Beginnings (15 page)

Chapter 20

I arrived before Adam did on Tuesday afternoon. I was thrilled when he took the seat across from me.

“Hey,” he greeted.

I looked to the left and right of me, “Did you actually just acknowledge my presence in the library?”

He gave me a sheepish grin, “I didn't need anyone complicating my life.”

“How does saying a friendly hello complicate your life?” This Adam could be so strange at times.

He pointed to the open book next to me, “Why do you always do that?” He was avoiding the question, which didn't surprise me.

“Does it bother you?”

He rubbed the back of his neck, “I know this sounds weird, but it makes me uneasy, like I forgot to turn the oven off or something.”

I closed the book and put it away, “Better?”

“Thanks.” He opened his mouth about to say more, then shut it instead.

“What?”

“It's not any of my business, but did Sean ask you to our fraternity’s formal this Saturday?”

“Who's Sean?”

He was trying to hold back a smile but the corners of his mouth kept twitching upwards, “He was at the bar that one night, the guy who asked you to marry him.”

“Is he going to ask me?”

“I think so. I heard him mention it to someone.” He hesitated before continuing, “If he asks will you say yes?”

It was one of those moments I wished I could read his mind. His expression gave nothing away. I couldn't tell if he cared one way or another.

“I'm not sure. I barely remember who he is. What do you think I should tell him?” It was a lame attempt at fishing for an indication of how he felt about me.

“It makes no difference to me, I was just curious.”
That hurt worse than I thought it would.

“I have to get going. I'll see you later.” I hurried out as quickly as possible, refusing to let him see me tear up. Once outside the library, I inhaled as deeply as possible and let the sun's rays fall down on me.

“Anna?”

I turned in the direction of the voice to find myself looking at the boy who asked me to marry him at the bar, who now I knew was named Sean.

“I don't know if you remember me, but we met at the bar awhile back?” He looked really nervous, it was endearing.

“I remember you, Sean.”

A huge smile took over his face, “I know it's last minute, but my fraternity has a formal gathering every year to test out the new pledges and it's this Saturday. I was hoping you would be my date?” He looked so sweet and shy, before I knew what I was doing I agreed. He lit up, “Great! I'll pick you up at seven. It's a dinner thing, more on the formal side. I know it's last minute so if you need money for a dress-”

“It's not a problem,” I cut him off. “I have a dress.”

He looked relieved, “Okay, I'll see you Saturday then.”

I nodded, “Saturday.”

He walked away, ecstatic. A knot formed in my stomach when I realized Adam and Charlotte would be there.
What did I just do?
I hoped I wouldn't end up regretting it.

********

Saturday came around too quickly. I almost called him to cancel a handful of times, especially when Haley's date got food poisoning and was no longer taking her. Knowing Haley would be there had made the night seem bearable. Haley made me feel guilty at the idea of canceling; apparently, he had a major crush on me.

I borrowed a long black evening dress from Haley. It was simple, but elegant. It had thin shoulder traps and showed my breasts off more than I would have liked, but I didn't want to go out and buy a new one. I was a little bigger than Haley so it clung to my body, letting every curve show, and I knew it would be a long night. I pulled my hair into a low bun, letting a few strands fall on my face, then applied mascara and chap-stick.

Sean arrived promptly at seven with flowers in his hands. “You look a-a-amazing,” he was gawking at me and could barely talk.

“Are those for me?” I asked pointing to the flowers he was holding. He didn't respond, just held them out for me. “Thank you.”

Jeremy came to the door and stood next to me, arms folded, “If I hear you laid a hand on her and she didn't want you to, even if it's by accident, I will hurt you. Badly.”

Oh brother,
I rolled my eyes.

Jeremy took the flowers from me as we headed to Sean's car.

“You two kids have fun!” Jeremy yelled, waving from the door.

The room they reserved for the gathering was beautiful. Candles and red roses were all around and it had a panoramic deck looking out to the golf course.

“Did I happen to mention how stunning you look tonight? I'm here with the most beautiful date here, maybe ever.” It felt good to be here with Sean. He was so proud to have me by his side.

A pledge came over and offered us champagne, which we both took.

“Don't worry I'm only having one drink to take the edge off.”

I was relieved. I didn't have nearly enough money to take a cab home. I cursed myself every time my eyes scanned the place for Adam.

My clutch vibrated. I wasn't sure if it was appropriate to text at the party so I slyly looked in my purse.

You look beautiful.

My stomach did a backflip. I looked up to find Adam staring at me from across the room. I had never seen Adam look so hot; tuxes were a definite must on him.  I wanted to run to him and spend the rest of the night wrapped up in his bed.

Well, you look dashing.

Dashing? Who says that?

A girl who is too embarrassed to admit

how sexy someone looks.

I can't believe I texted him that.
Sometimes my mind still felt like he was
my
Adam and I got too comfortable. Sean took my hand, forcing me to stop drooling over Adam.

“Dinner's about to start.”

I was grateful Adam and Charlotte were five couples down from us; I would have to make an effort to look at them. I had my clutch between my thighs, not sure were I was supposed to keep it. I jumped when it vibrated. I waited until Sean was distracted to read it.

Dance with me later.

I glanced in Adam's direction to find him staring at me. I gave a slight nod and he returned back to his food.

The main course arrived and I could hardly eat. I had to force myself so I wouldn’t be rude. Sean kept rubbing my neck and shoulders. Right away I knew I could never like Sean. One look from Adam gave me chills, but Sean touching my skin? Nothing.

The room was getting rowdy from all the wine being consumed. They had the pledges take away the tables and push the chairs aside to form an extra large dance floor. I danced with Sean who was clumsy and nervous and kept stepping on my feet. Every other second he would apologize. I'd finally had enough and we made our way to another room. One of his frat brothers stepped in front of us and asked if he could have a dance with me. Sean agreed, looking miserable about it. I didn't like that I was never asked, only led to the dance floor.

“I've seen you around campus. Did you and that guy break up?” I knew he meant Jeremy. People always assumed we were together.

“He's just a friend.”

“Yeah?” He asked with great interest.

“Yup.”
Haley's right, I should lie when people ask me.

He pulled me close when a slow song came on.

“I should get back to Sean.”

“He won't mind one more. So, do you have a boyfriend?”

“Aren't you here with someone?”

“She won't mind.”

What about if I mind?

The song ended and I left without a word. Two more guys stepped in to dance with me. Poor Sean just sat back and sulked against the wall.
Where are these guy's dates?
One of them only asked me to dance to see if I could convince Haley to go on a date with him. When another one asked I declined, saying I needed air. I grabbed Sean and we went outside.

“Does nobody dance with their dates?”

Sean was still sulking, “Most do. You're usually with Jeremy, so they're coming out like vultures hoping to get your attention.”

A few couples came out and we all made small talk. Not long after, Adam and Charlotte were there too.
Why does he have to look so sexy tonight?
It was impossible to stop glancing his way. My presence didn't seem to have any effect on him; he never glanced my way. I stood straighter, determined not to let him get me down.

Sean placed a possessive hand around my waist. I started to remove it when I noticed Adam's eye on Sean's hand. I stepped in closer and rested my hand on his. Adam gave a slight frown.

I leaned and whispered for only Sean to hear, “I don't think I ever told you how handsome you look tonight.”

Sean immediately blushed. I gave a quick glance at Adam to find he wasn't even paying attention, he was having a conversation with the guy next to him. I tried not to pout.
My
Adam would have been fuming and this guy could care less. Charlotte reached over and adjusted his tie. He stopped talking to kiss her lips and put his arm around her.
Why does it have to hurt this bad watching them?
I excused myself to go get another drink.

“I'll go with you,” Sean offered.

“You stay here with your friends, I'll only be a minute. Besides, I need to use the ladies room. Can I get you anything?”

“No, thanks.”

I couldn't get away fast enough. I walked over to the bar and grabbed another glass of champagne. I didn't really need the bathroom, but I hoped it would buy me time before I had to return.

A warm hand was placed on my shoulder sending a shiver down my spine. I knew it could only be Adam. He took hold of my glass and placed it back on the bar.

“Let's go dance,” his voice was soft, sensual even.

I couldn't respond and just let him lead me to the dance floor. As soon as our feet hit the floor a slow song came on, as if the DJ had planned it. Adam placed his hand on my hip and held the other against his chest. We had never been this physically close to each other before and my whole body was responding. I peered up at him to find him looking at something over my head.

His face was expressionless, as usual, “You have a lot of admirers tonight.”

“There is only one person I want noticing me tonight and he's barely paid me any attention.”

He let out a low chuckle, “Sean's definitely noticed. Whatever it was you whispered in his ear earlier almost made him faint. He worships you.”

“You saw that?”

He finally looked at me, face serious, “I watch you more than I care to admit. It bothered me when he put his arm around you, but it aggravated me that you responded back to him.” He pulled me closer and rested his cheek against my head. I was having a hard time not getting lost in this moment. Adam's smell was driving me crazy. I had to consciously stop myself from burying my face in his neck and inhaling his scent. It felt amazing to be in his arms. My eyes started to fill with tears that
my
Adam wasn't aware of our first dance together.

“Why do you have to be so gorgeous. You make it hard to think straight.” Adam's words ignited a fire inside me.

“I responded to him to try and get a reaction out of you.”

He let out a deep sigh, “You shouldn't do that. I'm with someone, and it's not fair to Sean.”

I pulled back to look him in the eyes, “You're so confusing. One minute I think you also feel this energy between us, but then you push away and act like I'm an irritation in your life. I can't tell if you want friendship, more, or nothing? I can't play these games anymore, Adam.” I regretted it as soon as the words came out.
I can't believe I just laid it all down on the table like that.
 
What if I lose him?

His eyes appeared tortured, “It's not that simple Anna.”
Stop calling me that and just remember!

“Why? Why can't you just open up to me?”

“I think it's better if we remained friends.”

My body went rigid and I stopped dancing.

“Friends? That's what you want? Fine, Adam, let's just be friends since that seems to be working out so well for us.” I dropped my arms and left the floor. He reached for my arm but I shoved it off. Sean and Charlotte were watching us from the entry way. Charlotte looked like she was plotting my death and Sean seemed confused.

“I'm ready to go,” I told him. He looked sheepishly down at his feet.

“I didn’t think we would be leaving so soon. I've had three glasses of champagne tonight.”