Blackness Within (52 page)

Butch carries the guilt of his wife and his daughter like a thousand pound boulder on his shoulders. You can see it slowly dragging him down. I fear that if it weren’t for Mia, he would have given up long ago. When I look at the scarred man, I see Blake.

At the root, they’re good men. They made poor choices that cost their loved ones. Paying that price is enough torture. Blake is still beating himself up for what happened to me. I reassure him at every step, that I did what I did willingly. I was willing to sacrifice myself to keep him alive. Someday he’ll believe he was worth it.

“Does she resent us?” Sawyer asks about ten minutes later after I finish reading an article in
Glamour
to Mia at Shannon’s request.

Shannon’s new baby, Mary-Ann, was up all night. Shannon was too tired to come for her visit today. She’ll be here tomorrow knowing how Shannon works. But today, I’m filling in for her.

“No. Cara loves you. You and your brothers bring her peace and happiness. She needs that, Sawyer. She also needs some freedom to become an independent woman. She still needs you, but her needs are changing. Try to change with her. I’m not saying to leave her alone. You boys belong at her side. She’s not done battling her demons. She’s just trying to find new ways to fight.”

His ebony eyes hold mine for a while before he nods. Two and a half years of doing nothing but protecting Cara has made the Cooper brothers scared to do anything else. It’s the fear that’s driving them. They need to trust Cara and themselves so they can all grow and branch out. College will be good for them. I can’t wait to hear their stories.

Mia stirs next to me and I gaze down at her from my bedside perch. She’s looking right at me. I’ve had this happen a few times, but this feels different.

Slowly, her head turns as she looks around the room, pausing for a long time on Sawyer who’s climbed to his feet at the end of her bed. She continues to scan and when her chestnut eyes land on her father it happens.

“Daddy,” she squeaks in a tiny voice.

Tears streak down my cheeks as Butch races to the bed and hovers over his daughter.

“Mia, baby. I’m here,” he coos inches from her face before peppering her with kisses.

I press the call button and slide into Sully’s lap, sobbing quietly. We just witnessed a miracle. There’s no guarantee Mia will stay awake, but hearing her speak…

“Daddy,” she says again.

Her nurse, Irene, walks in the room just as Mia’s whispered voice filters in the room and then the nurse runs back out. I’m sure she’s getting more medical staff and Mia’s doctors. Seconds later the room is full of medical professionals.

Sully and I get out of their way and stand with Sawyer at the end of the bed. Sully keeps his arms wrapped tightly around my middle as we watch Sleeping Beauty stare into her father’s face. It’s magical. I’ve helped bring hundreds of babies into the world and it doesn’t compare to watching a daughter cling to the only thing she knows in this world.

Breathtaking.

Sawyer

She’s awake.

Mia’s actually awake.

My heart’s pounding in my chest a mile a minute as I stare at her from the end of the bed. I’ve been coming here for over two years. When I learned about Mia, what we share, I had to see her.

I fell for her the moment I laid eyes on her. She’s perfect. She’s unattainable. She’s awake.

Natasha reaches over and grabs my hand as tears fall down her soft cheeks. She’s so fucking cool. I haven’t known her long, but I really like her. What she gives my Uncle Brian is amazing. He’s happy in a way I haven’t seen him since we moved here.

Even now, with all of the chaos in the room, he’s gazing down at his woman with pride and love. My parents have what they have. Uncle Dylan and Aunt Shanny have it too. I didn’t know that kind of love existed until my parents adopted my brothers and me.

They’ve taught us what unconditional love is. I can’t imagine a life without it now. In fact, I’m imagining my life with more of it as Mia looks away from Butch and locks confused, overwhelmed chestnut eyes with mine. My breathing falters and I squeeze Natasha’s hand. Her fingers curl tighter, offering me strength as I stare at the most magnificent thing my eyes have ever seen. I tip my lips at her in a soothing way. She looks so scared. Like the child that was ripped from this world years ago. But as her eyes remain on mine, I see a sliver of comfort pass through. My throat bobs as I hold onto that, fighting the urge to crush her in my arms and promise to help her heal.

Then she’s gone. Her eyes flutter shut and she’s back asleep. The doctors explain this could continue to happen for a time to come. But they’re encouraged that this means she’s coming out of her coma. She’s coming back. Sleeping Beauty is waking up and stealing my heart with every breath she takes.

O’Sullivan

“You’re tired,” I murmur into Natasha’s cheek as we walk into my empty house.

Everyone is at the hospital with Mia. She woke up a week and a half ago. She only wakes up for a few minutes here and there in a day. It doesn’t matter to any of us. She’s coming back.

Butch is elated. The bright glow coming off the man is blinding to witness. I feel honored to be able to share in this with him. Kid’s been at the hospital more often than not along with Kellerman. The guys and I have been on baby duty. We’ve been grateful to have help from Natasha. We’re good at taking care of the boys but now that Mary-Ann is here, we’re at a bit of a loss.

“I’m pretty wiped,” Natasha admits quietly.

I sweep her body into my arms and carry her to my wing. She protests for all of two seconds and then snuggles into my chest. I place her gently on the couch before going into my room and running her a bath.

She just finished her third shift this week. And between working, visiting Mia, helping us with four children and doing a lot of cooking, she’s exhausted.

As the water runs, I return to the sitting area and gather my woman in my arms. I bring her into the bathroom, settling her on her feet. I grab the bottom of her shirt and gently lift it over her head. I place a chaste kiss on her nose as I unclasp her bra. I pull the lacy material away from her body and suckle each nipple briefly before I hook my thumbs into her pants.

I drag them down her legs and she steps out, balancing with her hands on my shoulders. I kiss her soft stomach that I’m so fond of before divesting her of barely there panties. When Natasha’s completely naked, I rip my clothes off with none of the care I just showed her.

I’m hard as a rock. I’m always in some state of arousal around her. I thought that would wear off after months of us being together, but I think it’s getting worse.

I shut off the water and help her into the tub. I climb in behind her, stretching my legs on the outside of hers and pull her back flush with my chest. She leans her head against my shoulder with a contented sigh.

“Thank you,” she mumbles.

I snake my arms around her waist and hold her tight. I love her in my arms, enveloped by my strength. If I had my way, she’d always be in my arms. I wouldn’t let her out of my sight. But I know she needs her space. She’s still healing. My woman gets stronger every day. I’m in awe of her and how hard she’s fighting to regain what was stolen from her.

“Thank you for takin’ care of us.”

I kiss and nibble at her neck, feasting on her delicate skin.

“I need to go to the apartment for some clothes. I guess Nick’s gotta leave for a couple days for work and I promised I’d stay with Kat and help her out with the girls,” she informs me as I pull her earlobe between my teeth.

“You’ve done enough the last ten days, Grey. The guys and I can help out with girls.”

“You’ve got a trial starting next week, Sully. You’re busier than I am,” she admonishes me.

“It’s not your responsibility. They’re my family.”

Natasha’s body goes rigid as I speak. Her hands rip mine away from her before she stands; a giant
whoosh
and splash following her movement.

“Grey,” I call out, climbing to my feet as she hurries from the bathroom, wrapping a towel around her as she goes.

I sling a towel around my hips and prowl into my bedroom to find Natasha ripping yoga shorts over her hips. She’s furious.

“Grey, what the fuck just happened?” I demand, stopping inches from her.

“Nothing. I need to go,” she dismisses me, throwing a tank over her head.

She stomps around me back into the bathroom and comes out with her scrubs balled against her chest. Thudding to my closet, she yanks out her duffle bag and starts shoving all of the shit into it. She doesn’t have much here, but what has accumulated over the past few months is being packed away.

Now I’m pissed.

I stalk over to her and rip the bag from in front of her, tossing it to the other side of my room. She huffs and rises to her feet to go collect it. I move my body into her path and ask again, “What the fuck just happened?”

“You told me where I stand with you. I need to leave before this goes any further,” she says blankly, not looking at me.

She moves to pass by me again and I cut her off again.

“Explain that shit to me.”

“I just did. Move outta my way, Sully,” she grinds out, losing patience.

She’s trembling either with anger or nervousness. I don’t want her to feel those things with me. I’m keeping my distance, but I’m close to losing my ability to give her personal space.

“Look at me and tell me what happened in the bath,” I order gruffly.

Her eyes snap to mine, whirling storms of grey.

“You said that Kat and the girls weren’t my responsibility because they’re not my family. I’m just the help to you. I’m not a part of your life. Just someone for you to fuck when you’re home at night. Someone to change diapers and cook meals. Someone to—”

I cut her off harshly, grabbing her shoulders and yanking her toward me.

“I swear to God if you keep sayin’ that shit I’m gonna lose it,” I snarl.

I see fear flash through her eyes and I rein it in. I’m not going to hurt her, but I’m going to scream and throw shit until she understands how fucking wrong she is.

“What I meant,” I say through heaving breaths, “is that I’m responsible for these people. You fucking included. You’re wearin’ yourself out with all of us. It’s not your job or your responsibility to clean, cook and care for us. It’s mine. That’s not because you’re not a part of this, Grey. You’re at the motherfuckin’ center of it for me. I’ve allowed you to run yourself into the ground takin’ care of my family. And they are my family. But you’re my fuckin’ world. I was tryin’ to give you a break not exclude you.”

“They’re my family too,” she whispers and I get it.

Taking care of us means something to her. It’s something she’s never been able to do. Taking care of her mother and Blake has meant a world of hurt and fucked up shit. She likes the normalcy. I’m a dick.

I smash my mouth to hers and drag her up my body by her armpits. Her arms and legs wrap around me as my towel tumbles to the floor. I press her against the wall and cup her cheeks. Holding her in place, eyes locked, I growl, “You’re not someone for me to fuck at the end of the day. You’re not someone to clean and cook. You’re not someone to be used. I. Love. You. You’re what I look forward every morning when I wake up. You’re what I think about all day long. You’re what I dream about at night. You’re everything for me, Grey. Everything.”

“I’m sorry,” she whispers.

“No, I’m sorry. If you truly believe the shit you just said, I’m not doin’ my job. There should be no question in your mind about how I feel about you.”

“There isn’t. That was me, Sully. Fear of losing this family that means so much to me.”

“Never gonna happen. Trust me, Grey. I’ll never let you go. I’ll never discard you. I’ll never fuckin’ hurt you like that. I swear,” I say softly, my anger finally ebbing.

“I do trust you. I love you,” she says with conviction.

“I love you.”

Then I take her mouth.

Then I take her tits.

Then I take her pussy with my mouth.

Then I take her with my dick.

Then I hold her exhausted body against mine and promise myself that I’ll do better at showing her how much she means to me. She needs to feel it in her bones. Because I feel it in mine. I’ll show her.