Big Girls Do Cry (40 page)

Six months later

   Leon pulled in front of Egypt’s door, then glanced over at me with a smile. I smiled back, leaning over to kiss him good-bye. We’d been doing a lot of kissing lately. My husband had actually become very passionate and romantic these past few months. The sex hadn’t gotten any better—he was still faster than a speeding bullet—but he’d been working on that with the therapist. Maybe one day soon we’d have sex again that lasted more than a few minutes.

A lot of the problem wasn’t his fault at all. You see, it turned out that Leon had some serious issues, a lot more serious than I would have ever expected. He’d been abused as a child by his uncle. His abuse was so traumatic that the doctor felt he’d repressed most of his memories. Once he dropped me off, he was headed to talk with the doctor about finding a way to help him remember parts of his childhood. The doctor felt that by confronting his past, he’d somehow be set free from his personal demons.

I reached for the door handle, and Leon gently took hold of my left arm. “What time should I pick you up?”

He was so thoughtful as of late. “That’s okay. You don’t have to pick me up. I’ll have Egypt drop me off or I’ll catch a cab. Just make sure you call me and tell me what the doctor says, okay?”

“All right, but if you need a ride, I’m just a phone call away. I love you, Big Sexy.”

“Love you too.”

I winked at my husband, then stepped out of the car and walked to Egypt’s door. She opened it before I could ring the bell.

“Hey, girl,” she shouted, then hugged me tight. When she released me, she waved at Leon, who waved back as he pulled off.

I’d called Egypt early that morning to see if she was going to be around so we could do a little catching up. I had a very special favor to ask her, and instead of doing it over the phone, I really wanted to do it face to face. Lucky for me, she told me Rashad was out of town on business and she would love a little company.

“Look at you, looking all fly with a new do,” she said, giving me the once over. “It looks good, Loraine. I like you in short hair.”

“You don’t look too bad yourself. Motherhood agrees with you.” We hadn’t seen each other in weeks, so I gave her an observing glance. She had lost a little weight, and looked good in a pair of jeans and a snugly fitted top, which I noticed had a little milk spit-up on the shoulder.

“Motherhood is hard work,” she said with a sigh. “It’s nonstop, twenty-four/seven, but I swear, Loraine, I absolutely love it. I wouldn’t give it up for the world.” Her smile was so bright and she looked so happy.

“I guess that means you’re not coming back to work anytime soon?”

There was a silence. “Is that why you wanted to talk to me? ‘Cause if you need to hire someone to replace me, Loraine, I think you should do it. I love my job, but I love my baby even more. I can’t say when, or even if I’m gonna go back to work.”

“Don’t worry. I understand. And no, that’s not why I wanted to see you.” I glanced around the room. “Speaking of which, where is that little godbaby of mine anyway?”

“Up in the nursery taking a nap. We’ll go up there in a few minutes. Right now I’m a little curious about what you wanted to speak to me about.”

She offered me a seat. “Well, I don’t know if you knew this, but Leon and I were married at the courthouse by a justice of the peace.”

“I would have never guessed that. I just envisioned you as a woman who had this huge church wedding.”

“Don’t I wish. At that time in my life, I was trying to save every nickel I could. I’d only been in business for about four or
five years. Back then it was just me and Jerome trying to make ends meet.”

“You’ve come a long way.”

“Yeah, I have. Funny thing is I always wanted that big wedding I missed out on, and now I can afford that wedding. That’s why I came over here.”

“Are you saying what I think you’re saying?”

“Only if what you think I’m saying is that I want you to be my maid of honor when Leon and I renew our vows in a couple of months.”

“Really?” She raised her eyebrows like she was surprised by my request.

“Yes, really. I can’t think of anyone I’d want to be by my side other than you.”

“Not even Jerome?”

“Especially not Jerome.” Just the mention of his name got my blood boiling these days. “I’m sorry, but I don’t have anything to say to him.”

“Loraine, he’s your best friend. You should at least call and check on him.”

“That’s
ex
-best friend,” I said sternly. “I’m serious, Egypt. I don’t have anything to say to the man. I can do bad all by myself.”

“Well, girl, I saw him the other day when he came by with a present for the baby.” Her face contorted. “Loraine, he looks a wreck. That stalker guy is still after him, and I think he’s getting the best of him.”

“See, that’s what I’m talking about. He’s always going around messing up people’s lives, and that stuff just came back on him.”

“Aw, Loraine, y’all two were so tight. How you gonna just end your friendship like that?”

“Just like this.” I slapped my hands up and down. “Girl, I’m finished. Done.”

“I’m sorry to hear that.”

“Nah, don’t be sorry. Just be my maid of honor. I want you to help me plan my wedding.”

“Okay.” She nodded. “I’ll do it, but we haven’t finished talking about Jerome.”

Luckily, the baby began hollering. I didn’t have the time or the energy to explain to Egypt what had come between me and Jerome.

Egypt sighed and stood up. “Let me get the baby.”

While she was upstairs, my cell phone rang. I answered it, speaking quietly. “I’ll be right there. Give me about twenty more minutes. I’ll text you when I’m on my way outside.”

I hung up just as Egypt was walking into the room with the baby in her arms. “Here’s Aunt Loraine.”

“Hey, precious, come to Auntie,” I said, reaching out for the pretty little girl.

“You know she’ll be nine months next week,” Egypt said.

The baby started crying. “Yeah, she’s being feisty,” Egypt said. “Can you hold her while I get her bottle?”

“Sure.”

I took the twenty-pound baby, who was dressed in a beautiful red velvet dress with white lace socks, looking pretty enough to be in a baby ad. The sweet scent of Johnson’s baby lotion made me smile as I hugged her close to my chest. She stopped crying as soon as I patted her back.

It had been a long, hard road for Egypt and Rashad to finally have a child, and I could see how they doted over her now that she was here. After Egypt’s sister, Isis, had the baby boy and it turned out to be Tony’s baby, Egypt and Rashad were devastated. I introduced them to a woman I knew in the Dominican Republic who handled overseas adoptions. They were able to get baby Jessica, who was three months at the time, within two weeks, and the adoption was finalized within five months.

When Egypt returned with the bottle, I handed her the baby, then glanced down at my phone to send a text.

“Egypt, I’m sorry, but I really have to go,” I said. “It’s the Morris account. Judith Morris just caught her husband, Hal, with his pants down. I’ve gotta go save his ass.”

“Oh, no. I was so looking forward to us having lunch and spending the afternoon together.”

“Yeah, but you know this type of thing happens all the time in public relations. I’ll come back and we’ll spend the day together with my new godbaby, okay?”

Egypt relented and gave me a bear hug like she didn’t want to let me go. I had to pull myself away from her.

“Besides, as my maid of honor, we’ll see each other all the time,” I assured her.

“Okay,” Egypt said reluctantly. I’d never seen her act so needy and lonely. I hate to say it, but it made me glad I didn’t have any kids tying me down.

“Look, I’ll let myself out so you can feed the baby.” I kissed her and the baby on the cheek, picked up my Coach bag, and left.

When I got outside, I climbed in a car waiting in front of a house down the block.

I turned and gave Michael a kiss.

“How much time we got?” he asked.

“Until about ten or eleven tonight. After that, he’ll be looking for me.”

Yes, I loved Leon and I’d given Michael up, but not for long, because I loved Michael too. Now, like the song, I was truly torn between two lovers.

Dear Readers,

   Wow, I hope you enjoyed reading
Big Girls Do Cry
as much as I enjoyed writing it. It was quite a ride, wasn’t it? Of all the books I’ve written in the past ten years, I think this one and
So You Call Yourself a Man
were my favorites. It was just a fun story to write, and I really got into the characters as the story progressed.

As many of you know, I love writing about the big girls, but I have to admit that about three quarters of the way through, Jerome, along with crazy-behind Peter, had become my favorite characters. It was about that time that I came to the realization that I couldn’t bring their story to an end in just one book. Although I feel for now that Isis and Egypt have had their final run, I also feel there are a few loose ends I could tie up with Loraine, Leon, and Michael.

With that being said, fasten your seatbelts and join me this fall for my second release of the year,
Torn Between Two Lovers
.

   Carl Weber

A man who loves a woman with some meat on her bones

I eased back on the soft, buttercream leather armchair when Roberta walked into the room. For us, it had been the same place, same time for almost a year. I’d been waiting for her, not long, only about five minutes, but long enough to wonder if her damn phone had cut into my time with her again. If so, it wouldn’t be the first time. Her phone was constantly ringing whenever we were together. Most of the time she ignored it, but there were a few occasions when she glanced at the caller ID and excused herself. Sure, I knew the calls were work-related and she wouldn’t take them if they weren’t important, but damn, this was supposed to be my time. If she were anyone else, I would have kicked her to the curb a long time ago, but her pros so outweighed her cons. Roberta had a way of making me feel so good about myself. I don’t think I could ever find someone who did for me what she’d done. I always left her with an incredible yearning to see her again. When we first met, I was such a broken man, but with her help, I was starting to put the pieces of my life back together.

She sat down next to me, adjusting her body until she was comfortable. I immediately noticed she was wearing a new scent. It was a little lighter than usual, but sexy all the same. She always smelled so good.

“New perfume?” I asked.

“Why, yes, it is.” She gave me a smile that could have lit up the room.

I’m sure she was surprised that I noticed. She probably thought that like most men, I didn’t pay attention to the little things. But what she didn’t understand was that when we were together, just
like her, I paid attention to everything. Oh, I tried to play it cool; what type of man would I be if I didn’t? But I left no stone unturned when it came to the time we spent together. It was that important to me.

We’d started this little Monday and Thursday afternoon ritual about six months ago. Back then, you couldn’t have paid me a million dollars to think I’d still be seeing her after all this time. She was without question the only woman I’d ever let in my head—other than my wife, Loraine. In fact, I’m sure Loraine would be shocked at how much more Roberta knew about me than she did. All that withstanding, I still wasn’t quite ready to let the world know I was seeing Roberta. I liked keeping things on the Q.T., or on the D.L., as they call it nowadays. I didn’t care what anyone said; I was convinced that if anyone found out about us, my life as I knew it would be ruined.

Funny thing is, it all started rather innocently around the time my wife and I were having relationship problems. I’d ended up getting kicked out of my own home and losing all of Loraine’s and my mutual friends. Roberta was there for me when no one else was. I was under so much stress at that time, I don’t know if I could have made it without her. It seemed that fate just brought us together.

“So here we are again. I’ve been giving a lot of thought to our last conversation, Leon. Did you happen to do what I asked you to do?” She was no longer smiling. Her face was serious; she wanted an answer. An answer I wasn’t sure I was prepared to give.

I gazed down at her stilettos. There was no doubt in my mind that they were expensive. As was customary with her, they looked brand new. There wasn’t a scuff mark on them. You can tell a lot about a woman by looking at her shoes, and hers almost screamed how classy she was. But, I wondered, how could such a classy woman talk to me about such lewd things, even if it was for my own good?

“Are you ignoring me?”

“No,” I replied, but I’m sure she knew I was.

“So, answer my question. Did you—”

“Did I jack off first? Yes, I jacked off first, all right?” I finished her sentence in my own words. I just didn’t want to hear her say it again.

My eyes traveled from her shoes, up a little farther. Her legs were crossed neatly at the knees, showing off her well-built calves. She had an amazing hourglass figure, while her face and hair defied her almost fifty years of age.

“Leon, are you embarrassed?”

Was I embarrassed? Of course I was embarrassed. Here was this beautiful woman sitting across from me, wanting to know if I’d masturbated. What was even more embarrassing was the reason she’d asked the question in the first place. You see, I had a little problem in the bedroom. And no, it wasn’t that I couldn’t get it up. I got it up just fine. My problem was that … well, my … my stamina wasn’t quite what it should be and … I ejaculated a little faster than I should.

“Leon, there is no reason for you to be embarrassed. We’ve been through this before. Plenty of men go through premature ejaculation. Masturbating before sex should help with your stamina. You just get too excited. There’s nothing wrong with being excited. We just have to find a way to harness that excitement.”

After all these months, she still didn’t get it. She still had no idea what made me tick.

“Roberta, I don’t think I know how to harness my excitement.”

I looked up at her, our eyes meeting for the first time. I was hoping she would understand like she always seemed to. This had been the topic of conversation between us for quite some time, but this time she tried to hide a frown. It didn’t work. Her disappointment was written all over her face.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” She was making me feel self-conscious.

“I’m just trying to figure out how serious you are about this. Do you want to stop prematurely ejaculating? Do you want to enjoy a normal sex life?”

What the hell was that supposed to mean? Was she taking a pot shot at my manhood? If she was trying to humiliate me, she was doing a good job. My embarrassment was now defensive anger.

I stood up. “Of course I wanna have a got-damn normal sex life. Why the fuck do you think I’ve been paying your sorry ass a hundred dollars an hour for the past six months?” I pointed my finger in her face. “I should be asking your ass when I’m going to have a normal sex life. You’re the damn therapist—oh, excuse me, psychiatrist! So what’s up, Doc? When am I going to be cured? When am I going to be able to fuck like I used to?”

Roberta straightened up in her chair, her bottom lip quivering just a bit. There was no doubt in my mind she did not appreciate my sudden use of profanity or my accusatory tone, but this wasn’t the first time I’d gotten loud. Truth is, I just wanted her to snap back at me, give me a reason to walk out that door and feel sorry for myself, but she never did. No matter how ignorant I got, she always kept it professional.

Surprisingly, her expression softened. “You know what, Leon? You’re right. I’m sorry. I know you’re trying. And to be totally honest, I can’t say when you’re going to be cured. But I’m committed to finding a solution to your problems. I just need your help.”

Well, if you haven’t figured it out, Roberta is my shrink.

“What can I do?” I asked.

“Why don’t you have a seat so we can talk about that?” I did what I was told and sat back down.

“So, I take it you and Loraine made love this weekend and things didn’t quite work out as you planned?”

“I did exactly what you said.” I sighed. “I took her out to a nice romantic dinner at Luigi’s. When we got home, I went in the bathroom, locked the door, and took care of business.”

“Okay, that’s good. What’d you do next?”

“I broke out the massage oil and gave Loraine a massage from head to toe. You would have been proud of me, Doc. I took things nice and slow, just like we talked about.” My eyes panned her office, which was trimmed in cherrywood molding that matched her Queen Anne desk.

“I’m already proud of you, Leon.” She patted my knee like I was a schoolboy who needed approval. I have to admit I did appreciate her words. “What happened after that? How were things
afterwards? Did you get intimate?” She was trying to get back in my head. She knew we’d gotten intimate.

I hesitated before I answered. I really didn’t want to tell her the truth. I twiddled my fingers and started feeling my palms get sweaty. I swallowed deeply before answering, “Yeah, we did.”

“So how was it?”

I lowered my head and closed my eyes. Once again, I could see Loraine’s look of disgust when I collapsed on top of her within a minute of beginning our lovemaking session. I’d even tried dropping some Viagra beforehand, but that didn’t work. I just knew that last night was going to be the time I held out until Loraine reached her climax, but once again, I came too quickly. Loraine didn’t say anything, but I could tell she was getting sick of my Speedy Gonzalez performances. I felt about as low as a man could get.

“Horrible. Worse than ever.”

“What do you mean?”

“I tried to hold back, Doc, but it seems like the more I try to hold back, the more excited I get. Once I got inside her, that was all she wrote. I exploded like a short fuse on a firecracker—quick, fast, in a hurry.”

“I see … Maybe we’re going about this wrong. Maybe we should be looking at the cause of your excitement, not the effect.” Roberta gave me a compassionate look, which encouraged me to open up. “What do you find attractive about Loraine?”

I let out a low whistle. “Wow, I mean where do I start? She’s just so … so sexy to me. Roberta, I’ve told you this before. I just love a big woman, and when Loraine takes off her clothes, she just makes me feel like exploding.” I glanced down at my pants. “I’m all excited just thinking about her being naked.”

“Yes, I can see that.” Roberta raised her eyes. “Have you ever been attracted to smaller-framed woman?”

“Not really. I’ve been with a few, but they did absolutely nothing for me.”

“Hmmm, interesting. So when did your attraction for big women begin?”

I shrugged my shoulders. “I don’t know. I don’t know. I’ve always loved big women.”

“I see. Any large women in your family?”

“My aunt, who raised me after my mother’s death, was a big, beautiful woman.”

“Oh, you’ve never mentioned your aunt before. Tell me more.”

I heaved a deep sigh before I started. I was treading in some dangerous waters that I preferred to keep locked away inside my heart. “Well, my mother passed away when I was seven, and her brother, my Uncle William, and his wife, Catherine, raised me until I got grown.”

“How about your father?”

“I never knew my father.”

“Sorry to hear that. So did you and your auntie have a good relationship?”

“Yeah, Aunt Cathy was the best. She was like a mother to me.”

“Interesting. Tell me more.”

“I can’t. She died when I was fourteen.”

“So tell me what you remember.”

“Every time I think about a woman adoring me, I always think about my aunt. Funny thing is, I can’t even remember anything about her other than she was nice to me.” I sighed. “So is that why I like big women? Because of my aunt?”

Dr. Marshall began to scribble on her notepad. “That makes sense. A lot of our adult lives are based on our childhoods. We are often attracted to people who remind us of our parent figures. It’s not unusual for a lot of men to look for mother figures.”

I nodded. “Maybe so. But I don’t see what this has to do with not satisfying my wife. I’m really worried I’m going to lose Loraine if I don’t step up my game and handle my business in the bedroom. It’s been a long time since I’ve satisfied her. After all, she’s only human.”

“Does Loraine remind you of your aunt?”

I paused. “Yes. No. I don’t know. Maybe.” I started feeling confused.

“What do you think about your aunt that has to do with your issues?”

“Why should she have anything to do with what’s going on
with Loraine and me?” I noticed my heart start racing. I didn’t know what was wrong with me.

“Let me rephrase this. What do you remember about your aunt when you were a teenager that was so kind that makes you think of Loraine?”

I shook my head. “I can’t remember.”

“Leon, do you realize that every time we try to go back into your teenage years, you have a blackout?”