he gets that along
with his flowers. Thank you.”
Ollie eyed me curiously.
“What did you write?”
Smiling a little, for the
first time in weeks, I was pleased with myself. “Return to sender.
The truth unknown. Gifts unwanted. Leave me alone.”
Staring at my notebook, I
suddenly felt the familiar feeling I always got when Jared crept
swiftly and silently back into my life and my thoughts. Nauseous.
It didn’t matter how hard I tried to forget him, I couldn’t. I was
in love and he still grasped my heart in his hand. The pain was raw
and I gulped as a sob threatened. Ollie draped a supportive arm
around my shoulder and pulled me into him. Resting my head on his
chest, I swiped at my eyes as tears slid silently over my cheeks.
After weeks of being apart, I still couldn’t forget. Would I
ever
stop fucking
crying?
Friday came around
quickly and I sat melancholy on my bed and watched as Amy dashed
about the room getting ready for a night out at the bar. Turning to
face me, she leaned into her hip and tilted her head at me. “You
sure you won’t come? You can’t sit in this room for the rest of
your life. You need to get out there Layla. You’re a delicate
flower and you need food, fluids and TLC. That’s where Ollie and I
come in. I promise you can just sit there all night and not say a
word if you want but you have to get out of this hell-hole! You’re
going to end up rotting in that bed soon.” I shrugged nonchalantly.
I didn’t care anymore. Life had no meaning for me. Days were long
and nights were longer. “That’s it, you leave me no choice.”
Picking up her cell she hit speed dial. “It’s me. Plan B.” I
watched her curiously as she stalked over to the door and pulled it
open.
Standing in the hallway
shaking her head at me was Mel. I hadn’t seen her since Jared and I
had broken up and she was a welcome sight. Leaping from the bed I
ran to her, throwing my arms around her neck and crying softly on
her shoulder. “Shhh, I know baby girl but you have to snap out of
this. How long are you going to torture yourself Layla? You have to
get on with your life. Come on, you’re coming out with us tonight.
It’s open mic night and you are coming to that bar even if I have
to drag you by your hair, and you know I will.” A slight smile
grazed my lips as she fisted her hands on her hips and stared me
down. Rolling my eyes, I nodded weakly. “That’s my girl. Now go
shower. You look like a hermit in those sweats. I swear you need a
babysitter.” I began walking towards the bathroom listening to her
go on about me needing supervision. “That’s why I’ve decided to
transfer here.” I turned around quickly and gawked at her.
Grinning, she nodded. “As of Monday I’ll be a Cali State
student!”
around my neck, I held it in my palm and dumped it harshly onto the
concrete. His own was hanging heavily around his neck and as he
looked deep into my eyes I could see the tears pooling. “Please
Layla, I love you. I’d give up everything to hold on to your
heart.
Please
don’t do this.”
Resting my forehead
against his, I let out a heart wrenching sob. “You had my heart
Jared. I gave it to you willingly. And you just ripped it out and
threw it against the wall.”
Scrambling to my feet I
strode to my car and climbed in, tears falling down my face I
looked back one last time. Broken and on the ground, he held my
pendant in his hand as his own salty, self-pitying tears slid down
his cheeks. Turning the key, I started the car and pulled out of
the driveway without looking back. Driving home to my friends, my
grief, my shattered heart and my lonely bedroom, I cried and cursed
myself for falling in love. I’d jumped off the cliff, soared
through the air and now I had finally slammed straight into the
ground. The pain was debilitating, paralyzing and my heart felt
crippled from the devastating blow.
* * *
and I couldn’t even remember how I got back. Sitting in the car I
couldn’t move. My body felt weak from the crying and I could hardly
find the strength to breathe. My cell had continued to buzz in my
purse all the way from his house to the dorm but I couldn’t even
bear to look at it as his name flashed on the screen. My heart
shattering into a thousand pieces, I stared out of the window at
the dorm entrance. Taking a deep breath, I found the strength to
stand and got out of the car. The cool morning air hit my face,
stinging my cheeks which were sore from the river of tears I’d
cried.
Standing outside my room,
I could hear Amy and Mel talking through the door. I couldn’t face
their endless questions as yet; I just wasn’t ready to relive the
pain. Stepping back, I pressed my back against Ollie’s door and
slid all the way to the floor, wrapping my arms around my knees.
Just when I thought I was all cried out, tears fell like a
waterfall over my swollen, red cheeks. Sobbing into my knees, I
heard footsteps approaching and as they grew nearer, they broke
into a run. Skidding down onto his knees beside me, Ollie’s strong
warm arms wrapped around me protectively. “What the fuck Layla?
What happened? Are you hurt?” Panic plagued his voice and lifting
my head to look at him, I nodded.
“
Where? Are you in
pain?”
Sobbing, I took his hand
and placed it over my heart. “Oh baby girl.”
“
You
were right Ollie. He was just using me as a pastime between trips
to New York. I went to his house to try and work things out and...”
a gulping sob escaped me, “…there was a woman there. He tried to
deny it but I saw her Ollie. She’s the reason he was in New York.
The secret phone calls. Everything. I’m
so
stupid.”
Holding me tightly to him
he rocked me gently, pressing his lips to my head. “No, you’re not
stupid Layla, he’s an asswipe. You’re worth a thousand of him. He’s
a fucking idiot.”
Pulling me up with him,
he opened his door and took me inside. Nick had obviously spent the
night elsewhere, which left us alone and I was glad for the
silence. I couldn’t think straight. Sitting on Ollie’s bed, I held
my head in my hands as he crouched in front of me. “Layla, I know
you don’t want to hear this, but it’s better this way. At least now
you have the truth and you can cut him out of your life. He’s a
tumor and you need to completely remove him.”
I shook my head. “How
will I ever get over him Ollie? I love him. Even after all of this.
I just can’t stop loving him. I hate myself for ever falling for
that man.” Holding me tight, he stroked my hair.
“
You’ll get through this.
You still have me, Amy and Mel. We love you so much. We’re right
here with you. It’ll be ok. Just give it some time. Here, why don’t
you lie down and try to get some sleep.” Gently pressing me down
onto the bed, he brushed a strand of hair from my face. The sound
of knocking made my head pound and the moment Ollie opened it, Amy
and Mel rushed past him to my side.
Jared had called Amy in a
desperate plea to reach me but telling him to drop dead, she and
Mel refused to help him. Lying on either side of me on the small
bed, they hugged me as I cried and sobbed myself to
sleep.
Mentally, emotionally and
physically exhausted, I must have slept for at least six hours and
waking up, blurry eyed and alone I scanned my surroundings.
Posters, a guitar and a drum set reminded me that I was in Ollie’s
room. And then, the stomach churning realization that it hadn’t all
been a horrible dream. Running to the bathroom, I heaved and
vomited violently. Sitting there hugging the toilet, I rubbed my
sore and pounding head. The sound of yelling echoed outside the
door and I could hear Mel’s high pitched screaming and the low
growling of Jared’s voice followed by Ollie’s. Gripping the sink, I
hauled myself to my feet and staggered to the door. Pressing my ear
to it firmly, I listened to their harsh words and Jared’s desperate
pleas to see me. “Drop dead shit streak! She doesn’t want to see
you ever again. So why don’t you just turn around and go back to
the sewer you crawled out of.” Ouch, Mel sure did have a poisonous
tongue when she needed it. “Please Mel. I just need to see her. I’m
in pieces here. I swear I never cheated on her I couldn’t, I
wouldn’t. I just want to see her.”
Opening the door, I stood
staring at the group of people in the hallway. All eyes darted to
me. Jared’s face was pale and etched with worry as he gazed at me.
“Layla, please, I swear I just want to talk. Just give me ten
minutes and I swear I’ll leave but you have to hear me out.” Ollie
squared up to him practically spitting in his face. “What don’t you
understand about get fucked jizz stain!?” Jared ignored him as his
eyes pleaded with me for a chance, for hope. Holding the door open
I stepped aside and gestured for him to come in. Ollie stared at me
in disbelief.
“
Are you fucking
serious!?” Closing the door in his face, unwilling to discuss my
reasons, I walked to the bed and sat down staring at the floor,
window, door, anywhere but at Jared.
Slumping down next to me,
he exhaled loudly. “Layla I swear I didn’t sleep with her. I…”
Cutting him off, I asked again.
“
Who is she?” He shook
his head ruefully.
“
I can’t tell you. But
please Layla you have to believe me that I could never be
unfaithful to you. I love you. Please come back. I can’t be without
you. You promised I’d never have to.” Now I was the one being icy
and distant. “No Jared. I never thought you would ever hurt me the
way you have but every time you open your damn mouth I just get
another painful reminder that you don’t trust me and I definitely
don’t trust you anymore.” He grimaced and I could see the pain in
his eyes as he gazed at me. Tears fell slowly from my red puffy
eyes. Scanning my face for any glimmer of hope he shook his head.
“What are you saying?” Gulping a sob, I gazed back at him. “It’s
over Jared. I just can’t do it anymore.” Nodding gently, he exhaled
loudly.
Tears were stinging my
eyes as I rose to my feet and opened the door. Ollie, Amy and Mel
were still standing in the hall and with concern on their faces
they watched as Jared stood and walked out. Giving me a final
heart-breaking look, he turned and walked away. I watched him go,
away from me, from us and out of my life and it hurt. My legs gave
way and if not for Ollie holding me up, I would have been lying in
a heap on the floor. My body trembled and my blood ran cold as the
three of them carried me into my room and laid me on my bed. There
was nothing left. I had nothing left but to grieve and mourn for
the love I’d lost. Closing my eyes I let my misery consume
me.
Chapter
36
Numb
in a hazy blur. Shutting everyone out, I went into auto pilot. It
had always been my way of coping and when my parents divorced, I’d
spent six months just wandering the school halls, going from class
to class like a zombie. When Mel told them what had happened, my
parents called almost every hour making sure I wasn’t about to hurl
myself under a bus. Mel had begged me to come back to Pasadena and
transfer to be nearer to her but my life was here with Amy and
Ollie now. It consisted of waking up, going to classes and
sleeping; albeit not very well. I stayed away from social events
and I hadn’t been to the bar in over a month. Respecting my need
for space, Amy and Ollie hadn’t pressed me about it. I’d tried to
continue working in the coffee shop but the painful memories of
Jared were a constant reminder of my broken heart. Lorraine was
visibly upset when I gave her my notice but understood why I felt I
couldn’t stay. She’d pulled me into the office and begged me to
reconsider but my mind was made up. “He’s a good man Layla and I’ve
never seen him so broken. I can’t help but wonder what it was that
came between you, you seemed so happy together.”
Resting my hand on her
arm, I gave her a weak smile. “Our problems started from the word
go and we only have ourselves to blame. We just couldn’t be honest
with each other. And now we have to live with the consequences. I
really loved working here Lorraine.”
Taking my hand she
smiled. “Then stay, please.”
I shook my head
regretfully. “I can’t. I’m sorry. Thanks for everything. I won’t
forget what you’ve done for me.”
Promising Kate we’d keep
in touch, I left the place I had once loved like a second home
behind me, feeling it was now a painful reminder of everything I’d
lost. Without work to distract me I focused on my studies and spent
most of my time hauled up in my room. It was quiet, empty and
lonely; just how I felt inside. Desolate. Days were just melting
into one long depressing month. For weeks Jared had bombarded me
with calls, texts and sent me dozens and dozens of bouquets. The
last one had been considerably impressive. As I sat in psych class,
a courier had wandered in with a very large bunch of long stem
white roses. The note that accompanied them was a typical ploy from
him to provoke warm and loving memories of our time together. This
one was a doozy. Reading it aloud to Ollie, who was practically
foaming at the mouth over the gesture, I winced. “Baby since you
left me I’ve found a new place to dwell. It’s at the end of
Victoria Street, the heartbreak hotel.”
Ollie snorted and shook
his head. I knew that Jared was referring to our morning together
the first time I stayed with him. The morning I’d caught him
singing Elvis, making him blush with embarrassment. I remembered
how I’d picked up a spoon and belted out the song myself, just to
ease his embarrassment. Annoyed that I’d allowed myself to dwell on
such a painful memory I took a pen, wrote on the back of his note
and handed it to the courier. “Could you be sure he gets that along
with his flowers. Thank you.”
Ollie eyed me curiously.
“What did you write?”
Smiling a little, for the
first time in weeks, I was pleased with myself. “Return to sender.
The truth unknown. Gifts unwanted. Leave me alone.”
Staring at my notebook, I
suddenly felt the familiar feeling I always got when Jared crept
swiftly and silently back into my life and my thoughts. Nauseous.
It didn’t matter how hard I tried to forget him, I couldn’t. I was
in love and he still grasped my heart in his hand. The pain was raw
and I gulped as a sob threatened. Ollie draped a supportive arm
around my shoulder and pulled me into him. Resting my head on his
chest, I swiped at my eyes as tears slid silently over my cheeks.
After weeks of being apart, I still couldn’t forget. Would I
ever
stop fucking
crying?
Friday came around
quickly and I sat melancholy on my bed and watched as Amy dashed
about the room getting ready for a night out at the bar. Turning to
face me, she leaned into her hip and tilted her head at me. “You
sure you won’t come? You can’t sit in this room for the rest of
your life. You need to get out there Layla. You’re a delicate
flower and you need food, fluids and TLC. That’s where Ollie and I
come in. I promise you can just sit there all night and not say a
word if you want but you have to get out of this hell-hole! You’re
going to end up rotting in that bed soon.” I shrugged nonchalantly.
I didn’t care anymore. Life had no meaning for me. Days were long
and nights were longer. “That’s it, you leave me no choice.”
Picking up her cell she hit speed dial. “It’s me. Plan B.” I
watched her curiously as she stalked over to the door and pulled it
open.
Standing in the hallway
shaking her head at me was Mel. I hadn’t seen her since Jared and I
had broken up and she was a welcome sight. Leaping from the bed I
ran to her, throwing my arms around her neck and crying softly on
her shoulder. “Shhh, I know baby girl but you have to snap out of
this. How long are you going to torture yourself Layla? You have to
get on with your life. Come on, you’re coming out with us tonight.
It’s open mic night and you are coming to that bar even if I have
to drag you by your hair, and you know I will.” A slight smile
grazed my lips as she fisted her hands on her hips and stared me
down. Rolling my eyes, I nodded weakly. “That’s my girl. Now go
shower. You look like a hermit in those sweats. I swear you need a
babysitter.” I began walking towards the bathroom listening to her
go on about me needing supervision. “That’s why I’ve decided to
transfer here.” I turned around quickly and gawked at her.
Grinning, she nodded. “As of Monday I’ll be a Cali State
student!”
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