Blind Reality (37 page)

I wipe away tears that have fallen before turning to face Steven and the crowd again. I refuse to believe the words coming out of his mouth. He’s an actor. It’s part of his job to pretend to be someone he’s not, and I wouldn’t put it past the producers to have put him up to this. They allowed a video message from Jules to air during our time in the house. Surely, they’d ask him to do this.

“Well there you have it folks, Joshua Wilson says he’s in love with Joey.”

Everyone claps, but I can’t help feeling that they’re being forced to do it. As soon as we move into a break, Lou is by my side. She’s excited about Josh’s proclamation of love. I don’t have the heart to tell her that it’s fake, that he’s being forced to say that. Our love for each other is completely one-sided.

My make-up is fixed and one of the production assistants shows me where to stand for the next segment. I picked two songs earlier, Lady Gaga’s “Bad Romance” and Rick Springfield’s “Jessie’s Girl” for karaoke. I have no idea what Steven has chosen.

Steven joins me on stage, looking fresh and relaxed. I don’t know how he does this multiple times a day because right now I’m not sure I can finish one show.

“All right, it’s time for karaoke. I’ll go first,” he says as he takes the mic in his hand and starts moving to the music of “Footloose”. He dances out the final scene of the movie, much to the audience’s pleasure.

I step up and close my eyes, remembering my practice session in the green room earlier. Once the music starts, I mouth the words to my favorite Gaga song and get the crowd going. They’re up on their feet, singing with me. When my song ends, I take a bow and hand the mic over to Steven.

“Wow! I don’t know if I can top that, but here it goes.”

“You Give Love a Bad Name” kicks off and Steven whips out his air guitar. Everyone starts laughing, even me. I begin playing the air drums, causing Steven to laugh. When he finishes, he gives me a high-five and tells me to knock them dead.

The beat to “Jessie’s Girl” starts as I take the mic and dance around stage. The show’s band is into it, all playing their own version of air instruments. When I’ve hit my last fake note, Steven is there clapping and telling everyone to have a safe night. We stand there and wave until the cameraman announces that he’s done.

“Thanks for coming on,” he says, as he gives me a hug before disappearing behind the curtain.

And just like that my media tour in New York City is over. In two days, I’ll see Josh and my life will change forever.

T
his past week has been long, one of the longest of my life. I know that if I were able to talk to Joey, it would make things go faster, but each call went unanswered and each text unreturned. I’m going with the notion that she didn’t bring her phone to New York instead of her ignoring me. I’m trying to think positively.

It’s not working.

My wife thinks I want a divorce. When we first met, I did. The idea of marriage frightens me to no end. Joey deserves happiness. I want to be the one who provides it for her, but I have to learn
how
.

I stare out my apartment window. My view is nothing spectacular as my apartment is on the second floor and overlooks the community swimming pool. Palm trees offer shade and ambience, but it’s a place I never visit. A few of the college co-eds that live in the building party there often and Rob joins them occasionally, saying they’re fun to hang with. He likes the attention. I get enough of it when I’m on set, I don’t want it when I come home. Right now the only attention I do want is from Joey, and she’s not willing to give it. That means I need to fight for it.

“What time is the car picking you up?” Rob asks.

Glancing at my watch I sigh. “In about twenty minutes.” Rob stands next to me, likely looking at the same scene I am: a mom with her two kids, splashing in the pool.

“Are you nervous?”

Putting my hands in my pockets and feeling the smooth edges of the velvet box I picked up yesterday, I shrug. “Not for the show, but I’m nervous about seeing Joey.”

“What if she says no?”

Rob and I spent last night drinking and gossiping like two women. Words were slurred and truths told. It’s easier to admit that I’m in love with Joey, or falling in love with her. She’s easy to love with her quick wit, killer smile, and the way her body was made to fit mine. I’ve heard that before, the part about a body fitting yours, but didn’t believe it until I held Joey in my arms. The beginning of my end was when I kissed her on stage. The way my body responded to her I knew I was a goner. I just refused to admit it.

“I’m scared of what could be. I drove the point home each time we got close in the house that this was over as soon as the show ended, but in the last month something changed. Every time I thought we were on the same page, another curve ball was thrown at us. First it was Jules and her bullshit video. Then Bronx moved in and if that’s not enough, they freaking know each other. And then there’s Jason. The worst part about Jason is that I had just told her I’d be right back. She won’t return my calls or texts. I have no idea what I’m walking into today.” I lean against the window, clearly feeling sorry for myself, and let out an exaggerated sigh. “I guess if she says no, I file the paperwork and dissolve the marriage.”

The intercom by the door buzzes and Rob goes to answer it. It’s my show-appointed PA telling me the car is here.

“Here goes nothing,” I mutter, as I grab my sport coat, checking my pockets for everything and opening the door. “Wish me luck.”

“You’re Joshua Wilson, you don’t need luck.”

The one thing Rob doesn’t know about is Joey is about her fangirl crush. I’ve kept that to myself for fear he’d say something to piss me off, embarrass Joey when they meet, or tell Jules. I think it’s cute and makes for a fantastic story. I love the fact that I’m her number one because I have to admit that she’s mine as well.

The drive to the studio lot where
Helen
is filmed is only a few miles from my apartment. The driver takes the side roads, which in LA can cut up to thirty minutes off your travel time. My heart starts racing as soon as we go through the gates. My eyes are searching everywhere for any sign of Joey. The moment the car stops, I’m out and crossing the lot to the nondescript door that is marked only by a stage number.

“Joey,” I call out as soon as I step into the hallway. People turn and look at me, offering me strange looks. My PA is running behind me, her heels clicking on the concrete. She’s on her phone rambling a mile a minute with her arms flaying about. If she’s not careful, she’s going to hit someone.

I turn into the greenroom, and it’s like a weight has been lifted off me. There she is, in a royal blue dress with her hair in curls. Her back is facing me as she speaks to Millie. Cole comes up to me, standing in my line of sight and grabs my hand.

“It’s good to see you.”

Dude, I just saw you a few days ago
, is what I want to say, but don’t. “You too, man.”

“I have some news that I need to tell someone before I explode,” Cole says, looking a bit agitated.

“Yeah, what’s up?”

He pulls me into the corner of the room, but my eyes never leave Joey. I hate that she hasn’t turned around to acknowledge me. I’m her husband; she should at least look at me or turn her head when people walk into the room.

“So what’s up, Cole?” I’m not trying to rush him, but damn it if I don’t need to go over and see Joey. I need to make sure she’s real and not a figment of my imagination.

“My mom doesn’t like Mille,” he tells me in a hushed tone.

“Oh.” I furrow my brows because I’m not sure how to answer him or what advice to offer. The fear is there that Joey’s parents won’t like me, but they already said in the video feed that they couldn’t wait to meet me, so I’m banking on them loving me.

“Right, but the kicker is that she’s pregnant.”

“Wow, congratulations, man!”

He shakes his head. “What do I do?”

“Um…” I run my hand over my hair, knowing it’ll be fixed before we’re sent on stage. “Well you’re already married, so I guess you decide who moves in with whom and raise your family.”

Beads of sweat start to pebble on Cole’s forehead and he pulls at his tie. He glances over his shoulder at Millie, who doesn’t make eye contact with him.

“Cole, are you a mama’s boy?” It’s a harsh question and I probably could’ve phrased it better, but sometimes being blunt is the only way to go.

He looks at me sheepishly and gives me a grin turn grimace.

“Ah shit, man, you gotta cut the cord. You’re married and about to have a baby!” I say as quietly as possible. It’s times like this when I think my relationship with Joey is perfect. We don’t have this drama, now that Jules has been set straight, thank God.

“How?”

“Move far away and start your life with Millie. She’s a fucking knock-out and you guys hit it off from day one. Don’t throw that shit away.”

I pat him on the shoulder and step away. When I reach Joey, I slide my hand into hers, smile at Millie, and lean down to whisper in Joey’s ear, “Can we talk?” She doesn’t go rigid like I expect, but doesn’t necessarily hold my hand either.

When she turns to face me, I’m dumbstruck by how beautiful she is. Her hair is framing her face perfectly, and her subtle make-up is drawing attention to her light blue eyes. I could get lost there for hours if she didn’t find staring creepy.

“You’re so beautiful,” I murmur as the back of my hand caresses her face. She leans in; the movement is slight, but I feel it. Her eyes close and I can tell she’s fighting her heart and mind. I need her to listen to her heart.

“Josh and Cole, you’re up.” My hand drops the second my name is called. I stare at him with the ‘are you fucking serious right now’ look.

“I’ll be right back,” I tell Joey, kissing the tip of her nose before following the assistant to hair and make-up.

As soon as I sit down, my leg starts bouncing. I’m on edge. I’m pissed. I miss Joey. I only need five minutes to pour my heart out before we go out on stage. Why can’t someone throw me a damn bone? I’m sick of being in the doghouse.

“Stop moving,” the make-up artist says and from experience I need to listen or I may end up looking like a cast member from
The Rocky Horror Picture Show.
I’ve seen it happen to Rob, it’s not pretty.

“Three minutes,” the same assistant walks by, yelling into the room.

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” I mumble, earning a dirty look from the make-up artist. “Sorry,” I tell her, not wanting to piss her off.

“You’re a pro,” she says. “Your hair and make-up doesn’t take us long.”

She’s right because with one minute to spare, my flaws are hidden and my hair is looking like I just woke up—pretty much like the hair I came in with.

Cole and I are ushered out; he’s still sweating and the make-up artist assigned to him is doing everything she can to keep his face painted. She calls for an ice pack and slips it down his jacket, much to his chagrin. I stifle a laugh and want to pat him on the back, wishing him luck, but feel it’s unnecessary.

We’re seated in order: Cole and Mille, followed by Joey and myself. At least I can press my leg against Joey’s to feel close to her. I change the way I’m sitting so I can put my arm around her and hold her hand with my free one. She doesn’t relax into me, but that doesn’t stop me from kissing her shoulder.

“Joining us today are the winners and runner-ups from season three of
Married Blind.
” The audience is cued to cheer. I wave and smile, inciting more cheering.

“Welcome,” Helen says. We all greet her in return.

“Wow, I’ve never seen three, even four, such diverse couples on the show before. How was it living in the house with everyone?”

“The guys were horrible at house cleaning,” Millie says. “Joey and I were always picking up after them.”

“So it was close to real-life?” Helen laughs and the girls nod. “The comps got a little crazy, which one was your favorite?”

“Oh boy,” I say, thinking back to the honey and flour comp. It was so messy and hard to move, but Sumo was my favorite. “Definitely Sumo wrestling,” I say, with Cole agreeing. “We were able to get a lot of aggressions out without hurting anyone.”