Beginnings - SF2 (5 page)

Jamie laughed a bit as she replied, "Is that a tactful way to ask if I had any glimmers of doubt about my avowed heterosexuality?" Upon Ryan's slight nod she responded, "I've talked about that a lot with Anna," she admitted. "I know I didn't think about it consciously, but I must have had some subconscious questions. I mean," she observed wryly, "there were a lot of classes offered at eight a.m."

"You've never talked about any boyfriends before Jack. Did you date a lot in high school?"

"Yeah, I guess I did. I enjoyed dating when I was a sophomore. I went out with some guys who I really liked but a lot of the other girls were already having sex and the cool guys mostly drifted off to them. By junior year boys were beginning to tire of the 'let's see who can deflower Jamie' game, and I was totally sick of it. I felt like I spent most of my dates fighting them off, and that wasn't a lot of fun for me."

"Did you want to have sex with any of them?" Ryan asked, tilting her head in question.

"I would have to say no," Jamie replied thoughtfully. "I didn't feel that they were interested in me as much as they were in my body. I knew I would feel shitty about myself if I gave in just because they wanted me to, so I didn't do it."

"You were pretty mature for a high school kid," Ryan replied with admiration.

"Partly, yes, I was mature. But in retrospect I think I may have just not had any spark with them. On the other hand I know that I never felt desire for any of my girl friends either. So maybe I was just slow to mature sexually."

"Were you attracted to Jack sexually?" Ryan asked carefully, a little wary of bringing up the topic.

"Yeah, I was. Well, at least more than I ever had been with a guy. But after a lot of thought I'm beginning to think that maybe I was just settling for Jack."

"What do you mean, settling?" Ryan asked, intensely curious as to how her lover was processing her changing sexual expression.

"As you can probably guess, Anna and I have spent an awful lot of time talking about this," she explained with a chuckle. "I suppose the honest answer is that I liked him more than I had ever liked a guy. I was sexually aroused by him; at least, I was before we started having intercourse," she rolled her eyes at this. "Should that have been a clue? Anyway, I think that Jack might have provided me with an excuse to never have to date another guy. He was cute and smart and I knew he would be a good husband and a good father. My father was crazy about him, and it just seemed to fit."

"It sounds a little like a merger rather than passion," Ryan observed.

"Ryan, I've already felt more passion for you than I did the whole time I was with Jack," she said somewhat sadly.

"Then you are in for a treat, young lady," she said as she tweaked her nose. "You ain't seen nothing yet."

Jamie just batted her eyes at her friend, terribly charmed by her blatant teasing. "I can't wait," she smiled.

"Umm, I was wondering," Ryan started, uncharacteristically hesitant in her approach. "How have you…well, what I mean is…"

"What is it, Ryan?" Jamie asked as she reached out and covered her hand.

"Well, I guess I want to know…um…how this is all sitting with you. I mean, I know you had a hard time when you were first aware that you were attracted to me…and I um…"

Now Jamie grasped her hand tightly, gazing into her eyes with unwavering attention. "I don't know what this all means, Ryan," she said slowly. "But at this point I don't much care. I've tried to avoid labeling my behavior or myself. I'm not sure that will always be the case but for right now all I know is that I love you and I want to be with you. That's enough for me."

"You want to be with me for…how long?" Ryan asked, her eyes clouding a little.

Now Jamie's face lit up in a smile so contagious that Ryan's face matched it before the smaller woman said a word. "Well, I thought we could use this lifetime just to get to know each other a little bit," she mused. "Then the next two or three lifetimes could be dedicated to working out any little tiny problems that come up. Around the fourth or fifth…"

Ryan turned her hand and grasped Jamie's. "That's enough for now," she said sweetly. "We can decide on the fifth lifetime when we get a little closer. I don't want to rush things."

After lunch they rode for another three hours, stopping for water and bathroom breaks only.

During one such break Ryan offered to stretch Jamie's back out. The smaller woman stood close and linked her hands behind Ryan's head, as instructed.

As Ryan rose to her full height Jamie chuckled a little as she said, "I'm awfully far from the ground. How tall are you, anyway."

"Mmm, I'm not sure," Ryan replied. "The last time I was measured I was 6'2", but I think I've grown an inch or so since then."

"You're still growing!" the significantly smaller woman gasped as Ryan gently lowered her to the ground.

"No, not now," Ryan laughed. "It's been a few years since anyone had cause to measure me. It's not that important to me, so I've never bothered to do it again."

Jamie stepped back a few feet and gave the lanky woman a long look. "It's funny," she finally said. "You're in such perfect proportion that you don't look like you're really tall. But when I stand next to you, my face only reaches your...umm...chest," she mumbled, a flush coloring her cheeks.

"All part of my plan," Ryan said with a mischievous grin as she and Jamie cast glances at the spot in question.

By five o'clock they were back in Sausalito ready to board the ferry. "Do you think you could give me a massage on the deck?" Jamie asked as they climbed aboard.

"I'm happy to rub your legs if we can find a seat, but a complete massage might find us swimming back," she said wisely.

"Oh, I don't know," Jamie replied blithely. "San Franciscans are a pretty jaded bunch." She smiled at Ryan's bemused grin and sat quietly for a few minutes, watching the other passengers get settled. "Can we sleep together tonight?" Jamie asked, breaking the silence. "I hate the thought of being away from you all night."

"Um...where do you want to go?" Ryan responded, knowing their options were rather limited.

"Can't we go to your house? Nobody needs to know yet."

"I can't, Jamie. Da has a rule that we all follow. No overnight dates in the house. He obviously doesn't mind if we sleep over at someone else's house but he thinks it makes it uncomfortable for the others if we do it at home."

Jamie pursed her lips and nodded briefly. "I understand Ryan, she said quietly, obviously disappointed. "It is different now between us, isn't it?"

"It's a delicious difference," Ryan agreed as she planted a firm kiss on Jamie's mouth.

"Mmmm…" she mumbled as they broke apart. "People
are
staring," she whispered.

A devilish grin settled onto Ryan's features as she stayed right where she was and said, "I'd stare too if someone as gorgeous as you was sitting next to me." But when Jamie didn't answer right away Ryan immediately said, "Hey, I'm sorry if that bothered you. I just wasn't thinking."

"No, no, don't apologize," Jamie insisted as she patted her on the leg and gave her a small smile. "This is just so new…I want to keep it between us for a while."

"No problem," Ryan said lightly. "Besides, if people see how good you kiss they might start a riot."

The grin that curled Jamie's lips was absolutely luminous. "Really? Are you serious?"

"About the riot? Absolutely!" Ryan replied with wide eyes.

"No, silly, about the kisses," she asked shyly. "Do you really like the way I kiss you?"

"This is important to you, isn't it?" Ryan asked gently, searching Jamie's eyes for confirmation.

"Yes, it is," Jamie replied, only a tiny bit ashamed to admit this.

"Okay, I'll tell you," Ryan said, furrowing her brow for a minute. "Now remember, we've only been doing this since yesterday afternoon."

"I know," Jamie replied tentatively, now upset with herself for asking the always forthright woman to reveal her true feelings.

"And it generally takes a while for people to get used to each other physically," she warned ominously, still thinking.

"I know," Jamie said, her voice tremulously rising in pitch.

"Okay," Ryan said decisively as she turned to gaze directly into moss green eyes. "I'd have to honestly say that the first kiss you gave me on Mt. Tam was more pleasurable in every way than the sum total of every kiss I've ever been given." Seeing the relief flood her partner's face she continued, "And every subsequent kiss has caused my appreciation of your technique to grow exponentially."

"Oh, Ryan," she said with a shaky voice. "I know you mean it when you use math terms to describe something."

"I most definitely mean it," she vowed, her eyes fluttering closed. "And if we weren't on this ferry I'd beg you for another example."

Before her eyes could open Jamie's soft lips captured hers for a long, emotion-laden meeting. "Let 'em riot," she purred as she punctuated her statement with a final buss.

"Wow," Ryan breathed rather helplessly as she collapsed back against the hard plastic seat. "A lifetime of those might be more than my body can withstand."

"We'll train constantly to keep those little lips in shape," Jamie teased as she also sat up fully. After a moment she asked, "Will you tell your family about us?"

"I was planning on it, unless you don't want me to," Ryan replied. "I don't keep a lot of secrets from them, and knowing Da he'll figure it out pretty darn quick anyway."

"No, it's fine with me if you tell them. Do you think he'll be happy?"

"I guarantee he'll be happy. As will each of the boys. They're all crazy about you, Jamie, not that I blame them," she added with a big smile. "I guess we can't sleep together at your house either, huh?" Ryan asked, already knowing the answer, but desperately trying to think of alternatives.

"No. Not until I want to tell everyone. Cassie would figure it out really fast. You know, I think she was the first one to really suspect something between you and me. I guess I owe her an apology for telling her how wrong she was."

"You most certainly do not owe her an apology," Ryan said indignantly. "She wasn't trying to help you figure out something, she was just trying to pry into your personal life. She's not a friend, Jamie."

"I guess you're right." she nodded. "Luckily she's going to New York for the summer. Her dad got her an internship with
Time/Life
. I think I'm going to tell her that I don't want her to come back to the house when she returns."

"How will your parents and Mia feel about that?"

"I don't think Mia will care. She's pretty sick of her too. I'm leery of telling my parents, though. They'll really want to know what's up."

"Do you think you could stand her for another year?"

"No, I don't. She'll be in the way of you spending time there, and I'm not going to give that up for anything," she said firmly.

"I guess this is another good reason to delay having sex. Once we start I know I won't want to stop. And having to search around for a place to be together is just too stressful. It makes it seem like we're doing something wrong, and I don't ever want you to feel that way, Jamie," she said sincerely.

"Hey, I thought you weren't going to date any more girls who didn't have a place where you could go?" she teased.

"You're the exception to a lot of rules," Ryan grinned as she kissed her on the tip of her nose. "Is that okay?" she asked referring to the tiny kiss.

"No problem," Jamie assured her. "Half of the people are staring at us openly and the other half are trying to figure out how to toss me over to get their hands on you."

"Wrong focus," Ryan insisted. "They're trying to determine if these muscles are just for show before they make their move on you."

"You're too cute," Jamie said as she patted her thigh. "After Cassie leaves will you sleep over sometimes?"

"Of course I will. As much as you want," she promised. "I have to make sure you're getting your daily cuddle quotient."

After they disembarked from the crowded boat they walked through the parking lot of the Ferry Building, slowly making their way to their cars. Ryan helped load Jamie's bike on her Boxster, and Jamie returned the favor with the truck. There was nothing to do except say goodbye, but neither could bear to make that move. "We could sleep in the bed of the truck," Jamie said as she looked longingly at the six-foot long surface.

"It's really going to be hard for me to let you go," Ryan said with a catch in her voice as she wrapped Jamie in her arms tightly, secure in her actions since no other people were close by.

"We could get a hotel room," the smaller woman mumbled into her chest.

"For how long?" Ryan asked gently as she ran her fingers through her hair. "We have to come back to reality sooner or later, Jamie. It might as well be sooner."

Jamie just snuggled closer letting herself be enveloped by the strong body. After a long while she picked her head up and Ryan leaned down and kissed her sweetly. They finally drew apart and hugged each other fiercely. After one more lingering kiss they got into their cars and started to drive off, but Jamie immediately beeped her horn. Ryan hopped out of the big truck and ran over to the Boxster. Jamie didn't say a word but she pulled her dark head down and tasted every millimeter of Ryan's soft lips. She gently patted her cheek and quickly put the car in gear before she could talk herself out of it.