Bound by Love's Gravity (10 page)

When Deke didn’t finish, Declan grinned. “Cat got your tongue?”

“No,” Deke snapped. “I just don’t know what I want. Okay?”

Declan smirked. “Do you want me to tell you what you want? Or do you want to hide from the truth a little longer?”

Reclining back, Deke crossed his arms defensively. “If I don’t know what I want, why the hell do you think you do?”

“Because, dumbass, everyone knows what you want,” Declan replied. The ease of his friend’s response annoyed Deke. “You want Adam and Sarah. But you don’t want to take the risk because of—”

Deke cut Declan off with a snarled, “Don’t you dare say her name.”

“Megan.” Declan went on as though Deke hadn’t spoken. “You don’t want to get hurt like that bitch hurt you.”

Deke growled. “She wasn’t a bitch.”

“Oh, really?” Declan snorted. “I was there. I know what that psycho was like. She manipulated you, and you let her. Don’t fool yourself. If she’d lived, she would have destroyed you and Adam without a second thought. She was only out for herself.”

Sometimes, Deke agreed with Declan. Meg had been a troublemaker, but she had been his and Adam’s troublemaker. Then again, had she really been Adam’s? They’d been on the rocks before she’d died, and Deke had been the glue that had kept them the three of them together.
Look where it got her. Six feet under.

“Shut up,” Deke demanded, his voice growing icy, as he got to his feet and slapped his hand on his desk. The sting of his palm connecting with the hardwood was uncomfortable but bearable. He leaned across the desk, his stance challenging and preferably intimidating. “You shouldn’t talk about her like that. You didn’t know her.”

“No shit,” Declan retorted with a contemptuous smile. “I didn’t know her, and I didn’t want to.”

Deke had always wondered what happened to make Declan despise Meg so much, but he’d never actually come out and asked. Now was as good a time as any. “Why did you hate Meg so much, Declan?”

“Ah,” Declan breathed, his smile transforming from disdain to triumph. “You finally ask. Maybe we are making progress after all.”

Deke refused to rise to Declan’s words. He sat back down with a grunt and waited.

Thankfully, Declan didn’t make Deke wait long before he said, “She crawled out of your and Adam’s bed then into mine the week before she killed herself. She actually thought I would fuck her.” He made a disgusted sound that said more than his words ever could. “It would be a cold day in hell before I touched my brother’s and best friend’s girlfriend. Apparently, I pissed her off by not taking her up on her offer because she went straight to Kylia and shared all the gruesome details of how I fucked her in the room next to yours. I’ll bet you know how well that went over.”

Fuck.
Kylia had dumped Declan, but she’d never said why. Until today, Declan hadn’t either.
Shit.
The two of them had spent years apart over something Meg did. And Deke could have stopped it.

“Don’t,” Declan barked. “It wasn’t your fault. She was responsible for herself.”

Deke wasn’t convinced of that. She’d been his and Adam’s sub. They should have been able to take care of her. But, they’d failed. No, Deke had failed.
He
hadn’t protected her, not from his desires, not from Adam’s withdrawal, and not from herself. Now she was dead, and he couldn’t forget her or what had happened, just like he couldn’t forget the legacy of the suicide letter she’d left behind.

Even after all these years, her final words were still etched into his mind. He didn’t need the paper he’d burned in his fireplace on the first anniversary of her suicide to remember what she’d written. He could see the message as clearly as if the letter were lying in front of him. He could hear each and every syllable echoing through his mind as though she were whispering them in his ear. And no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t wipe the words or the message from his memory.

Deke,

I know you’ll be the one to read this note, and I’m glad because I want you to know why I killed myself. You have the right to blame someone for my loss, and I want you to know who that person is.

It’s you. I killed myself because of you. Your wants and needs always came before mine. The things you did and said, they revolted me. But I always felt trapped. I thought I loved you. I couldn’t bear the thought of losing you. So I did what you wanted.

But now, here I am writing you my final note because I can’t bear to live with myself, knowing the person you made me into. And that is on you and you alone. I’m the one and only innocent in this. I just hope that my death will change the beast inside you or save one woman from your vile perversions. If it does, then my death will have been worth it because no one deserves a monster like you in her life, her bed, or her heart.

May God have mercy on your soul. I know I won’t.

Megan

Rage choked Deke. But somehow, he managed to grit through clenched teeth, “You’re wrong, Declan. Meg was my responsibility, and I fucked everything up. She died because of me.”

Declan curled his lip in undisguised contempt. “She didn’t die. She killed herself. When will you get that through your thick head? You didn’t do a damn thing to her. She did it to herself.” He growled. “She was messed up. She needed help, and she didn’t get it. Stop blaming yourself. You did everything you could.”

“Did I? Really?” Deke shot back. “Because I don’t think I did. I should have—”

“You should have what?” Declan snapped. “Walked away? Is that what has you on the run from Sarah? Are you being some self-sacrificing hero out to save the girl? Do you really think you’re going to hurt her? Or do you think she’s going to hurt herself because of you?” He scoffed. “All of those are total bullshit. Sarah isn’t like that. And neither are you.”

Deke felt his temper explode. “Goddamn it, Declan. I know what Sarah’s like. No one knows her better than I do, except maybe Adam. And I know I can’t be what she needs. She needs a man who is soft and gentle, a man who is sweet and kind and loving. I’m too fucking selfish and too damn hard for her. She deserves someone so much better than I am. And I’ll be damned before I let her settle for less than what she deserves, even if that means I can’t have her in my life.”

Obviously not intimidated, Declan sneered, “There’s no one better for her than you and Adam. If you believe otherwise, then you’re a fucking fool. Now get your act together before you lose Sarah
and
Adam.”

* * * *

Adam was fucked, totally and completely and unbelievably fucked. He knew it the moment he opened the front door to Sarah’s apartment and saw Kylia standing in the hallway, not his brother. Just looking at Kylia, he could tell she was not here for a social visit. She had the
I’m a doctor. You’re a patient
look she got sometimes. Her appearance wasn’t comforting either. She had worn one of her conservative business suits and her hair was swept up in a French twist. Her whole demeanor screamed,
Don’t touch. I’m working here.

This was exactly what Adam needed after his fight with Deke and his long heart-to-heart talk with Sarah. Hell no. He needed to go for a run, preferably a long one, to clear his mind. But that wasn’t likely. He had to deal with the good doctor, and then, once he got back to The Edge, he had piles of work to do. Helping Sarah had taken more time than he’d really had to give, but he’d given it anyway.

“Hi there,” Kylia said. “Declan was running late, so he sent me to get you.”

I’ll just bet he was.
Adam knew better. If Declan had sent Kylia for him, he was doing something he shouldn’t be doing. Adam held no illusions about that. His brother was protective, overly so in Adam’s opinion. They were barely a year apart, yet Declan had some strange notions about having to take care of Adam and the rest of the Stanton clan.

Normally, Declan’s interference irritated Adam. But today, it pissed him off. He knew exactly where Declan was. He was with Deke, trying to patch things between them or whatever he thought was best.

Well, fuck him
. Declan didn’t know what was best for Adam any more than he knew what was best for Sarah and Deke. He needed to keep his nose out of Adam’s business or Adam would be forced to break it. It wouldn’t be the first time.
More like the third.

Taking one good look at Adam, Kylia glowered. “No. You are not going to fight with your brother again,” she snapped high-handedly as though she’d known exactly what he’d been thinking. “He’s just trying to help you and Deke.”

“What about Sarah?” he asked, keeping a close eye on Kylia. “She is a part of us, too.”

Now more than ever.
Since Deke had left a few hours ago, Adam and Sarah had done nothing but talk. Their serious conversation wasn’t out of the norm for them. It was what Sarah had said while they’d talked. She had finally uttered the words he’d been waiting to hear.
I want to take a Dom.
Then she’d asked him the two questions he’d been aching for her to ask.
If things change between the three of us, would you ever consider making me your sub? Do you think Deke would?

Adam had resorted to biting his tongue so he wouldn’t answer her straightaway. At first, she’d panicked and blushed. She’d stammered and finally turned away. But he’d stopped her. Once he explained that he wasn’t saying
no
, she’d seemed to understand his need to discuss the matter with Deke. However, Adam was worried that his answer would inevitably be
no.
Although, he couldn’t share his greatest fear with her, not this time, not this one thing.

Denying her would cause her more pain than he was willing to deliver—alone. If Deke chose to refuse her, then, by God, he would do it himself. Adam was sick of doing Deke’s dirty work with Sarah. He loved her. He loved Deke. But he couldn’t continue to be their go-between. That part was over. Their relationship had been reduced to all or nothing. And that made Adam physically ill.

“Yes, Sarah is a part of you two,” Kylia said, nodding her apparent approval. Then she smiled in clear satisfaction. “He knows that. Do you think Declan is a fool? He wants what you do.”

“I doubt that,” Adam retorted, propping his shoulder against the doorframe. “He just wants to fuel his God complex. I swear. He and Deke are two peas in a screwed-up pod.”

They really were. Deke and Declan along with Lucian Lockhart were way too much alike. The trio seemed to act and think identically. Getting the three of them together was a terrible thing for anyone within a three-hundred-mile radius. Thank God Ansley’s older brother wasn’t around much anymore. If he were, Adam would actually be worried for his own health and sanity.

Kylia shook her head. “He’s not fueling his God complex. He’s an older brother protecting his younger brother.”

“Go play shrink somewhere else, KK. I’m not in the mood.”

“Mood for what?” Sarah asked as she strolled up behind him and slid her slender arm around his waist. Peering up at him with her bewitching eyes, she smiled. “Pizza? I’m starved.”

“No,” Kylia answered hastily. “Adam thinks I’m being a therapist. But I’m really being his friend.”

“Sure you are,” Sarah said, clearly trusting Kylia to tell the truth. Since the two of them were friends, Adam couldn’t entirely blame Sarah for believing the other woman, especially since he hadn’t responded in his own defense. “He’s just being a stubborn man. They always think we’re out to fix them.”

Despite his nasty mood and Kylia’s undivided attention, Adam found himself teasing Sarah. “Aren’t you trying to fix me?” he inquired as he hugged her to his side. “I need to be domesticated, you know.”

Sarah giggled before patting his chest with her tiny hand. “Good luck with that. I love you the way you are.”

Even though he knew how she felt, and in spite the fact that she’d told him before, Adam’s heart jumped whenever she said the word
love
. It might make him cheesy, but it was the truth. With a single word, she gave him the world. Everyone and everything melted away.

Gazing at Sarah, Adam had to fight for control as his body warred with his mind. He craved her. His lips yearned for her kiss, the way she would taste, fresh and innocent like a recently bloomed daisy. He longed to feel her moving against him, her petite body wrapped around his and writhing in ecstasy. He ached to feel his cock sinking into her snug pussy, her juices bathing him and warming him, until he exploded and filled her with his cum.

Defenseless to the arousal flooding him, Adam touched the side of Sarah’s face, needing the connection. She responded by turning and nuzzling the palm of his hand, purring as she did.

Kylia cleared her throat. “We need to get going, Adam. I have an appointment in an hour.”

He’d bet she did—an appointment with his brother. But instead of making a smart-ass remark, he dropped a kiss on his woman’s head and murmured his good-byes to her then started down the hallway. As he’d expected her to, Kylia followed behind him in silence.

When they reached the elevator, Adam pressed the down button. A minute later, the doors opened, and he placed a hand on Kylia’s back then guided her into the elevator where he promptly jabbed the button to the first floor.