Bound For You: Men in Blue, Book 6 (10 page)

Either worked for her.

“Probably because I feel like a moron.” She shrugged. “After the last four managers who haven’t worked out, I somehow brought the worst of them yet onboard. I just need to learn this stuff myself, I guess. I thought while I was getting things off the ground it would be beneficial to have someone with experience around who could train me. You know, teach me some growth strategies, make smart decisions about where to spend my marketing budget, or share insights about what they’d seen work other places. But it seems like none of the qualified candidates are interested in living on the top of a mountain for a base salary. I’m obviously doing more harm than good at this point.”

“I can help,” Ben offered. “I might not work in the hospitality industry, but I do a lot of similar stuff at my job.”

He was some sort of management analyst, though she’d never fully understood what that meant. When she’d asked, he’d always waved it off as dull. A way to make a living by putting money in the company coffers.

“I can at least get you back up and running until you find someone permanent. I wouldn’t mind interviewing the next batch of applicants for you to make sure they’re not full of shit,” Ben kept going, making it awfully hard to say no.

“While he’s working that end of things, I’ll take a look at the reservations system.” For JRad, their resident computer whiz, it would be child’s play. “It shouldn’t be possible to do something like that accidentally. I’ll make sure it never happens again and maybe tweak the software to customize the program for any other functions Ben thinks you could use.”

“Thank you.” She rubbed her temples, still unsure if that would be enough to rescue her from the enormous hole her latest “help” had dug. “Then maybe you guys could be my guests for the holidays and leave honest reviews on the popular travel sites. No matter what you think, they would have to be better than the one-stars floating to the top at each website.”

She nibbled on her lip, trying not to get overwhelmed. What if she couldn’t turn things around? Then what would she do? Where would she go?

“Shar, you shouldn’t have kept this to yourself.” Ryan crossed to her side and hugged her tight. “I hope that guy who fucked you over moved out of state, or I might have to pay him a visit.”

“Yep. He’s long gone. By
I fired him
, I mostly mean he abandoned ship when he realized it was going down.” The freedom to accept Ryan’s comfort, and feel like she deserved it, made everything better. She leaned on his shoulder. “I just need to get my shit together, patch up the damage, and reopen after the holidays under
new management
. Also known as me, myself, and I.”

“It’s too much for one person to handle, isn’t it?” Lucas asked.

“You provide meals, take care of the animals, clean the cabins, handle the bookings…” Ryan grew stiff beneath her hands, and not in a good way. “That’s crazy. You’re one person, not a hotel staff.”

They both knew that if she took on too much, she’d never have time to make the drive all the way into the city to see him, never mind leaving her guests alone while she made a not-so-quick booty call.

Maybe more than Camp David was doomed.

Fuck.

“Uncle Ryan, do I get to blow out the candles and make a wish yet?” Julie squished between them and yanked on his hand.

“Soon.” He smiled down at her before looking back to Shari. “We’re not done talking about this.”

Shari nodded. She had to figure it out anyway. Procrastinating on developing solutions hadn’t done her much good. Having a sounding board for her problems was another luxury she hadn’t been able to afford in the past. “Okay. Go ahead, now. Let’s dig in to your creation. I might be biased, but I think it’s the best birthday cake in the history of all birthday cakes.”

Julie clapped and danced in place. “My cake is awesome, my cake is awesome.”

“You haven’t even seen it yet.” Ryan chuckled as he picked her up and carried her into the main section of the kitchen.

“It’s the best because you made it for me, Uncle Ryan. Duh.” She patted his cheek with her small hand.

As everyone gathered around for the big reveal, Ben and Ryan’s attention temporarily diverted, Lily approached.

“We’ll make sure you’re solid at the ranch,” she swore as she dropped her voice to a near-whisper. “But you’ve got some work to do with these boys.”

She jerked her chin toward the duo, who were eyeing each other when they thought their crush wasn’t looking.

“I don’t know where to start, Lily. Maybe you could talk to them for me…?”

“Sorry, babe. No can do. I learned my lesson about meddling in relationships.” Lily winced as she glanced over at Jambrea, Matt, and Clint where they snuggled on the loveseat in the other room. “It’s best if you hash things out directly. But I’m here if you have any questions or need to vent.”

“How about some general advice?” Shari winced. “I’ve never been involved in any sort of power exchange before. Hell, Lily, I’ve never had a steady boyfriend. Not many eligible bachelors in the boondocks.”

Lily leaned in and whispered conspiratorially, “Ryan is one of the most accomplished submissives I’ve ever worked with. Every bit of it comes naturally to him. He will take insanely good care of you if you let him. That means you have responsibilities too. To indulge his need to pamper you, even when it feels like you’re not fending for yourself. Most of all, please never assume his sexuality makes him weak. He’s fierce. Protective. And stronger than most Doms I know. You really have it good with him.”

It took a couple tries before Shari could clear her throat enough to ask, “And how does Ben fit in? Do you think he could? Wants to?”

A wicked smile curled Lily’s dark red lips. “You dirty girl.”

“It hasn’t happened…yet…but I know Ryan still wishes it could.”

“And you?”

“I’d be stupid not to want them both, wouldn’t I?” Shari confided.

“Yes, honey. Yes, you would.” Lily patted her knee. “And I know you’re no fool.”

Their conversation was cut short by the rest of their friends shouting a countdown. “Five…Four…Three…Two…One!”

Then the elated squeals of one newly nine-year-old girl threatened to shatter every sliver of glass in a five-block radius. “Ohmigod! Uncle Ryan, she’s so pretty. Her mane is a rainbow and
so
sparkly!”

Ben used his cell to snap a ton of pictures of Julie freaking out and Ryan’s enormous grin as he basked in her excitement. Every painstaking hour he’d put into the cake had been worth it.

When he looked over to her and mouthed,
Thank you
, she nearly lost it.

It wasn’t until they’d sliced it apart, devoured the even better tasting indulgence, and lolled around in a sugar coma, that she wondered what the hell was going to happen next.

It didn’t take long to find out.

E
ven if Ben
hadn’t spent half the night trying to reach Shari and Ryan without luck, he would have known the moment he laid eyes on them that the two of them had occupied that time by fucking. Repeatedly. Their time in the dungeons had familiarized him with what Ryan looked like when thoroughly satisfied. Besides, the bond between him and Shari sparkled almost as much as Ben’s shit would for the next week after eating whatever the hell those two had put on Julie’s cake.

If he noticed the dramatic difference, so must the rest of their friends. Last night hadn’t been a simple hook up. Every single person in the house, including Julie—who’d asked him last night if she could be the flower girl at Aunt Shari and Uncle Ryan’s wedding—must realize he’d finally blown the last of his chances with Ryan.

Shari had been there to do what he’d been far too stupid, and probably too scared, to do. She’d made Ryan hers.

He was happy for them. He swore he was. At least the parts of him that didn’t roar in denial and agony. If he’d thought it was going to be hard to fall asleep night after night without Ryan’s presence down the hall, it would be twice as difficult tonight, imagining the rapture the two of them were sharing.

Without him.

Especially because it was his own damn fault. Extra because even now he didn’t have the balls, or the knowhow, to claim either or both of the people who’d had him confused as hell for months.

Soon it would be too late. If it wasn’t already.

Shari and Ryan were a unit and nothing would come between them, or join them.

His luck had run out.

Ben put his hands flat on the kitchen counter, hung his head, and closed his eyes while he reminded himself of the four hundred and thirty-six reasons this was a good thing. Exactly what he’d aimed for.

He couldn’t be trusted with someone else’s happiness.

Especially not people he loved.

“You’d better suck it up, buttercup. Or hide it better. I don’t care which.” Ryan bumped his shoulder hard as he passed, knocking Ben off balance. As usual. “If Shari catches you having a meltdown in here, however quiet, she’s going to feel guilty. Guiltier than she already does. I know what that feels like. You’re not going to do that to her if I can help it.”

His ex-roommate, ex-so-many-other-odd-and-indefinable-things, piled the now-empty cake tray and his fancy serving set into the sink then began running steamy water before adding a healthy squirt of dish detergent. He never put those things in the dishwasher. He wouldn’t be here after it ran to collect his stuff even if he hadn’t babied them by habit.

The realization gutted Ben.

Ryan wasn’t coming back. After today, he’d have no reason to stop over other than visits with Julie or to haul away the last of the belongings he hadn’t been able to carry the day before. Then what?

Then nothing.

Their friendship couldn’t withstand the implosion that had led to Ryan walking out.

Ben would snuff the side of him raring to chase after Ryan and Shari and let them enjoy the lifetime of serenity they’d discovered they could have with each other before he ruined that, too.

“You’re right.” Ben nodded slowly, preparing to retreat to his room until everyone was ready to leave. He wasn’t sure he could avoid hurting Shari, or Ryan, if he was around. Hadn’t that been the problem from the start?

He wasn’t willing to compromise. If it had to be their happiness or his own, he’d pick them every time.

Ben shuffled toward the hallway.

With a single question, Ryan stopped him as effectively as if he’d smeared Super Glue across the floor. “Aren’t you going to ask me what it was like? If it was good?”

“No.”

“You should. Because it was
fucking
incredible. Better than I could have imagined when you busted me stroking my cock the other night.” Ryan turned, wiping the suds from his hands on his favorite apron, which he’d brought back with him today. The kitchen wouldn’t be the same without it hanging from the hook he’d installed in the pantry.

“That’s…great.” He swallowed the resentment and envy that could so easily have had him foaming at the mouth at that revelation.

“She’s generous in bed. Giving and compassionate, willing to listen and make my fantasies come true.” Ryan glanced over his shoulder, ensuring the coast was clear before he stepped up his bragging even further. “Her pussy is so sweet and tight I wouldn’t believe it if I hadn’t felt it for myself.”

“Why are you telling me this?” Ben’s fists balled at his sides. Every detail would be burned into his brain, torturing him when he took his turn jacking off and still couldn’t find relief on his own. Nothing new there.

After he’d walked in on Ryan the other night, he’d tried desperately to express the lechery his roommate had inspired in him and failed miserably. He’d practically rubbed himself raw and still fallen asleep with a boner.

“Because I want you to know exactly what you’re missing out on. Everything you could have had and chose not to take.” A sneer marred Ryan’s golden features, turning them dark and vicious. Ben hated the change. Hated that he’d done that to the man.

See, it was best that Ryan move on while he had the chance.

“When she comes, she sounds like the best kind of porn star. You know, the ones that are legitimately into it, not just faking for the cameras. I can’t wait to do it again, just so I can hear her calling out my name. Not yours. Mine.” He stalked closer, overwhelming Ben’s senses with his presence and his scent. The one that lingered on the pillow Ben had taken to sleep on last night.

He’d been hard when he’d gone to bed
and
when he’d woken up. His body wanted what his mind understood it shouldn’t have. There was no reasoning with lust.

Ben clenched his jaw and tried to think of anything other than the nearness of his obsession and how easy it would be to show him the fallacy of his misconceptions. It got harder and harder, though, as Ryan kept spurring him as effectively as their captors had when they’d twisted his fear for his family and made him do things he wasn’t proud of and couldn’t face in the light of day.

“She accepts me for who I am and doesn’t make me hide my fucked up desires. For the first time in forever, I don’t feel like my sexuality is some aberration that makes me less than normal guys.” Ryan might as well have stabbed him in the heart.

“Shut up,” Ben snarled. He would
never
think such ugly things about Ryan or the easy way he connected with people of both genders. Not after he’d seen that flexibility up close. Admiration for Ryan’s acceptance of himself and his desires burned through him. How dare Ryan think otherwise?

“I deserve unconditional love.” Ryan chose then to decide to rebel and ignore orders, of course. Right when Ben was at the edge of his sanity. “So does Shari. I plan to give it to her. Freely. And I won’t take it back once it’s inconvenient or because I always imagined I preferred men to women for a life partner. I’m smart enough to know that when I meet the right person, none of the rest matters worth a fuck. I won’t be a complete dumbass and throw that away. I won’t die alone and miserable wondering what might have been.”

Ryan shoved him, hard, in the center of his chest.

“I said,
shut up
!” He didn’t mean to, but he reached for Ryan and slammed him up against the refrigerator hard enough to shift it backward and bang the appliance into the wall.

“Or what?” Ryan prodded, staring right back instead of shrinking from his jealous display.

“Or I’ll remind you that she’s not the only person who can make you hard in an instant.” He’d absolutely lost any ability to act rationally. It was like he was back in the dungeons, operating in pure survival mode. Doing what the moment dictated without regard for long-term consequences or the implications they had on what he thought he knew about himself. Fear reignited. Last night’s panic returned in a flash, adding to his adrenaline rush, stealing his ability to be calm or rational. “I’ll prove that I have never thought less of you and the bond we share. Ever. Don’t you see?
I
don’t deserve it.”

“Yeah, right.” The utter disbelief in Ryan’s tone, which had lost every degree of its heat and fury in the face of Ben’s raw declaration, finally pushed him over the edge.

He snapped.

Ben fisted that sexy-as-fuck apron and the T-shirt beneath it in his fists. Then he used the handholds for leverage to pin Ryan. Something crashed from the top of the refrigerator onto the floor, drawing the attention of every person in the apartment.

Let them watch, he didn’t give a fuck.

Ryan’s jaw hung slack in shock, which made for a perfect opportunity.

Ben seized it.

His lips covered that mouth, which was capable of downright sinful things. Like sucking cock to perfection, or providing reassurance that had seen Ben through the deepest of his despair during their imprisonment. When all he’d wanted was to give up, these lips—the ones he was devouring with bruising force—had talked him through it so they could fight for their families’ freedom again the next day.

It was wrong to take advantage of Ryan like this, to steal pleasure from him when he didn’t know if he was capable of returning it, or how Shari would feel about it. But he was weak, and he couldn’t stand by and let Ryan talk shit about himself when it simply wasn’t true.

Ben was going to hell for letting Ryan think such bullshit for this long.

Twice because he should have let him think it for just a little while longer so that he could start down the road to something better with Shari.

Like a starving man, he couldn’t stop at a single taste, though. It was better than he remembered, the way Ryan met him swipe for swipe, the heat and firmness of his body as it wrapped around Ben and reciprocated the angry kiss that was the oral equivalent of a hate fuck.

Hair got pulled, muscles strained, teeth scraped soft tissue. They grappled with each other, trying to climb inside one another instead of pushing each other away.

He loved every damn second of the intense exchange.

Ryan’s
oomph
was the only warning Ben had that their interlude would be short-lived.

The guy in his arms thrashed, and not to get closer this time.

Ben tried to rein in his primitive response, but didn’t manage to get it under control before he heard Shari say, “Happy Birthday, Julie. I’ve got to go.”

“Are you taking Uncle Ryan away with you?” the little girl asked.

Worst of all was her tearful response. “No, sweetie. He belongs here, with your Uncle Ben, don’t you think?”

“Yep. They’re best friends. Aunt Jambrea told me that just because grownups fight, that doesn’t mean they hate each other. Sometimes they have to fix what’s broken between them and they don’t know how. Maybe they learned how?”

“I think so,” Shari said, and damn if she didn’t sound kind of pleased despite her pain.

Ben couldn’t turn around. The massive hard-on he was sporting would be obvious to Julie and he didn’t plan to have
that
discussion today, too. He’d scarred her enough for one week. What the hell had he been thinking?

That was the problem. He hadn’t been thinking at all.

Ryan had baited him.

It worked.

Now Shari was the one who would pay for his indiscretion. Fuck!

“See, Aunt Jambrea is pretty smart. I love you, but I have to go. Happy birthday, Julie.” With that, Shari made a dash for the door.

“Don’t let her leave!” Ben roared. “Someone take her keys.”

Ryan, his hair standing on end, shoved past, shouting, “Shari, wait! Let me explain.”

Neither of them made it very far. Mason leaned against the front door, his shoulders blocking the entire entryway.

Shari went wild. “Get out of my way.”

“Nope.” He refused to budge when she tried to reach around him for the doorknob.

Ben couldn’t even blink when she began to swing at the police officer, her fists bouncing ineffectually off his mammoth chest. “Move, you big, dumb man. You’re just like the rest of them. Why are you doing this to me? Don’t let them rub it in my face.”

Ryan risked having his balls smashed when he sandwiched Shari between himself and Mason, banding his arms around her and trying to shush her with soothing nonsense spoken low enough that Ben couldn’t make it out over the women rushing to Shari’s defense and their guys trying to keep them out of the fray.

By the time Ryan had subdued Shari and started walking backward toward his old room, hauling her with him, the gathering had erupted into anarchy. The tears streaming down Shari’s face made him wish she had kneed him in the nuts. It would hurt less.

What the fuck had just happened?

What had he done?

And how could he make it right?

After months of trying to avoid hurting Ryan and Shari, he’d done exactly that.

“Uncle Ben? What’s happening? Why is Aunt Shari crying? Don’t let them hurt her. She should be allowed to go if she wants.” Julie had run to Ellie and climbed into Ryan’s sister’s open arms. Her face scrunched and she looked like she was about to join in the waterworks. Figured she’d be on Team Female already. Then again, she had experience with being held against her will.

Great, he’d even blown her big day.

What a total failure he was at life.

“Hey, it’s going to be okay,” he lied as convincingly as he could manage. “There’s nothing for you to worry about.”

“She looks so sad.” Julie didn’t take her eyes off Shari, who had stopped struggling and let Ryan guide her deeper into the apartment. “Go cheer her up, like you do for me when I have my nightmares. Maybe she needs you to read a book and do all the fun voices.”

Why couldn’t it be so simple?

Torn, he couldn’t leave Julie and he didn’t want to let go of Ben and Shari.

“What do you say you, me, and Uncle Lucas have a sleepover at my house?” Ellie asked Julie. “You can bring your new art supplies and we can try them out. I’ll help you paint like you asked.”

“If I go, will Uncle Ben be able to fix things with Aunt Shari and Uncle Ryan like Aunt Jambrea said people could?” Julie clung to Ryan’s sister as if she were a lifeline. How Ellie had survived far worse than he’d experienced in that hellhole and still gone on to find love with Lucas, never mind having the strength to make herself vulnerable enough to accept it…well, it awed him.