Being Jamie Baker (27 page)

“How embarrassing.”

“She can’t help it.” I sighed. “She’s just been too worried about me for too long.”

“So, you were really…” Becky stopped when she was unable to say the word and changed her sentence. “It happened to you too?”

“Not exactly,” I admitted. “It was right after sophomore year ended. There was this festival, and my boyfriend suggested we—”

“Go someplace quiet?” Becky offered dryly, as if Mike had used those exact words.

I nodded. “So we could
talk
.”

“Us girls are so gullible, aren’t we?” Becky groaned. “What guy ever just wants to
talk
?” I laughed but then sighed. “Yeah, well, I bought it hook, line, and sinker. Derek and I had been together for about five months, and he had just graduated. He was going away to college in the fall, so I thought that’s what we were going to talk about.” I shrugged sheepishly and added, “We got lost in a cornfield for a while.”

“At least that’s kind of romantic.” Becky frowned. “Mike just took me back to his house and got into his dad’s liquor cabinet. I had a drink, but I was
not
drunk.” Becky’s voice turned harsh, and she started to cry again. “I told him to stop! I begged him. But he just kept telling me that it was okay and that I was so beautiful and to trust him.”

Suddenly there were tears in my eyes too. “I’m sorry.”

Becky shrugged, grateful for the sympathy even if it didn’t make the pain go away. As she batted away her tears, I decided to share my gory details too. “Derek and I were making out, and when he started getting too aggressive I said I wasn’t ready. He told me he loved me and that if I loved him too I’d do this for him. I felt bad so I started kissing him again. He was a lot more forceful the second time, and when he pushed me to the ground I got so scared.”

“What happened?” Becky asked after I’d stopped talking. My mind had drifted back to that night.

“I tried to fight him off. I kneed him pretty hard, and he got so mad that he hit me. Gave me my first black eye. It surprised him as much as it did me. He tried to apologize, but I screamed at him that it was over and took off running.”

“But at least people knew, right? I mean you were black-and-blue. At least he got in trouble, right?

I think that’s the worst part about it. Mike just got away with it. Even if I tell people what happened no one will believe me. It’s Mike. Everyone loves Mike. Even Paige and Tamika just assumed he played me, and they were supposed to be my best friends. Ryan’s the only person who would believe me, but I can’t tell him. Mike’s his best friend, and he’d probably kill him if he knew what he did.”

“I know exactly how you feel.”

Becky was surprised to hear this, and I tried to smile, but it didn’t quite work. “No one ever knew what happened to me either. We got in a car wreck on the way home from the cornfield that night. Both Derek and the truck driver that hit us were killed, and everyone just assumed my bruises were from the accident.”

“I’m sorry.”

I shook my head as if to tell her not to worry about it and continued on with the story. “Derek was like a god in our town. Ryan and Mike put together. He was headed to the University of Chicago on a football scholarship.”

I took a minute to get my emotions under control and then said, “I was the one behind the wheel. I was the only one who survived. There wasn’t a person in town that didn’t worship the ground Derek walked on, and everyone blamed me for his death. I walked around with that black eye for weeks and actually had to apologize to people when they talked about it.

“My parents eventually moved me here to get away from it all, but even they don’t know what really happened. How could I tell them? How could I tell anyone? What would be the point? He was dead.”

Becky had tears in her eyes because she felt bad for me, but I smiled because it felt good to finally tell someone the truth, especially someone who understood how I felt. “As you can see, moving here didn’t help all that much. At least not until Ryan came along.” I blushed when I said Ryan’s name. I wanted to kick myself for doing it, but I’m pathetically hung on that kid. “Ryan’s been kind of great, actually.”

“He usually is,” Becky said with a long sigh. Then after a nice, little laugh we got back to our comfort shopping.

It turns out that Becky’s kind of great too. I mean, besides Ryan and being molested by jerks, we actually have a ton of other stuff in common. Maybe we were both just feeling a little relieved after our confessional, but we had a great time. We got a killer deal on some shoes too, and the next day at school, when Ryan and I went through the lunch line, Becky came up to me and smiled as she said,

“Nice boots!”

“Thanks,” I replied, and pointed to her feet. “Love the shoes! Anthropologie, right?” Becky and I laughed, and then we noticed the look on Ryan’s face and laughed even harder. “Are you feeling all right?” I asked as I slipped my arm around his waist and squeezed him. “You look a little pale.”

“Me?” he asked, still fluttering his eyes back and forth between Becky and me. “Are you sure
you’re
feeling okay?”

“Actually, I feel…great!” I grinned at Becky. “You?”

“I feel better than I have in weeks,” she admitted truthfully. “You guys mind if I sit with you today?”

Becky waited for Ryan to answer, and eventually he stuttered out something that sounded like “Of course not.”

As the three of us walked over to the table I used to have all to myself, the only sound in the whole cafeteria was a lovely little string of expletives from Paige. The funny thing is, Paige wasn’t even mad at me this time. “I don’t think I’m the hot topic of conversation anymore,” I said.

Becky and Ryan followed my gaze to Paige. Paige stared us down for a minute until Becky finally got angry. “You know what, I’ve had enough of this,” she said, and then began dragging both Ryan and me over to Paige’s table.

Becky was absolutely determined to reclaim her throne as the most popular girl in school, and Ryan seemed equally as happy to be returning to his old seat. He did, however, tighten his grip on my hand like he was afraid I was going to make a break for the exit.

I wasn’t sure I was too excited about causing such a ruckus, but it’s not like I haven’t caused more than enough of those lately. And on the bright side, I knew it was going to aggravate the crap out of Paige. That was reason enough for me.

Everyone sat up straight as we approached, but most of them showed more curiosity than fear in their shocked faces. “Hi, guys,” Becky chirped as she plopped her tray of food down in her old seat.

“What are you doing?” Paige asked under her breath.

“Having lunch with my friends,” Becky answered simply, and then smiled at the rest of the group.

“Is that a problem?”

It was dead silent for a moment as everyone gaped at Becky and then shifted their gazes to Ryan and me. No one really knew what to do, but one thing was for sure—none of them was going to argue with Becky. Mike was the only person at the table who seemed as upset as Paige, but when he started to say something I gave him my best death look, and he bit his tongue. Allysa Madsen, though really nervous, was the first to break the silence. “It’s good to have you back, Becky,” she said as she nudged the others at the table to scoot over to make room for Ryan and me.

“It’s good to
be
back,” Becky agreed. She grabbed my arm and pulled me down into the seat next to her. “And I have Jamie to thank for that. You guys all know Jamie, right?” The tension was still a little high, but then Justin Reader, who was sitting next to Mike and directly across from me, smiled really big and stuck his hand out to me as if he were as friendly as Ryan. “I don’t think we’ve technically been introduced.”

I looked down at his hand and hesitated. A few months ago I wouldn’t have been able to accept the greeting even if I’d wanted to. Now, not only did I actually want to, I
could
. It was safe. Unless I was in the middle of some kind of epic breakdown, I wasn’t going to hurt him and I knew that, so I reached out and let him take my hand. I was surprisingly shy about it even though I’ve never been shy a day in my life before, and all I could manage was a very nervous “Hi.”

“I’m Justin.”

Justin continued to shake my hand until he was elbowed in the side. When he jerked back, Scott Cole took my hand next. “And I’m Scott,” he announced, choosing to kiss my hand instead of shake it.

The moment was kind of surreal, and I couldn’t stop myself from looking to Ryan for help. “I told you they were curious about you.” He chuckled under his breath.

“I’m Jamie,” I finally croaked, still surprised by the warm greetings.

Ryan protectively pulled my hand away from Scott and playfully warned, “She’s also my girlfriend.”

That managed to break the tension, and everyone at the table laughed, but I guess all the warm fuzzy feelings being thrown at me were too much for Paige to handle, and she snapped. “Just like that?” she screamed. “She’s been the biggest witch in this school for over a year, and you’re just going to be her friends now?”

I didn’t see who said it, but it was definitely one of the cheerleaders who grumbled, “She hasn’t been the
biggest
witch in school.”

As people tried to hide their snickers, Becky met Paige’s glare. “People change” was all she said in response to Paige’s question.

I wasn’t sure if Becky was talking about me or herself, but either way, Paige looked like she was about to explode. She was too angry to say anything, and almost fell on her butt when she stood up because she was shaking with so much anger. She looked around the table one last time and stopped when she got to Ryan’s best friend. “Mike?” she questioned as if asking him to come with her in some sort of protest.

I hate to say it felt good to watch Mike struggle, but you know what? It really did. He seemed genuinely confused as to what he should do, but ultimately he was too much of a chicken to leave. He glanced quickly my direction and then shrugged. “Miller’s my boy,” he mumbled. “If he says she’s cool…”

“Thanks a lot!” Paige huffed, and then stalked off. She got about four steps and then turned around and glared at Tamika. Tamika hesitated but then rolled her eyes and followed her best friend out of the cafeteria.

After Paige left, things were a lot better. Everyone was still a little awkward and nervous, but they were curious, like Ryan said, and they were actually trying to be nice. And I knew they were probably only doing it for Ryan and Becky, but after lunch, in government, when I didn’t have either Becky or Ryan around, Allysa still asked me to sit by her. I was touched by the offer, and talking to people other than Ryan and Becky went a lot smoother than I expected.

I actually walked to English with Scott. When we got there he insisted I take his seat so that I could sit next to my boyfriend, and he took Paige’s seat since she refused to sit anywhere near Ryan, Becky, or me. People were still adjusting to the change, but after everything at lunch, nobody was very surprised to see the new seating chart. Well, mostly no one. The look on Mr. Edwards’s face as he watched Scott’s gallant gesture was rather amusing.

Mr. E. was so surprised that he was actually a bit distracted during class, and when it was over, he looked almost perplexed as Ryan and Becky dragged me from the room. I couldn’t leave the man in such a state, so I told Ryan and Becky I’d catch up to them. I tried to wipe the smile from my face when I approached Mr. Edwards’s desk. “You all right, Mr. E.? You’re looking a little pale.”

“Oh, no, I’m just… Well, I’m shocked! What happened?”

“You said I was the one with the power to change things. I just followed your advice.” Mr. E. seemed genuinely confounded but quickly composed himself and began to tease me. “What did you do, use some kind of brain warp on them all?”

“Sorry, mind control isn’t one of my superpowers,” I joked back. I wasn’t joking, but he thought it was funny.

“Could have fooled me.” He laughed.

“Actually, I did something a lot crazier than brainwash everyone.” Mr. E. perked up. “Really?” His eyes sparkled with curiosity.

I glanced around the room and leaned in like I was going to give away a big secret and then whispered, “I was
nice
.”

I laughed when Mr. E. looked disappointed in my confession. “I know, it was a little anticlimactic for me too,” I teased. Then I thought for a second and shrugged. “It was mostly Ryan’s doing. He sort of killed the ice queen a while ago.”

“Ah, yes. Mr. Miller.” Mr. Edwards rolled his eyes as if to say,
of course he was involved
.

Apparently I’m not the only one who gets a little annoyed with Ryan’s perfection.

Speaking of Ryan, he was probably wondering where I was by now, so I stepped back from the desk. “Anyway, thanks, Mr. E. I really think things are going to be a lot better for me now. You can chalk up your first teaching success and take me off your troubled students list.” I was just giving him a hard time as I said that, but instead of laughing, he sat there deliberating.

Finally he nodded and said, “Good for you, Jamie. I’m glad to see things are working out for you.”

“You’re all right, Mr. E.,” I admitted as I headed for the door.

“See you later, Ms. Baker.”

Ryan and Becky were waiting right outside the classroom for me. Ryan pulled my fingers into his as if the five minutes we’d been apart had nearly killed him, then he glanced back in the room at our teacher and asked, “Everything okay, Mr. E.?”

The poor man was trying his best to look like he wasn’t watching us, but he was still in too much shock to pull it off. I gave him a quick smile and then turned my full attention back to Ryan. My grin tripled in size. “Everything’s great,” I answered, bemused by the truth in my words.

Ryan pulled me into his arms, squeezing me like he’d never been more proud of anyone in his whole life. “I think this calls for a celebration. Let’s go do something before the game.”

“Actually,” I said, “Becky asked me if I would practice her routine with her for a while, but you can come watch us do backflips if you want.”

“Are you going to put on your old cheer uniform?”