Being Jamie Baker (17 page)

There’s nothing to be worried about, I promise.”

“That’s not what I mean,” he said, putting on his best dad face. “He’s still a seventeen-year-old boy.”

I laughed when I realized what he was talking about. “Don’t worry, Dad. If he doesn’t keep his hands to himself, I’ll just zap him.” I winked, and then I blew out the door before he could change his mind.

I was so giddy that I didn’t bother driving to Ryan’s house. I had no need to keep up appearances with him, and a car just wasn’t fast enough. And since this was the first time I’d made the effort to see him without him practically forcing me to, he was pleasantly stunned when he found me on his doorstep.

“Jamie! What are you doing here?”

“I have good news.”

Ryan responded immediately, with an excited puppylike quality. “You’re finally ready to promote me to boyfriend status?”

“Of course not.” I laughed. “Don’t be ridiculous.”

“You’re going to show me your eyes?”

“Nice try.”

He pouted for only a second, but then his face lit up again. “You learned how to fly?” That one was so unexpected it stopped my train of thought. “What?”

“Come on—that would be awesome and you know it.”

“Well, I am pretty amazing,” I teased, “but I doubt even I could ever defy gravity.” Ryan laughed as he pulled me into his house. He then immediately locked the door behind us like he was trying to keep me from escaping. “Okay, then,” he said cautiously. I think he wasn’t quite convinced yet that I was actually there. “So what is this really good news?”

“I came to let you know that you are no longer off limits.”

“Really!” Ryan’s eyebrows flew up with excited curiosity, and the next thing I knew, his arms were secure around my waist.

“Don’t get any bright ideas, Romeo. We’re still star-crossed lovers.” I peeled his hands off my hips and laughed when he frowned at the distance I put between us. “
I
am still completely off limits to
you
. I just meant that my dad has lifted the Ryan ban, and I’m now technically allowed to hang out with you.”

“Oh.”

I don’t think my news was as good for him as it was for me. He was pouting rather pathetically.

“I don’t have to lie anymore,” I said, trying to get the excitement back. “I have to admit, though, practice probably won’t be nearly as fun now. The sneaking around was kind of hot.” Ryan had no witty comeback this time. He just gave me one of those looks. The dangerous kind that turns my brain to mush and makes me agree to whatever he wants. “Whatever this mood you’re in is,” he said, taking a step closer to me, “I really like it.” I would never have admitted it to him, but I really did too. I was in a great mood, but I surprised even myself with my reply. “Well then, you’re going to love this,” I said, closing the distance between us for once. “Let’s go out.”

“What?” Ryan was so sure he’d heard me wrong that the look of shock didn’t come until after I’d repeated myself.

“Let’s go out,” I said again. “All we ever do together is practice. We never just hang out. Let’s forget my powers for once, and go see a movie or play minigolf or something.” Ryan actually staggered backward. If it weren’t for the fact that he was completely speechless and couldn’t close his gaping mouth, I would have thought he was trying to be funny. The fact that he was serious made it not just funny but hilarious. I couldn’t help my laughter. “If you’re not in the mood,” I teased, “maybe another time.”

I reached for the handle on the front door, and Ryan’s fingers fell on top of mine before I could twist it. “Are you asking me to take you on a date?” he asked, still staring very wide-eyed at me.

“If you call spending the evening with me having fun in a very platonic, strictly hands-off, absolutely-no-kissing-at-the-end-of-the-night kind of way a date, then yes. I believe that’s what I’m asking you to do. That is, if you don’t have anything better to do tonight. I do realize that this is Saturday night, and you are Ryan Miller.”

Ryan pulled my hand away from the door and said, “Actually, there’s this big party tonight and it would be a great chance for you to—”

I put my finger to Ryan’s lips. He was so surprised by my casual touch—unnecessary contact was usually his job—that his words caught in his throat.

“Not a chance,” I said. “I know all about Mike Driscoll’s party, and I am
not
going.” I removed my finger from his lips and he immediately started to argue, so I clamped my whole hand over his mouth. “No way,” I warned. “I understand if you need to be there—he’s your best friend and all.” Ryan nodded his head vigorously beneath my fingers. “But, practice or no practice, if I had to spend an entire evening with Mike, Becky and Paige, I’d probably kill someone. On purpose.” Ryan’s face fell at my statement and I felt myself starting to melt. So I took a page out of the Ryan Miller handbook and pouted. Pathetically.

I released a sigh that would have made even my father give me what I wanted. “It’s okay,” I said.

“We can go out some other time.”

I reluctantly pulled my hand away from Ryan, and he reached out—as I’d hoped he would—to stop me from leaving. “Mike does throw parties all the time,” he said hesitantly. “I’m sure he’ll understand if I miss just one.”

I smiled at my victory. But when Ryan matched my smile and brought my fingers back to his lips to kiss them, I blushed.

That was the last time I blushed that whole night, though. Ryan was the perfect “strictly platonic” gentleman. I admit he handled himself way better than I thought he could. He opened every door, refused to let me pay for anything, and didn’t lay a single finger on me all night. Absolutely no physical contact whatsoever, which is definitely not the norm for him.

He was so well behaved that it was almost disappointing. But then, the California State Railroad Museum isn’t exactly the most romantic place in the world. That’s right, for our first date Ryan took me to Old Sacramento, where we pulled taffy, panned for fools gold, and, you guessed it, toured the railroad museum.

Ah, Sacramento—the city of love…

All right, the horse drawn carriage ride past the capitol was pretty romantic. But even then Ryan made no attempt to touch me, much less kiss me. I think he looked at this date as some sort of test or maybe some kind of barrier he’d finally gotten over, and he didn’t want to lose any ground.

I didn’t mind having to settle for only kissing Ryan in my dreams afterward because that one night of normalcy was more than I could have asked for. I had such a great time—only Ryan Miller could make hanging at the train museum on a Saturday night cool—that I was sure my awesome, carefree mood was going to last forever.

I was wrong. My bubble burst the minute I got to school on Monday. Ryan was already there, and he was talking to Mike and Paige in the quad. I heard them from the parking lot, and yeah, I have superhearing, but after a few minutes anyone could have heard them from the parking lot. Well, heard Paige anyway.

It started out simple enough, with Paige in her sickeningly innocent—which never fools anyone—

voice, asking Ryan how his weekend was. “Missed you Saturday night.”

“Thanks. It’s always nice to be missed.”

Ha! That response was so Ryan. I don’t think Paige appreciated it like I did, though, and Mike clearly wasn’t happy with it. “I can’t believe you bailed on my party,” he grumbled.

“Sorry, dude, something important came up,” Ryan said, seeming unfazed by Mike’s anger. “I’ll make it up to you, though. I’ll see if I can talk Gene into letting us take the boat out to the lake this weekend.”

“I called you like fifty times. What was so important that you had to ditch your best friend?” Mike demanded.

“I was out with Jamie.”

I was surprised to hear Ryan get defensive, and I think Mike was too, because he quit pushing.

Paige, on the other hand…

“You weren’t home on Sunday either,” she said pointedly. “I was going to see if you wanted to do something.”

Ryan’s voice was almost too polite when he said, “Sorry I missed you. I was at my stepdad’s cabin all day Sunday. Another time though, I promise.”

That’s when Paige snapped her cap. It was quite shocking actually. Years of trying so desperately, and failing so miserably, caught up with her, and she simply couldn’t take it anymore. “Yeah, right,” she grumbled bitterly.

“What?” I could hear the confusion in Ryan’s voice as well as the hurt.

“I said, yeah, right!” she yelled. “That’s just your way of blowing me off again. Ryan, if you don’t want to go out with me, then just say so.”

There was silence for a moment and then Ryan said, “I’m sorry, Paige.” He was being sincere, but that wasn’t going to help him any. Not with Paige. “You’re a great friend, but I’m not really looking for anything else.”

“You mean just not from me! You’re not looking for anything else from
me
.” I could hear Ryan swallow a lump in his throat. The poor guy was probably sweating. “Yes,” he said calmly. “That’s what I mean.”

Individually, every gasp that followed Ryan’s confession was relatively quiet, but there were apparently enough people watching the spectacle that collectively the sound practically shook the walls.

Well, that and Paul Warren yelling, “Oh, snap!” loud enough to rattle my focused ears.

Paige was obviously too upset to speak, but Mike came to her defense. “That was harsh, dude.

What’s your problem?”

Ryan sighed. “She asked for the truth.”

I cold hear Paige sniffling, and then Ryan turned his voice to almost a whisper. “I’m sorry, Paige. I just don’t see anything ever working out between us.”

“You’ve never given us a chance!” Paige sobbed.

“What do you want from me, Paige? You’re just not the right girl for me.” Ryan said, trying to make his voice sound strong again.

“And the freak is?” Paige screamed. She sounded like she’d stopped crying now, and her voice was so full of anger that even I would have been afraid of her. “Oh, don’t deny it, Ryan! It’s so obvious it makes me sick! You like Jamie! The girl’s a freak! An ice queen! She’s not capable of having feelings! She’s just using you to hurt me and trying to make herself popular. Was that one kiss really worth giving up all your friends to try to hook up with some slut who will never care about you anyway?”

“Jamie’s not a freak—stop calling her that. And you’re not losing me as a friend, Paige. I’ve always been your friend. I’m still your friend. Why can’t I be Jamie’s friend too?”

“I don’t know, man. Paige has a point.”

I’d almost forgotten Mike was involved in this fight, but now, even though he wasn’t yelling, he seemed even angrier than before.

“What? What have I done that’s so bad?” Ryan finally sounded exasperated. “I said I was sorry I missed your party on Saturday.”

“The party on Saturday? Try everything for the last two or three weeks! Loner chick is rubbing off on you. You’re losing major points, bro.”

“Oh,
I’m
losing points? Becky won’t even look at you now.”

“At least I gave her a shot.”

“You didn’t give her a shot. You used her to get a little action, then dumped her the next day.”

“If Becky didn’t want a hook-up, then she shouldn’t have gone to the dance with me.” Paige suddenly exploded back into the conversation. “Who cares about Becky? This isn’t about Becky! It’s about
you
, Ryan. You’re changing, and it’s all because of that freak, Jamie Baker!”

“Can you blame me?” Ryan yelled. “All I ever get from you guys anymore is this crap!” There was a pause, and then Ryan let out an angry breath. “Forget this.” I’d never seen Ryan lose his temper before. Okay,
heard
Ryan lose his temper. I still hadn’t seen this because I was hiding in my car. Not that I’m a coward, but I seriously doubt my showing up just then would have made things better for anyone.

Suddenly Mike’s voice rang out. “Hey, Miller!”

There was a loud smack. The sound of fist hitting bone sent a chill through my heart, and I immediately got out of my car.

“You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do that. It’s good to finally have a reason,” Mike said, confirming my fears that Ryan had just been punched.

“It’s a good thing you did,” Ryan spat in the most menacing voice I’d ever heard. “It’s nice to know who my real friends are. Jamie may be antisocial, but at least she doesn’t pretend to be your friend to your face and then trash you when you leave the room.”

“Don’t worry. I won’t bother to wait till you’re gone anymore. Have fun in Loserville with Baker.

We’re done!”

The commotion ended. I could hear the crowd dispersing, and as people made their way to their classes, they were murmuring about the scene they’d just witnessed, all trying to decide who was right.

It sounded like the school was about to be split into two opposing forces. I already knew which side I was on, but as I made my way through the parking lot I was torn up inside. I was happy that Ryan had finally realized what Mike and Paige were really like, but I knew he was hurt, and I hated that. I loved that he’d defended me, and even chosen me over them, but I hated that I was the cause of his fight.

He’d done so much for me, and here I was tearing his happy little world down.

None of my happiness was worth Ryan’s pain and suffering. I was just like Paige. I could be every bit as mean as she was, and I wasn’t worthy of Ryan. I didn’t know what to do about it, but I knew that Ryan shouldn’t be alone right now, so I headed straight for the quad and prayed that Paige and Mike would be long gone before I got there. They were, and so was most of the school because first period was about to start, but Ryan was not alone. Becky beat me to him.

I froze when I saw them together. They made such a beautiful picture that I nearly cried. They weren’t saying anything, just hugging each other in an embrace so intimate it could have been a Hallmark card. Ryan was trembling—with anger or hurt, I couldn’t tell—and there were tears streaming down Becky’s face.

I wanted to be jealous, and I was, but not for the reason most girls would be. Their hug was one of old friends, comforting each other because they were hurting equally. I wasn’t jealous that Becky was hugging Ryan, I was jealous that she
could
. I couldn’t hold Ryan like that. I couldn’t be close to him.