Behind Closed Doors (23 page)

“What way?”

I waited for his reply, my heart still hammering in my chest.

“In a way that only your boyfriend should be looking at you.”

I felt the blood drain from my face as I considered his words.

“I don’t have a boyfriend,” I whispered.

“Well, he acts like he’s your boyfriend and to be honest, it pisses me off!”

I shifted my gaze, focusing on anything other than his face. “I’m not yours.”

“I know.” He drew in a deep breath.

Familiar thoughts resurfaced in my mind. I wanted to be Jayce’s.

“Your reaction out there tonight worries me. It’s probably raised people’s suspicions.” I wanted him to know that I wasn’t the only one who had messed up.

“I know. I was just so fucking pissed. Watching you two together was torturing me.”

“I’m sorry. You saw us in rehearsals, it wasn’t planned.”

“The fact that he thinks he can touch you in that way, Kyla,” he paused, rubbing his eyes with the palms of his hands. “It means.... it means he hasn’t given up on you.”

Jayce needed to understand that I didn’t have feelings for Marc, but even if I did, it was out of his control.

“I’m not having this conversation again.” The words were leaving my mouth before I could stop them. “You don’t get to be jealous.”

I opened the door to leave, not caring if anyone was in the hallway to see me coming out of Jayce’s dressing room. I turned back to look at him.

My voice was low and quivering when I let him know the real reason I was walking away. “You’re married.”

I silently closed the door behind me before the first tear fell.

Chapter 22

“Tonight you were smoking hot!” Emily said as she brushed the wet hair away from her face. We had been back at the house for over an hour and all I wanted to do was go to bed. I felt like at any moment I would burst into tears, still shaken by my confrontation with Jayce at the studio earlier.

“Marc has not stopped smiling after having his hands all over you.” Emily continued talking, completely oblivious to my bad mood.

“We were just performing,” I said casually as I stepped into my cotton bed shorts.

“Whatever. I know you secretly enjoyed it,” she teased.

I had been quiet ever since we left the studio that evening. My fight with Jayce had left me feeling strangely empty. I was hurting inside and it was killing me that I had no one to talk to about it. I knew our arrangement wasn’t going to last forever and our recent conflict proved how fragile our relationship really was.

“What’s wrong with you?” Emily asked with a concerned expression on her face.

“I’m just tired.”

She nodded as she rubbed my back, sensing there was something else going on that I hadn’t verbalized.

“What was with Jayce tonight?” she asked, a little too curiously.

“What do you mean?” I asked, hoping she didn’t sense the quiver in my voice.

“His reaction to your performance, it was kind of weird. Do you think he didn’t like it?”

“Who knows,” I answered calmly. “He was probably just in a mood today. You know these Hollywood types are full of their own self importance.”

Emily laughed at my response, but a smile didn’t make it to my lips. Had I meant the words I’d uttered? I looked at my phone again. The screen was blank. No missed calls and no new messages. I clenched my cell in my hand, silently begging Jayce to call and for everything to go back to normal. Our normal.

That was when Marc appeared in the bedroom doorway. 

“Hey ladies. You want to come down for a glass of wine? Leo is about to open another bottle.” 

I looked down at my hands, not wanting to make eye contact with him. I’m sure he’d be awfully nice and sweet if he knew I was upset.

“Sure,” Emily said brightly. “We’ll be right down.”

I shot her a scathing look, but she just smiled at me.

“Come on, let’s have a glass of vino and relax a little. We’ve earned
it.”

“I don’t think so-” I began to protest.

“You’re coming. Otherwise, I’ll send Marc up here to carry you down.”

I looked at my reflection in the mirror and assessed what I was wearing.

“Just throw on a hoodie and run a brush through your hair,” Emily said, as if reading my mind.

“I’ll go downstairs, but I’m not drinking,” I said.

“Fine, you can make us both a hot chocolate,” she conceded.

We made our way downstairs to find Leo, Yuri, Max and Marc in the dining room. They were talking and laughing with beer and wine bottles scattered around the room.

“Here they are,” Leo slurred. “Sit down I will get you both a glass.”

“Teetotalers for the night.” Emily held up her hands and I got to work on making two hot chocolates. Once finished, I walked over to the table. Emily had taken a seat next to Yuri, conveniently leaving the seat next to Marc vacant. I slid into the chair and sipped on my drink, the tepid brown liquid warming my insides instantly.

Leo raised his glass in the air. “Here’s to the top six,” he shouted.

“Yeah, baby!” Max cheered and we all clinked glasses, Emily and I raising our white, ceramic coffee mugs in the air also.

I remained silent, while I watched Leo, Max and Yuri talk animatedly. They were clearly drunk and I had no idea what they were talking about, but it was still entertaining to watch. Emily was on her phone frantically texting someone, most likely Noah. Between the guys” boisterous antics and Emily’s unsociable texting, it left Marc and I to make conversation.

“You’re quiet tonight.” He looked at me with those penetrating blue eyes.

“Quiet, me?” I pretended to be surprised by his comment. 

“You worried about the show?” Marc took a sip from his red wine and looked at me again. “You shouldn’t be. You have such a huge fan base already. You’re going to be big.”

“What are you talking about Marc? May I remind you that I’m not the one that has girls in the crowd holding up ‘I love Marc’ signs.”

He laughed at my observation.

“So many girls are interested, just not the one that I want to be.”

His words took my by surprise. I saw from the corner of my eye that Emily was watching us, not so subtly eavesdropping on our conversation. Luckily, the others were too loud to notice Marc’s intense confession. When I thought he was ready to give up, he lowered his voice. “Will you come outside with me?”

I nodded. I don’t know if it was the anger I felt toward Jayce, but at that time, I realized I wanted to be alone with Marc. I was interested to hear what he had to say. Maybe I even wanted him to flirt with me, just to make me feel a little better about myself.

“Hey guys, we’re going to go outside for a minute.” Marc announced and Leo and Yuri nodded, before going back to their conversation. Emily looked up at me from her phone and smiled. I gave her a look of warning and she turned her attention back to her phone.

I grabbed my mug and followed Marc onto the deck. I remembered just weeks ago, when the house was full and the outside area was bustling with people. With just six of us left, the house felt strangely oversized and empty. We sat on the lounge chairs that surrounded the unlit fire pit. I looked up at the stars and allowed myself to take a deep breath. It felt as though it was the first time I’d breathed all evening.

“I enjoyed singing with you tonight,” Marc smiled at me.

“It was something else that’s for sure,” I said, while still looking at the dark night sky. “Fame agrees with you,” I added.

“And it doesn’t agree with you?”

“I’m not as strong as you,” I said. “Show me some bad press and I will crumble right in front of you. But you, Marc, you’re different. You’re destined to be famous. Just don’t go too hard on the partying.” I gestured to the glass he held in his hand.

“You can talk,” he nudged my shoulder playfully.

“I swear, I didn’t drink until I came into this house.” I held up my hands in protest.

We sat on the lounge chair talking and laughing for a long while and to my surprise, my somber mood diminished.

“You know the other week at the bar, when everyone got trashed?” Marc asked.

I had disappeared that night, when Jayce had shown up unannounced. My heart ached when I thought of us sitting on the beach, kissing as he held me in his arms. My focus shifted back to Marc and I nodded for him to continue.

“Victoria was absolutely wasted.  I caught a cab home with her before everyone else left. I just wanted to make sure she made it back to the house okay.

“She went to her room and I showered before bed. When I got back to my room, I found her in my bed, completely naked. She jumped at me, kissing me, practically dry humping me.”

I didn’t know whether to gasp or giggle. I was completely stunned and wondered why Marc was telling me this. How far had he gone with Victoria? And why did I feel a sudden pang of jealousy?

“Thank God, Leo drank like an Irish man that night. He slept right through it, otherwise he’d never let me live it down.” Marc laughed and then took a large gulp of his wine.

“I put one of my t-shirts on her and walked her back to her room. She was crying, claiming I was a heartless man whore and asking why I didn’t want her.” He shook his head at the memory. “We didn’t speak about it after that night and she avoided me for the rest of her time here.”

“That must have been so awkward for you.”

“Yeah.” His expression turned serious. “I couldn’t do anything with Victoria, not because I’m not attracted to her, but because I have feelings for someone else.”

No, no, no. Where was he going with this?
 I looked down at my empty mug, contemplating what to say.

“Marc you’re sweet-”

“But…” he spoke before I could finish. I couldn’t give him my usual speech about how I wasn’t here to find love, how I was here to fulfill my dream, which was hardly true anymore.

I looked into his eyes, it was dark outside, but I could still see into the clear blue depths. His eyes were locked on me, wanting something more.

I’m not sure who made the first move, but suddenly our lips met and we were kissing. It was awkward at first, with not one of us moving, but then Marc parted his lips and invited me in. The kiss was slow and sensual and everything I had been craving since my encounter with Jayce earlier in the day. Marc deepened the kiss and I found myself lost in the moment. He moved closer to me on the seat, closing the distance between us. One of his arms wrapped around my waist, gripping me tightly as if he was afraid to let go. I felt his hand move underneath my sweater and that’s when I pulled away from his lips.

He stared at me with an adorably bemused look on his face. My eyes fell to his lips, which were moist and a darker shade of pink than usual. I could feel his eyes studying me, as if he could see right through me.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to...” I couldn’t finish my thoughts.

“Don’t be sorry. You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do that.”

His gentle demeanor made me feel worse about our locking of lips. He bent forward to kiss me again, but I pulled away instantly, leaving a safe distance between us.  

“Marc, I can’t give you what you want. What you deserve-”

“I’ll wait for you, Kyla,” he said matter-of-factly. “If you need more time, I’ll wait for you.”

I felt guilt wash over me as I wished it were Jayce saying those words to me, saying he would do anything to be with me. I knew that I kissed Marc, not because I wanted to, but it was in some way meant to quell the pain I’d been feeling all evening. The deep, unrelenting pain I felt at having lost my new found happiness.

“Do you want me to wait for you?” he pressed.

I shook my head dismissively and Marc let out a defeated sigh.

“Are you already seeing someone?” he asked, but he said the words as if he already knew the truth. Like he could see it written all over my face.

I stared into his kind blue eyes, which were looking at me expectantly and all I could do was lie.

“I’m not seeing anyone,” I whispered. “I just can’t give you what you want right now.”

He shifted his gaze and focused on something off in the distance. His eyes became dark and his face turned serious. I didn’t know what to say to fill the unnerving silence that had settled between us. I had never been good during uncomfortable moments of silence and tonight was no exception. I shifted my legs, crossing one over the other, as I thought of what to say to cut through the intensity of the moment. That was when Marc turned to me and nodded, taking my hand from my lap and grasping it tightly.

“It’s cool,” he smiled. “Friends?”

“Of course.” I smiled back, although I was confused by the shift in Marc’s manner. I wondered if he was masking his emotions for my benefit or his own.

I followed Marc back into the house where the dining room had been vacated. All that was left were two empty bottles of wine and some wine glasses scattered around the room.

“I’m going to head to bed,” I said once I rinsed my mug.

“Yeah, me too, I’m exhausted.” As if on call, Marc let out a big yawn and stretched his arms over his head.

We walked upstairs in silence and once we reached the top floor, Marc took me by surprise by pulling me into a tight embrace. His face burrowed into my neck as he held me in a far too intimate way.

“Goodnight Kyla,” he whispered into my ear before walking toward his bedroom.

I didn’t have time to form a response as I watched him walk away. The way he hugged me was not just Marc saying goodnight, it was as if he was saying goodbye.

I quietly opened my bedroom door, silently praying that Emily was asleep. As soon as the floor creaked beneath me, Emily flicked on the lamp on her bedside table. She was sat up in bed with a grin on her face.

“Well, well, well, look who decided to come to bed,” she teased. “Have a nice rendezvous outside, did you?”

“It was nothing like that,” I dismissed as I walked toward the bathroom.

“I saw the look he was giving you. Spill lover, what happened?”

“Nothing at all, but if anything were to happen you would be the first to know.” I closed the bathroom door behind me and went about my nightly routine. I was tired and couldn’t wait to get to bed, but I took longer than usual in the bathroom, hoping that Emily would be asleep when I made my way to bed. I knew she was eager to interrogate me and I didn’t want to fill her in on what happened between Marc and I. Especially since I wasn’t one hundred percent sure what had happened myself.