Bittner, Rosanne (24 page)

Tess
kept her head in her hands. "I have never been at such a loss. My life has
been turned completely upside down, Jenny. Six weeks ago I was just a busy farm
wife, cooking, cleaning, taking care of my own home, my husband, my father.
Everything was so... normal." She sighed and rose. "People are going
to talk about this, wonder about it, about me. I'm supposed to be a grieving
widow. I won't go into details about my relationship with my husband, and I do
grieve for him, Jenny, but not quite in the way most wives would. It's a
personal thing. The fact remains people will be shocked that I would marry so
soon, let alone someone like John Hawkins. I am just trying to avoid something
worse, which would be me walking around with a big belly and people
wondering... who the father is. Most don't believe I wasn't raped. Once the
baby is born, they will know for certain it's a bastard. I am hoping most will
at least believe it's John Hawkins's child, and if he is my husband, after a
while they will accept the marriage and the talk will die down."

She
faced Jenny.

"I
will offer to let Mr. Hawkins take over my farm, build a ranch out of it if he
wishes. Until he decides, I know a Texas Ranger makes very little money, so I
need another source of income. I am thinking of starting some kind of business,
perhaps as a seamstress. I was wondering if you would consider backing me on
building a little place near town. Mr. Hawkins could live there with me when
he's not on assignment. And when he's gone I could help support me and the baby
by earning my own money. I would pay you back as quickly as I could. In fact, I
have some money. I just don't want to use it up all at once. Of course, I would
not want others to know you gave me the money." She felt guilty for the
look of hurt in Jenny's eyes.

"Of
course." Jenny stood up and put on a quick smile. "I understand. And
sure, I'll back you. I like you, Tess Carey. And I happen to know something
that might make you feel a little better about all of this."

"Oh?
What's that?"

Jenny
sauntered closer. "John Hawkins is already in love with you."

Tess's
eyes widened. "What!"

"The
man opened up to me the last time he was here, just enough to let the feelings
show through. You were just about all he could talk about. He greatly admires
your strength... and you
are
a beautiful woman. I'm sure you know
that."

Tess
turned away, flabbergasted at the revelation. Surely fenny was imagining
things. Was John Hawkins even capable of truly loving someone in that sense? He
was such a wild, violent man. She had never considered... "Thank you for
the compliment, but you must be wrong about Mr. Hawkins."

"Honey,
I'm never wrong when it comes to men. And you had better quit with the Mr.
Hawkins stuff. If he's going to be your husband, I'd start calling him John.
People will wonder if you keep being so formal about him."

Tess
felt stunned at the thought John might actually love her. How could he? He'd
known her such a short time. And it irked her that he already knew how she
looked naked. Would he somehow hold that over her? She met Jenny's eyes.
"I'll be returning with Harriet today. I'll have to tell her my plans.
I'll come back to town in three days, get a temporary room at the hotel, hire
someone to build a small house for me. You can talk about this with John, have
him get a message to me about where we can meet alone to discuss this."

Should
she tell anyone about what she had overheard between Caldwell and Sheriff
Higgins and Casey Dunlap? Not now. There were too many other things to think
about, things to settle. "I hate to keep imposing on you, Jenny, but
someone has to tell John, and you're the only one who can help me with
this."

Jenny
shrugged. "Sure, I'll tell him. Might be kind of fun to watch his
reaction."

Tess
cringed at the thought of how he might react. "I just thought it would
make it easier if he is forewarned, rather than me springing something like
this on him point-blank. It will give him a little time to think about it
before he talks to me."

"I
suppose that might be better." Jenny put a hand on her shoulder. "I'm
sorry for the way things have worked out, Tess. But you're a strong woman.
You'll survive. You're the kind of woman Texas needs."

Tess
put a hand to her stomach. "Maybe. I don't know anymore. I feel... numb...
like the world is just revolving around me and I'm not really in it." She
blinked back tears. "Thank you for helping, Jenny. I had no idea you were
such a good person."

Jenny
laughed. "Well, that makes two of us."

Tess
smiled through her tears. "I am keeping you from your work. I will go talk
to Mr. Jeffers at the feed supply. He and his son do fine carpenter work, I am
told. I will find out the cost and let you know."

Jenny
looked her over, thinking what a stark contrast she was to John Hawkins, so
prim and proper, organized, a woman who should be married to a man ready to
settle, a man who truly wanted home and family. Maybe John was ready for such
things, but she couldn't picture him living that kind of life. "Just tell
Peter Blake over at the bank. He's... sort of a good friend, if you know what I
mean. He would be discreet if you tell him he has to be. Tell him the amount
you need, and I'll go over in a day or two and tell him it's okay. That way you
won't have to risk being seen coming here."

Tess
walked to where she'd left a parasol she used to keep the sun off her skin. She
picked it up and turned. "Thank you for understanding I can't be seen
coming here. I do hope you realize it has nothing to do with you personally. I
just... I will have a difficult enough time overcoming how people will react to
my marrying John. To have to try to explain—"

"I've
said before I understand."

Tess's
mind raced with indecision. She wanted to talk more, but their conversation was
interrupted by a commotion downstairs. Several men were talking loudly, hooting
and laughing.

"Nobody
can say John Hawkins don't get his man!" someone hollered. The statement
was followed by more laughter. It sounded to Tess like Ken's voice. "Come
have a drink, Hawk!"

Tess's
heart beat a little faster. Had John come to town while she spoke to Jenny? She
had thought it would be a few more days yet. But then Jenny had said Ken had
already been back for three days.

Jenny
read the look in Tess's eyes, knew she was nervous as a trapped mountain lion
over what she wanted to ask of John Hawkins. "Wait right here," she
said. She went to the door and out onto a walkway above the saloon. The door to
her room was slightly hidden from the area downstairs, and Tess had come up a
back stairway that led off in the other direction. She could leave right now
without being seen. She gripped the parasol, thinking at the last minute that
maybe she should tell Jenny to call the whole thing off and not say a word to
John Hawkins. Was he down there?

"Hey,
you bunch of rabble, what's this mob doing in my saloon?" Jenny called
down to them.

"We're
celebratin' another Ranger victory," Ken called up. "We've got a man
here who can catch rattlers with his bare hands and walk right into a nest of
killers without them even knowin' it. Only a Texas Ranger can do things like
that."

"John
Hawkins, you devil!" Jenny glanced over at the door to her room to see
Tess standing there. She nodded slightly. "Looks like you'll have an
answer sooner than you think. Go on down the back way," she said quietly.

"Come
on down and have a drink with me, Jenny," John himself called up to her.

When
Jenny turned and sauntered down the stairway. Tess moved out of the doorway and
stood against a wall around the corner of which a person could see the entire
saloon. She moved her head just enough to peek downstairs, and her heart filled
with doubt. John embraced Jenny and planted a kiss on her mouth. In one hand he
held a whiskey bottle.

Tess
rolled her eyes and pulled back, leaning against the wall, wanting to die from
a feeling of hopelessness. Maybe her idea was simply too ridiculous. How could
she marry a man like John Hawkins? He drank whiskey, slept with prostitutes,
killed men with the ease of breathing, took chances that would surely lead to
his death at an early age. She could hear all the men below, Mexican and white
alike, talking and laughing about the snake story.

"I
wonder what ole Jim Caldwell will think of this one," Ken told the others.
"At least Hawk didn't kill Puckett. People are gonna get to see him and
his bunch hang."

Someone
else spoke up. "There will be a hanging all right. Probably the whole gang
at the same time. You think it will be in Texas, Randall?"

"Who
knows? There's a lot of folks in a lot of states who want to see their necks
stretched."

"Why
don't you find something else to talk about?" Tess heard John say.
"You'll end up getting me in more trouble, friend. I did what I had to do
and that's the end of it. You know I never talk about what we do when we're out
there on assignment."

"Oh,
but this one's a corker," Ken answered. "How many men can walk into
Rattlesnake Hollow and bag a dozen or so of them slithery bastards without
gettin' himself bit to death? How many men can crawl up top a cabin full of
outlaws and not be detected? And what would the United States Army do without
the Texas Rangers?" He half yelled the last words, and a cheer went up
inside the saloon.

Tess
peeked around the wall again and noticed Jenny lean close to John and say
something to him. He turned to look up toward her room, and Tess quickly ducked
back so he would not see her. Jenny must have told him she'd been there.
Anytime soon she would probably bring him upstairs and explain all of it. Tess
hurried away, darting down the back stairs.

What
had she done? The only way to change her mind was to stay and tell Jenny to
forget about it, but now John's curiosity was already aroused. He'd have to
know the truth even if she didn't want to go through with this. She found it
hard to believe he would not laugh at her. But then, Jenny had told her John
Hawkins loved her. It seemed incredible. How could he know already that he
loved her? And how should she react to such feelings? She felt like such a
fool, so lost and alone.

"John
Hawkins!"

John
turned to see Jenny standing at the bottom of the stairs.

"Quit
your bragging and get up here before you're so drunk you can't think
straight."

"Don't
you mean before he's so drunk he can't do somethin' else?" Ken shouted.
Most of the men in the room laughed at the insinuation.

"Better
get up there, Hawk. The lady looks mighty anxious," someone teased.

John
joined the others in more laughter, slugging down a quick shot of whiskey
before turning to go upstairs amid whistles and lewd suggestions about what it
was Jenny wanted. John put an arm around Jenny and walked her into her room,
promptly closing the door and grabbing her close. He planted a long, groaning
kiss on her mouth, surprised she did not seem to be returning it as warmly as
usual. She gave him a gentle shove.

"I
didn't ask you here for that," she told him.

John
grinned. "Since when?"

Jenny
planted her hands on her hips. "Since Tess Carey told me she wants to
marry you."

John
straightened, his grin quickly fading. Jenny smiled at the look of sudden shock
on his face, and his dark eyes showed his disbelief. Flickers of indecision
moved across his face.

"What
the hell kind of joke are you trying to pull?" he finally asked.

Jenny
folded her arms. "It's no joke. Tess just left this room a few minutes ago.
She had come here to ask me what to do about the fact that she is carrying a
child—
Chino's
child!"

John
blinked, and now it was anger that showed in his eyes. "That sonofabitch
got her
pregnant?"

Jenny
nodded. "You know she's been trying to convince people she wasn't raped.
She thinks if she hurries up and gets married, people will think the baby
belongs to her new husband. And since the baby is very likely to be dark and
look Indian or Mexican..."