Blooming (24 page)

Todd stroked
her hair away from her face looping it round her ear; of course it sprang
straight back and made him laugh.

Jen looked up
and into his eyes; he scooped her up and sat her on his lap pulling her in close
cuddling her as he rocked her. “Come on let’s go join everyone, what’s done is
done. Just think of it as one more item on your to do list that’s been checked
off.” He threw her off his lap, startling her. “Up,” he ordered and tapped her
on the butt, “you’re done moping.”

Todd grabbed
her hand and yanked her to her feet pulling her hard into his chest in one well
executed move.

“How many
days do you figure this contraception thing will take?” he whispered in her ear
brushing his lips against her.

She hid her
face in her hands mentally counting, “maybe a week or just over,” she answered
through her fingers.

“That’s no
time at all baby just gives me time to think of all the things I’m going to do
to you.” Just like that heat sizzled up her spine and he dragged her back off
to join the group.

****

Dinner was a
noisy affair, nobody was very hungry as the girls had eaten a big meal at lunch
and the boys having failed to catch a single fish, had pigged out earlier on
burgers and fries.

Sean was
being teased mercilessly for being a fish deterrent - having refused to turn
off his mobile phone while on the boat, with the result that when anyone felt
the slightest tug on the line the fish were startled by the theme tune from
Dallas.

“I had to accept
the calls, it was business, speaking of which I’m going to have to go back home
either tomorrow or the next day, I can’t manage anymore time off. A charity
wants me to pull together a fashion slash fundraising evening in less than two
weeks time. Seb should probably get back too, his office is chasing him.”

Ben had already
said he’d have to get a ride back with whoever was going home first, he only
had so many vacation days he could take.

“What are we
planning to do?” Jen asked Todd, “I’ve got next to no work done while I’ve been
here, luckily I’ve had nothing too urgent but is it ok to go back home?”

“I say screw
it,” Sean butted in, “if I were you guys,” indicating Jen, Todd, Lily and even
Ben, “I’d give an interview, tell them what they want to hear and they’ll soon
lose interest.”

“I’m not sure
we’re allowed to comment, it’s an ongoing investigation,” Lily said shrugging,
“not that I want to anyway. The story they want is about what happened in the
restaurant that night, not me.”

“That’s where
this is so messed up,” Jen said growing irate, “it should be all about the victims,
not a bit of overblown fuss.”

“We know
that, but the press love a good melodrama and a bit of hype, especially with a
celebrity thrown in for good measure.”

“I say we
just go home and try and ignore it for the time being, see if that works. I
need to go to Chicago for a couple of days from here, so I’ll be out of the way
but I’d appreciate you guys keeping an eye on Jen for me.”

Jen looked at
Todd nonplussed, this was the first he’d mentioned not travelling back with
her, but she wasn’t about to say anything and come off all clingy. It was his
business if he chose not to tell her what he was doing. It didn’t stop her
being a little hurt though.

To cover her
confusion she asked, “How about you Lily, have you decided what you’re doing?”

Lily looked a
bit sheepish; I kind of hoped to talk to you about that. I want to stay with
Mom and Dad at least a few more days but when I come back to start college
again I was wondering if you would consider letting me move in with you?”

“Me,” Jen
squeaked, shooting a glance at Todd who looked a bit surprised.

“No pressure
I’m sorry to drop it on you like this,” Lily said holding her hands up, “it
just would be nice to share with another girl, not my overprotective big
brother. I think Todd would have my nerves on edge 24/7, he was bad enough before
but now...?”

Todd made to
start objecting to that comment, then stopped when he saw Jen’s face changing
as she thought it through.

“Don’t make a
decision now,” he said softly. “You’ve got your own life - you’re not duty
bound to let my family mess it up for you.”

“Let me think
about it Lily, I don’t know if I can live with anybody. I’d probably drive you just
as mad.”

“Think about
it as good practice for when you’re living with Todd.”

“Lily,” Todd
growled.

“Come off it
Todd we’re not all blind, in no time at all you two will be talking marriage
and babies, the whole works.”

“That’s
enough Lil,” Marsh broke in, he’d not been the only one to notice Jen’s face whiten.
“If you want Jen to let you move in, the first thing you’ll have to do is
respect her boundaries and other people’s for that matter.”

Todd reached
for Jen’s hand, but she didn’t return the squeeze he gave her.

He found
himself stifling a little irritation with her. Most women would love to hear even
second hand that their boyfriend had serious thoughts about making a commitment
to them. Why did the very idea make her look as if she could be sick as a dog,
it wasn’t very flattering.

“What’s
wrong?” he whispered in her ear.

In answer she
excused herself and walked out onto the veranda. Todd followed close behind her
and pulled her back into his chest, locking his arms about her waist. In the
ballet pumps she was wearing her head was barely in line with his pecs.

“Lily was out
of line, but is it so bad to think about what the future might hold? With any
other woman I’ve dated I would have given serious thought to smacking Lily
upside the head for making that kind of statement. But when it was about you it
didn’t make me the slightest bit nervous, in fact it put all kinds of ideas in
my head,” he made to continue and Jen cut him off.

“I don’t want
children.”

“What?”

“I’m serious;
I decided a long time ago I didn’t want children.”

“Is there any
particular reason? It’s not to do with your health or anything?”

“No I just
don’t want to have children, I don’t want to risk bringing a child into the
world that might have some genetic tendency towards depression or phobia or
panic attacks, it’s hardly been a life worth living and certainly not something
I would wish on a child.”

“What about
now? Even you can’t say you’re not having a better time of it more recently.”

“Yes I have –
I am, but as good as it’s been I will always have a tendency to be anxious or occasionally
neurotic. I will always be scared of meeting new people or answering the phone
and a million other stupid obsessive compulsions. If I had a child I wouldn’t
be able to raise it to be a well rounded individual, I wouldn’t trust myself
with a pet never mind a baby.”

“Look I don’t
know why we’re even talking about this now, we’re so far from that yet, just
don’t even worry about it.”

“No Todd,
this isn’t going away. You should know that at my worst I’ve thought about how
I would kill myself - if it became necessary. Exactly which way I’d do it. Is
that the person you want to have a family with?

You keep
trying to deal with me as if I’m normal. I’m not going to have babies and this
is the second time people have mentioned you and children in front of me. If
that’s a deal breaker for you I understand, believe me.”

Todd wanted
to shake her hard enough to rattle her teeth but stifled the impulse, “so
you’re just going to give me the brush off, after how far we’ve come already?”

“No I’m
giving you an out; I can’t be everything you want me to be, and even if you
stuck with me I would always know you gave up something that you really wanted
and I couldn’t live like that.”

“Look,” he
said spinning her to face him, his jaw clenched in frustration. “I’m not going
to have this ridiculous conversation with you, for all you know I could be
rendered infertile tomorrow and then we’d never have kids anyway. I’m taking
this one step at a time, I’ve not made any final decisions about what I want in
life and I’m not about to make them right now while you’re acting like an idiot.”

He started
muttering under his breath, “Normal, who the fuck is normal, nobody’s normal.”

A cold fear
started building inside him. He was already pretty deeply affected by her, totally
infatuated if he was honest. But would she find it so easy to just dump him
like that, would he always be on the back foot with her always ready to jump
out of the door and run off. Could he live like that?

Todd pushed
her away, with more force than he should have and stalked off to their cabin,
he shouted over his shoulder to her, “first off I’m going to buy us a fucking
dog.”

“Mind your
filthy mouth Todd,” his mother’s voice shouted out behind him as he stomped
off.

Jen went back
inside Bernie and Marsh’s cabin. There was no way she wanted to continue this
discussion with Todd right now - maybe never. Apart from the whole no baby
debacle she was still pretty ticked off that he’d bring her up here with no
means of getting home on her own, and then announce he was going off to
Chicago, with no explanation of why.

She lingered
as long as she could but after everybody else said goodnight and Marsh was
yawning his head off, she had to leave.

She cracked
the door of Todd’s cabin as quietly as she could, the place was in darkness.
Jen took her pants off and grabbed the throw off the back of the couch and laid
herself as comfortably on there as she could.

She’d no
sooner begun to drift off to sleep when two rock solid arms scooped her up
possessively.

“Oh no you
don’t, you’re not sleeping on the couch.”

“Just let me
go you bully,” she said uselessly struggling in his grip.

Todd simply
squeezed her tighter and nuzzled her neck, “I’m leaving tomorrow, I’ve got
something I’ve got to deal with and I’m going to miss you. I’m not sleeping
without you next to me and that’s the end of this conversation.”

“Fine, I’ll
come but only so I can use the bathroom, I need to wash my face and brush my
teeth before I go to bed. Put me down.”

“No I like
carrying you about, you should know that by now. To the bathroom we go.”

Ten minutes
later she and Todd were curled together under the covers nude, he having
objected vociferously when she’d attempted to put his t shirt back on. This
meant that now Jen was desperately trying to drift off to sleep while having
Todd’s erection pressing against her bottom and his hand possessively on her
breast.

“It’s a good
job I’m really angry with you at the moment,” he whispered in her ear,
“otherwise I’d be forced to let you take advantage of me.”

“Humph,” Jen
responded.

“Humph, is
that the best you got?”

“Nope,” she
said clenching her ass cheeks against him causing his cock to flinch.

“Bitch!”

“Asshole!”

“No, that’s
your asshole,” he countered laughing against her neck and she stifled a smile.
She hated letting him win an argument.

Todd lazily
allowed his hands to roam over Jen’s soft skin. Ten minutes later as he snored
softly in her ear, she was even madder with him, as he found it so easy to zone
out with one arm around her breasts and the other cupping her between her legs,
leaving her wide awake and frustrated.

“Alpha male
pig,” she muttered to herself.

Now her mind
was churning back over the whole evening. It probably hadn’t been wise having a
heated discussion after the unsettling news she’d had at the doctors, but she
knew without a doubt children weren’t in the cards for her. God she’d be afraid
to call a doctor if her child were sick, afraid to call a teacher if her child
were being bullied, afraid her child would end up every bit as messed up as she
was. She’d be afraid, afraid, afraid, all the time - it was as simple as that.
She’d end up making any child a neurotic mess just like she was.

The other
thing that was bugging her was the fact she really was going to miss Todd while
he was gone. Sure Seb and Sebastian would be just upstairs but she couldn’t
believe that in the space of 6 short weeks she’d gone from jealously guarding
every inch of her solitude, to tentatively worrying about being on her own.

It really was
freaking her out - she was even giving considerable thought to the idea of
letting Lily move in with her. She wracked her brain to try and pinpoint the
moment when, she paused in her thoughts and counted on her fingers; 7 new
people managed to wheedle their way into her life and she didn’t want to have
them viciously ejected.

After a
moment or two of wallowing, the devil on one shoulder began being countered by
the little angel on her other who was telling her, take one day at a time,
don’t worry about the future, don’t get ahead of yourself, let events unfold as
they may. Don’t write off the best thing that might ever happen to you before
it hardly starts.

As she began
drifting off to sleep her imaginary good angel took on a distinctly Todd like
appearance as he said, “stop over thinking everything,” and with that thought she
blessedly managed to fall asleep.

The next
morning was filled with packing and planning, Jen and Ben were going to drive
back in one hire car, the boys in the other. Lily, Marsh and Bernie were having
another few days holiday before going home to Lexington, and when Lily
announced she wanted to be back in Bloomington by the following Monday, Ben
insisted that he wanted to come pick her up and drive her home.

Todd was
acting as if there had been no sour words the night before, whistling and singing
whenever Jen was around, giving him those guarded looks of hers that he hated.
He was quite annoyed she’d opted to travel back with Ben, even though he knew
at heart that Ben was besotted with Lily, he didn’t want him getting too cosy
with his Jennifer just in case.