Betrayed (The Worshipped Series Book 2) (29 page)

Yep I think I am. My chest feels like it’s on fire. I can’t catch my breath. My vision starts to blur. I bend down and place my hands on my knees. I have to get control. I can’t let all this shit take over and control me. I have to fight back. I clear my thoughts, letting my darker side take hold over the good that is trying so hard to take over. I think of the last person I had to kill and as bad as that makes me, calm comes over me. The guy at Roderick’s warehouse. Yeah the guy I shot. I see myself strong and focused at the obstacle in my way. I see myself pull the trigger on my gun and as if in slow motion, I watch the bullet leave the barrel of the gun and slowly makes it way to the unknown man. I watch as the bullet as goes into his head. Blood splatters as his head falls back. His eyes roll into the back of his head and as he takes a final breath, I get control of mine. 

I stand up straight and I can breathe easily now. My darkness covers me entirely as if embracing me again like a long lost friend. I accept it, and I know what I have to do now. The one thing that stands in my way of being who I truly am is back in that cabin. Waiting for me to return. I have to get rid of this problem. I have to rid myself of the one person who can change me and make me into a person I know I can’t be. My darkness won’t allow it. My dark side now sees it is a mistake to be with her. I like who I am now, and I am now who I really am on the inside. The people who beg for mercy but I don’t give it to them before I kill them or torture them. This is me. This is the real Jason. 

I make my way back to the cabin with one goal set in mind. 

I have to kill Karen. 

I have to kill her before she kills this side of me. 

 I only know darkness now. I see nothing as the dark side of me that I have tried for so long to overcome, takes over completely. I feel nothing as it consumes me. I see nothing but the woman who holds the key to breaking me. To the woman that could very well help take the darkness away. I can’t allow that to happen. My darkness won’t allow that to happen. I sneer in disgust just thinking about how much she had tried to change what I am. Who I am. I only have one purpose right now as I walk back to the cabin. The darkness is controlling me. I can do nothing but watch as the good side of myself screams for me to stop. 

I’m freaking out about Jason. He has been gone for a long time now. I keep checking outside to see if I can see him walking back from the beach. I watched him walk that way, but I don’t know if he went somewhere else or not. I can feel something is wrong. I don’t know what happened really. I just have this gut feeling he needs me. I walk away from the window and sit back down on the couch. I have been at this for over three hours. The sun is starting to set and I decide if he’s not back within the hour I will go look for him. God forbid he fell into the ocean and drowned or something. Maybe that is my fears trying to resurface and take over, but there is a reason why I am worrying so much. I might not know the why yet, but I always trust my instincts. Well most of the time. 

I know I brought all that has happened recently on myself. If I had listened to my gut instinct when first meeting Jason I wouldn’t be here. If I had stayed away from him afterward, I wouldn’t be here. If I hadn’t pushed him earlier I wouldn’t be here. 

I couldn’t help it. It was as if some other force was driving me to say and do the things I did with him. But when I saw him holding that damn chain just waiting to trap me again, I lost it. I didn’t want to be tied down anymore. I didn’t want him to think that was his only option. A part of me thinks now, maybe I should’ve just let him have his way. But the other part of myself, knows I need to get through to him. He needs to see that keeping me locked up isn’t the way. I want him to trust me. Hell I have a chance still, to run, but I haven’t thought twice about it. I don’t know if it’s because I am so worried about him or if I want to be here when he returns just so he sees I am true to my word. Maybe this is what he needs from me and I want to show him he can let me in. 

I try to calm my nerves. I get up again and walk over to the window hoping I will see him walking back. I have to know he is alright. The way he left sent off alarms in my head. He is so locked up inside himself and I am scared he will lose control. That damn dark side of his is bound to come out and I hope no one caught the wrong side of him. I know he is dangerous. It’s stupid of me to think I of all people can change him or at least help him see he needs to change. But I have to at least try. I can’t just leave not knowing anymore. Too much has happened between us and I fear all of it will be for nothing if I can’t get through to him. 

I jump up and turn around to the door when I hear it open and crash against the frame. I sigh in relief when I see its Jason. He’s finally back.

“Jason! Thank God. I was starting to get really worried about you. Where have you been?”

I look at him and he seems alright physically. No blood covers him and no torn clothing. But something isn’t right. His head is down, and he is tense. So tense that his hands are clenching by his side. His breathing is slow and I sense he isn’t in his right mind. And everything I am feeling and was feeling before confirms it when he raises his head and looks at me. 

His eyes … oh God his eyes are fully black with rage. And that rage is staring right at me, or through me. It’s the same look he had when he attacked Frankie. The same look he had when he killed that man I bummed a ride off of when he first took me. I start to back away from him. The monster inside of him is out. It’s broken free and I start to panic. Why is he slowly making his way towards me? Oh God, what is he going to do?

“Jason.” I say very smoothly hoping my voice will bring him back. Like before. But he doesn’t stop. I keep moving back, trying to keep a distance between us in case I need to make a run for it. 

“Jason. It’s me, it’s Karen. Come on Jason. Come back to me.” I say over and over. I have to get through to him. I have to make him see me. I have to make him fight within himself. I know this isn’t the real Jason. He has been doing so good keeping the darker side away. I don’t know what happened on the beach, but it had to been something big. Something he couldn’t control anymore and he let the darkness take over. I don’t know which hurts me the most. The fact that he ignored me and left instead of talking to me, or the fact that he turned into the worst part of himself imaginable just so he wouldn’t have to deal. 

“Jason please … don’t do this.” I hold out my hands trying to show him I won’t fight him. I want him to see how defenseless I am against him. I know I can get through to him. Like before. I can do it again. 

“Fuck,” I say to myself when I hit the wall. Nowhere to go now. I am cornered and fuck he knows it. I scan the room trying to figure out how to get myself out of this situation. But I don’t see any hope left for me. Jason is a big man. His shoulders are wide and, even if I tried to run around him, he would be able to grab me with no problem. 

He tilts his head looking at me. His eyes are so dark and lifeless right now. That’s what scares me the most. It’s that look that I know Jason isn’t there. He never says a word as he closes the distance between us. I don’t even know his hand is around my throat. It happens so quickly that it doesn’t register to my brain until I cannot breathe anymore. I use my hands to try and pull him off of me, but that only tightens his hold. 

I’m going to die. And it will be by his hand. My savior will become the deliverer of my death. 

My lungs burn as I fight to get air.  I have to find a way to make him let go. But my mind is starting to get fuzzy from the lack of oxygen. My eyes swell with unshed tears. I try to call out to him. I try to do something, anything to get him to see me. I try slapping his forearm. I try kicking him. I try just about everything I know to do. Nothing is working. 

Right as I know I am about to die I suddenly remember his shoulder wound. With the last of my energy, I reach up and stick my fingers in it. I hear the stitches tear and I can feel my fingers entering his flesh. He lets out a loud howl and he drops me. I fall to the floor like a rag doll being tossed around. I fight for air and I have to remind myself to breathe in and out slowly. 

The air burns as its going into my lungs and I start to cough. I hold my hand over my throat rubbing it hoping to relieve some of the pain. I look down at my hand and it’s covered in Jason’s blood. I start to shake, and I look up to see him coming after me again. He drops the hand that is holding his shoulder and he take three steps to me. I hold out my bloodied hand and I look him right in the lifeless eyes of his. 

“Ja ... son... Please ... stop.” I cough for a second or two and continue to beg for my life. Tears fill my eyes from the lack of oxygen. “Come ... back. Jason … Come back to me.” It burns to talk. I worry he has damaged my vocal cords. He leans down probably about to pick me up by the throat when I reach up to him and grab the side of his face. I make him look at me as I tell him, “Come back to me.” I barely hear myself say the words, but I see him blink a few times. He shakes his head back and forth, as if he is trying to clear his thoughts. 

I drop again onto the floor. I’m so tired. My vision is blurred, my throat is burning, and my heart is pounding in my ears. I can breathe a little easier but, I am just tired of fighting him. I look at him and he is up pacing now. When he turns back around I see that he is back. The darkness is gone for now. He immediately comes to my side. 

“Oh God Karen. What have I done?” His voice holds so much pain and regret. I don’t answer him. He can see what he did to me. He tries to help me up but I push him back. 

“Don’t fucking touch me,” I tell him. My tone of voice holds so much disgust for him. He did this to me. He almost fucking killed me. It’s going to take a lot more than a few I’m sorry’s to make up for what he did. 

“Karen, please. I ... I lost control. I...” He lets his head drop in defeat. He knows he screwed up big time. I don’t know if I can forgive him for this. 

He lifts his head and looks at me. I fight to keep my eyes open. I am just so exhausted now. From the emotional battle I went through with him being gone and now fighting for my life. I just want to sleep. I just want to sleep and forget this day ever happened. 

“At least let me get you off the floor and put you to bed. I promise I won’t hurt you.”

I nod my head thinking the bed will be a much better place to crash out in. And even though it is stupid of me to even let him near me, I give into him. He scoops me up like I am breakable. He is careful with me. It makes no sense to me how he can be a dangerous monster one second then the next, he’s my savior. Making sure I am carefully placed onto the bed. He pulls the cover over me. He places his hand on the side of my face and I know by grimace on his face he’s truly sorry for what he did. He moves to my neck where I know there will be bruises. I push his hands away from me, not wanting him to touch me any longer. I am assuming they are already starting to form by the look on his face. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. When he lets it out he opens his eyes and leans down to me. He is right in my face. 

“I never wanted this to happen. I can never tell you how sorry I am. I … fuck Karen, I never meant to hurt you. I know that’s not going to make you forgive me. I just don’t know what happened. These feelings you make me have, I don’t know what to do with them. You make me feel things that I never thought possible, and now, I have hurt you. You can hate me all you want. I don’t blame you for that. But you can’t hate me as much as I hate myself for doing this to you.” He kisses my forehead and walks away from me again. But this time I don’t try to go after him. This time I don’t worry if he will come back or not. This time, I let him leave. I want him to think about what happened. It might sound stupid of me, but I think this just might be the reason he changes. 

Yeah, only took him almost killing me for him to realize that.