Beginning with Forever (59 page)

“Lil, listen to me. I promise I’ll watch over Ame and make sure she’ll be okay
,” Richard persuades me. “You need to go with Luke because you’re not safe here with us. I don’t know what the hell is going on, but you have to follow their instructions. I don’t want anything to happen to you and your baby. It’s not just about you anymore. You’re a mom now.” He wraps his comforting arms around me and hugs me into his chest. “Think about Peanut.”

He’s right.
My baby has to come first. “Richard, promise me you’ll do all you can for her. I’ll call you both as soon as I know where I end up.” I step back from Richard and lean into Ame’s body. “I love you. Please hang in there for me.” Her lids flutter a few times, but never open completely.

I watch
Richard and Amelia drive away in the Honda Accord before hesitantly following Luke into a black Hummer. There’s no expression on his face. I can’t tell what’s running through his mind, but I’m sure as hell he’s not going to tell me, either, unless Carson approves it.

____________________

Again, we switch to another means of transportation. Luke helps me onto a sizable white yacht. By this time, I’m deliriously tired. All I want to do is crawl into a bed and close my eyes. He shows me down to the lower cabins and leaves me in the master suite. “Miss Ly, get some rest, we’ll be there within a few hours.” Where is
there
?  I annoyingly think to myself. I better not pry, or it might get back to Carson. I know I love him, but ever since he came into my life, I’ve had nothing but unwarranted misfortune. I have so many questions for him. He’s in for a rude awakening when I see him.

For now,
I collapse my body appreciatively on top of the nautical blue and white striped comforter in my cabin. “Ouch,” I whimper out loud. The ribs along my left side hurt so badly. I hope they’re bruised and not fractured. My pelvis is also tender. I had the seatbelt across my chest and over my belly. It’ll hurt a lot worse tomorrow, but I can’t complain after barely escaping death. The only thing I can’t stop thinking about is my baby’s condition. I pray to God that my little Peanut is healthy and thriving. I don’t know what I’d do if it’s hurt. Tears drip onto my pillow as I continue to worry for my baby.

There
ended up being Pearl Mountain Resort. Luke privately checks us in as I wait for him in another SUV. To my unexpected, but welcoming surprise, Jean-Pierre comes out to greet me. I hug him tightly like a long lost relative even though it hurts my ribs. I’m not sure why, but I feel safer now that I’m in his company.

“Miss
Ly, I’m glad to see you.” His mesmerizing golden eyes are warm. “I need to examine you thoroughly. How do you feel?”

“My ribs
hurt and my pelvis is tender.” His warm gilded eyes look troubled from my response, but he quickly blinks them away.

“Let’s ge
t you cleaned up and fully examined. Mr. Bradley will be here within the hour.” Just hearing his name is enough to revitalize my dying spirit. Even though I’m upset with him, I still yearn for his protective arms to enclose around me and to hear his soothing voice.

Luke disappear
s before I’m able to thank him for all he’s done for me, but I’m sure he’s somewhere near, keeping a watchful eye over me, and I’m thankful for it. If it wasn’t for his strength and perseverance, we might still be stranded on the side of that jagged cliff. Who knows what would’ve become of us then.

I enter the resort via an ultra-private entrance with Jean.
This time, there are no young attractive attendees in crisp white uniforms waiting to greet us. It’s a low-lit, unnerving tunnel that stretches for what seems like infinity without hope. We eventually reach the end of it. Hopelessness is replaced with wonder. We’re at the opposite end of the resort. Just as before, Jean inserts a keycard into a slot for the elevator doors to open. It’s not the same being in a confined space and going up high without Carson. I start to panic for air. “How high are we going up?” I ask Jean nervously. He glances into my eyes and detects fear. With his holistic ability, he grips my wrist and depresses his index and middle fingers against my radial artery. Immediately, I’m distracted and my anxiety disappears. “Wow, that’s amazing! How does that work?” He shrugs his shoulders and smiles. Like a magician, I guess he’s not going to share his secret with me.

The elevator
finally comes to a halt, and we step off into a private room with doors and enormous glass windows. The décor is elegant and modern. In contrast to the organic preservation room on the other side, there are large televisions mounted on several walls and phones are accessible. It comforts me to be able to see the magnificent views of the familiar twin mountains in the distant background.

“M
iss Ly, I’ll need to examine you for injuries, but first, I’ll give you some time to clean up.” He exits my bedroom and closes the door behind him. I scan the room to acquaint myself with my new surroundings. The foot of the platform bed is facing a large panoramic window with scenic views of the mountains and an infinity pool. The expansive bathroom suite is to the right of the window. I shed my clothes off on the floor and see Amelia’s dried blood stains on my scrub top and bottom. I pray that she’ll be okay. Thinking about her makes me want to cry again. I’m worried sick for her because head traumas can be severely life-threatening. I walk over to an enclosed glass shower and turn the hot water on. Unexpectedly, I feel an isolated cramp in my pelvis. The excruciating pain is so severe that it causes me to double over. I brace my shaken body against the shower wall and slide my back down until my bottom hits the wet ceramic floor. Forceful tears flow from my eyes. I drop my head into my palms and sob. This could only mean one thing…and then I hear the sound of rapid footsteps approaching the bathroom, interrupting my meltdown. The door opens without any knocks. Oh no, I hope it’s not Jean. I’m a bawling, naked mess.

Pressing
my hands on the semitransparent glass to wipe away the steamy film, I see Carson on the other side, racing in. How did he get here so quickly? Since the accident, I’ve lost all track of time like I’ve been frozen in place. He rushes over, jumps into the shower and hugs me tightly against his chest. The anguish on his face dissolves the second he touches me. My ribs ache as I cringe into his chest, but I crave the comfort of his arms more than anything right now and ignore the pain instead. He’s unaffected by his drenched suit. All that matters to him is that I’m safe in his arms.

“Lily, I thanked God at least a thousan
d times for sparing your life. I don’t know what I’d do if I lost you.” His voice is trembling. He appears to be crying, but I’m not definite with the shower water sprinkling down on us. “I’ll never let you out of my sight again,” he swears and squeezes me even tighter. The pain is too much, so I let out a shrilling cry. He releases my body immediately. “Oh shit, you’re injured. Why didn’t you tell me? Where’s your pain?” he panics and runs his eyes frantically up and down my body.

“I think my ribs are bruised,
” is all I’m capable of disclosing to him without breaking down into a hot mess again. Cautiously, he lifts my wilted, drenched body off the floor and carries me out of the shower. He lays me down on a chaise lounge before running back to the bathroom for bath towels. Sitting beside me dripping wet, he proceeds to dry my body, only dabbing gently. “You’re all wet,” I tell him, but his attention is centered only on me. “Let me help you take off your clothes.”

He
seizes my hands with his and kisses my palms. “Lil, don’t worry about me. I want to make sure you’re okay first.” He continues to gently dab water off along my body and then hovers over my belly. I see distress in his stare, but he’s afraid to voice his concerns. “Lil, how bad is your pain? I want you to be honest with me, from a scale of 1 to10.”

My ribs and chest hurt every time I inhale o
r exhale. I’m starting to think it’s more than just bruising. “Maybe a 7 or 8,” I answer him truthfully. He’s immediately more upset. I can see it in his burning bloodshot eyes. It’s killing him to see me in so much pain. He wants to take my suffering away, but he can’t. He looks helpless and lost.

“Do
you have pain anywhere else?” He warily studies my reaction to his question.

“
Um…my…no, nowhere else,” I stutter as I fight back the cramping pain shooting down my pelvis.

“Lily, you’re bleeding!
” he shouts as he pulls the towel away from my thighs to show me a chilling sight of bright red blood. He runs over to the bed, pulls the sheet off and shrouds my body with it. He’s flustered, alarmed and shaking. “Jean, I need you to come in here quickly!” he yells loudly. “Lily is bleeding!”

Jean c
omes running through the door. His golden-brown eyes grow hysterically wide when he sees the bloody towel in Carson’s hand. “Let me examine her.”  Jean kneels down by my right side, palpates my pelvis and takes my pulse. I begin to weep irrepressibly. I know the obvious tell-tale signs of a miscarriage, but I refuse to believe it. Carson kneels on my left side and reaches for my hand, offering me his support, but it doesn’t take the edge off of my suffering. I see him fighting back his own tears, but struggles. He presses his quivering lips against my forehead.

“I’m sorry, b
ut I can no longer feel the baby’s pulse,” Jean sadly informs us. I don’t doubt his impressive skills, but I can’t accept the truth, not now.

“You’re wrong, Jean!”
I snap and furiously pull my wrists away from him and Carson both. “My baby is fine. The bleeding is due to trauma from the accident.” I weep harder and louder. “Don’t tell me my baby isn’t fine!” I scream at Jean. “He has to be, I love him so much.” I continue to sob with my arms wrapped around my baby, securing it with my broken heart.

“Jean,
can you give us a few minutes? I need to talk to Lillian.” Jean erects his lanky body off the floor, one leg at a time and then slowly walks away, offering me his consoling, golden eyes. I purposely avoid them. Nothing will take this hurt away. My baby is gone whether I want to accept it or not. I’m filled with hate and anger.

“Lily…
.” His solid fortress shatters into a hundred delicate pieces of porcelain. Unfamiliar tears flow down his cheeks, ones I’ve never seen before. “Our love will get us through this, Angel.” He consoles me bravely with his trembling voice. I can’t look at him as I try to hold back my resentment. I roll my body away from him and curl up into a fetal position to continue my sobbing. Why won’t these tears stop coming? The excruciating pain in my pelvis continues to throb, but it’s nothing compared to the pain in my heart.

My mind begins to race t
hrough the stages of grieving. I just passed denial and now it’s on to attack and blame. “Does this have anything to do with your little problem?” I angrily question him as I bite back more burning tears. I want someone to be held accountable for my loss, and he is it. I know it’s not fair of me to fault him at this wounding moment, and it could destroy us, but I can’t suppress my bitter emotions. Who else can I target, but him? “This is your fault! You’re the reason our baby is gone!” I wail.

Walking around the chaise, he
drops down to his knees to face me. “Lily, please don’t do this, not now. Don’t tear us apart with blame. I can’t handle two losses in one day. It’ll destroy me completely.” He runs his fingers along my neck and traces the soft pads of his thumbs underneath my eyes to wipe my tears away. His tender touch mollifies my sorrow, but I still can’t release the hurt trapped inside me. He seals his eyes closed to hold back more anguished tears, but when he opens them, they flow freely again. He’s hurting as much as I am, I remind myself as I stare into his mournful, red eyes. He also lost a baby, not just me alone. I frame his face with my hands; wipe his tears, and lean forward to place a solacing kiss on his lips.

“I’m sorry.
I shouldn’t have said that. I know you’re hurting, too.” My response lightens his face up with hope. He gathers me gingerly into his arms, holding me close to his chest, and I surrender my frail body to him.

“
I promise we’ll get through this together. Time mends and heals everything,” he comforts me.

____________________

Carson sits by my bedside, watching me intently while his hand strokes my forehead. He’s casually dressed in khakis and a polo shirt and is patiently waiting for me to wake up. Reaching for my pelvis, I feel tenderness there, a sick reminder of what happened yesterday. It was impossible for me to stop the burning tears from flowing, so Jean insisted that I take a sedative and painkiller last night to help me sleep. Now that I’m up again, I have this terrible urge to weep even harder. The realization is finally setting in. I no longer have a thriving baby inside me. I wrap my arms around my chest, forgetting that my ribs may possibly be fractured, and feel the pain crush into my core. The agonizing expression on my face is more than Carson can handle. His fists clench tightly while he seals his eyes closed to calm himself. “Lil, do you need another pill? Where do you rate your pain now?” he asks me.

“I’ll be o
kay,” I lie to him.

“W
ould you like some breakfast?” he considerately asks. I shake my head in response, but he doesn’t push me like he does normally.

“Let me
help you get ready.” He cautiously assists me out of bed and into the bathroom.

“May I
have a moment to myself?” I request as I release my arm from his grip and close the door behind me. He looks wounded from my distancing. I’m secretly blaming him for all the changes in my life. I can’t help it. I’m human, and I’m hurting. It’ll take time to heal like he said. I turn my body sideways to see the reflection of my belly in the mirror. My tiny baby bump is no longer there. The life that was growing inside me is dead. Tears stream down my face again as I silently tell him good-bye, and that I loved him with all my heart.