Blessings From the Father (19 page)
Read Blessings From the Father Online
Authors: Michelle Larks
Mariah clutched the cell phone in her hand. Then she decided not to call to Sonyell. She and Michael had many issues to work out. Knowing Sonyell as Mariah did, she assumed that's what the couple was doing at that minute.
Chapter Twenty-one
Michael nuzzled against Sonyell's chest. “Baby, I am so glad to be home,” he said. Michael's voice was slightly slurred. The two were sitting on the sofa in her house. Sasha had finally gone to bed. The young girl was ecstatic that her parents were finally together. It was her fervent hope that she would have a mommy and daddy who lived in the same household.
The odor of liquor on Michael's breath turned Sonyell's stomach. She firmly pushed him away. “You know this is not a good start, don't you?” she asked Michael, barely masking the disgust she felt from her voice.
“I don't know what you mean.” Michael looked at her puzzled. He pulled her toward him again.
“I mean you aren't supposed to be drinking are you?” Sonyell scooted away from him.
“Remember, I'm not on parole. I am a free man, so I can darn well do as I please.” Michael shot Sonyell a look that begged her not to nag him. His voice was even as he said, “I haven't been outside for a long time. So what if I had a few drinks with my friends? It's not a big deal; it's not like I'm drunk or anything.”
“You're not setting a good example for Sasha. I rarely drink around her. You have to remember that you're a parent now and what you do around our daughter influences her.” Sonyell's lips were tight as she glowered at him.
“Okay, I messed up,” Michael replied in a petulant tone, as he raised his hands. “I'll talk to her tomorrow and tell her that I was celebrating being out of the joint. I'll explain this isn't an everyday thing.” He stroked Sonyell's hair.
“Thank you, I'd appreciate that.” Sonyell moistened her lips. “Uh, Michael, you can spend the night here, but you can't sleep in my bed. Once again, I don't think it sets a good example for Sasha. It's not like we're married.” She peered at Michael with a nervous look on her face.
“Woman, are you crazy or something?” Michael's voice rose. He eyes widened as he stared at her in disbelief. “Do you know how long it's been since I been with you?”
Sonyell put her finger across her lips, and shook her head warningly. “Keep your voice down. Sasha is asleep. I don't want her to wake up and hear us arguing. I know it's been a long time. I don't even know that I want to have sex with you. I'm still thinking about it.”
“Why wouldn't you want to make love to me? Is there another man you haven't told me about?” Michael asked her. His eyes shone with hurt.
“Of course not. Don't be silly.” Sonyell twisted her lips. “Mike, you've spent so much time in jail that you don't realize how hard it is to raise a child alone. Especially a female child. I try to live a decorous life because I don't want Sasha to repeat the mistakes that I've made. I certainly don't want her to become an unwed mother at an early age. What kind of signal am I giving her if I allow you to come and lay up in here?” She spoke patiently to Michael trying to explain her position.
“I bet Mari has been influencing you,” Michael muttered harshly. “Didn't you tell me she's been celibate? Hon, our situation is not like Mari's at all. I'm Sasha's father. Seeing me here would be the most natural thing in the world.”
Michael's hand wandered to Sonyell's thigh. She quickly pushed it away.
Sonyell held up her left hand. “Hello? We are not married. Sasha and I go to church and I talk to her about waiting until marriage before she has sex. So how can I possibly have sex with you under these circumstances? I certainly wouldn't be practicing what I preach, now would I?”
Michael rubbed his chin. “I guess I kind of see what you mean, but, baby, I think you're being unrealistic. Why wouldn't you put her on the pill to stop her from getting pregnant? You know like I do that most teenagers are going to do âit.' It's simply a matter of time.”
“Oh, Michael.” Sonyell shook her head dismally. “That would probably work if she hadn't been taught different. I hear what you're saying, but I want her life to mirror mine. I want her to wait to have sex. I'm hoping she'll wait until marriage.”
“I guess. . . .” Michael replied doubtfully. He looked down. Then he looked at Sonyell and his eyes brightened. “Are you saying that you want to get married? Heck, we can do that. I ain't got a problem with it.” He took her hand in his.
“No, that's not what I'm saying,” Sonyell said impatiently and snatched her hand away from his. “We certainly won't be married anytime soon.” Her eyes narrowed. “I mean we've got to see how long you can stay out of prison before we make any long-term plans.”
“Dang it, girl, I thought you wanted to marry me. Are you sure you're not seeing another man? Where is all of this coming from?” Michael looked at Sonyell with a confused look on his face.
“It's coming from a single parent, like a good many African American women. I love you, Mike, and I have for a long time. But we haven't spent enough time together, at least for extended period of time. You've been gone for a good portion of Sasha's childhood. I think we need to take things slow and see if we're the same people who fell in love with each other. You've got to step to me correctly.” Sonyell gently punched his arm. “And that means getting a job, spending time with me and your daughter, and no sex until I have a ring on it,” she stated resolutely.
Michael looked at her with a panicked look on his face. He shook his head dumbfounded, and raised his hands. “I don't know, Sonyell. This is not what I envisioned for my first night home. Shoot, I planned to rock your world. I mean, it's been a long time for both of us. Hasn't it?” He looked at her suspiciously.
Sonyell bit her bottom lip apprehensively. “It has, but what if it hadn't? I have been alone for a long time, going to school, raising our child. I've been there for you, too. I've come to visit you, put money on your account at least for your birthday. But today is a new day, Mike. I want you to be the man you promised me you would be before you started all that foolishness, a life of crime.”
Michael studied Sonyell for a long while. “I can take many things, Sonni. I did my bid, I paid for my mistakes; as the man says, I paid my debt to society. But, I if I find out that you've been with another man then it's over,” he informed Sonyell coldly.
“Like you've been one hundred percent faithful over the years.” She sniffed, and waved her hand dismissively. “Don't think I don't know about other women visiting you over the years. What were they, your pen pals? But I felt secure knowing that I had your child and to me that made me better than them. I was one up on them. I'm not going to say I wasn't tempted because I was. I was eighteen when you first went to prison. I'm twenty-nine now and you think I wasn't tempted?”
Michael looked like he'd been sucker-punched. “Those women came to see me years ago, before you got pregnant. I don't know what to say. I know it's been hard on you too. You pulled your weight and raised our daughter to be a beautiful young girl. The thought of you being with another man drives me crazy,” he said ominously.
“Then don't think about it,” Sonyell told him. Her voice rang with passion. “Think about where we go from here. Focus on finding a job and helping me take care of your daughter. I love you and I shiver just thinking about being with you, but I can't. Not just yet.”
Michael looked at Sonyell long and hard. He stood up; his high was gone. Suddenly he felt clearheaded. “Okay, I hear you and I will think about everything you've said. You've made your feelings clear. I'm going to go to my mom's for tonight. Tell Sasha I'll see her in the morning.” He grabbed his jacket and put it on.
A tremor of guilt surged through Sonyell's body. Her head knew she was doing the right thing, but her heart was another matter. She watched Michael zip up his jacket and followed him to the front door. “Where are you going? How will you get back to the city?” she asked him.
“I'm a man, I'll figure it out,” he grumbled. He opened the door. Then he turned to Sonyell, he pulled her into his arms, and kissed her with a passion that nearly made her swoon. “I love you, Sonni. I'll think about all you said. I'll talk to you tomorrow. Tell my baby girl I love her.”
Michael closed the door behind him. Sonyell was tempted to run after him and tell him to come back. But she was scared that if she did that Michael would never man up. She realized that she had given him an abundance of food for thought. She prayed he would be up to the task.
She locked the door and returned to the sofa and sat down. She put her hands over her face.
Lord, did I do the right thing? How come doing the right thing feels so wrong?
Lord, did I do the right thing? How come doing the right thing feels so wrong?
Sonyell contemplated her actions. She was tempted to call Raquel. Of the three friends, Raquel had the most experience with men. In her head, Sonyell could see Raquel mocking her. She had always called Michael a loser. So Sonyell knew that Raquel would have little patience with her fears. She turned out the light in the living room, made a hasty retreat to her bedroom, and quickly called Mariah.
“What's up, girl? How was Michael's homecoming celebration?” Mariah asked her friend after they exchanged hellos.
“Miss Nedra prepared a feast. All of Michael's relatives put in an appearance. Everything was going well until Shorty Man and GQ stopped by. They had liquor, Michael had a few drinks, and, needless to say, I was not impressed.”
“Did he stay at his mom's house? Where is he now?” Mariah asked.
“I made the mistake of bringing him home with me. I think I just wanted to show off a little with the house and my accomplishments and bring him into my world. The only thing he had on his mind was jumping my bones.”
“And you're surprised by that? You know he hasn't had any in a long time,” Mariah teased Sonyell.
“True enough, but I couldn't do it. I thought the reason was because Sasha is in the house. And that was a big part of it. But, as I began explaining to him how I felt, I discovered I don't want to make love again without a ring on it.”
“Oh, my. I'm shocked,” Mariah exclaimed flabbergasted. “I mean that's the route I've chosen and, girl, sometimes it's so hard for me to be with Carson. All that manliness and virility around me, and I just can't do the thing. It's not easy. Thank God he understands my position. But, it's different with you and Michael because you have a history and share a child.”
“That's pretty much what he said too, in his mission to try to convince me to give him some. But, I stood my ground. And he ended up leaving in a huff.” Sonyell rubbed her eyes.
“You didn't discuss it with him before he came home did you?” Mariah asked.
“No, I didn't. I wanted to but the timing was never right. Now, I wish I had.”
“Well, give him time. Mikey loves him some Sonni. He'll come around.”
“Mari, I'm scared.” Sonyell gulped. Her body began shaking uncontrollably. She used her free arm and wrapped it around her body.
“Scared of what?”
“I'm scared Michael won't be able to turn his life around. Then, I'm scared that he might be able to. I don't know what's wrong with me.” She ran her hand nervously across her brow.
“I think if you're patient and give Michael time, he'll come around. He isn't a bad person. He fell in with the wrong crowd and made bad decisions. He's paid the price, and I believe he'll get it together.”
“You're not just saying that to make me feel better are you?”
“No, I think it's good you're standing your ground. Michael was one of those fine, bad boys. It's time for him to grow up, if that's what he wants to do. If you slip up, I won't be mad at you. But you can't send mixed signals. Michael will pick up on it, and he'll have you back in the palm of his hand like he did back in the day.”
“Yeah, you're probably right. I'm trying hard to do the right thing for Sasha's sake. I've been trying to teach her about the importance of not having sex at an early age. God knows I don't want her to end up like me.” Sonyell leaned against the back of her bed and closed her eyes.
“You turned out okay, but you're right. Outside of the Biblical connotations, there are too many diseases floating around. I know you want to do the right thing for her. I understand and support you one hundred percent.”
“Thanks, Mari, I needed to hear that. I thought about calling Raquel on a three-way, but I could just hear her saying, âgirl, are you crazy?' She would never understand why I feel so strongly about not having sex with Michael.”
Mariah laughed. “You're right about that.”
“I told Michael in no uncertain terms, sex is a no-go, not without a ring on it.”
“Hmm, listen to you.” Mariah chortled. “I didn't think you'd be able to stick to your guns with Michael up close and personal. You are full of surprises.”
“In his own clumsy way, he proposed to me.” Deep inside, Sonyell was thrilled and petrified at the same time.
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