Behind Closed Doors (24 page)

I tiptoed to bed a good twenty minutes later and Emily’s even, gentle breaths told me she was fast asleep. I pulled the covers back and settled into the sanctuary of my own bed. I had to be up early the next morning as Emily and I were going shopping and ending the day with a trip to the spa.

I reached for my phone so I could put my alarm on and was surprised to see I had a missed call and two new texts waiting for me. The missed call was from two hours ago, no voicemail was left, but it was followed by a text message.

JAYCE:
 I am so sorry about today. I was out of line, but it drives me crazy to see another guy near you. You don’t know how much you mean to me. Forgive me.

Another message came through forty minutes ago, roughly the same time I was outside kissing Marc.

JAYCE: 
Babe, just tell me you’re okay. I can’t stand the thought of hurting you.

I re-read the messages as my heart began to sink. I didn’t know how to respond to Jayce. More importantly, I didn’t know if I wanted to. My thoughts were muddled and I was beyond confused. 

Had I cheated on Jayce?
 I realized how absurd that sounded given Jayce was married, but I felt as though I had cheated on him. Maybe Jayce was right to be wary of Marc. Perhaps I did have feelings for him that ventured beyond friendship. I tried to erase the kiss from my memory, but it wouldn’t budge. I tossed and turned, my memories haunting me as sleep continued to evade me.

I stood up and walked over to the large bay window. The city was black. Dim streetlights in the distance the only glow in a sea of darkness. I felt as though I was the only person in the whole city that was still awake. I made my way back to bed. I closed my eyes tight, willing myself to sleep, to no avail. I stayed awake into the early hours of the morning. My only company was my overactive mind and a deep sense of remorse.

Chapter 23

My head felt heavy and my brain foggy. I was exhausted. It had been a restless night with little sleep. Memories from the night before came flooding back to the forefront of my mind. 
What had I done?
 I glanced around the room and noticed that Emily was still sound asleep. I looked at my phone. It was after eight in the morning. I still hadn’t responded to Jayce’s texts and he hadn’t tried to contact me again. Even with the light of a new day, I couldn’t think of a response to his written apologies. I wanted to assure Jayce that there was nothing to be jealous about, but then I remembered the kiss. As if my life wasn’t complicated enough, I had to go and kiss Marc and confuse the situation even further.

Quietly, I got up out of my bed and took refuge in the shower, an attempt to wash away the memories from the previous night. When I reemerged half an hour later, Emily was wide-awake and eager to head to the shops. We needed to buy dresses for the 
Dreamers
 party that was scheduled for Tuesday evening, after the results show. The party was being held at The Beverly Hilton and the dress code was formal, which was a good excuse to buy a new dress. I was looking forward to the party, not only because it was an excuse to dress up, but we would also be reunited with all the eliminated contestants. I wasn’t sure if it was a good thing or not, but the coaches would also be attending.

I managed to talk Emily into hanging around the house long enough for me to have my first coffee of the day. I was about to walk upstairs to let her know the pot had brewed, when there was a knock at the door. I opened the door and found a middle-aged man wearing a blue uniform, holding a bunch of ruby red roses.

“Does a Kyla Quinn live here?” he asked as he read my name from his paperwork.

“Yes,” I responded tentatively.

Could you please sign this then, love?”

He handed me some paperwork and I signed the column he pointed to.

“Have a good day.” And with that, he turned and walked away.

I looked down at the roses as I fingered the card in my hand. The last time I received flowers was when Brody had shown up at my house in Seattle. Those flowers ended up in the garbage and I silently hoped these flowers were not a repeated attempt at getting me back. I had well and truly moved on from Brody.

I took a deep breath as I opened the tiny envelope and pulled out the card.

Written in neat cursive were three simple words. “
Semper ad meliora.
”

“Always towards better things,” I murmured to myself as I folded the card in two and shoved it in my pocket.

“Are they for you?” Emily came rushing down the stairs as soon as she saw the roses I was cradling.

“Yeah. A delivery guy just dropped them off.”

“Who are they from?” she asked as she bent forward and inhaled their scent.

“I don’t know,” I shrugged. “No card.”

“Seriously?” she eyed me skeptically. ”You have no idea?”

“None whatsoever.”

I walked back into the kitchen with Emily in tow, eager to ask more questions. My thoughts drifted to Jayce and the meaning of his words. 
Always towards better things. 
Was he hinting at ending one chapter in his life and beginning another?

***

After two hours of shopping, I’d found the perfect dress. It was a short red bandage dress by Hervé Léger. The dress was worth more than any piece of clothing I’d ever bought, but I figured the event was worth it. I found some matching red heels and I was set. Emily chose a cyan blue dress for herself and it looked amazing against her olive skin. Finding shoes to match proved a little harder, but she settled on a pair of wedges that had the same blue incorporated in the straps.

With satisfyingly tired legs, which signified a successful day of shopping, we headed to
 La Spa
. On our arrival, we were ushered to the back room and served cucumber infused water as we chose our nail colors. The aroma of herbal tea and scented oils wafted through the building, setting a relaxing atmosphere. The walls were painted an olive green color, with bamboo furniture and ornaments scattered throughout.

We had our pedicures first. As the therapist massaged the balls of my feet, I allowed my head to fall back on the chair, letting my mind rest for the first time in weeks. Emily was silent too, which was a change and could only mean she was enjoying the moment. My cell vibrating in my purse snapped my eyes open instantly. I offered an apologetic smile to the therapist as I pulled my phone out of my purse. When I saw Jayce’s name flashing on the screen I sighed before accepting the call. Usually I would wait to answer the call in private, but I couldn’t avoid speaking to him any longer.

“Hi,” I answered in a whisper.

I could see Emily out the corner of my eye. She was watching me curiously.

“How are you?” Jayce asked and I could hear the unease in his voice.

“I’m fine. A little tired. You?”

“I’m tired too. I didn’t sleep well last night.”

That made two of us. There was a long silence and I could hear Jayce’s breathing through the phone.

“Can I see you today?” he asked, breaking the silence.

“I don’t know-” I started to decline, but he interrupted.

“Please. I just want to speak with you,” he paused, “in person.”

In my mind, I knew I should’ve said no. I needed to put a stop to whatever it was that we had going. That’s what I should’ve done, but in the end, my heart won out.

“Okay, but I’m busy until this evening,” I whispered.

“That’s fine,” he said and I could hear the relief in his voice. “Same place as usual,” he said and without waiting for my reply, he ended the call.

I threw my phone back into my purse and I turned to see Emily looking at me, her interest piqued.

“Just my girlfriend,” I said. “She needs my help with something later on today.”

Emily didn’t comment, but I could tell by the expression on her face that she was no longer buying my weak excuses.

***

After spending the afternoon being pampered, I headed over to Jayce’s. Our usual routine continued. I prank called his phone and he opened the garage door, letting my car inside. He then closed the door, leaving the outside world just that. I got out of the car, but Jayce remained standing near the side entrance to his condo.

He wore a blue baseball cap backwards on his head. He looked gorgeous, but he was carrying tension in his shoulders and for the first time since I’d known him, he looked tired.

“Hey,” he said hesitantly.

“Hey,” I responded, walking over to him.

“Thank you for coming over,” he said, his voice was low and husky.

I gave him a tight smile before following him through to the living room. Jayce sat on the sofa and I chose to sit in an armchair, leaving some distance between us.

“Kyla,” he started, taking a deep breath. “I don’t know why I acted that way yesterday. I’m such an idiot. You’re just always in my head and the thought of someone else being with you drives me crazy. I know there is nothing between you and Marc, but he likes you, it’s obvious by the way he looks at you.”

I swallowed roughly. I knew if I was going to tell him, it had to be then and there. Technically, what had happened between Marc and I wasn’t cheating, but that didn’t help the overriding guilt that I felt.

“I just get so paranoid, Ky. I don’t want you to be with anyone else.”

For so long, I wanted him to say it, to admit that he was jealous. But I imagined I would feel different once he verbalized his feelings. In that moment, all I felt was shame.

“Last night,” I started, swallowing the lump in my throat. “We kissed.”

Jayce’s lips turned into a frown as he searched my face for an explanation.

“What do you mean? Who is
we
?”

“Marc and I. We kissed.”

Jayce started running his palms up and down on the tops of his thighs, he slouched back on the sofa with a pained expression on his face.

“Did you sleep with him?”

“What?” Shocked by the question, I locked eyes with Jayce. “No.”

“Do you like him? I mean, more than just friends?”

Did I?
 I couldn’t imagine myself being intimate with anyone other than Jayce.

“To be honest, Jayce, I don’t know why I kissed him. I was upset by what happened between us after the show and Marc was there, being his usual kind self.”

“So you like him?”

I shrugged, I didn’t know if I liked him. I hadn’t allowed myself to explore any feelings I may have for Marc.

“The most bizarre thing was, after…” I choked out the words, “after the kiss, I felt as though I’d cheated on you.”

Jayce’s lips turned into a smile, but it was brief. I was bracing myself for what was to come. I was sure Jayce was about to discard me like a used Kleenex, but then he spoke again.

“I don’t want to share you,” he shook his head. “I know that sounds stupid because I’m the one whose married, but I promise you, since I’ve been intimate with you I haven’t done anything with Sam. I haven’t even slept in the same bed as her.”

I contemplated how truly bizarre Jayce’s confession was. No matter how uncertain I was about my relationship with Brody, when I was in his presence I wanted to be close to him. I couldn’t imagine being so cold and distant toward someone I once loved. It was clear that I didn’t understand Jayce’s relationship with his wife and I doubted I ever would.

“Do you find it weird that we don’t talk about what happens after this?” Jayce asked. “Once the competition is over?”

“I guess so,” I answered. I thought about it. Daily. “I just thought we would go back to our lives as if nothing ever happened.”

“Is that what you want?” he asked, his face serious.

I shrugged my shoulders. Words failed me and I was disappointed in myself. I had been waiting for this conversation for so long, but I couldn’t verbalize how I truly felt.

“I’m going to ask Sam for a divorce.”

My mouth immediately fell open as I processed Jayce’s words.

“I’ve been talking to my lawyer for a couple of weeks. We’re trying to work out the least messy way to handle this,” Jayce paused, trying to read my expression. “I did think of asking you for your professional opinion, but I thought that may be pushing it.”

I smiled, but didn’t say anything.

Jayce bounced his foot on the floor anxiously as he waited for me to speak.

“You’re not doing this because of me are you?” I asked unevenly.

“No,” he answered immediately, but followed it up with an indecisive, “maybe.”

I shook my head as I ran my hands through my hair, getting my hand caught in a stubborn knot. I attempted to comb it out with my fingers as tears welled in my eyes.

“It’s been a long time coming. I know it, she knows it, but I would be lying if I said you didn’t have some impact on my decision.”

I looked at Jayce as the tears threatened to fall.

“I want to be with you once the show is over.” Jayce stood and walked over to where I was sitting. He sat on the armrest, looking down at me as his fingertips grazed my cheek. I’d dreamed of Jayce telling me that he wanted to be with me, but now that he said the words, all I felt was guilt.

“Kyla, speak to me. You’re really freaking me out right now.”

“I’m a home wrecker,” I whispered. Jayce chuckled and pulled me into his side.

“It was already wrecked. Trust me.” He kissed my cheek gently and I felt my body warm all over.

“Do you want to be with me?” Jayce asked hesitantly.

I studied his eyes for a long time before I nodded my head, yes. Although I hesitated, I was sure I wanted to be with Jayce. He kneeled on the ground before me and kissed my lips gently as tears trickled down my cheeks. He wiped the tears away with the back of his hand.

“They better be tears of happiness,” he warned.

I nodded hopelessly as he pulled me to my feet. He sat on the chair and pulled me onto his lap. I rested my head on his shoulder as he kissed the crown of my head.