Born of Shadows (25 page)

Still, she held her breath and kept her grip tight, waiting for them to return and discover their lair.

Hours and hours went by slowly as her heart beat a fearful rhythm. Finally she allowed herself to relax and accept the fact that they were safe.

Even if it was only for a moment.

Sighing, she leaned her head back against the wall and laid the blaster down. The muscles in her arm were tight and strained from having held its weight for so long. She laced her fingers with Caillen’s and sat in silence as she let the roughness of his skin soothe her even more. It felt so good to know that she wasn’t completely alone in this. Even though he was unconscious.

Thank the gods the Andarions were gone. This one moment of peace was worth a fortune to her.

Please don’t let it end.

She’d had enough excitement for one day, or actually fifty thousand. Really, she didn’t need any more. Relieved to the point she could almost cry, her gaze fell to Caillen who hadn’t moved in so long she became worried about it. When he’d slept earlier, he’d had a faint snore.

Now nothing…

Had he died? Was he breathing? Sudden panic swelled inside her as her mind conjured all manner of bad scenarios.

Please don’t be dead. Don’t have bled out.
Not while she’d been worried about them when she should have been tending him…

She inched forward to place her hand under his nose so that his breath could tickle her skin.

Thank the gods, he was still alive. That was almost as big a relief as the Andarions leaving the building. And as he lay there sleeping, she couldn’t help but notice how handsome he really was in the faint blue light. How boyish and relaxed.

How completely out of commission he was and how dependent they were on her for their survival…

Yeah, that was a scary prospect.

Caillen, you’re so screwed.
She’d never taken care of anyone before. Not even a pet. Honestly, she was afraid she might kill the poor man out of ignorance. She knew some field medicine, but not much and all of it was in theory. She’d never had to actually use it. It just hadn’t been taught as part of their lessons.

Come on, Desideria, you can do this.
Her people prided themselves on their survival abilities. But then survival to them was synonymous with fighting—being able to protect yourself.

Her gaze went to the ragged backpack…

A pack that carried everything a person would ever need to live through just about anything. Curious about its contents, she pulled it to her and opened the worn leather. She paused as she caught an unexpected whiff of Caillen’s scent. Warm and all masculine, it made her heartbeat speed up. She didn’t know why she adored the smell of his skin, but she did. In truth, she’d love nothing better than to bury her face in his neck and just inhale him.

Pushing that disturbing thought aside, she started sorting through the contents of his pack to take inventory in case she needed something before he woke back up. He really did have the most bizarre combination in it. Socks, sunglasses, medicines, dehydrated food and water. Her height="0em">

Prophylactics…

She didn’t even want to think about that one. Well, not entirely true. For some reason, she did have a strange curiosity about what he’d look like naked. What it would feel like to hold him in her arms and have him kiss her like a hungry lover. To have his hair fall forward in his face as he lay on top of her, looking down with that devilish grin of his…

He probably was great in bed.

Oh, what is wrong with me?

Then again, Narcissa would say there was something wrong with her if she didn’t want to have sex with him. That made her feel a
little
better.

Still…

She was in the middle of a chase. Her enemies could find her any second and if that wasn’t enough reason to keep her thoughts off his body, there was the small matter of him being a prowling rogue who carried prophylactics in his bag, scamming for an easy lay. Definitely not her type of male at all. Not even a little bit. She wanted someone who could be loyal and sweet. Someone dependable to be there when she needed him who could support but never overshadow her.

Someone like her father.

That thought solidified her conviction as she continued to make her way through the pack’s contents which included an obscene amount of small condiment packages.

What in the world? Did one human really need this much sauce or crackers? Really?

All of a sudden, she paused. In the bottom of the pack she found the most amazing thing of all. Something she would have never suspected a man like Caillen to carry.

A small vidframe.

How very strange.

Sitting back on her heels, she turned it on and waited for the photos to load. In the darkness, she flipped through the images that spoke volumes about the man next to her. There was one of a beautiful redheaded woman and a tall dark-haired man standing beside her. They looked so happy and sweet. The love they had for each other as they embraced was more than evident and it was breathtaking.

Both of them were dressed in white for some kind of ceremony she didn’t recognize. The man’s shoulder-length hair framed his handsome, clean-shaven face. His skin was a much darker tone than Caillen’s, more like hers, and his eyes were so black she couldn’t tell where the iris ended and his pupil began. He had two small gold hoops in his left earlobe. The woman’s dress was strapless and as stunning as she was. It fell in light layers around her skinny body and she had white flowers braided into her long hair.

Desideria pressed the play button.

They immediately kissed.

“Hey, guys, stop. Stop! You’re making me sick. Seriously, I’m about to splash shoes here and since Shay splurged to buy hers, I don’t want to get hurt.0 She recognized Caillen’s voice, castigating them. Judging from the loudness of the tone, she assumed he was the one holding the camera. “Syn, that’s my sister you’re tonguing and I’m going to beat your ass again if you don’t get away from her. I mean it. I don’t care that you’re married now. She’s still my sister and you’re a dead man.”

Syn scoffed, his dark eyes sending a challenge. “You didn’t beat it the last time, giakon. As I recall, I sent
you
packing.”

The camera bounced to show the rapidly shifting ground as Caillen headed for him.

The woman came between them and pushed Caillen back. The camera went swinging around her body until she righted it and forced Caillen to move another step away from Syn. “You touch my husband again, Cai, and I’ll paint your rear stabilizer red. Now behave and show Syn that I raised you right.” Laughing, she took the camera from Caillen and turned it on him.

Desideria’s breath caught as she saw not a rigid aristocrat, but a man so unbelievably handsome that it was hard to even look at him. Dressed in a black formal suit and freshly shaved, Caillen was absolutely stunning even though he was fuming angry. Only he could pull off that amount of hotness and rage at the same time.

“Annoying, isn’t it, little brother?” Shahara asked as she moved so close to him that Desideria could almost see up his nostrils.

Recovering his usual good nature, he flashed that charming grin and stepped away from her. “You’ll be glad you have these pictures one day.”

“Doubt it. I see you act a fool enough. Why would I want to capture it for all eternity?”

Two more women came up and wrapped their arms around Caillen before he could respond.

“Here, Shahara, let me have it.” She heard Syn off camera. “Get over there with your brother and sisters and let’s get all the Dagans together. It’ll be the only still you have of Kasen in a dress.”

“Hey!” the heavier of the two sisters snarled. “I’ll remember that, Syn. What are you saying about me?”

“He’s saying you don’t dress like a woman.” Caillen scoffed at her. “And you don’t. Worst day of my life was when I caught up to you size wise. You’ve been stealing my clothes ever since and stretching out all my shirts.”

She punched him hard on the biceps. “You better remember I don’t hit like a woman either and I know where you sleep. Shay and Tess will weep in agony when they find your bloody remains after I exact my revenge.”

“Oh yeah right. Like you’d kill me before I pay off my ship. I know better. You live in fear of that kind of debt and without me you’d get arrested anyway.”

“Enough bitching.” Shahara held her hand up in an imperious gesture that miraculously kept them from arguing further. Then she moved to the other side and slid in between Caillen and Kasen.

Desideria paused the clip to stuCaillen and his three sisters. They looked nothing alike. But there was no missing the love between them. Caillen had his arms wrapped around Shahara and Kasen, and the third, Tessa, held on to Shahara like a lifeline.

All of them smiling. It was such a sweet, tender moment that she felt like she was intruding just to see it. And it made her ache that she’d never once had a moment like that in her own life. Never once had her sisters held her like Caillen held his. They didn’t share laughter or gentle teasing. Only caustic, vicious retorts.

She and her sisters would have fought to the death over the words Kasen had said to Caillen or vice versa.

Her heart aching with the cold truth of how little her family cared about each other, she traced the lines of Caillen’s smiling face on the screen and wondered if he’d be like her father… when she’d been a child and on nights when her mother hadn’t required his presence, he would sneak out of his chambers to visit her in the wee hours after everyone was asleep. They’d gone on midnight rides, and walks, and had held many a campout under the stars.

Out of sheer jealousy Narcissa would report it anytime she discovered them and her father would be punished severely for it. But it never stopped him from coming. No matter how savage the beating.

“You’re worth it, my little rose. No one will ever take you from me and nothing will stop me from seeing you. Not even your mother.”
She could still feel the warmth of his hug. There were times even now when she was sure he was with her. Times when she liked to pretend that she could feel his gentle presence.

But that wasn’t Qillaq.

She glanced over to Caillen and her heart lurched as she saw how badly damaged he was from trying to protect her. Deep inside, she was sure he’d be like that with his own daughter.

That thought brought a foreign tenderness to her. And a part of her, to this day, was still angry at the gods who’d taken her father’s life. It was so unfair for him to die and leave her alone, to abandon her to a world where no one would ever again think she was good enough for anything. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t blot out the memory of her mother and aunt’s constant criticisms. If only she could have had a few more years of her father telling her that she wasn’t stupid, fat, ugly and worthless…

But there was nothing she could do.

He was gone and she was alone.

Her gaze went back to Caillen, making her wonder what it would be like to laugh with him the way his sisters did. Closing her eyes, she imagined a wedding for them similar to Syn and Shahara’s.

A Qillaq marriage ceremony was nothing like theirs. There was no peaceful taking of the hands and telling witnesses how much they meant to each other. On her world, the woman claimed the man by battle. If he defeated her, they were equal. If not, she ruled him and he was forced to obey her orders. In theory, the man had an advantage, but Desideria had a bad suspicion that the men were drugged. No one had ever told her that. Yet she remembered her father once talking about how sick he’d been whe he’d fought her mother. It was cruel and unfair.

I would never do that to someone.

If she couldn’t defeat the man honestly, she didn’t want to rule him.

And that’s why you’re such a disappointment to your mother
.

That thought brought back all her self-doubts and the angry voices in her head that she tried so hard to squelch.

Needing a reprieve from it, she flipped through more pictures of Caillen’s family. She only saw a handful of other people. His sisters were in there repeatedly in all manner of candid shots. Along with Syn, two Andarions—one of whom was blond and never smiled—Darling Cruel, and the next to the last was a beautiful lady holding an infant in her arms. The woman looked so much like Caillen that Desideria realized this must be his real mother. Odd that he didn’t have a single picture of his adoptive parents or Emperor Evzen.

Just his mother holding him as a baby.

Very strange.

The final photo was one of a beautiful woman who didn’t appear related to anyone else. Though she was smiling, her eyes were cold. Calculating. Something about her sent a shiver over her.

Desideria put the frame aside and continued to take inventory of what they had. She found a small shaving kit, toothbrush and other personal hygiene items, but nothing that said anything more about him.

She wondered why.

Obviously, there’d be no answer while he was unconscious. Only more questions.

Her stomach growled as she put the small frame away. She ignored it. Besides the crackers, the pack contained two more packages of food and she didn’t want to eat it while Caillen was down. He’d need it to keep his strength up.

Leaning her head back against the wall, she closed her eyes and said a small prayer that her mother would be safe and that they’d both make it off this planet alive.

Yeah well, if she can’t defend herself, she deserves to die.

It was a bloody harsh thought for her mother. One that would probably make her mother proud.

But it shamed her and she didn’t know why. Needing comfort, she again took Caillen’s hand in hers. It was a minor point of contact and yet it did wonders for her spirit. And as she sat there, she remembered those nights where she’d dreamed of being hugged and held by a man.

Over the years, she’d forced those memories down and banned them. Now they were back and a part of her that scared her craved that kind of warm intimacy.