Better Not Love Me (15 page)

Chapter 30

"Without a corporate backer, we're toast," Amelia said that evening back at her cabin. "Riddell provided the capital we needed to purchase merchandise. They covered marketing and distribution. Everything was run through them. If they pull out, all those stores will close and all those people will lose their jobs."

"And Riddell will end up ahead, even in bankruptcy," Nate said. "They've got an army of lawyers who will find a way to get back tax money or credits from the government even after they deliberately sink the company."

"You sound like you've done this before," Amelia said, cautiously, not wanting to offend Nate, but knowing it was likely true.

"It's just business, but yes."

Amelia wondered what it would be like to sit in a corner office and make decisions that would impact hundreds if not thousands of people who rely on the stores for their paychecks. Sure, these people worked retail, and when sales are down less people were needed, but still. She'd gotten to know many of the people in these stores over the years.  She traveled so often that some days she'd forget what city she was in. The Hilton hotel rooms all looked the same no matter the location. The rental cars were always standard sedans and every franchise store looked exactly the same. Plain. Boring. Sterile. But the people inside? They were different. Some of them actually understood what Edwin and Mary Klein wanted for their toy store. They wanted to inspire people and teach a new generation about learning and the fun of imagination and a simple gift. Those employees stood out in contrast to the cookie cutter stores.

"We had 47 stores open when I left, right?" Amelia asked.

"It was an even 50 when I took my leave," Nate said. "We just finalized the deals in Atlanta, Orlando and Richmond. Why do you ask?"

Amelia's place as the President of Mr. Z's Corp. had always been a ceremonial one. She would show up to the grand openings of the stores, cut a ribbon, and maybe talk to a business reporter about the new store. She told her story about Edwin, but it seemed to be less impactful each time. Time and place took all that away. The chain stores weren't what the flagship store in Spokane represented and no plaque on the wall telling about Edwin and Mary could make up for it.

Amelia wasn't allowed to make unilateral decisions about the other stores or the brand. She couldn't even direct the buyers on what merchandise to stock for the seasons. All of that was taken care of by someone else at Riddell. Oftentimes it was Nate she needed to gain approval from for a decision; but they had rarely talked so she became reliant on other employees at Riddell who would guide her to making savvy recommendations. She'd only present a decision to Nate after gathering information from other employees. That's the only way he'd listen. These interactions were always through email. Four years is a long time to learn though. Eventually she stopped asking for help and just went with her gut. Nate never noticed that she was doing it on her own, or at least he never mentioned it.

She hated being under his thumb because that meant she wielded no real power. She knew she was capable, but she'd never had the real chance to shine on her own. She again wondered what it would be like to be the one behind the big desk. What decisions would she make? She'd never say
it's just business
, that wasn't her style.

"I was just thinking about the employees," she said. "What happens to them when Barnes pulls the plug?"

"They're out of a job, I guess," Nate offered. "They liquidate the stores by selling off everything they can, all the way down to the fixtures, decorations and even the cash registers."

"This doesn't bother you?" Amelia asked, noting how business-as-usual Nate was acting about the whole thing.

"It's not my decision."

"That's lazy and you're not answering the question. Does it bother you to see something you built get destroyed?"

Nate didn't reply immediately. He took a sip from a bottle of water and seemed to be crafting a reply. She noticed that he did that when he was stumped. She imagined it came from years of navigating the politics of a boardroom.

"I don't see that I built any of those stores," he said. "Sure, I was a part of the process, but I was working on a dozen other businesses too. Each of the company leaders, either presidents like you or Chief Operating Officers or CEOs, reported up to me on behalf of Riddell. I wasn't in on every decision because I couldn't be. I was just skin deep in all of the companies, so it's difficult for me to take any ownership in their individual performances, even when you add up all columns in the spreadsheet."

"These stores are more than just assets, they mean something. They are a living thing, not columns in a spreadsheet. Do you know how incredibly cold that sounds?" Amelia asked with a soft tone, stroking his arm. She was trying to show him affection, even if she wasn't feeling it at the moment.

"Yes I do, and that's why your words were so powerful to me when you left Mr. Z's. It made me reevaluate what was important to me. That's why I left soon after."

"So if you had it to do all over again would you make the same decisions? Would you serve the almighty dollar above all else?"

"Well, I can't change the past."

"I know, but humor me," Amelia urged.

"I would do things differently. Yes."

"That's what I wanted to hear," she said. She couldn't hide the coy smile that crossed her face.

"Why do I get the feeling that you're up to something," he cocked his head in curiosity.

"You know, you're more than just a pretty face, right?" she said, giving him a kiss on the cheek.   

"Aren't you a tease?" he said playfully.

"There's something I'd like to show you tomorrow. It's something I think you need to see. It might just change your mind about things being
just business
," Amelia said. "Can we leave around ten?"

Nate's eyes quickly sank to the ground, but immediately returned to Amelia's gaze.

"I've actually got to take Chloe into Spokane tomorrow. She's got another check-up," his words were deliberate and choppy.

"That'll work out great then, because Spokane is where we need to go."

"Oh, sounds good then," Nate replied cautiously.

As the words left his mouth, Amelia got the strangest feeling. Something about his reaction was off. He was hiding something from her.

* * *

Later that night, Nate was alone in his room. He took a big drink of water from a tall glass to wash down the pills the doctor had prescribed him. He didn’t like taking the pills. Heck, he didn’t even know if they were doing him any good, but he downed them anyway. He knew better than to mess with his regimen of medication. That's one thing the cancer doctors didn't allow—no deviation from protocol, even when you felt fine. Unfortunately Nate did not feel fine. He was weak and got dizzy easily. The tests said he was anemic again. This wasn't the stable recovery he was supposed it have.

He hated lying to Amelia and he wasn't sure how he would be able to get away with it either, not after her sudden announcement about their plans for tomorrow. He loved that she was spontaneous and up for anything, but her adventurous spirit was about to catch up to him.

She wouldn't want to be involved with a sick man, so he decided it was best to keep it from her. His medical troubles would go away one way or another and after a while he wouldn't have to worry anyone anymore. But he didn't want to think about that time yet.

He felt awful for hiding his illness from Amelia, but he didn’t want her to be out of his life. He wanted to make the most of his days. If at some point he needed to let her go—so he wouldn't burden her—he would do it. It was the only fair thing to do.

So tomorrow he'd have to find a way to visit the oncology doctor without Amelia knowing. He'd have to involve Chloe again and she wouldn't be happy about it. Not one bit.

Chapter 31

Amelia pulled the car into the lot of the Annex, thankful that the 45-minute car ride from the cabin to Spokane was finally over. Nate fidgeted in his seat. It was easy to see he was on edge. Maybe because she hadn't told him where they were going? Or maybe she was kidding herself and he was hiding something from her. She cared about him. Was it love and she was already blind to his actions? How would she even know? She wouldn't be fooled again into caring for a man who wouldn't give her that same care in return. That much she knew for sure. These thoughts danced through her head, but she put aside her divided feelings for Nate and glanced toward the backseat to face another challenge.

Amelia had decided to take Marcus along for the trip. Partly to keep an eye on him, but also because she thought it would be good for him to see what she was about to show Nate. Marcus didn’t see it that way. He moped and complained. The heavy metal music blaring from his ear buds was loud enough to hear outside the car. Her repeated requests to have the volume lowered were completely ignored.

And then there was Chloe. The girl decided to paint her nails inside the car during the drive, which was probably the most teenage thing she could do. Amelia had seen Chloe and Nate arguing before they left. Nate didn’t share what they were talking about, but given the toxic smell in the car, she guessed the situation remained unsettled. She wasn't going to get into their relationship, but something was awry there too.

Maybe the girl just didn't like going to the doctor? That's what Nate said they needed to do later this afternoon. Amelia hoped that when the time came, years from now, that Susanna would avoid this particular stage of rebellion and skip right into maturity. She doubted it would happen, but she prayed it might.

The four of them piled out of the car, escaping the nail polish smell left trapped inside. They convened at the rear bumper of the car.

"Why are we
here
," Chloe said, looking at the dilapidated homeless shelter before them.

Because I have a chance to save Mr. Z's, Amelia thought, and it all starts at this dump and convincing your father to care about it. 

* * *

They surveyed the building and Amelia had to admit, it wasn't much to look at. The Annex was a faith-based transitional housing complex east of downtown Spokane. It was essentially a homeless shelter families could use together while they were seeking permanent housing and get back on their feet. St. Mark's Church, which ran the place, wasn't well-off and thus didn't have the funds to improve the building and its saggy roof, peeling exterior paint or cracked windows. Church patrons were more likely to be residents of the Annex, rather than donors to its cause.

A middle-aged man and woman emerged from the double metal doors that served as an entrance and walked toward the group.

Amelia couldn’t wait. She beamed a smile, bounded toward the couple and wrapped her arms around both of them.

"Pastor Isakson. Lori. It's so good to see you again!" she exclaimed, after releasing them from her embrace.

"It's good to see you too, Amelia," Pastor John Isakson said. "It's been too long."

"I know, I know. I'm sorry."

"No matter," Lori said. "You're here now and just in time. Who did you bring with you?"

Amelia introduced Nate as her
friend
with no elaboration whatsoever, but she could tell by the smile on Lori's face that the relationship she was having with the man wasn't much of a secret. Nate introduced Chloe. Then the attention turned to Marcus.

"You don't have to tell me who this guy is," Pastor Isakson said, giving Marcus a playful punch to the gut. "You're quite a bit bigger than I recall. I have to admit it. You're a full grown man now, nearly as tall as I am." 

Marcus stood a bit taller than he had been previously and gave the pastor a sheepish grin. It made Amelia smile.

Marcus and Pastor Isakson had a unique relationship that started after Edwin died and the funeral was held at St. Mark's. The pastor had made it a point to spend time with Marcus over the months that followed. The conversations allowed Marcus to discuss his feelings, although he didn't share much. Just having the pastor there and active in Marcus' life was comforting to Amelia and she felt bad that they had lost touch over the last few years. Maybe if Marcus had a stronger spiritual guide, he wouldn't be such a handful.

Amelia turned to Lori.

"You said we were just in time," Amelia said. "Just in time for what?"

"Let me show you," Lori said as she waved for them to follow her back to the building.

The heavy metal doors creaked as they opened and the group walked in. Before them was a hallway that ran the length of the building. Dim overhead lights provided the only illumination. Despite being a bright summer day, no light penetrated the space as there were no windows for it to stream through. A little girl sat on her brother's lap on the concrete floor of the hall as he read her a story from a board book. She playfully tapped the pages as he read. They looked happy, but very much alone in the big hallway. The girl's clothes were too small and there were holes in the boy's shoes. Amelia avoided eye contact as they walked past and felt ashamed for it.

The sounds of children playing and wooden chairs scraping on hard floors echoed around them as Lori led the group to an empty room in the back of the building.

The room was the size of an elementary school classroom. The floors were bare cement while the walls were irregular wood panels that bowed out from the studs. Every 12 feet or so, a floor-to-ceiling two-by-four was attached to the walls. Between the boards were different paint colors in several shades of beige. Boards covered the large windows from the outside, so like the hallway, the room had no natural light.

"This is our new nursery," Lori said, with a smile.

"No way," Chloe said. "This is disgusting."

"Chloe!" Nate snapped.

"What? It is," she said. "Who would want to live here?"

Lori held up her hand to ease the tension.

"It's OK," Lori said. "She's right. Nobody would choose to live here."

Lori took Chloe by the hand and walked her to one of the two-by-fours attached to the wall.

"Chloe, can you stand here?" she asked. "And Marcus, can you stand over there at the other board?"

Marcus walked over to the wall parallel to Chloe a dozen feet away. Lori then positioned Nate and Amelia in the middle of the room so the four of them formed a rectangle toward the middle of the space which represented walls that had been removed.

"You four are standing in my house," she said. "For two years I lived in that exact space with my son Derek and daughter Avery. Six other families lived in the spaces next to us, in rooms the same size. We had lost everything and had no place to turn until the Annex took us in. It was not fun and, like I said, I would not have chosen to live here, but I didn't have any other options. Yes, I was embarrassed and hurt by living here, but the church helped me find training for a job. They gave me clothes so I could interview. And above everything else they helped keep my family together when we could have easily been ripped apart."

"You also met me," Pastor Isakson said. "Don't leave out that part."

"Oh, yeah, that," Lori replied with a chuckle, intertwining her hands with his.

"I met my husband too, so I've got quite an affinity for this place, even if I would have preferred to have never needed to live here."

Amelia admired Lori and thought of Derek at Mr. Z's. Neither Derek nor Lori had ever forgotten where they had come from and how they were helped. Derek wanted to pay back the kindness of the Kleins by helping keep Mr. Z's in business. Meanwhile Lori returned to the Annex as its director to ensure that other families got the help they needed.

"I know it's not much, but we're doing the best we can for these folks," she said.

"How many people live here?" Nate asked.

"Right now we have 14 families, but 67 residents total," Pastor Isakson replied. "Of that 67, eight of them are babies which, as you probably know, aren't very quiet. We've been wanting to convert one of the rooms into a nursery for some time, but we needed to save up funding for the renovations. Thanks to the donations from Mr. Z's we were able to begin demolition on this space last month."

"So, if you are all up for it, we were hoping you could give us a hand painting today," Lori said.

How could she say no, Amelia thought? The group nodded in agreement.

Lori asked Chloe and Marcus to help her bring in the paint, rollers and pans. Pastor Isakson excused himself too, needing to attend to one of the residents, which left Nate and Amelia alone in the drab room.

"Donations from Mr. Z's?" Nate asked. "I thought I vetoed that program."

"You did."

"Then where did the money come from?"

She ignored the question and readied herself to deliver the speech she'd been rehearsing in her head all morning.

"The reason Mr. Z's Toys is beloved in the hearts and minds of so many people is because of giving," she said. "Each year the Spokane Mr. Z's gives away hundreds of presents to children in need. It's mostly around Christmastime. What I found over the years is that the more we donate, the higher our sales are. There isn't a lot of fanfare that follows the donations, but people know where they come from and they appreciate it. Customers return to the store, even if we aren't as cheap as the big box stores. They come back because it makes them feel good and there's nothing wrong with that."

"Toys are one thing, but we're talking about giving company money to a homeless shelter. What's the connection?"

"Yes, a homeless shelter that used to be the home of our store manager Derek," she said. "You see, the program that you vetoed would have allowed employees of each store to take a portion of the location's proceeds and donate them to a charity they selected. That sort of goodwill is contagious and could only benefit the locations by keeping employees engaged and even more willing to please customers. And, in the end, sell more toys."

"So where did the money come from if it didn't come from the store's proceeds?" Nate asked.

"It doesn't matter. The point is that giving is at the heart of Mr. Z's and if the stores are going to be successful, then they need to keep that at the forefront."

"So your business plan is to give away more things?"

"Because that kindness is returned to us. I've seen it happen each year," she said. "It's not some crazy thing. It works for us."

"And you donated your own money to the Annex after I vetoed the idea."

She reluctantly nodded yes.

"Like I said, it doesn't matter where the money came from," she said. "The Mr. Z's I envision is successful because of its good deeds at all the stores and keeping our employees happy and engaged. It's more than being a good corporate citizen. Doing the right thing is a solid business plan. You'll see."

"You sound like you've got this all worked out," Nate said.

"I wish I could say that I did. I can't do this alone, Nate. And I don't want to."

They kissed and Amelia wanted to feel something, but it seem as though Nate was a million miles away.