Big Girls Do Cry (33 page)

He stared at me for a while. At first I thought maybe he was considering my plan, which was a pretty good one, if you ask me. But finally he just shook his head and turned to leave the room without saying anything.

“Think about it, Rashad,” I said to his back before he exited. “How many men have a chance to have the best of both worlds? You can have two sisters, and you know you want some of this. You do remember how good it is, don’t you?”

He left without giving me a response, but I told myself that was a good thing. I knew I had gone out on a limb by propositioning him so directly, especially when he was still talking about my sister like theirs was a match made in heaven. So, the fact that he didn’t go off on me was a good sign. If I made it to the breakfast table tomorrow without Egypt killing me, I’d know he was at least thinking about it. And then I could feel confident about putting the rest of my plan into action.

The baby started squirming again.

“Relax, junior. I know you don’t want to live with Auntie Egypt, but your daddy’s going to be there, and it’s only a temporary solution. Your momma still loves you. She just has to get your daddy back in bed. Once Auntie finds out we’re sleeping together, she’s going to divorce your daddy, and you’re both going to come live with me and your baby sister or brother. And that, my little darling, is a promise.”

I woke up lying on my back with a smile on my face, physically and mentally satisfied for the first time in five years. It was still dark outside, and I didn’t want to wake Michael, so I lay there next to him, reminiscing about the wonderful evening we’d shared. The night started with a fantastic Valentine’s dinner cruise on the James River that one of the girls in the office had set up. I’d been on these dinner cruises before, with their dry chicken and hard rolls, but all I could say this time was that the chef outdid himself. The food wasn’t just good; it was excellent. I don’t think I’d ever had salmon that delicious, and Michael’s steak was like butter. The comedian had us all in stitches, and let’s not forget the DJ, who was off the chain and had me dancing up a storm.

I was sure there would be a lot of talk at work come Monday morning about how the boss went wild. Most of my staff was probably still in shock, because I never showed that side of myself around the office. I was out on the dance floor, doing the Electric Slide and the Macarena—and I know I took everyone by surprise when I started dirty dancing with Michael. When I was with Leon and we went out, I was usually rather reserved. Michael brought out a confidence and freedom in me that had been missing for quite some time.

Speaking of something I hadn’t had in quite some time, I’d finally made love to Michael, after a month and a half of holding out. All I can say is he put it on me last night. I hadn’t had sex like that in a long, long time, and the orgasms came one after another in waves that reached from the top of my head to the bottom
of my feet. He’d done things to me I hadn’t thought possible with a woman my size. I don’t know where he got his formal training, but he sure knew his way around a woman’s body.

The only real question was, could he do it again? Well, I was about to find out. I kissed his exposed shoulder, then made my way up to his ear, blowing in it lightly.

“Mmm, hey, beautiful.” Michael turned over and kissed me.

“Hey yourself, handsome.” I kissed him back, reaching down between his legs to take hold of his penis and massage it gently. I loved the way it felt as it grew in my hand.

“You trying to tell me something?”

I shook my head and grinned. “Not you, but him.” I tightened my grip on his now fully erect penis.

He kissed my neck as he laughed. “I see. Well, I guess that’s a good thing, since he seems to be controlling everything when I’m around you.”

“You know what they say—all men think with their dicks.” I purred when he nibbled on my earlobe.

“Is that right? Is that what they say?” He gently rolled me on my back.

“Uh-huh, that’s what they say.” His lips had moved their way back to my neck. My body felt like it was on fire. “So, baby, right… right now … I need you to be a genius.”

“Well, in that case, let me introduce you to my dick.” He mounted me. “Loraine Farrow, I’d like you to meet my friend Albert. Albert Einstein.” He slid himself inside me. It felt like a perfect fit, like we were made for each other.

“Michael, I think Albert and I are going to be friends for a long time.”

“I sure hope so.” He kissed me, and we made sweet love until we were both spent, falling asleep in each other’s arms.

   A few hours later, I woke up feeling contented, not to mention worn out. I got out of bed and slipped on my satin nightgown, careful not to disturb Michael’s sleep. I wanted to make him breakfast in bed as a reward for a job well done.

As I put on my slippers, I looked out the window and caught a glimpse of something very disturbing across the street. It was
Leon’s car. He had the driver’s side window down, and I could see the frown on his face plain as day. He wasn’t a happy camper, most likely because he’d seen Michael’s car in the driveway. What the hell was he doing here anyway? And how long had he been sitting outside?

Jesus Christ, can I have one decent day without the weight of the world falling on my shoulders?

I turned back to the bed, where Michael was sleeping. I wondered if I should wake him and tell him about Leon but decided to let him sleep. Leon was my problem.

I picked up my cell phone and walked down the hall to my home office. I sat on the love seat near the front window, where I could see out but couldn’t be seen. I dialed Leon’s number. I wanted to deal with the situation personally, but I didn’t want to deal with it face–to-face.

I didn’t even give him a chance to say hello. As soon as I heard the call connect, I said, “What the hell are you doing across the street from my house?” I didn’t realize I was so angry until I started to talk.

“Just sitting here. Was that you or that guy I saw peeking out the window?” He didn’t sound angry like the last time when he ran up on me and Michael. This time, he sounded like a lost soul.

“Leon, how long have you been out there?”

“I don’t know. A couple hours maybe.”

“What do you want?” I was trying not to blow up at him again.

“I wanted to ask you a favor.” I didn’t say anything. I just listened. “I wanted to know if you’d come to therapy with me tomorrow. Please, Loraine.”

“I’m sorry, Leon. I can’t do that.”

“Why? I’m not asking you to be with me. I’m just asking you to go to therapy with me. I’m doing good, Loraine. You can ask the doctor.”

“I’m sorry, but you’re not my problem anymore. You need to go home.”

“This is my home, Loraine. At least it used to be.”

Have you ever felt sorry for someone you knew you shouldn’t
feel sorry for? Well, that’s how I felt talking to Leon. He sounded so pitiful, and as much as I didn’t want to care, I couldn’t help it.

“Well, then go to LaKeisha’s house. She loves you. Why don’t you give her a chance?”

“Loraine, I don’t even know who that woman is.”

I couldn’t believe he was still denying it. Well, that was enough to make me stop feeling sorry for him. “You know what, Leon? My man is calling me back to bed, and I’m sick of your lies. If I were you, I’d be gone before he comes downstairs.” I hung up the phone.

It was Easter eve, and everyone in the house was asleep when I sneaked into Rashad’s home office to use the computer. The only reason I was doing it so late at night was because my mother was in town, and she’d been hovering over me like a swarm of bees at a picnic. I needed to use the computer, because I’d been approved for an apartment in Petersburg, and the landlord was e-mailing me the lease.

Rashad still hadn’t said a word to me about my proposal to start a second family. The good news was that neither had Egypt, so I assumed it was still our little secret and that I should go ahead with my plans. Although we hadn’t spoken about it, I was sure he would take me up on the offer, because he hadn’t tried to distance himself from me like he’d done in the past. On the contrary, he’d actually been friendlier, or maybe more forward was the proper way to put it. As a matter of fact, Egypt couldn’t make it to one of our Lamaze classes, and during that session, Rashad was touching and feeling on me in ways I know Egypt wouldn’t have appreciated. I never said a word, because I was sure he was just testing the waters—the same way I was testing the waters when I left an apartment listing on his office chair last night. It was only a matter of time before I’d be in Petersburg and he’d be making daily visits.

Feeling content after I printed out two copies of the lease, I walked back to my room. I’d just made it there when all of a sudden, I felt a gush of warm water run down my legs.

My first thought was, Oh my God. I peed on myself.

I ran to the bathroom. When I sat on the toilet, I was shocked
to see blood in my panties. “Oh, shit. I think my water broke,” I said aloud.

A wave of fear took over me for a few seconds. This was really happening. Suddenly, I felt a tightness that rippled from my back to my navel. I braced myself for some serious pain, but it never came.

“Aw, this is a cinch. That little cramp ain’t nothing. I’m going to get through this labor easily.”

As soon as the little wave of pain passed, I opened the bathroom door and shouted out, “Rashad, come here! I think my water broke! Rashad!”

I could hear Egypt and Rashad scuffling around in their bedroom, and then they both ran to the bathroom in their robes, followed by my mother and father. I sat there with my panties pulled down, still sitting on the toilet, pointing to the blood.

“Let’s get ready to go,” Egypt said.

“Hold on.” My mother took control of the situation. “How far apart are your contractions?”

“I don’t know. I only had one, I think.”

“Well, we better time them. You got a long way to go before this baby comes, Isis. This is just the beginning. How about if you take a shower, because it’s going to be a long night.”

I didn’t like the sound of that. The whole time I was pregnant, I was so focused on what would happen after the baby was born that I never gave any serious thought to the actual delivery. Now the moment had come, and I was not looking forward to the hard work that my mother was predicting.

   By three in the morning, the contractions were coming eight minutes apart, and Dr. Collins told us to get to the hospital. Although this was my first baby, they wanted to be on the safe side because of my weight.

It was still dark outside when we left for the hospital. At Egypt’s insistence, we had already done a dry run, so we knew exactly to the minute how long it would take to drive there. Rashad helped me to the car, and Egypt had to lug the heavy-ass suitcase that she’d packed for me. I loved every minute of the attention I was getting, until we got to the car and Egypt jumped
in the front seat next to Rashad. If I wasn’t so uncomfortable from the contractions, I would have put up a fight. Instead, I just lay against my father in the back seat.

I started having harder contractions on the drive. I was moaning so loudly it drowned out the sound of the radio.

“Breathe, Isis,” Egypt ordered from the front seat. “Concentrate on breathing.”

I felt like reaching around the headrest and choking her ass to death. How the hell was I supposed to concentrate on breathing when the only thing I could think of was the godforsaken pain I was in?

“I’m trying.” I panted between the sharp pains.

When we arrived at the hospital, they rolled me to the labor and delivery room right away.

Egypt turned to Rashad. “I’ve got this, baby. You can go sit in the waiting room with the other fathers.”

“You’re kidding, right?” Rashad asked firmly. “Fathers don’t sit in waiting rooms anymore. You think I took those Lamaze classes for my health? I’m going to see my baby be born.”

“Rashad,” she whined. I wanted to punch her in the face right about now. How could she deny Rashad the experience of seeing his own child being born? But I didn’t have to put my two cents in, because Rashad handled it on his own.

“I’m not going to argue with you, Egypt. I’m going to be in that delivery room. You coming or staying here with your parents?”

Although I was in pain, I felt like cheering him on. Egypt was always trying to control everybody around her, just like my mother. It was about time he put her in her place. I was relieved, too, because as the pain got worse, I was starting to get scared, and I was glad he would be there with me through the whole thing.

Egypt said, “Okay, baby, I’m coming,” to Rashad, but she looked crushed.

They both got suited up in cloth scrubs and masks. Everything happened in a blur after that. They put a monitor on me, and my contractions started coming faster and faster. I think I heard them say I had dilated to five centimeters when I first got there, but now I was to seven.

I remember Rashad putting crushed ice cubes on my dry, parched lips, and I loved it. Oh, how I wished he was my husband at my side, but this was just as good. We could get married later on. Right now, I was about to have our first baby.

A nurse took care of me at first, but when I made it to about nine centimeters, they called Dr. Collins, who showed up within a matter of minutes. As the labor progressed, the pains became almost constant and more intense. It felt like one long, continuous contraction. The pain was worse than anything I could have ever imagined. I tried to take my mind off it by imagining my life with Rashad once Egypt was out of the picture, but it hurt so much I couldn’t even concentrate. It got so bad that I wanted to kick Rashad’s ass for getting me pregnant in the first place.

This labor went on for what seemed like forever, although later I found out it was only about four hours. I screamed, I hollered, I cursed out everyone in the room.

“Oh, hell naw,” I said when Dr. Collins tried to examine me for the hundredth time. “My coochie is on fire. Get away from me.”