Bent not Broken (75 page)

Collecting myself the best I could, I turned and cautiously placed the plates on the counter.

I should have known Nicholas would not let this go. As much as I hated him and would have liked to believe otherwise, he was an intelligent man and never easily deceived.

He was suddenly behind me, breathing down my neck as he looked over my shoulder. My hands visibly shook as I tried to tear the foil packets open and dump the salmon onto the plates. I went rigid when his fingers ran up the length of my arm, my chest quaking as I held down the sob forming within.

“Not ridiculous, Melanie.” His voiced oozed an unknown tenor, intrigued and searching, unlike anything I’d ever heard from him before, but more frightening than any threat he’d ever made. “Something’s different.” He swallowed, the sound loud against my ear. His words came rough and needy as he whispered into my jaw, the complete foulness of his being washing across my face, “And I like it.”

My fingers dug into the countertop as he ground himself against me, his mouth aggressive on the skin of my neck. I tried not to whimper as tears sprang to my eyes.

No.

I couldn’t let this happen. I had just promised Daniel I was his, that I would never allow myself to be touched by another man, and here I stood, enabling it, just like I’d done those nine, miserable years. But there was more.
I
didn’t want to be touched. I wanted to keep that promise I’d made to myself, not just because of Daniel, but because I deserved to be respected, to respect myself. I didn’t have to subject myself to this.

Though I was scared, the need to be free was so much greater than that fear. Somewhere within me, I found the same courage I’d found the night I’d successfully removed myself from Nicholas’s bed, because there was no way in hell I was going back to it.

I wrestled out of his grasp and he released me in his surprise. His eyes first widened, then narrowed as his anger flared.

I rounded my shoulders and turned back to him, praying I looked much more confident than I felt. Truly, I was terrified. My whole body rocked with the fear coursing through my veins. The pumping adrenaline was my only salvation.

Amazingly, my mouth spilled the words I’d dreamt of saying every day for the last nine years. “Don’t ever touch me again.”

Nicholas’s face twisted in fury, indignant at being defied for the second time. It became clear in his expression that I needed to get away. I turned on my heel to flee, but he wrapped his hand around my wrist and jerked me back, digging his fingers into my skin.

“Don’t forget who you belong to, Melanie.” His words were sharp, deep with implication.

I was tempted to end it all right there and tell him exactly who I
did
belong to, but I was certain that it would push him over the edge. Instead, I remained still, never backing down as his eyes bore into mine.

He squeezed harder, his hold becoming increasingly more painful, but I could see the uncertainty swirling in his thoughts. “I’ve had about enough of you.” He constricted his hold on my wrist, and I bit my lip to hold back the cry before he dropped my arm in frustration, glaring at me before turning and stalking from the room.

The breath I’d been holding escaped in a loud, audible gush, leaving me gasping. I braced myself on the counter for support, my knees weak and threatening to give way.

I did it.

He’d backed down, and I’d done it almost unscathed, all except for the throb in my wrist. I cradled it against my chest as I massaged it, fingering the band of red, swollen skin. It was definitely going to bruise.

Once my breathing returned to normal and my body began to relax, I realized I was exhausted—and starving. It seemed days since Daniel had come. So much had happened since then, so much had changed. I just wanted to eat and then curl up in bed so I could relive today.

I tore open the intact foil packet. Steam rose as I dumped its contents onto a plate. I added a healthy portion of salad, skipping the rice that sat overdone and dry on the stovetop. By second nature, I began to pack up the other serving but stopped myself. That wasn’t my job anymore. The bastard could fend for himself. I took my plate and left the kitchen, leaving the rest of the food on the counter. I just hoped he would get the message I was sending him.

****

I yawned as I lay my head against the pillow. My stomach was full and satisfied, my body pleasantly tired and seeking respite. I curled onto my side, burying my face in the sheets, breathing in Daniel’s scent mixed with mine. My muscles twitched as I relaxed and slowly drifted to sleep. Daniel’s face was the only thing I saw from behind closed eyes. I murmured, “Good night, Daniel. I love you,” into the darkness, certain now that he always sensed my distant thoughts and words.

My eyes darted open from my half-conscious state, jarred by the sudden buzzing coming from somewhere deep within the bed.

I had a text.

Frantically, I shuffled through the twisted sheets, searching for the offending object. I hadn’t called Katie today, so she was probably worried, and Katie worried translated to Katie being just a little bit pissed. The red, blinking light served as my guide, and I reached deep into the covers to grab the missing phone. I pressed the roller ball to retrieve the message.

Not Katie.

My stomach did a flip-flop and suddenly I felt like a teenage girl again, butterflies making an appearance for the first time in nine years. The sender was unknown and the message simply asked if I was there, but I knew it was Daniel.

He told me he missed me and loved me, that he couldn’t wait to see me again, and then he bid me goodnight. Knowing that tomorrow we didn’t have to wake to feel the same emptiness and hopelessness we’d felt for nine years, I knew it would be a very good night.

****

I was soaring.

I had awoken rested, refreshed, feeling loved and wanted. There had been a text patiently waiting for me when I woke, one sent hours before that wished me a good morning.

Yes it was.

I replied, telling him I couldn’t wait to see him again. I had no idea when that would be, but I knew we wouldn’t be able to stay apart for long. Carefully, I erased all of our messages, feeling a little guilty about doing so. Every single one of his words was precious to me, but I knew I was going to have to be cautious if I was going to pull off this ruse. My phone immediately vibrated and I grinned, expecting his reply. Instead, a snarky message from Katie illuminated the screen, demanding to know what was going on.

Crap.

That’s where Daniel had gotten my number.

I’d had every intention of calling her this morning, but she beat me to it. Instead of explaining myself on the phone, I asked her to meet me for lunch. Three hours later, I arrived at our favorite deli.

As I walked through the door, I found Katie already seated. Her eyes flooded with relief when she caught sight of me. It lasted only moments before a whole lot of curiosity washed it away. Apparently, Nicholas was not the only one who’d noticed the difference. I smiled as I crossed the white and black-checkered floor and slid into the red vinyl booth opposite her.

“Look at you.” She shook her head in disbelief, reaching both hands across the table to take one of mine. Then she muttered, “Unbelievable,” under her breath, making me uncertain whether she’d intended for me to hear it or not.

Our regular waitress greeted us, and we ordered our usual chicken salad and iced tea. The moment she walked away, Katie assaulted me with questions.

“What the hell happened? I’ve been freaking out all night! Did Daniel call you? I mean, obviously, look at you.” She waved her hand at me, exasperated, before continuing. “He called Shane and asked for your number and then asked to have a meeting with him.” She was nearly panting by the time she finished. To the casual onlooker, it would have appeared that she was upset with me, but I knew she was just dying to know what was going on. She did not like being kept in the dark.

“I was busy yesterday,” I spoke softly and slowly, communicating to her more by tone than with actual words. I watched as comprehension flickered in her features.

“So, he didn’t...just...call.”

I looked down and shook my head, redness working its way up my neck and onto my cheeks.

“Tell me everything.”

As I told her of what happened the day before, I was unable to keep myself from crying, once again, when I went into detail about how we’d been cheated out of the last nine years.

“That’s...awful.” Katie reached across the table to grab my hand with hers, gently squeezing. “See, I told you that you were his
more
.”

I nodded, this time without doubt.

“So?” Katie prodded, bouncing in her seat, impatient for me to get to the good part. She gaped as I described the most incredible day of my life. I thought I’d be embarrassed, but there was nothing embarrassing about what Daniel and I had shared.

“I’m so happy for you. All I’ve ever wanted is to see you happy, and I can
see
it. It was obvious when you walked through the door. I almost didn’t recognize you.”

She might not have recognized me, but I definitely did.

“So, what’s the plan?” She hesitated, lowering her voice. “I mean, what are you going to do about Nicholas? That asshole isn’t going to take it very well when he finds out you’re leaving him for another man.”

“Yeah, I know. Daniel was all set for me to leave with him yesterday, but I just couldn’t do it. Who knows what Nicholas would have done if he’d come home and found me gone. I need some time to think about the best way to get out of there.” I leaned in closer, hyperaware that the people around us could hear our conversation. “I feel terrible, but I misled Daniel. I told him we had to talk to Shane first and make sure it wouldn’t affect the building in any way. If I had told him the real reason, I know he would never have let me stay.”

“Oh, thank God, that’s what the meeting must be about. Shane’s been pissing his pants since Daniel called. He was convinced Daniel wanted to cancel.” She grimaced, stopping short. “Sorry, I didn’t mean it like that...you know we’d happily let the building go if it meant your freedom.”

I shook my head, dismissing her worry. The building was a really big deal, life changing for them. Of course they would be worried about it. “You guys have been there for me more than you could ever know, and I want the building to happen, too. Regardless of whether I stay in that house or not, I can’t see Nicholas letting that kind of money go.”

Katie took a bite of her salad, thinking about what I’d said. “Yeah, you’re probably right. I just don’t know what it’s gonna take for him to let you go. I don’t see him taking subtle hints. I mean, look what happened the last time you told him no. The guy’s a tyrant.”

I sighed, shifting uncomfortably. “It wasn’t the last time.” I pushed my sleeve up to reveal the very green and blue ring wrapping around my wrist.

“I’m going to kill that asshole,” she said, her voice a low rumble as she carefully inspected my wrist. “What led to this?”

I couldn’t contain the smug feeling I got when I described the altercation I’d had with Nicholas the previous evening. It’d left me feeling in control. Yeah, I’d been scared—really scared. But I’d won.

We ate in silence for a few minutes. Katie would pause every few moments, chewing more on her lip than on her food.

“What?” I asked. She was making me nervous.

She exhaled heavily, sitting back in her seat. “I just know this must be really hard on you.”

I looked at her, puzzled.

“The baby,” she clarified, “How do you feel about that whole situation?”

Oh.

How did I feel about the baby? Jealous? Yes. Scared? Yes. Sad? Very. Very, very sad. Truly, it was devastating. Every single insecurity I had was wrapped up in the fact that I couldn’t give Daniel a child. It was the reason that for nine years I had believed he didn’t want me. More than that,
I
wanted a child. I desperately wanted to be a mother. Yeah, they’d cut me open and removed the ability, but they couldn’t remove the ache, the need to hold, feed, and nurture. The pangs of envy I’d feel as I’d walk through a store and hear a child call mommy as if no one else in the world existed. The way she’d pick up that precious little person and ease his or her fears. The way she loved and coddled. I wanted to be her, and I would never be.

What troubled me most was the way Daniel felt about it. I’d never allowed myself to really consider how broken he was over Eva. It was as if when I lost the ability to become a parent, he did too. That scared me because he was actually going to be one, and I wasn’t sure he could handle it.

But if I put everything together, that question was easy to answer.

“I wish he was mine.”

****

After lunch, I sat in the office checking my e-mail when that welcomed tingle ran down my spine. My phone vibrated with a text, asking if it was clear.

Daniel was here. I bounced in excitement. Yep, officially fifteen again.

I skipped out of the office and raced to the front door, swinging it open the very moment he topped the stairs. As soon as the door closed behind him, he swept me into his arms and buried his face in my hair as he breathed me in, my heart thrumming in contentment.

“Hi,” I whispered into his chest.

“Hi.” He pressed his lips to the top of my head. “Look at us, sneaking around again.”

“We can’t win, can we?”

He pulled back, just enough so that I could see his gorgeous face, his hazel eyes brilliant and filled with fire, the sorrow of yesterday gone. “We already won, Melanie.”

He was right. Maybe the battle wasn’t over, but it was already won. We had each other, and that was the only thing that mattered.

“I can’t stay, but I had to see you.”

I squeezed him tighter. “No...stay with me.”

He groaned, lingering as he held my face and kissed me. “You have no idea how badly I want to take you up on that, but I have a meeting in a half hour that I can’t miss. Can you get away tomorrow night? I want to take you to dinner.”

“Like on a date?” I laughed at the absurdity of the whole situation.