Blessed Tragedy (2 page)

To say my family isn't accepting of those who live outside their limited view of what's normal and right is an understatement. If I walked in with my three best friends, Mom would roll over in her grave.

Travis might be passable in their eyes since he can pull off clean-cut with the help of a long sleeved shirt and some hair gel. Jon would turn their stomachs with his hair and abundance of tattoos. Colton would be the one to induce postmortem gymnastics. His dark blond hair flows nearly to his waist and always has a bit of a greasy look. I'm not saying that in a bad way. It suits him and I can assure you it doesn't feel the way it looks. He has a tattoo sleeve on his right arm and six individual tats on his left, in addition to his brother's name tattooed across his fingers. Add a lip ring and a double pierced eyebrow and you have every parent's worst nightmare.

"Damn, sweetie," Colton sighed when I was done giving them the laundry list of reasons it would be more stressful to have them there than to deal without their support.

"Guess we know why you don't talk about them much. Now, if you want to continue this conversation, can you
please
go wash your damn face? It's seriously hard to keep a straight face when you look like that." Jon and Travis started howling at Colton's blunt statement. I shot them a dirty look before turning on my heels towards the bedroom.

One look in the mirror explained why Colton said it was hard to look at me without laughing. I was surprised they held it together as long as they did. My eyes were red and puffy from crying. My makeup was not only running down my cheeks, it was down the side of my neck from when I was cuddled up to Colton. Add slightly smeared Russian Red lipstick and I was a steaming hot mess.

While I was in there, I changed out of my black leather pants and halter top in favor of fleece lounge pants and an old t-shirt. I needed to get to bed but I wanted to finish talking to the guys first. Trav was just sitting down when I started down the aisle of the bus. By the time I reached the table, there were four open cans of beer.

Jon picked up a can and the rest of us followed suit. "A toast," he said holding his can in the air, "to Rain's mom. We all owe her a debt of thanks for making our girl the driven, bad ass bitch she is today. May she rest in peace and finally be able to see what an amazing daughter she raised."

Colton and Trav raised their cans to meet Jon's. I slumped into Colton's side as I lifted my beer an inch off the table. I was too exhausted for anything more than a token toast.

The alarm on my phone started screeching earlier than should be legal. Five months on the road had gotten me into the habit of going to bed around six in the morning, not waking up at that hour. The last thing I wanted to do was pull myself from under Colton's warm embrace but it had to be done.

The first few times I woke like this, I freaked out. Getting involved in a relationship with a band mate is like getting involved with the roommate you also work with. It's great in theory because you always see each other; but it's almost certain to fail because you
always
see one another. And that's why, no matter what it might look like as we slept, Colton and I would never be anything more.

Colton quickly proved to be a complete gentleman, something he swore me to never tell another soul, and we've shared the only real bed on the bus ever since. Not once has he tried anything, even when I know damn well that he's drunk and horny.

After two rounds with the snooze button, I gently kissed his forehead and snuck out of the bedroom. "Morning, Sean," I called to the driver on duty.

"Mornin' sunshine," he responded over his shoulder. Sean's one of my favorite drivers, in spite of the fact that he's chipper in the morning and I'm anything but.

I dug through the cabinets for something to eat while the coffee brewed. "How far to Lex?"

"Just over an hour," he replied. Plenty of time to wake up and get ready to go. I took some time to enjoy the first cup of coffee, mentally preparing myself for everything to come. Part of me wanted to wake the guys and tell them I'd changed my mind, that I wanted them with me. But I didn't.

I plugged in the curling iron at the kitchen table and shuffled to my semi-private room. With any luck, I could get ready without waking anyone. I pulled three shopping bags out of the closet and started packing my suitcase, setting aside a pink cowl neck sweater and skinny jeans for today. It was almost too warm for sweaters but I made sure everything I bought had long sleeves to cover the tattoos on my forearms.

Colton rolled over just as I was dragging my suitcase from the bed. "You taking off soon?" he asked rubbing his bleary eyes.

"Yeah, probably about forty minutes now," I said. "Go back to sleep. You'll be worthless tonight if you get up this early." The guys were still awake when I went to bed so I know he couldn't have slept more than a few hours and Colton was the type of guy who needed his beauty sleep.

He swung his legs off the bed and stretched his arms giving me a peek at his tight abs. "I'll come out with you. I can sleep the rest of the way to Denver." I knew he wouldn't but I was thankful to have the company, not matter how much I said I didn't want it.

We walked silently past the bunks, not wanting to wake Jon and Travis. I grabbed the folding mirror from the bathroom and settled into the bench across from Colton. He shook his head as he watched the transformation from Rain to Maddie take place before his eyes.

Had it been anything other than my mother's funeral, I would agree with what he wasn't saying. It wasn't a secret that Colton was very much the 'what you see is what you get' type of guy. We had talked a little about my family. When my dad let me know mom's cancer was back, Colton told me to be loud and proud, just like I am in the rest of my life. If mom had lived until the tour was done, I might have done just that. But now, I couldn't.

"We're going to see Tony as soon as we get home," I sighed removing my lip ring. The ear holes would survive a few days without the small hoops that normally lined them from lobe to cartilage but my lip ring would be closed by nightfall and I'd catch just as much crap for a retainer as the actual jewelry. Tony was the only person I trusted to put holes in my body.

Colton nodded, "We can jump on the bike as soon as the bus comes to a stop." Someday, Colton was going to make some woman very happy. If circumstances were different, I'd give anything to be that woman; but I wasn't going to jeopardize everything we'd worked for to take that chance.

Twisting the cap onto my sheer pink lip gloss, I looked in the mirror and brought my eyes to Colton's. "How do I look?" He didn't say anything for what felt like hours. I was starting to regret asking when a wide smile broke out on his face.

He blinked a few times before speaking. "Wow…I don't think you have to worry about anyone recognizing you." He leaned across the table to play with my high ponytail, "That's really cute. I can imagine that bouncing around while you do your little cheerleader routine."

"Shut it," I snapped. He was having too much fun and I knew more jabs were soon to follow. "I swear, I'll kneecap your ass if you say another word."

I wasn't kidding and he knew it. "Come here," he said patting the seat next to him. I slid in next to Colton and rested my head on his shoulder.

"You'll be fine," he whispered kissing the top of my head. "If you need anything, call me. The only time I won't have my phone right by me is when we're on stage." Colton and Jon had already been figuring out how to rearrange the songs so my vocals would fit their range. Part of me wished I could be there. It would be one of the few times Colton sang more than harmony and the sound of his voice had been a huge comfort to me over the past five years.

"I know," I sighed. The bus started to slow and I took one last look in the mirror. While not something I would normally wear, I had to admit the soft color palette the woman at the MAC counter selected for me looked good. I was Rock Star Barbie on her day off. Looking at myself in the mirror, I didn't even feel the urge to vomit, which I fully expected to feel.

When the bus pulled into the truck stop parking lot, Colton followed me to the car my dad had dropped off for me last night, leaving the keys under the seat. Another sure sign I was stepping into a different world than the one I'd grown used to. "I guess this is it," I said sadly. I felt like an awful daughter because I was more upset about watching the guys pull away from me than I was about the next few days at home burying my mom.

Colton wrapped his arms around me holding me tight for a minute. "I mean it, Maddie…call me." He glanced over his shoulder blowing me a kiss as he boarded the bus and the door closed behind him.

I fought tears as I watched my life turning back onto the Interstate. Surrounded by the guys, I was able to hold everything together. Standing alone in the abandoned truck stop, I crumbled.

Chapter Two

I've become so accustomed to being in big cities or driving down a four-lane highway that the streets of Lexington felt empty. It was the first time I fully understood what was meant by a 'sleeper community'. It felt like no one was left in town once they left for work in the morning.

I pulled my dad's Mazda into the local gas station to pick up a peace offering. While it was possible everyone would be up and fed by the time I got there, I knew donuts are always a welcome treat.

Shifting the car into park, I looked over my shoulder to see if anyone I knew was pulling into the parking lot. Most places, I would be looking for paparazzo with their cameras, but not here. Even if I wasn't in the middle of nowhere, someone would have to take a long, hard look to realize that I'm Rain Maxwell, singer and guitarist for Blessed Tragedy, not just another twenty-something driving through town. I guess there is something to be said for my bubble gum pink sweater, jeans and ankle boots.

My hands were cold and clammy as I shifted the car into park in the driveway of my childhood home. Until that moment, I knew why I was coming home but there was still a disconnect. My chest tightened as I realized that my mom wouldn't be waiting for me on the other side of the door. Not today, not ever again.

The only people I had relied on over the past five years were sound asleep on a bus cruising down the highway. They were more of a family to me than most of the people standing on the other side of the red front door.

Stalling for more time, I pulled out my iPhone. I debated calling Colton like he'd told me too but I didn't want to risk waking him. It was a flimsy excuse since he'd likely be up for the day now that he was pulled out of bed; the truth was I wasn't sure I could hold myself together if I heard his voice,  knowing I'd told him to leave. Instead, I sent him a text.

Wish me luck, I'm going in. Kick ass tonight!

My cell phone vibrated against my thigh as I reached to collect my purse and the donuts.

No luck needed. You got this. Remember we're here for you if you need us. When do we not kick ass?

If it wouldn't be rude, disrespectful and likely to make my life even more of a living hell, I could have sat in the car all morning talking to Colton. It seemed crazy that I'd barely been away from him and the other guys for an hour and I felt like I was missing a part of myself.

We'll see. I know you are. And remember, I'm not there tonight. Have you thought about the fact that I might be why you kick ass? Really, I'm going now.

I turned off my phone, eliminating the temptation to wait for his response. As I opened the door, the curtains in the living room window fell back into place, letting me know there was no hope of slinking into the house unnoticed.

My dad appeared in the open doorway. "Welcome home, Maddie," he said flatly. I balanced the donuts in one outstretched hand to prevent them from being crushed as Dad pulled me close to him. I felt the bitterness inside of me easing as I breathed in the woodsy cologne that would always remind me of him. It pained me when I looked up to his face, noticing his deep blue eyes were clouded and lifeless. If you had asked me to describe one thing that was uniquely my father, it would have been the ever-present sparkle in his eyes.

The donuts were grabbed by a brother who couldn't be bothered to acknowledge whose hand he'd pulled them from. "You're welcome," I shouted around Dad. 

"Sorry I didn't get here sooner," I whispered. "Why didn't you call me?"

Dad pulled me into the house, closing the door behind us. Before he could say anything in response, I heard my oldest brother, Matt, lumbering down the stairs.

"Well, well," he sneered, "the big shot celebrity deigns us with an appearance." I always feel like I'm under a microscope with the way he scrutinizes every inch of my appearance. "You clean up pretty good.” His compliment caught me off-guard; it sounded sincere, even if his voice still held an undertone of bitterness.

"Thanks, Matt," I replied. My gaze shifted between him and my father. I wanted an answer to my question. "Dad, why didn't you guys call me to tell me how bad she was?"

Mark, the youngest of my three brothers snuck out the front door mumbling something about grabbing my suitcase. Judging by the powdered sugar on his cheek, the donut caper mystery had been solved.

Dad and Matt appeared to be having a non-verbal conversation in front of me involving a lot of furrowed brows, shaking heads and glances my way. They were trying to figure out how to avoid telling me something. What? Matt motioned to the kitchen and Dad disappeared down the hall.

With Dad safely out of earshot, Matt turned to me, standing up straighter with his shoulders back in a typical move to intimidate me. "Drop it, Maddie," he scolded me. This is nothing new. Matt is ten years older than me and he's always acted more like a disciplinarian than a sibling.