Beginnings (4 page)

Chapter 3

The next morning we arrived at school early, a rarity for us. As we started to scramble out of the car my aunt stopped us.

“I'm heading to the grocery store later, any requests?”

“I wouldn't mind some peanuts,” I answered, shooting a glance at Adam whose mouth started to twitch.

“Peanuts?” My aunt made it sound like I had asked for a strange foreign food.

“Yeah, sometimes you need them to refuel,” my voice cracked a bit as I tried answering seriously.

“Cute, Annie. You're hilarious,” Adam tried to look unamused, but I knew he was holding back his laughter, not wanting to encourage me.

“How about you, Haley?”

“Nope, I'm good,” she replied while getting the rest of the way out.

They were both trying to ignore my reason for wanting peanuts, I'm sure adding it to the list of reasons why they'd never understand me. I hopped out of the car, waiving goodbye as it drove off.

Getting to school early was something I despised. Standing in front of the class alone, waiting for it to begin put me further on the unwanted list by my peers.

Out of the corner of my eye I noticed Jeremy strolling my way. He exuded confidence in a way few men can, let alone a sixteen year old boy.

“Perfect,” Adam grumbled as Jeremy came up next to me and wrapped his arm around my shoulders.

“Morning, library girl.”

“It's Anna,” I snapped as I scooted out of reach.

“Someone's not a morning person.”

Not too far from us Haley and Charlotte huddled close to each other, whispering and glancing back at Jeremy.

“Want to play a game with me?”

His eyebrows shot up, and he eyed me suspiciously. “What do you have in mind?” He answered, his voice husky, but I could tell he was apprehensive.

“See the two blonds over there who keep looking back at us?”

“Yeah, isn't that the girl who tried to embarrass you in class?”

I nodded, “The other one is my cousin.”

“That's your cousin?” Shock oozed out of his voice as he glanced back and forth between us.

“I know, we look nothing alike.” A fact I was proud of.

“It's not just that. You two couldn't be more different.” He noticed my uncertainty of his words. I was assessing if he thought I was lacking or she was. “I mean, I know cousins are usually different, but you two are like night and day. There are about a thousand of her, but I have yet to meet anyone like you.” Nothing in his expression showed if that was a good thing, and I found myself hoping he thought it was.

“I want to get back at Charlotte for yesterday,” I stated, changing the subject back to how it started. “I know for a fact that in class today the teacher will hand out a short story, which we will be expected to finish, and rewrite another ending with a partner.” Adam always kept an eye out for anything teachers had written in their lesson plans regarding pairing up. He had a strict 'no cheating' rule, but he knew how I dreaded projects like that. It was his way of being able to do something nice for me. It gave me the chance to find a partner and not look like a loser because the teacher had to assign me one.

“How do you know that?”

“Doesn't matter. I want you to pass her a note after the teacher explains the project. As you hand it down to her I want you to look completely enamored with her.”

“And what will this note say?”

The bell rang and we went inside, taking our seats in the back. I ripped a piece of paper out of my notebook and scribbled words down. I folded it up and handed it to him.

“Can I read it?” He didn't wait for an answer and unfolded the paper. Adam starting reading it over his shoulder. Confusion was on both their faces. “You want me to be her partner?”

“No, I want you to be my partner.” I wiggled my body so my bottom was almost off the chair, making it easier to whisper my idea.  A smile played on his lips once he understood my plan. Adam was staring at me with pride.

Seeing the excitement on Adam's face when he realized the prank I was playing made me want to hug myself in delight. I'd always loved seeing Adam pleased with me, but this time it caused my stomach to do a back flip.

The teacher wasted no time, jumping right in with the assignment. “I want everyone to read this tonight,” he explained, passing out the short story, “I've always felt that the ending didn't do the story justice, so I decided this year you guys will partner up and rewrite the ending. On the front page are my requirements, how long it needs to be and such. I'll give you a few minutes to read what I wrote and find yourself a partner.”

Jeremy had been sending flirtatious glances at Charlotte, who was eating it up. He lifted up the note I wrote, making her aware he was sending it her way. She greedily snatched it from the girl behind her.

Charlotte and Haley read the note together. She turned back around nodding in excitement, and Jeremy winked back at her. Haley was suspicious, she must have recognized my handwriting. I grew nervous that she would speak up, but she actually looked relieved about finding a different partner.

Mr. Timmons went down the rows, jotting down who was paired off. When he got to Charlotte, she looked back at Jeremy with lust, “Jeremy and I are a pair.” She was careful to make the last word have more meaning to it. The teacher started to write it down when Jeremy spoke up.

“Actually, I planned on partnering with Anna,” he gave her an apologetic smile.

Mr. Timmons looked back at Charlotte,“Okay, who will it be then?”

She looked around the room but everyone was already paired off. Her eyes widened in panic as she turned to Haley for help, but a blank stare was all she got back.

Raising his eyebrows, Mr. Timmons turned back to his clipboard “That's fine if you don't have a partner. We'll wait until everyone’s done and then I'll add you to a team.”

Everyone in the class snickered and I basked in the sweet sounds of my revenge. Charlotte's face turned bright red; she had never been humiliated in class before. She looked back, shooting daggers at me. I smiled innocently back at her and shrugged.

“I didn't think I could love you any more, Annie, but you proved me wrong,” Adam's praise sent tingles all the way down to my toes.

I should have felt bad about humiliating someone like that, but Charlotte had had it coming; she had done far worse to countless others, including myself. She was a bully who needed to make others feel miserable for reasons I couldn't fathom.

“You play dirty,” Jeremy said, whispering out of the side of his mouth.

“I don't see you complaining.”

“Oh, I'm not. Impressed, actually. I'm beginning to think moving here won't be so bad after all.” His smile was contagious and I beamed back at him.

“Thanks for playing along.”

“Any time you need a partner in crime, I'm your guy.”

I wanted to respond, but I was distracted by the grunts of disapproval Adam kept making.

I scratched the back of my head, a sign we used when I wanted to know what was wrong, but he never responded. Eventually I turned around to glance at him, and was shocked to find hurt in his eyes. I scratched the back of my head again, but he refused to look at me. I focused my attention back to the front of the room.
What's got him so upset?
Then it dawned on me. This was the first time I'd done something without Adam, where he'd just watched from the sidelines.

I tapped my desk once to let him know I was writing something in my notebook.

Are you upset with me for involving Jeremy?

“No, I just don't like the way you act around him.”

?

“I've just never seen you have a crush on a guy, and it bothers me.”

I don't have a crush on him
.
Do I?

“Could have fooled me.”

Are you jealous?

I hit a nerve. His whole body tensed up. I looked up at him and for the first time since I'd known him his cheeks slightly flushed.
Holy shit, Adam is jealous!

“Don't look so pleased with yourself,” he snapped before taking his spot behind me.

I realized I was grinning.
Adam jealous. Wow.
I fell back into my chair. My grin got wider. I felt Adam lean over and rest his hands on my desk, bringing his lips to my ear.

“Yes, I'm jealous. Very jealous.” My heart started beating faster as I lifted my head up to look at him. He was staring down at me with such passion that it caused all air to escape my lungs, and I stopped breathing.

The shrill noise of the bell rang throughout the classroom, but we stayed locked in our moment.

I watched his eyes travel down to my lips and then back up, staring at me with such a force I couldn’t move. My lips began to part and I leaned forward, closing my eyes.

“You okay, Anna?”

I snapped my eyes open while Adam took a step back.  Jeremy was standing in front of me, perplexed at what I was doing.

“You looked like you were waiting for someone to kiss you.”

“Don't be silly,” I grabbed my stuff and practically ran out the door. I was mortified.
I can't believe I just did that. Did I seriously just lean forward inviting Adam to kiss me?
I'd reached a new level of crazy, even for me.
What has gotten over me lately?
I wasn't sure what embarrassed me more, letting Adam see me acting so ridiculous, or Jeremy witnessing me begging to be kissed by no one. For the first time, I hated the effect Adam had on me.

Adam didn't join me for my next few classes, which embarrassed me even more. I had completely humiliated myself in front of him. The only reason he was acting jealous was because it was the first time a boy had shown the slightest interest in me. I wanted to crawl under a rock and hide. At lunchtime he was still gone, causing me to feel queasy.

I was walking to the library when someone's body shoved against my shoulder, knocking me down. I landed hard on all fours, pain shooting through my body.

“Oops, sorry, you're so easy not too see,” Charlotte said, giggling as she walked off linking arms with Haley. My cousin looked back at me with guilt and concern. Strong hands gripped my arm and pulled me up.

“That girl's a real bitch,” Jeremy scowled, “You okay?”

“Yeah, I'm used to her crap. Don't worry, I'll get back at her,” I replied, readjusting my backpack.

“I have no doubt that you will,” he smirked, his eyes twinkling back at me.

Adam appeared behind him, hands clenched tightly together.

“Well, thanks,” I gave him a quick smile before scooting past him and entering the library.

“I can't believe Haley lets her best friend treat her cousin that way,” the loathing in Adams voice rang clear.

“I'd say they are more frenemies than anything else.” I took a seat at our usual table.

Adam stood, his body tense, hands still clenched together. He was upset; it always bothered him when others were unkind to me. It made him more aware of how helpless he was to defend me. I needed to distract him before he let himself get deeper into his anger. I pulled out his newest book of poems that we had bought the week before.

“Any good ones in here?” I mumbled softly under my breath so only he could hear. His hands slowly unclenched but his body remained stiff. I opened to the page he'd had me mark a few days ago. “Tell me about this one.”

Adam's chest rose and fell as he tried to calm himself, letting his body slowly release its tension. He sat down next to me and stared silently down at the page. I realized I was holding my breath waiting for a response from him. As I started to take a deep breath in, Adam began reading me the poem. He spent the rest of the lunch break explaining what the words meant to him, and how they made him feel.

Hearing him explain poetry was, well, poetry in itself. He articulated every feeling, every emotion so beautifully that you began to think his thoughts were your own. Listening to him analyze a poem was captivating. His passion for what he'd read poured out of his soul and you couldn’t help but lose yourself in his words. By the time lunch break was over the morning's events had vanished, neither one of us wanting to dwell on them; we were back to being Adam and Annie again. So why did I find myself continually staring at his lips, acutely aware of the lack of contact we could make? It was getting harder and harder to ignore.

Chapter 4

It was finally Friday and I couldn’t have been happier. It was lunchtime, and I was doing my homework.

“So whats the deal with you and libraries?” Jeremy’s voice startled me. He grabbed the chair in front of me and sat down.

“Not that it's any of your business, but I like to get my homework done now so I can do what I want later.”

“That's not a bad idea. You don't have any friends to keep you company?”

“Why are you here?” My voice was cold and withdrawn.

“I watched you come in here and I decided to follow you,” he nonchalantly replied .

A few girls had followed him in and were pretending to search for something. They kept inching closer to us, trying to get his attention.

“You have groupies,” I said, nodding my head in their direction.

He gave me a cocky grin, “I always have girls following me.”

My face expressed the disgust I felt for his self-important attitude. The girls finally got up the courage and strutted past him.

“Hello, ladies,” he said, winking at them. They giggled and stopped at our table.

“Hi, I'm Natalie. These are my friends, Amber and Jen.” The boldest one of the group stood in front, batting her lashes and pouting out her lips. Her friends wiggled their fingers at him, smiling in what I assumed were their most flirtatious smiles.

“This school sure has a lot of fine looking women,” he said, grazing their bodies up and down, making them stick out their chests even further.

“Have some self respect, girls,” Adam responded disapprovingly.

“Excuse me, but do you guys mind taking your mating ritual elsewhere? Thanks,” I said bluntly, hoping they would notice my irritation.

Jeremy only grinned, amused by my comment, “I look forward to seeing more of you ladies.” He gave them a spine-tingling smile that even I felt trickle down.
Damn, he's good looking
.

“Bye,” they all said, sugar coating their voices. The girl who had taken initiative eyed me, clearly annoyed that I had interrupted her flirting session. They slowly made their way out, turning to wave goodbye before exiting. Jeremy gave them another heart-stopping smile.

“I think the girl on the left just melted,” I joked. He shrugged, uncaring. “Oh, please,” I continued, “like you don't enjoy looking the way you do, seeing the effect you have on girls. You love it.”

“You think so, huh? Anything else you care to tell me about myself?” He smirked, leaning forward, a little too eager to hear my response.

“You're not that hard to figure out,” I stated, “You grew up in New York City, where kids grow up faster, experience things quicker than most kids our age. You found early on your looks get you noticed, so you use that to your advantage. A better grade from a teacher, male or female,” I winked, “A free meal from a waitress.”

“Or waiter,” he winked back.

“Right.” I loved how easy he was to joke around with. “Once you got to the right age, you also realized how easy it was to get girls; what smile or look affected them the most; how easy it was to make them putty in your hands.”

“That's not bad. You're missing a few things, but not bad. Okay, now it's my turn,” he paused for dramatic effect. “Your parents divorced at a young age, leaving you feeling bitter and deprived which later turned into teen angst. You keep to yourself, viewing high school as lame and those who accompany it even more so. Which is sad because I bet you might enjoy yourself more if you loosened up.”

“I can see you think highly of me.”

“It wasn't my intention to offend you.”

“You didn't. There is only one person's opinion I care about.”

A girl cleared her throat next to us. I assumed it would be another doting fan, but was surprised to see Haley there.

“Sorry to interrupt, I thought you'd be alone,” her eyes darted to Jeremy, I'm sure analyzing what he was doing with me. “Sandra just texted me to remind us we have dentist appointments after school, and my dad will pick us up out front.”

“Is she one of the parents who contributed to your angst and sorrowful gray eyes?” Jeremy joked looking directly at me.

Haley eyed him so fiercely that a blind man would have cowered. “You're kind of a jerk, you know that? I know everyone in this school is worshiping you at your feet because you can dress yourself and apply hair gel correctly, but I'm not seeing the appeal.” She stormed off.

“What was that about?”

“My parents are dead,” I replied flatly.

All color drained from his face. “I guess that does make me a jerk. I'm really sorry.”

I hated the look of pity people gave me over my parents. I just prayed he didn't follow up with “that must have been so hard on you,” that was my least favorite.

“It's fine, it happened a long time ago.”

“I mean, I'm sorry because I assume you live with your cousin now. No wonder you avoid people. If I had to be around 'legally blonde' twenty-four-seven I'd welcome the sanctuary of the library too.”

That was the first response I had actually liked. His eyes clearly showed the remorse he felt for my loss, but he wasn't expecting me to reminisce about the pain I suffered, was still suffering, and would always suffer.

We continued talking the rest of break and I couldn’t help but notice how relaxed I was with him, as though we'd been friends for years. At one point he reached over and touched my hand. I noticed Adam wince, but he remained silent. Seeing Adam respond to our touch sent more of a thrill through my body than having Jeremy’s hand actually touch mine. Adam's whole body relaxed when Jeremy finally got up to leave.

“When do you want to get together for the assignment?” Jeremy asked.

“Are you busy Sunday?”

“Nope. I'll come by around two?”

I wrote down my address for him and he left.

“Couldn't you have met somewhere?” Adam finally spoke up, seeming irritated.

“I guess, but this way we don't have to worry about any interruptions.”

“You're just working on an English assignment.”

I gave him a devilish grin, and his mouth dropped.

“You do like him?”

I shrugged my shoulders. I didn't expect him to look so crushed. Guilt churned inside me when I realized the enjoyment I was getting from seeing Adam jealous. I had never deliberately hurt his feelings before.

********

"Your room is so bare,” Jeremy observed looking around, “I have never met a teenager before who didn't have crap covering every corner.”

I hadn't really thought much about it before, but I guessed he was right. On the main wall I had my full size bed. To the right was my bedside table which only had a lamp and my alarm clock/mp3 dock. On the other side by the window was Adam’s chair. My desk was against the wall next to the door. The desk had some stacked books and my laptop. There was a shelf above it, lined with books and my jars of seashells and rocks I had collected with Adam.

Jeremy walked over to my desk and ran his hand over my shelf of books.

“Wow, you're really into poetry.”

I heard Adam making a grunting noise. He was sulking in the corner by the closet, arms crossed in front of him.

Jeremy's fingers trailed along the titles, then pulled out a book, “You like some pretty dark stuff.”

I wasn’t sure how to answer him. Poetry wasn't really my thing, it was Adam's. He put the book back and turned around.

“I guess we should get started.”

I sat down in Adam's chair before Jeremy had a chance to. I knew that would have sent Adam over the edge. I thought Jeremy would take the chair at my desk but he plopped himself down on my bed. I didn't even have to look at Adam to know he was annoyed.

We spent the next hour compiling ideas for an alternate ending. I was surprised at how easily we agreed on things. What surprised me even more was how much fun I was having.

I went downstairs to get some sodas. Adam stayed behind. He felt he needed to keep an eye on Jeremy. His over-protectiveness was starting to get on my nerves.

When I returned, Jeremy was scrolling through my play lists.

“You have a lot of music on here.”

I handed him a soda, “Yeah, I spend a lot of time listening to music.” I sat back down in Adam's chair.

“You listen to The Smiths?” He sounded surprised.

“They're one of my favorites.”

He grinned, “Mine too. Most girls have never heard of them.”

“Well, I'm not most girls.”

“No, you certainly are not.” The way he looked at me when he said that made me blush.

“Dave Matthews Band, huh?” He said with amusement.

“They're okay. Not really my thing.”

“Why are they on here then?”

“Yeah Annie, why are they on there?” Adam had moved over to my desk and was sitting on the edge, arms still crossed, pouting.

I shot him a dirty look.

“I used to have a friend that liked them.”

“Used to?”

“Yeah. He got to be too annoying.”

Jeremy laughed, “I'll have to remember that. So this friend, was he a boyfriend?”

“He wishes,” I replied, to irritate Adam.

“I bet he does, poor guy. I’m sure he's not the first heart you've broken.”

It was my turn to laugh, “Not exactly.”

“Oh, come on. You're beautiful.” His face had gotten serious and he sat up, “You have a hard time letting people in.” His statement made me feel uncomfortable. This conversation was getting too serious for me.

“So, you must listen to Morrissey, right?” I asked, redirecting the conversation.

“You're kidding me? I worship the guy. There's not a day that goes by that I don't listen to him.”

We spent the next hour arguing over what his best songs were. Eventually it was time for Jeremy to go home, so I walked him to his car.

“We didn't get a lot of work done but I had fun,” he grinned and I couldn’t help but smile back, “You're a very interesting girl.” I wasn't sure what to make of his comment. He brushed a hair from my face and held it there for a moment looking like he wanted to say more.

“Well, I guess I'll see you at school tomorrow,” he turned to open his car door but stopped. He faced me again, “I really like you Anna. You're the first girl I've met who’s real. One I can actually have a conversation with. I'd really like to ask you out, but I can't tell where I stand with you.”

A part of me wanted to say yes, but I knew it wouldn't be fair to lead Jeremy on when my heart already belonged to someone else.

I stepped back from him, “I'm really sorry, I like you and hope we can hang out more but-” he stopped me.

“I figured you would say that, but I would have kicked myself tonight if I didn’t ask.” He leaned over and kissed my forehead, “I'll see you at school.” He hopped in his car and drove off.

I started back inside when I noticed Adam watching from my bedroom window. My stomach dropped, I couldn't imagine what that whole scene must have looked like to him.

When I got back inside, Haley was standing in the kitchen entryway with her mouth dropped open, “Was that the new kid who just left our house?”

“Yes.”

“Did I see him kiss you?”

“Well, not exactly.”

“Nobody's going to believe this! My bookworm cousin just landed the hottest guy in school! Who would have thought!”

She darted upstairs before I could set her straight. I had a sinking feeling it was to call her friends with what she had just witnessed.

I knew I needed to go up and face Adam but I was too nervous. I didn't know what kind of mood he would be in. He'd been acting so weird lately, I wasn't sure what to expect from him anymore.

I found him sitting in his chair, elbows resting on his knees, hands clasped together, with a vacant look in his eyes.

The music Jeremy and I had had on was still playing. I walked over to it and put on one of our favorite playlists. I stood there waiting for him to say something.

He looked at me, “Do you like him?” His voice was dry and empty.

“A part of me does.”

He took a deep breath and sat back in his chair, “I don't like these feelings I'm having. I hated having him in here; I hated watching the way he looked at you; I hated the way you laughed together, but the thing I hated most was that it wasn't me brushing your hair out of your face or kissing you good night. It kills me that I can't touch you and he can. I felt like I had been punched in the stomach watching him with you.”

“He asked me out.”

He winced at my words and inhaled sharply.

His voice was strained when he responded, “What did you tell him?”

“No.”

“Why?”

I let my arms fall to my sides and gave a slight shrug, “He's not the one I want.”