Bound For You: Men in Blue, Book 6 (6 page)

“Should I tell you what everything is, and what it’s got in it, to make sure you like it?” He cleared his throat. “I should have asked first, I guess.”

“No, this is the kind of food you just shut up and eat.” She grinned. “I trust the chef. I hear he’s fantastic. It’s just that it’s so pretty. It seems a shame to wreck it.”

Ryan hugged her to him with his free arm. “Thank you. Seriously, though, it’s meant to be enjoyed. Go ahead. Eat it.”

Shari hummed. It did smell amazing.

It was right about then that she realized she hadn’t even had a snack since breakfast. Suddenly, it seemed like she could snarf every last morsel piled on the table before her. She opened her mouth and Ryan slipped the spoon between her lips. Somehow, the simple act fed more than her body. When had anyone bothered to take care of her?

Since she had turned sixteen, she’d lived up on this mountain, alone, guarding their house and tending to the sanctuary the ranch had been for her brother, when he could find his way home. This was true decadence.

Shari gladly accepted the offering—the appetizer coupled with Ryan’s care—and began to chew. Crunchy, tangy, and all-around delectable. A soft moan escaped her, inspiring his chuckle.

“I’ll take that as a compliment.”

He should, and she would have told him so if her mouth wasn’t full of the beginnings of what was sure to be the best meal of her life.

By the time Shari swallowed, Ryan had prepared another incredible treat. Something containing scallops and a rich cream sauce this time. The flavors that burst over her tongue were nearly enough to distract her from the heat of him, the press of his muscles along her body, and the perfection of their fit. Almost, but not quite.

It did take her a while to realize that he wasn’t eating, however.

When she did, the realization embarrassed her. The first plate was nearly cleaned already. He shouldn’t have to sacrifice for her or anyone. Not anymore. “Ryan, where’s yours?”

“I’m not very hungry,” he said softly. “Honestly, my stomach’s been in knots since we left.”

She had no doubt that without intervention, he would suffer.

“Take some for yourself.” It wasn’t a suggestion. Without question, he did as she told. When he’d chewed and swallowed, she performed her best Mistress Lily impression, trying to muster up some serious sternness. “More.”

“I don’t want to take anything away from you.” He shook his head behind her, nuzzling her hair in the process.

“You’re not. You’re giving to me by allowing us to share this experience,” she promised. Angling her head, she stared up at him. “As phenomenal as your meal is, I can’t enjoy it if you’re sitting there going hungry, or too upset to eat. You mean more to me than that, Ryan. Don’t piss me off by assuming otherwise. What kind of shitty friend would that make me?”

He kissed her cheek ever so softly, then nodded. Silently, he dug in as if those first few tastes had reminded his insides that he was ravenous…for more than simple food. She hoped their connection nourished him as much as it had her. He’d been putting himself last for entirely too long.

While he ate, she trailed her fingertips along his forearm. The muscles there bunched. He clutched her to him as if afraid she might slip away while he attended to his own needs. So she murmured reassuring nonsense to him as he took his fill.

After several bites, he relaxed and his stomach gurgled softly beneath her.

“Better?” she asked as he dipped his face to rest his forehead against hers.

“Yes. Thank you.” His fingers trembled on the fork before her. She didn’t really know how else to comfort him, besides maybe relying on distraction.

“I’m ready for more. Maybe some of that…” She lifted her chin toward the main entrée, which looked like steak in a thick pan sauce. Notes of wine and truffles, maybe, reached her a moment before she took the meat off the fork Ryan held for her, his hand cupped beneath her chin in case she dropped something. She didn’t.

They went on like that for a while, her sampling and him providing. It got easier and easier to ask for what she wanted each time she did it. Maybe the problem all along had been his nature…and hers.

Shari had been searching for some sign that what she felt for him and Ben was mutual. Had Ryan been waiting for either Shari or Ben to take the first step before laying it out there? Probably. Well, she was done making this harder on them both than it had to be. As for Ben…he was going to have to catch up or miss out.

She wasn’t so greedy that she had to have both of them or nothing.

This was plenty. Or at least it could be.

Lost in thought, they ate together, enjoying every crumb Ryan had prepared for them. Especially dessert. He fed her mango mousse off his fingers, letting her lick them clean after each mouthful. If she lingered, sucking on him, no one could blame her.

Shari and Ryan sighed in unison when he wiped them both clean with a linen napkin she hadn’t used since her last Thanksgiving with her family, then settled her across his lap so she could cuddle against his chest, damn near knocked into a food—and testosterone—coma.

“Wow. That was…spectacular,” she murmured against his neck, loving the smell of seared meat and herbs that perfumed his skin.

“You gonna fall asleep on me?” He didn’t seem disturbed by the idea.

“Bed does sound amazing right now,” she admitted, then realized how it might have sounded.

“You didn’t come up with any objections, and dessert is probably half digested by now,” he reminded her.

“I don’t want to rush you. I know today was a hard day.” She kissed him gently, letting her lips linger. It was enough to taste him, to soak in his warmth and the smell of caramelized sugar that remained on his mouth.

It went on for a while, their careful exchange. Her fingers twined in his hair, thrilled by how it tickled her knuckles with silky softness. Dazed, she blinked hard when he pulled away long enough to whisper to her.

“It
was
awful. You’re helping make it so much better.” He stole another sample of her before confessing against her lips, “I would love to sleep with you, but I never imagined tonight would be my chance. I’m not prepared. I don’t have any protection with me. That doesn’t mean I can’t take care of you, though. I would
kill
to do that.”

“Oh, Ryan, Ryan, Ryan. While you were comparing the not-fancy-enough fungi they had in stock at the SuperDuper Mart, I was being somewhat more practical.” Shari grinned, then reached around to where she’d hung her purse on the back of the chair. She dipped her hand inside and withdrew the jumbo box of condoms she’d purchased.

Just in case.

“I could kiss you right now.” He nuzzled her neck and did one better, licking her right beneath her ear, sending shivers along her spine. “Oh wait, I already did. I’m going to again, too. Until you’re begging me to undress you…and more.”

“Why don’t we go upstairs first?”

S
hari prepared
to lead Ryan to her room. Otherwise, they might never make it out of the kitchen. The hardwood floors weren’t exactly the stage she had in mind for the slow explorations she’d love to indulge in for the rest of the evening. After waiting an eternity to be intimate with him, or any man she truly cared for, she didn’t want to be rushed.

She climbed from his lap, groaning at the loss of contact. Before she could take two steps, Ryan swooped in behind her. He lifted her off her feet and cradled her in his arms. “Is it okay if I carry you?”

“Kind of late to ask, isn’t it?” She laughed as she looped her arms around his neck.

“I’d rather you gave me permission,” he rasped, “to attend to you like this. Better still if you want to order me around. Be direct so I know what will please you the most and can do exactly that. I hate guessing or assuming that if I take what I want, you’ll get what you need too.”

When he said it like that, she could totally understand the appeal. How many times had she wished for things to be simple between them? Now he offered her the opportunity to eliminate any misunderstandings or speculation.

Hell, yes.

“Take me to my bedroom, Ryan.” Shari didn’t think about it. She didn’t have to manufacture some demand to suit his fancy. It was what she genuinely wanted, and her patience had just about run out. The freedom to get bossy with him after months of hoping for action was freeing. Maybe she’d been going about this all wrong from the start. “Don’t forget the condoms, either, or I’ll make you crawl back down here buckass naked and get them for making me wait a moment longer than necessary to have you inside me.”

“Jesus.” He shook the box so she could hear it before tightening his grasp and picking up speed. She swore he took the stairs three at a time after that. “You’re awfully good at this, Shari. Have you been talking to Lily?”

“Nope. I’m pretty sure this is what you do to me.” She laughed and buried her face in his chest, slightly embarrassed, but mostly relieved that they were turning out to be half as compatible as she had imagined.

The reassuring thump of his racing heart made her sure he was as affected as she was by their nearness-with-intent-to-be-intimate. Premeditated seduction. Finally!

When he entered her room, he set her on the comforter as softly as if she had floated down like the eagle feathers that sometimes caused delicate rings to skate across the surface of the lake on a calm day. With her stare locked on his, she absorbed the full impact of his gaze. His eyes seemed to change colors the more aroused he got, going from sky blue to something that reminded her of the water that had starred in the Caribbean ocean special she’d watched last week.

Maybe someday she’d get to see it herself, finally fulfilling her fantasy of having sex on a white sandy beach with the love of her life. For now, this was an amazing substitute.

Was that what she was to him? Plan B?

“I know I’m not Ben—”

Ryan burst out laughing at that. “Damn straight you’re not. Not with all this smooth, soft skin and these absolutely beautiful curves.”

For a moment, she lost her train of thought, worries scattering before his skilled fingers, which had her half naked before she realized what he intended.

“Hang on, I’m being serious.” She worried her lip between her teeth, crossing her arms as if they could hide her boobs from him. Proportionally, they were impressive. Probably her best physical attribute.

The back of his knuckles brushed repeatedly across the exposed swells above her hands, making her shiver.

“I know.” Ryan drew in a deep breath then let it out slowly. “It’s no secret that I have a thing for him. You know we’ve fucked around and I loved it. Would do it again—or more—in a second if he was willing. But I’m not like other people. Or maybe I am. I actually believe most humans aren’t designed to be monogamous. Does that bother you?”

She swallowed hard. This was not the time to lose her courage. She had to be honest.

“A little, maybe.” Shari winced. “But probably not for the reasons you assume.”

“Good, because I want you, Shari. I always have. I’m sorry I let you think otherwise for even a single second. I’m not talking about as some consolation prize, either. I want you as much as I want…
wanted
him.” Ryan paused, sitting beside her, though never halting his caresses along her collarbone, then down her arms. Eventually, he held her hands.

“That’s great.” She gulped, hating how lame she sounded. Still, it
was
a relief. “It’s not that, though. I’m more afraid that we’ll do this and I’ll feel things for you that aren’t smart, knowing that you’re going to want to be with other people. Besides me. When I’m not around. Yeah, I don’t think I can do that.”

Shari reached for her discarded shirt.

“No, wait.” Rather than use force, Ryan distracted her by peeling his T-shirt over his head and tossing it to the floor, baring himself equally. It may have been a tactical maneuver, but it worked.

Suddenly she felt less vulnerable.

“Why?” What was the point of getting in deeper with him when she knew herself? She couldn’t be his sidepiece, or even his mainpiece, if he had other pieces scattered about like a sexy god in some kind of fancy board game. Jealous, she’d never be able to stay sane wondering where he was and who he was doing, without her.

“I think I didn’t explain right.” He scrunched his eyes and stared at the ceiling for a moment before returning his focus to her. “I want to be in a committed relationship. If that’s you and me, I’ll be so damn happy. I care for you, Shari. This isn’t only about fucking to me.”

“Me either,” she promised.

“But I love Ben.” He said it with a quiet steel that impressed her. “No matter what he feels, or doesn’t for me. Our time in the dungeons…”

“It’s never going to go away. And I’m never going to replace him or the things you overcame with each other. I understand that. Truly.” Somehow the knowledge didn’t hurt either. How could it when she’d seen how they were together? Though she only had a vague idea of the awful stuff that had bonded them, as close as brothers-in-arms.

“If I could have figured out a way to have you both, that would have been my dream. I’m just saying that there was room in my heart for two very specific people.” He tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.

She turned her head and kissed his hand.

He might not have declared his feelings outright—they didn’t know each other well enough for that yet—but he’d eased one of her worst fears. Stinging eyes made her blink rapidly.

“What did I say? I thought I did a decent job there.”

When she snorted a laugh, he leaned in and surprised her by gathering her to his chest as he reclined on the quilt she’d sewn last winter. It had been a never-ending season, giving her plenty of time to hone her craft. The intricate design she’d come up with made her proud looking at the finished product.

Shari pushed up a bit, her palms on his solid chest, until she could kiss him softly, gently, returning the gift he might not even realize he’d given her.

“Seriously, you okay now?” he asked between kisses.

“Yeah.” She cleared her throat. “My worst fear…since my brother died, you know?”

“What is it? You can tell me.” He cupped her face in his strong hands, rubbing her cheeks with his thumbs.

“Is dying alone. Unloved. Or maybe in love, but unable to act on it. Like John. Or my mom and dad. He was in the military. Killed in action overseas. She died of cancer while he was away. The three of them were so…
alone
.” She couldn’t help it. Her voice increased in pitch as she trailed off. Her secret hovered there, in the room with them, and she’d never been more ashamed or afraid.

“First, that’s not going to happen.” He sipped the tear she hadn’t realized she’d shed from the corner of her eye. “I’m here. Unless you kick my ass out, I’m not planning to leave you by yourself for very long.”

The future couldn’t be certain, but she figured that was as good a reassurance as she would get. A tentative smile drove away her sadness.

“And second, your brother was insanely loved. Didn’t Jambi hold out for like a
decade
for him? He might not have been able to be with her, but that doesn’t make what they shared any less powerful, does it?” Ryan rolled over so that he was above her, bracketing her with his strong arms. His blond hair feathered over his forehead as he made absolutely sure she was looking at him. “I’m sure it was the same for your parents. Distance doesn’t obscure what’s in your soul. No matter where we end up after tonight, you’ve got a part of me that I’m never going to take back. It’s yours for keeps. I will always be with you. Okay?”

“Yeah.” It was all she could manage to say, though she desperately hoped he knew the same was true for her. Had been for months already. Him, Ben, and the rest of the Men in Blue family had become an important part of her fabric, like the floral print she ran her fingers over was inextricably woven into her quilt. She looked up, unflinching when she met his stare. “So come here and give me that piece of you.”

He laughed, melting her further with the boom of happiness that was loud enough to rattle her windows along with her insides. “If you insist. But that wasn’t the part of my anatomy I had in mind.”

“I do. Insist, I mean.” Shari squirmed beneath him, shucking her jeans and kicking them over the end of the bed before toeing her socks off.

Ryan was right there, skimming his hands along the length of her body, taking her panties with them before deftly unclasping her bra faster than she would have been able to do it herself. Impressive.

“Can I taste you?” He licked his lips, as if she would be every bit as delectable as the dinner he’d fed her.

“You’d better.” A hiss escaped her when he dove forward, suckling her bared breast while one hand massaged the other. “Ah, yes. Right there. A little harder.”

He did as she directed.

Shari drew her feet up beside his hips and tucked her toes into his waistband. It took a few tries, but eventually she was able to shove his shorts down enough that she had a great view of his tight ass while he made her feel things she’d never dreamed possible.

Who knew it could feel that good to have a man’s mouth on her breasts?

Damn.

When he settled deeper into the V of her thighs, his abs pressed against her mound, inspiring her gasp.

Ryan lifted his head only long enough to grin and rotate his hips, grinding against her until he stroked her clit with his pelvis. Why did she have a feeling he was full of sly tricks designed to maximize his partner’s pleasure?

It was like having her own personal sex slave. Which, come to think of it…

He’d been
trained
to produce pleasure.

And she was reaping the benefits.

No match for his experience, she quit trying to act rationally and instead gave herself over to pure sensation. What she lacked in skills, she made up for in passion. Or at least that was her goal. Shari buried one hand in his hair, and latched onto his shoulder with the other. If her nails rasped against his back and scalp, it was entirely unintentional.

Though it seemed to have a pronounced effect on the man making a meal of her.

“Fuck, yes,” he groaned. “Tell me what you want.”

Coherent thoughts? Nope, not going to happen.

Instead, she applied pressure, pushing him downward.

He went.

Right where she needed him.

Ryan kissed his way from her breasts, along her belly, to the juncture of her thighs. He teased then delivered on the promises his body was making for him. Toes curled, fingers balled in the sheets, and head thrown back, Shari was afraid she wasn’t even going to last long enough for him to get to the good stuff before she flew apart.

“Hurry,” she urged.

“Love knowing I can do this to you, make you feel so good,” he admitted between licks and nibbles around her clit, his fingers swirling and probing the opening of her pussy.

She should have been self-conscious. But she wasn’t. How could she be when it was obvious that her bliss sustained him? Though he went down on her, did as she asked, brought her ecstasy without so much as slipping a hand between himself and the sheets to rub his stiff cock, it was clear that worshiping her somehow gave him authority of his own.

If she’d ever had the misconception that submission made a lover—especially a man—weak, it disintegrated with deliberate swipes of his tongue and the steady advance of his fingers, which breached her opening.

“Ryan! More!”

He granted her request, inserting two digits within her so she had something to hold as her pussy clenched.

“Let me taste you, Shari. Please. Will you come on my face?” he growled against her flesh, redoubling his efforts, as if desperate to draw pleasure from her very core.

It didn’t take many plunges of his fingers, combined with gentle suction on her clit, to ensure she was unable to resist. Not that she wanted to. Their needs aligned perfectly.

So she gave him his wish.

Shari screamed his name, her leg hooking around his back to draw him in tight as she bucked, riding his face. An orgasm of epic proportions stole her breath then slammed it back into her in a rush that left her gasping and moaning. Each of her primal vocalizations seemed to thrill Ryan, who released a victorious roar of his own without slowing in the least.

When she thought he’d wrung every last drop of rapture from her, he glanced up with a slick grin, then hummed. “I could do this all night.”

“Huh?” She blinked a few times, trying to bring him back into focus.

“Eat you.” He blew a warm stream of air across her clit, reigniting the pulses of pleasure that had begun to fade. “You’re not going to make me stop, are you?”

“Um… I…” Oh! He could do that again? Sure. “Nope. Go right ahead.”

Ryan smirked at her obvious confusion and her quick amendment.

The ease with which wonder flowed between them, an endless gift from one to the other, astounded her. More than the physical pleasure he was once again busy delivering, she relished that intimacy. Reaching down, she entwined their fingers. He squeezed them tight.