Beginnings - SF2 (2 page)

Jesus! Just lie back and let some of this in!
She tried to do just that, spending a few moments doing some deep breathing exercises to help clear the stress from her body. Every anxious thought was intentionally put away as she tried her best to summon the joy and elation that Ryan's acceptance had brought.
Okay…okay
, she mused as the warm feelings started to flood through her body.
This is working…this is most definitely working
. The warmth seemed to start at her toes and work its way up, spreading to her limbs, and lodging in her chest. The delight that she felt when Ryan had first acknowledged that she loved her started to grow and expand until it filled her chest to bursting. She had to stop herself from crying out in bliss as she recalled the mesmerizing power of Ryan's soft lips.

Mmmm, soft isn't the right word
, she mused as her tongue delicately traced her lips, trying to savor the remembrance.
Soft isn't nearly enough
. She searched her vocabulary for the correct term but quickly realized that she was unaware of it since she had never in her life felt anything so soft.
Soft…yet firm and resilient
, she mused.
A combination of heat and warmth and softness and silky sweetness that…my God!
she cried to herself as she sat up quickly.
Just thinking about her lips makes me more aroused than I can ever remember being! What will it feel like when she…Oh shit!
she cried as she started to shiver again.
Don't go there, Jamie
, she mentally rebuked herself.
You need to take some baby steps here…enjoy what you feel comfortable with…Ryan will not make fun of you…she loves you!
That thought did the trick as the anxiety abated once again and she sank back down in the tub to meditate on that one thought.
She loves me! She loves
me
!

After a bit the food arrived and Ryan forged Jamie's name on the bill, adding a generous tip, as she knew her friend would. She knocked lightly on the bathroom door and announced, "Dinner's here."

"That's too hard a choice," Jamie moaned through the door. "How can I decide between soaking in a hot tub and eating a delicious meal?"

"One fact might tip the scale," Ryan mischievously replied. "I'm alone with the food." She laughed out loud when she heard Jamie immediately get out of the tub. "I thought that might motivate you. Oh, and I found nice big robes in the closet," she said as she tried to open the door to toss the robe to her friend. She was a bit dismayed to find that Jamie had actually locked the door.
God, does she think I'll molest her? Getting her comfortable might be a harder task than I thought!
Jamie opened the door a crack and accepted the robe, and Ryan politely did not mention the locked door.

When Jamie emerged, all pink and scrubbed, Ryan was wearing the other robe and beginning to dig into a sumptuous dinner. "I guess I made it out just in time," the blonds said to her perennially hungry friend.

Her months of experience had prepared Jamie well for ordering dinner and she was pleased to see that Ryan almost failed to finish every bite. Her friend's appetite was legendary and a chill ran down Jamie's back when she considered that Ryan's prodigious appetite wasn't limited to food. Even as she tried to dismiss this thought Ryan was polishing off both plates as expected. After digesting her dinner for a few minutes Ryan went to take a soak while Jamie relaxed in one of the cushy upholstered chairs, fully sated and just a little nervous. The inn sent up toothbrushes and other essentials and she set about washing out their under things in the sink adjacent to the bathroom. When Ryan came out of the steamy bath the laundry was done and Jamie hung it over the rod in the bath.

She went to brush her teeth, casting sly glances at Ryan to see where she was going to sit. She let out a sigh of relief when Ryan chose one of the chairs, delaying the trip to the bed for another moment or two. When she had nearly brushed the enamel off her teeth she reluctantly went back into the sitting area and took the other chair. The tension was rolling off Jamie in waves but Ryan was unsure of how to calm her down. Finally she decided to broach the loaded topic. "Are you ready for bed?" she asked neutrally.

"No, no, I'm really not tired," she lied. Ryan nearly laughed when she took in the exhausted face but she held her reaction in check to avoid embarrassing her friend.

"Would you like to lie down and relax a little?" she gently asked.

Jamie knew she could not delay the inevitable so she screwed up her courage and said, "Ryan, I hope you're okay with this, and I really want you to tell me if you're not, but I'm....um..."

"What is it, Jamie?" Ryan asked gently as she crossed over to her chair and squatted down to look into her eyes. "You can tell me anything."

All of a sudden Jamie was unable to meet the penetrating gaze that seemed to burn into her. She was terribly embarrassed but she knew she had to get it out sooner or later so she decided to jump off the cliff immediately. "I'm not really ready to um…love you...ah…physically, or, well… at least completely," she stammered.

Ryan placed her warm hand on the even warmer cheek and leaned over to kiss her gently, "I think I'd be happy with nothing more than we had today, " she said with a winning smile. "I love you, Jamie, all of you, but I'm willing to wait for however long it takes for you to feel comfortable with sex." She sat back on her heels and regarded her friend for a moment as she asked, "You
do
want to progress to having sex eventually, don't you?"

"Oh, yes," she said sincerely as she nodded her head forcefully. "Of course I do."

Ryan leaned back in for another sweet kiss and asked, "Are you comfortable with me kissing you?"

"Very," she dreamily replied as she draped her arms loosely around her neck and kissed her back.

"Then I'm a happy girl. Remember that kissing is my favorite activity," the grinning brunette said with an eyebrow wiggle as she tweaked Jamie's nose. She got up and went back to sit in her own chair, noting with approval that her friend looked much more relaxed. "Are you sure you're not just a little bit tired?" she asked gently.

Her shy blush and sheepish grin were accompanied by a tiny nod of her blonde head.

"Do you want me to call the desk and have them send a roll-away bed up?"

"Um…do you think you could sleep with me and not…" Jamie stammered as she glanced toward the bed nervously.

Ryan slowly blinked her eyes trying to understand the implication of this question. As it became clear she looked at Jamie with a hurt look in her eyes and said, "God, I know I've got a reputation but I'm not a rapist!"

Jamie jumped from her chair and knelt down next to Ryan. She looked into her big blue eyes and hurriedly explained, "I was only going to ask if you could sleep with me and not be too uncomfortable," she insisted. "I am worried about pleasing you, Ryan, and I am really worried that you won't be able to be patient with me. But it would never cross my mind that you'd force yourself on me."

Ryan closed her eyes as she placed her hand upon Jamie's smooth cheek. "I'm sorry that came out like that. I'm nervous too, you know."

"
You're
nervous?" she asked in surprise. "What do you have to be nervous about?"

"Thanks," Ryan replied with a false smile. "Now I feel better."

"Well, I just mean that you've been with…you know…um…lots of…"

"I know, I know," Ryan admitted with an embarrassed scowl. "That's exactly what I'm nervous about." She took in a deep breath and blew it out as she admitted, "I'm worried about your opinion of me, Jamie. I know you've always considered sex to be a very big step and that it has to be part of a deep commitment for you. I'm worried about your opinion of me for having slept with so many women. Your respect means a great deal to me," she said as she looked up at Jamie with a fragile look on her beautiful face.

"Oh Ryan," she said softly as she reached up and wrapped her arms around her neck. "I respect you completely. You're one of the most moral and upright people I know." She sat back and added with a bashful smile, "I worry that you'll think I'm too inexperienced. Maybe we should get some of these feelings out in the open."

"Okay," Ryan said. "I'll start. This might take a minute though. Do you want to sit down?"

Jamie cast a quick glance at her chair but all of a sudden it seemed much too far away. "Can I perch here?" she asked, indicating the wide arm of Ryan's chair.

"Of course," Ryan said, as she turned a tiny bit to accommodate her friend. Jamie sat upon the arm and used the free space that Ryan had created to lean back against the back cushion. It was a little uncomfortable, but she wanted to be close while still maintaining a little separation.

When Ryan was sure the smaller woman was settled she began, "I think that one of your most endearing qualities is your devotion -- both to people and principles. I really admire that you decided you needed to reserve your sexual expression for people that you love and that you stuck with that decision through what must have been a lot of pressure. I didn't know Jack very well, but I can't believe he didn't pressure you to give in sooner than you wanted to."

"Well, in his defense I have to admit that he never tried to talk me into it. He just gave me incredibly pathetic looks and sometimes he made a show of how he couldn't stand up after we had been kissing for a while."

"One more good thing about being a woman," Ryan said dryly, only her dancing eyes giving away her playfulness. "No obviously incapacitating signs of arousal."

"But your point is well taken, Ryan. There was an incredible amount of pressure put on me in high school. I never felt physically intimidated but one guy tried to force his hand down my pants after a party during my freshman year."

"And that didn't intimidate you?" she asked in amazement, knowing that it certainly would have intimidated her at that age.

"Nope. Just because I hadn't seen testicles didn't mean I didn't know where they were," she declared with a wiggling eyebrow.

"You didn't!"

"I most certainly did! And I acted like I had inadvertently elbowed him right in the jewels so he couldn't even get mad! But I've got to tell you, guys lose interest really fast when they're doubled over in pain."

Ryan crossed her legs exaggeratedly as she said; "Remind me not to make you mad!"

Jamie gave her a kiss on the cheek as she got up and returned to her own chair. "Are you done praising me?" she asked.

"Not by a long shot," Ryan replied with a brief shake of her head. "I could go on all night but I'll try to keep it brief." She shot Jamie a sweet grin and continued, "I feel really special that you want to share your sexuality with me. The fact that it's precious to you makes it even more precious to me. I guess that's part of my worry," she conceded. "I fear that you'll feel like I've demeaned or devalued myself by being so promiscuous."

"Okay, let's set some ground rules right now," Jamie said briskly. "I do not think of you as promiscuous. I don't think you're a slut, either. Have you enjoyed having sex with lots of women?"

"Yeah, very much so."

"That's my point. You were doing something that you enjoyed, and I assume you didn't feel guilty about it at the time, right?"

"Right."

"So, you chose to be very expressive, with consenting adults, you were up front with them all, and you didn't feel guilty about it. What's wrong with that? Just because that would not work for me doesn't mean that I judge you for it, Ryan. We're very different people with different sex drives. And I've got to admit that I'm pretty interested in tapping into some of your drive," she added with a slightly embarrassed grin.

"Are you really?" Ryan asked with her own little grin curling up the corners of her mouth.

"Well, yeah," Jamie said. "I don't know a thing about how to love a woman. I'll freely admit that I'm scared spitless about what to do with you when we get to that point. Knowing that you've done just about everything reassures me in a funny way. It's kind of like when you taught me to ride your bike. You were so confident and gentle with me, and I just have a feeling you'll be the same way with lovemaking."

"I'll always be gentle with you, Jamie," she promised, gazing steadily into her eyes. "Thanks for reassuring me," she added shyly. "I think I was feeling a little insecure about your opinion but you've really made me feel better."

"You're welcome," she said through a deep yawn.

"Still not sleepy?" Ryan teased.

"Okay, I am a little tired," she admitted, although she made no move toward the bed.

"Do you want to sleep together?" Ryan asked gently. "If you don't feel comfortable I really don't mind asking for a bed to be brought up."

"I think I'd like to sleep with you, but I don't want to make you uncomfortable," she insisted.

"I'd be very comfortable sharing your bed," she said confidently. "But what should we sleep in?" Ryan asked as she looked around the room for ideas.

"That's a very good question," Jamie replied. "I don't have the slightest idea. The hotel didn't happen to send up any underwear did they?" she asked hopefully as she gazed at their wet things hanging in the bath.