Being Jamie Baker (20 page)

“No! No way! We’re never doing it again. I mean it—no more practicing!”

“But you have to keep trying.”

“Oh no I don’t! This isn’t football practice, okay? We’re messing with something neither of us understands, and if I screw up you
die
. You may not care, but I really don’t want to kill you, so we’re done. End of story.”

I was done having the discussion so I clenched my jaw and crossed my arms over my chest. Ryan, however, was far from finished arguing with me. “So you’re just going to give up?”

“That’s exactly what I’m going to do.”

“You’re going to give up on having a normal life? Give up on your own happiness?” Ryan paused a moment and then added in a surprisingly soft voice, “Give up on
us
? Am I really the only one who cares about that?”

His voice cut through my heart like a knife. I was hurting him again. I really hated doing that, but I didn’t have a choice, and he refused to understand that I was doing it for his own good. “Of course you’re not the only one who cares about us,” I admitted in as gentle a tone as I could. “I wish we could be together too. Probably more than you do. But we just can’t. Don’t you see that?”

“You really want to be with me? Really? Like the way I do? Like boyfriend and girlfriend?” Suddenly all of my concern for his feelings vanished. “Don’t act so surprised,” I groaned. “You’ve been saying all along that you knew I liked you.”

“Well, sure, I hoped, but I didn’t
know
. You’re very good at that whole acting detached thing.”

“Yeah, well, I’m not detached. Not in your case, anyway. Happy?” Ryan still looked like he didn’t quite believe me, so I sighed. “Ryan, I like you a lot more than I care to admit. I was a lost cause from the minute you told me the truth about your bet with Mike. I heard your conversation before you came up to me, you know. I knew what you were up to. I was ready to chew you up and spit you out, but somehow you completely worked me over. I’m still surprised that you managed it.”

He was truly shocked now. “You’ve liked me since the first time I talked to you?” I rolled my eyes, but I still turned red in the cheeks. “I would never have kissed you if I didn’t.”

“Then why are you always so…”

Ryan didn’t finish his sentence, but he didn’t need to. I knew what he was asking. “I didn’t want you to know how I felt. I figured if you knew, you would only get more…Ryan-ish.”

“Ryan-ish?” Ryan liked the sound of that. And worse, he liked how annoyed I suddenly was.

“Yes,” I grumbled. “And when you start acting all Ryan-ish I can’t seem to say no to you. It gets worse every day! You get harder and harder to resist every time I see you.” Ryan’s confidence returned, and he had that stupid cocky smile on his face. It was very Ryan-ish, actually. “Well, if it’s so hard,” he said smugly, “then just stop resisting.”

“Aghhh! You don’t get it! I have to resist! No kiss, no matter how good it is, is worth killing you for. I’ve already lost one boyfriend. I am
not
going to lose another one! Do you understand me?” Ryan didn’t answer my question, but he was positively glowing. “You just called me your boyfriend!” he accused.

“I—” My mouth dropped all the way to my lap. “I did not!”

“Yes you did! You said you weren’t going to lose another boyfriend, and that would be me—the other boyfriend you don’t want to lose.”

“But…I…I…”

“Ha! You said it, and you can’t take it back! You are
so
my girlfriend now!”

“I am not!”

“Are too!

“Am not!”

“So are too!”

“Aghhh!” I screamed again. “You are so impossible!”

When I screamed, I lost control for a second and let out a burst of energy that stalled the truck.

Ryan just grinned at me. He was lucky the car stopped right then, because I was contemplating knocking the stupid cocky smirk right off his face. Instead, I flung the door open.

“Bye, honey!” Ryan called playfully as I jumped out of the truck. “I’ll see you at school tomorrow!”

* * * * *

I was slamming the front door to my house shut not two seconds later. “Jamie?” My mother called nervously.

“Why are boys always so pigheaded?”

My mother’s worry was replaced with a laugh. “It’s just genetic, hon. What happened?” My mom was making cookies, and when I spied the open bag of chocolate chips on the counter I grabbed a spoonful of peanut butter. “Nothing. Ryan’s just delusional,” I explained, my annoyance quickly draining—peanut butter dipped in chocolate chips always makes me feel better. “He’s got this crazy idea in his head that he’s my boyfriend and won’t let me tell him otherwise.”

“Oh?” My mother was trying really hard to play it cool, but her voice cracked.

“Anyway, it doesn’t matter because he’s not.”

My mom turned on her mixer then, but she’d been so distracted by the thought of me having a boyfriend that she’d put too many cups of flour in the cookie dough, and the beaters jammed up tight in the thick goo. When they got stuck, the roar of the mixer morphed into a low hum.

Something clicked in my head, and I gasped. The noise from the woods. How could I have forgotten!

“Jamie?” My mother was now just staring at me, her face a mixture of surprise and concern.

I didn’t know what to say. Like I was going to tell her about Carter. If she knew he was back, the first thing she’d do was tell my dad, and then one of two things would happen. He’d either be in Folsom Prison by the end of the night for killing Carter, or he’d be there for murdering me when he found out I was having super practices with Ryan.

“Jamie?” My mom asked again. She was taking her apron off now.

“Sorry!” I blurted out. “I was just—” I reached up lightning fast and yanked off one of my earrings. “I lost one of my earrings,” I mumbled. “They’re my favorite.” My mom took a visible breath of relief but still gave me a sympathetic smile. “Oh, I just hate it when that happens. Remember the pearl stud I lost in Chicago the last time we went? I’m still irked about that.”

I nodded absently, telling myself that I wasn’t stupid for completely forgetting about Carter. I was justifiably preoccupied with having fried my boyfriend.

Not
my boyfriend! Ugh! Now he had me thinking it!

Anyway.

“I think I’m going to go look for it,” I said quickly. “I mean, if anyone can find it, it’s me, right?” My mom smiled proudly as I ran out the door. “While you’re at it, you should do a sweep of Chicago and find mine too!”

I actually got to Ryan’s house a minute before he did. He was clearly startled when he pulled up to the curb and saw me waiting on his porch. He jumped out of the truck and I bounded across the lawn to him at superspeed.

“Jamie?” Ryan asked when I stopped just short of his open arms. “What is it? What’s wrong? Are you hurt? Are your parents okay?”

“Ryan, that reporter that showed up here? He didn’t go home after you broke his nose. He knows my secret! He has proof!”

“What? How?”

“He was at the cabin today! I thought I saw him, but it was right after the lightning thing, and you were lying there unconscious so I didn’t go see, and then I completely forgot! And now it’s too late!

And he’s going to expose me! And now I’ve got you involved, and he’s going to ruin your life too!” The more I spoke, the more upset I became. But now that Ryan knew what was going on, he curbed his own anxiety. “Okay,” he said gently. “Okay. It’s okay. We’ll figure this out. But you need to calm down before you completely lose it.”

Ryan took a deep breath, prompting me to follow his lead. It took me several tries before I was able to really fill my lungs and exhale slowly. When I finally managed it Ryan reached out and asked,

“Am I gonna get fried?”

I shook my head. I was by no means calm, but I had a grip on the power. For the moment, anyway.

“Good.” Ryan pulled me into his arms and squeezed like there was no tomorrow, then said, “I hate not being able to do this when you’re upset.”

Okay, I would never ever in a million years say this out loud, but I’m sure I hated it much worse.

Having his arms around me was like magic. It worked to calm me down way better than any of his hippy breathing—no offense to his parents or anything.

Every muscle in my body relaxed, and I slumped against him with a sigh. “This doesn’t mean that I’m your girlfriend,” I mumbled, but unfortunately I was too comfortable to really sound like I meant it.

“Whatever you say.” He chuckled.

Great. Like I was ever going to convince him now.

We stood there a moment longer, and then Ryan got down to business. “So this guy…”

“Dave Carter.”

“Right, Carter. You saw him taking pictures? Filming us?”

“Well, I didn’t
see
him, exactly. But I know he was there.” Ryan’s concern turned into a patronizing smile. “I’m not paranoid!” I yelled before he had the chance to say anything. “You don’t know him like I do. The guy is completely insane! He used to follow me everywhere, and he would make up all these crazy stories. I had to
move
just to get away from him.

Trust me, he’s here.”

“All right,” Ryan relented, though he clearly thought that a year and a half of keeping secrets was causing me to suffer from paranoid delusions.

Whatever. He’s the deluded one, convincing himself that we’re a couple.

He grinned at me like he knew exactly what I was thinking, and then grabbed me by the hand.

“Come on,” he said, and then dragged me toward the house.

I stopped when we got to the porch. “What is that smell?”

Ryan sniffed his shirt and with a smile said, “Armani. You like it?”

“Not you,” I said. “It smells like someone is frying up dog vomit in your house.” This took Ryan by surprise. I guess it was pretty random. “You’re really sick sometimes, Baker,” Ryan said. “You know that?” He opened the front door and inhaled deeply. “Smells like lasagna to me.”

“That is not lasagna!” I whispered.

“Tofu lasagna,” he clarified, shrugging. “It’s good for you.” He laughed at the look on my face—

which was totally disgusted—and then called out, “Hey, Mom! I’m home! And I’ve brought you a surprise!”

The thought of meeting Ryan’s parents had never occurred to me. I was
so
not in the mood for that. I glared at Ryan, but that only ever seems to encourage him. He pulled me into the kitchen and said,

“Look who wants to join us for dinner!”

That dirty little…! I couldn’t even argue, because when his mom looked up, she was so utterly excited. The woman was absolutely tiny and had brown hair, but she was definitely Ryan’s mom. She had his same crystal blue eyes, and her entire face was lit up with the very smile that I can never say no to. It was so unfair!

“Smells delicious,” was all I could say.

“Jamie! I’m so glad to meet you!” she said, wiping her hands in order to shake mine. “Ryan has been talking about you for so long I feel as if you’re already part of the family.” I couldn’t find my voice to respond. I actually blushed! There was just something about her. Ryan may have got his attitude from his father, but his charm? That was all his mom.

Eventually I croaked out, “Nice to meet you, Mrs. Miller.”

“Oh, it’s Rosenthal now, Jamie,” she said, waving dismissively when I turned a deep red. “But please, Julie is fine.”

“Good news!” Ryan interrupted, throwing his arm around me. “We’re boyfriend and girlfriend now.”

I whipped my head his direction so fast it may have actually been superfast. I would have been concerned that his mom noticed, except I was too busy willing myself to develop Superman’s nifty heat vision so I could blow up Ryan’s big fat head. When it didn’t work I turned back to Mrs. Rosenthal and as calmly as possible said, “I’m not his girlfriend.”

“It was her idea,” Ryan argued. “She’s just having a bad day and taking it out on me.”

“You’re going to be the one having a bad day in a minute!” I snapped. I didn’t care that his mother was standing right there.

She didn’t seem to mind though. “You poor thing,” she said, scooting me gently over to a barstool.

“Why don’t you sit down and relax? I’ll make you something to help you feel better, and you can tell me all about yourself.”

I recognized the concoction she pulled from the cupboard and was actually looking forward to some of her magic tea, but Ryan pulled me up just as soon as I sat down. “We’ll be in my room,” he said, and then tugged me down the hall.

“What is the matter with you?” I hissed before he even had the door shut. “Are you
trying
to cause a power outage?”

I was surprised to see the smile gone from his face. He looked almost sad as he apologized. “I’m sorry, Jamie,” he said. He meant it too. “It’s just that you seemed really upset about this Carter guy, and my mom can smell stress like a dog smells fear. I had to distract you. If she knew you were really upset she never would have left us alone until she knew everything.” He shook his head and added, “If you think that reporter is nosy…”

You ever notice how Ryan always makes it impossible to stay mad at him? I
hate
that.

I stood there so completely chagrined that Ryan finally cracked a smile. He pulled me against his chest, which of course I couldn’t resist at that point, and whispered, “Forgive me?” against the side of my head.

“No,” I replied in the most pathetic pout ever, even as I was wrapping my arms around his waist.

“Thanks,” Ryan said, relieved. Then he kissed the top of my head and pulled his now trembling arms away from me. He shook off a shiver, smoothed down the strands of hair that were starting to stick up, and then clapped his hands together. “Okay,” he said, clearly getting back to the problem at hand.

“So, did you call this guy?”

“Oh, yeah, I keep his number in my speed dial, Ryan.”

Ryan was not deterred by my sarcasm. He sat down at his computer and clicked on the Internet.

“Well, did you look it up?” he asked. “You know where he works in Illinois, right? Did you call to see if he’s back there now?”

“No,” I answered grudgingly. “He works for the
Chicago Reporter
.” Ryan typed the name into the search engine and asked me, “Have you done
anything
to try to find him yet?”