Bittner, Rosanne (25 page)

John
waved her off, turning away, a barrage of emotions tumbling inside. Should he
hate Tess for the spot she was putting him in? Or should he be glad for the
chance to claim her for his own? "She wants a husband who would fit a baby
like Chino's," he finished for Jenny. "She doesn't give a damn about
me personally. She just wants me to help her retain her honor."

"Something
like that."

He
shook his head, walking farther away. "Jesus," he said softly.

"What
the hell? You
do
love her, don't you?"

He
let out an exasperated sigh. "So what? That doesn't erase the fact that
she couldn't care less if I dropped dead, as long as she can claim it's my
baby. And what will marrying me help? People in this town don't consider me any
more honorable than a man like Chino. I'm half Indian, and that's all they need
to know."

"You're
a Texas Ranger. And you aren't Comanche or Apache. Those are a couple of things
in your favor."

He
laughed, more a sarcastic grunt than true laughter. "Well, I guess that
makes me a first-class citizen, huh?"

Jenny
shook her head. "In Tess's estimation, you carry enough respect to call
you the father of her child. That's all that matters to her. She's devastated
over this, John, and getting desperate. She doesn't exactly have time to search
all of Texas for the right man. She at least knows you, and I think she is
secretly attracted to you, no matter how much she might deny it."

"Not
likely." John rubbed at his eyes. "Why did she come to you about this
instead of just asking me?"

Jenny
walked to her dresser and poured herself a drink. "Isn't it obvious? She
is very embarrassed, for one thing, and she wasn't sure how you would react.
She figures I know you as good as anybody can, wanted me to break the news
first so you'd have time to think about it before you talk to her about it. She
also wondered if I thought you would agree to being a husband in name only, or
if you might try to force your husbandly rights on her."

John
rolled his eyes. "My husbandly rights?"

Jenny
shrugged. "She isn't exactly ready for anything like that, you know."

John
stepped closer, looking down at her sternly. "That will be
my
decision."

"Will
it?"

He
frowned with irritation. "Does she expect me to be a husband in name only
forever? I'm supposed to go without a woman the rest of my life, if she happens
to decide she never wants to be with a man again?"

"That's
between you and her. I'm just delivering the message."

"And
what did you tell her about being able to trust me?"

Jenny
raised her chin. "I told her you would never force a woman to do
anything." She ran her gaze over his enticing physique. "Not that any
average woman would have to be forced by the likes of you."

"Tess
Carey isn't the average woman."

Jenny
smiled. "Oh, she's as much woman as any other. You be good to her, she'll
come around. I'm betting you won't have to go without all that long."

He
shook his head. "You talk like I'm going to be crazy enough to marry
her."

"Like
Tess said, I probably know you better than anyone."

"Maybe
not as good as you think."

"Well,
it's up to you. Make whatever arrangements you want with Tess. She did ask me
to loan her some money. She intends to allow you to go on with your Ranger
work. She'll open a seamstress shop here in town. Apparently she's very good at
such things. She'll build a small house here, and maybe some day when things are
more settled between you and her, you'll settle on her farm and work the place
yourself."

"So,
she has it all worked out, has she?" John spoke the words in a sneer.

"John,
she's just trying to allow you to do whatever you want to do—Ranger work, or
start your own ranch. Whatever you want."

"I'll
plan my own life, thank you."

"And
you love Tess Carey. Don't tell me you don't."

"Love
has nothing to do with this. Besides, what the hell do I really know about
love?"

"Enough
to do the right thing by Tess Carey."

He
sighed. "I don't know
what
the right thing is. She was right about
one thing—I need time to think about this." He walked to the door.
"This day sure as hell turned out different than I thought it would. I
figured on staying downstairs and celebrating, playing a little poker." He
turned and looked Jenny over. "Spending the night with you."

She
smiled seductively. "You still can." He opened the door. "Not
tonight. Too much to think about."

He
walked out, and Jenny shook her head. "Poor John." She couldn't help
a chuckle. "You can lick the best of them, John Hawkins, but one little
lady has you whipped already."

Five
days passed. Tess left Harriet's employ, amid the woman's tirade that she had
backed out on her promise to work for her and that she would never succeed on
her own. Tess wondered how Harriet herself would survive if and when her
husband was found out for what he really was. She still said nothing about what
she knew to anyone. She couldn't prove a thing, and now that she had left the
Caldwell ranch, people would probably say she was lying out of spite over
Harriet's anger with her.

The
only message Tess had received so far was from Peter Blake, telling her he was
prepared to loan her whatever amount of money was necessary to build a house in
town. She had not gone for the loan yet. First she had to know John's decision,
and now she was beginning to wonder if she would ever hear from him. Didn't he
understand that time was of the essence? The longer they waited, the less believable
it would be that her baby belonged to him and there would be no reason to marry
at all.

She
felt crazy from the waiting, had gone shopping to stay busy. She sorted through
a variety of material at a dry-goods store, deciding to begin stocking up on supplies
for her new seamstress work, but it was difficult to think positively. If John
would not marry her, she would have to leave El Paso, maybe find a mission or
convent, someplace that would take her in and put her baby in an orphanage
after it was born. She certainly could not keep it, knowing it surely would
look Indian and that she could not possibly love it.

She
chose a bolt of blue calico, one of green velvet, and another of yellow cotton,
as well as a roll of lace trim. She purchased some thread and a few patterns,
and while her things were wrapped, she looked through a catalog from which she
would order a sewing machine.

She
turned when a little bell that hung over the door jingled, and several women
strolled inside, led by Harriet Caldwell. "Well, Tess Carey," the
woman said, looking down her nose. "Have you decided how you will support
yourself now that you have left my employ?"

Tess
picked up her wrapped items. There was no sense ordering a sewing machine until
she knew what John intended to do. "Yes," she answered. "I
believe I will open a seamstress business. I have enough money to back a loan
to build a small house here in town, and I happen to be very good at making
clothes." She faced the other women with an air of confidence. "If
any of you needs any kind of seamstress work done or a dress made for a special
occasion, be sure to come to me. I can also make men's suits. I learned on Mrs.
Bass's sewing machine when father worked for the colonel back in San
Antonio."

She
could read the women's thoughts as they looked her over. What was it like to be
captured by Comancheros? What was it like to be raped? Did she enjoy it? She
felt like spitting at all of them.

"You
don't have to socialize with me. I am simply offering to do your seamstress
work for you. I know it takes a long time to receive clothes ordered from back
East. Show me a picture or a pattern, and I can make the same dress, cheaper
and quicker."

"Well,
we didn't know you had such a talent," Harriet said, putting on a fake
smile.

"I
never had the time to devote just to sewing. I was always too busy helping on
the farm. I made all my own clothes, as well as most of my husband's and
father's. If I'd had the time to sew for others, I would have offered, and if
you had not kept me so busy with mundane chores, I could have sewn for you,
Harriet."

"My
goodness. All the times we've seen and talked with you at socials, we never
knew." The words came from Mrs. Carla Sanders, the wife of the livery
owner, Ben Sanders, Joe Sanders's brother.

Harriet
spoke up. "I am surprised you have enough money saved to build a house and
buy material and such. And you will need a sewing machine."

"I
will manage. I am getting a small loan from the bank."

"Oh?
What on earth are you using for collateral?"

The
last thing Tess wanted was for the woman to know her money was coming from
Jenny. "I do still own my land, Harriet. That is enough collateral."

"You
could have sold that land to my husband and had cash money and no land to worry
about taking care of. Why on earth—"

"I
don't want to sell my land. Father would want me to keep it, and I intend to do
just that for as long as possible, maybe even move back and farm it again
someday. I might... marry."

"Marry!
You have only been a widow for six or seven weeks!"

Some
of the other women gasped, and they all stared at her.

"A
woman does what she has to do to survive out here. All of you know that,"
Tess told them. "We've known other women who lost husbands and remarried
rather quickly. I've even heard that some women who came West in earlier years
and lost their husbands married total strangers, just to have a man's support,
especially if they had children to care for. I need a man to take care of my
farm, and I can't afford to pay one. Perhaps if I marry I can have my business
and
the farm."

"My
goodness!" one woman commented. "Who would—?" She stopped,
turning away.

"Who
would marry me, now that I've been the victim of Comancheros? I was not
violated, Mrs. Cook. There is no reason why a man should not want to marry
me." Tess walked past them. "Please do remember me when you need some
sewing done. I hope to have a place of my own very soon." She walked out
the door, aching with the need for one good friend, realizing that her only
true friend at the moment was a woman these others thought was unworthy of
their attention. She was beginning to see Jenny Simms in a different light.

Anger
filled her as she walked toward the hotel, but she halted her rushed footsteps
when she heard someone call her name. She turned to see John standing in an
alley. He was leaning against a building.

"Rent
a buggy," he told her. "Tomorrow morning. Nine o'clock. Meet me under
the old mesquite tree out beyond the graveyard."

She
could not quite read his eyes. Was it a yes or a no? Was he serious or laughing?
She felt the heat rising in her cheeks at the thought of Jenny's remark that he
already loved her, and she swallowed. "All right. I'll be there."

He
stepped up onto the boardwalk next to her, glanced down at her belly, which for
now looked no different; but his gaze embarrassed her. He knew she was
pregnant... pregnant by Chino.

"We
have a hell of a lot to talk about," he told her. "And I won't be
lied to or used. Understand?"

She
raised her chin. "Of course. I am not a liar. Nor do I use people."
She held his gaze, again struck by his dark handsomeness. She had not seen him
up close in weeks.

He
turned away. "See you in the morning." He walked off, and she studied
his long stride, his slim hips, broad shoulders, the black hair that hung long
and loose down his back today. He wore a six-gun on each hip, a leather vest.
She saw his golden horse then... tied in front of Jenny's Place.

"Damn
you, John Hawkins," she whispered.

He
was standing under the tree as Tess approached, his horse calmly grazing a few
feet away. Tess's stomach went into a tight knot. Her hands felt clammy, and
her face felt flushed. What was she getting herself into? Maybe her experience
with the Comancheros had left her demented.